The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey Morbidly Obese Albert! Do you want to buy some chocolate?”
“Can’t have any chocolate. Doctor said he will have to take my foot on the account of my diabetes.”
“Look on the bright side, you’ll get all your shoes half off!”
“Ha ha ha! Okay, I’ll have some.”
*Morbidly Obese Albert grabs all of the chocolate in the box with his hand all at the same time and shoves them into his mouth*

 

[Yoshi155]

Mom has made so many sacrifices for us that it’s time we give up something for her. I’ll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing.

And I’ll take up smoking and give that up.

Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Have a dollar.

But he didn’t do anything.

Didn’t he, Lisa? Didn’t he? …hey, wait a minute, he didn’t! *snatches back the dollar*

 

[QueenCobra]

“Hey, Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24.”
“Let me hear it.”
“25!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Now, as your nanny, I’ll do everything from telling stories to changing diapers.

Put me down for one of each!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Husbands should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong, and disposable.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Promise to write while She-Kronk in jail?”
“Kronk has confession to make. Kronk can’t read.”
“It’s okay. She-Kronk can’t write.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Boy for sale, boy for sale.

Is this legal, man?

Only here and in Mississippi.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*She-Kronk screams and starts crying*
“What’s wrong?”
“Stupid fighting made She-Kronk break a nail!”
*Close up to She-Kronk’s nails which are all broken and damaged*
“Which one?”

 

[Yoshi155]

What’s this strange sensation in my chest?

I think your heart’s beating again.

Oh, that takes me back.

 

[Yoshi155]

I can’t get enough of this blood pudding.

The secret ingredient is blood.

Blood? Ew. I’ll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.

 

[Yoshi155]

Here, Leela. Take this, and use it to shoot those guys.

Right. If they try to look in the box.

Whatever.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh boy! It’s time for lunch! I hope the airplane has something yummy for us! Here comes the lady now!”
*Red Guy dressed as a stewardess is slowly pushing a meal cart down the aisle as elevator music plays*
“She’s coming closer!”
*Red Guy is still far away*
“Closer!”
*Red Guy has barely moved from the starting point*
“Closer!”
*Red Guy is still far away*
“She’s almost here!”
*Red Guy still is far away with the cart*
“She’s here!”
*Red Guy suddenly pops up in between Cow and Chicken’s seats*
“Lunch is served!”
*Puts down a foil covered tray in front of Chicken*
“Today’s special is owl.”
*Pulls off the foil revealing a frozen shivering owl that has icicles on its body on the tray*
“H-h-h-hoot….”

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there’s a more evil Bender than me! I do my best, damn it!

 

[Yoshi155]

Yes, it’s the apocalypse, alright. I always thought I’d have a hand in it.