# going away for college vs staying near home



## biibii (Apr 22, 2021)

Hello everyone!
I am currently facing quite the difficult situation. I am nearing the end of my first year, which I chose to do at home, and at the beginning of my second year I am supposed to transfer to the University of Texas. This is around 12 hours from home, so it is a big move. Of course, a lot of people for my high school went there and the school itself is awesome! But for now, I am feeling unsure.
For the cons:
To begin, my student debt. My debt over there as opposed to home would be about 2x as much, maybe 3. I am majoring in foreign affairs and global relations, with a double major in asian cultures and languages, so the thought of debt is really worrying to me. I would also need to pay thousands in rent a year (on campus is more expensive) and would need to do so by working pretty much full time as well as taking 12 credit hours of classes. Another topic that is causing me distress is my boyfriend of three years, I feel unsure of leaving him behind at home and it is tearing me up. There is no way he can come with me and recently the thought of me leaving puts a damper on all our days.
I am also scared of moving and being lonely. I have a hard time socializing and making friends irl as I believe I may be ND (currently in the process of seeking a diagnosis) and I have been this way since I was a child. I am afraid I will become one of those stories of people moving to college, making no friends, struggling and hating it, and having to move back home with massive debt behind them.
My anxiety is making me worry about ridiculous things. For example: What if my grandparents get sick and pass away while I am away? What happens if I get an anxiety attack or get extremely sick away from home? Will I be able to inject myself with my medicine without my mom?

As for the pros of moving:
I would be far away from my family, specifically my parents and younger sibling which I definitely do not have the most positive relationship with.
They have the major and program I want at the University of Texas.
Its a new opportunity with new people and places!

For now, I feel the cons are outweighing the pros. What is your perspective on my dilemma and what was your experience with college?


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## Midoriya (Apr 22, 2021)

I voted “yes and I loved it,” but my situation is a peculiar one.  I went away to a university that was only 30 minutes to an hour away from where I lived growing up, and so I wasn’t ever that far from home.  I think there’s more cons than pros for you based on number, but the pros for you are _really, really_ good so I’d definitely suggest moving there to get the full experience.  Of course, the decision is ultimately up to you.  I wish you the best with whatever you decide.


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## tiffanistarr (Apr 22, 2021)

Let me tell you something, your worries and concerns for debt are completely valid and understandable. However, I didn’t go to art school in Chicago because my mom was sick and I regretted it for a long time. And you also probably don’t want to hear this but just my opinion, i don’t think it’s wise to base OR partly base such a huge decision on a relationship. I don’t know your relationship, but i do know that strong relationships are built up by letting the other person do what they need to do for them. Sometimes you get one chance and it’s worth taking pretty much every time. I’m not saying break up because i’ve seen a lot of long distance relationships work, but do not turn something away because of it. 

Also, is there a reason the boyfriend hasn’t considered moving? 

The only real major con that i see is the financial burden housing would place on you. Going to school and work full time is very hard and you will get burned out very fast. 

Have you thought about going somewhere that will still get you out of your household but just not as expensive?


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## Cadbberry (Apr 22, 2021)

Hi Biibii!

I know that the cons may seem to outway the pros right now, take it from someone who did the same thing to avoid the cons. I didn't want to leave behind my boyfriend of 1 year at the time, I didn't want to have the debt from going someplace bigger. I was scared of going somewhere and being alone. What if my grandparents get sick and pass away and no one can get me home? What happens if I get REALLY sick away from home?

My biggest regret of college, as a senior graduating this year, was not venturing and spreading my wings a little. I picked a local school, an hour's drive away. I got 2 years in the dorms, the best years getting to be away from my family just a little, but I was close enough to see them if I needed, and 2 years at home with my parents. I went through a lot of disasters that may make my college experience different- famous California wildfires to be exact- but I made that mistake. I looked for schools with small class sizes and I got into some pretty great schools. Sac State, Humbolt, and my regrettable application... Bakersfield. I let my fears control me and I turned down all of them for a local college. Instead of growing, I fell deeper into myself, my high school friends all moved away and I am the last one here. Everything tethering me to the school I picked slipped away and I realized I should have taken my shot and gone somewhere bigger and with stronger programs that I wanted, not what I was told was good enough for me.

There are so many scholarships out there, apply for everything you can, debt is scary. I wish there was an easier way to soothe that nerve, but if you can take on the debt and get the education you want, that can be worth it. I was very lucky that my tuition and classes were paid for by the VA since my Dad is an injured Vet. There are programs out there that can help!

I didn't really make friends, my roommates for the 2 years I was permitted to live on campus by my parents were not great. We were all opposites and no one really wanted me around. I tried to join clubs and I didn't fit in there either, I kept trying to make myself work. And I found out, I actually really didn't mind not having a lot of friends at school. But then something amazing happened, I joined a class for GE credit and managed to make a friend. We were not able to hang out much, but meeting up before class for a few hours and just chatting and laughing. I didn't try, I didn't even want it to happen but it did. It took me 3 years to get a friend who enjoyed my company and I didn't have to be someone else. That isn't to say I didn't meet great people along the way, but my message here is... be you and when it happens, when friends happen, you will smile and know it's okay.

Relationships come and they go, if you two are strong, a little distance won't be easy, but you can make it work. My partner of almost 3 years and I find a way to talk almost every night. Set that schedule into place. Discord calls, chatting, don't be afraid to find ways to make it work, because that's all a part of love, working together and finding a path forward.

If something happens like an emergency, you will be alerted. I stayed close to home, I was evacuated twice due to fires and my dog ended up passing away. And when I needed my parents through all of it, they were there, while I was living on campus or living at home. You may be hours away from home, but you are still Biibii. You are still just as important to your family and if something happens, I am sure your family will get you home.

Don't let your fear dictate where you go. If this is your gold opportunity take it. I regret not taking mine to go somewhere further, to find out more about myself instead of being forced to live back at home for 2 years. While it saves money, you lose out on an opportunity to grow and experience the education you truly wanted, so I say take your shot. Go to the University of Texas if they have your future there, that's what is going to make you happiest I think.


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## Flyffel (Apr 22, 2021)

I voted "yes and I loved it" but I was in a _ completely_ different situation than you:
* I wanted to leave the country (Finland) anyway because of the weather and because it was boring to me, I moved back to Austria where I was born. (I moved back alone.)
* I didn't have to take any debt for it because university in Austria is completely free and I'd get a stipend for studying from Finland anyway which roughly covers the costs of a "poor student life".
* Getting into university in Austria is literally just you telling them "hey I'm gonna come, thanks". In Finland you have to apply and pass an entrance exam. So it was easier in Austria anyway.
* I love my family but I didn't feel any anxiety leaving. Before leaving I also lived a year in a different city in Finland (in Helsinki) away from my parents and then I lived a year back with my parents while absolving alternative military service (aka cleaning in a kindergarten...). Probably it helps that both my parents lived most of their life in different countries than their own parents so it felt very natural to move far away from my parents to me. 
* I was single!!!

So yeah I had easy mode... Honestly in your situation I would not move, it sounds terrible to double or triple your debt, for what? To mess up your relationship (assuming you're happy in it), become anxious, etc. The way you described it it doesn't sound like a good idea to me! But don't take my word for it, just use it as something to think about! Also the concern of not making friends, I feel you, I made lots of friends in Austria but none in university and all outside of it... Which probably led me to not making friends in university because I didn't need it. But I regret that now.

But, I'm sorry, I didn't really understand the alternative? Because it's not possible to drive 12 hours there every day obviously.


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## biibii (Apr 22, 2021)

tiffanistarr said:


> Also, is there a reason the boyfriend hasn’t considered moving?



yess there is  his parents are older, and his mother has CML (a type of cancer) and has been really sick these past few years. I completely understand his situation and how he can't move, but honestly as stupid as it may sound, I can't see myself without him. sometimes the only reason I can get up in the morning is because of him, so thinking about leaving him makes me feel a bit sick.


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## a potato (Apr 22, 2021)

I commuted to a school, and I enjoyed it as a money-saving option. I saved tens of thousands by staying at home and only needing to buy gas and a parking pass. I think it was the right choice for me, but I do wish I would have been more involved on campus--I missed out on many opportunities.
I can definitely understand and relate to your concerns about moving so far away, though. It's perfectly natural--and expected--to be nervous at this stage. In fact, if someone wasn't nervous, I'd be concerned. My biggest piece of advice is don't undersell yourself. If you think this is the school for you, do it. Don't settle for something that won't give you the best outcome. I'm assuming you're in undergrad, and based on the information, it seems like you've already completed a year of school. Three years isn't all that much in the grand scheme of things. I recommend you try it. At the worst, you'll learn what you don't want.
Maybe something you could do is ask to shadow a student at the school and see how you like it. If it's too far, maybe it isn't the best choice. 
I would also recommend trying to look closer to home, though. Just poke around on Google or something and see what catches your eye.


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## biibii (Apr 22, 2021)

Flyffel said:


> But, I'm sorry, I didn't really understand the alternative? Because it's not possible to drive 12 hours there every day obviously.



nooo don't worry flyff, the alternative would be stay home and go to a low-ranked university and not pursue the degree that I want, and just settle for political science and eventually law school.


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## KrazyKarp (Apr 22, 2021)

Some things to consider (in my opinion):

1. Socializing is definitely a reasonable worry... for a certain period of time. Some people take a while to really fit in somewhere, but most people find their place. Speaking from experience, you'd need to lift out of your comfort zone sometimes, but it's worth it! It'll honestly help you become more social; I can't guarantee you'll become a major social butterfly, but the social aspect would improve.

2. I understand worrying about huge changes happening at home while you're away, like grandparents passing away. I had (and I'm sure still will when I go back to campus) worries about my grandmother passing away, as well as two of my dogs who are incredibly important to me and are older now. The biggest thing is staying in contact. If you move away, talk with your grandparents over the phone regularly or something. Of course, I can't do that with my dogs, but I ask my family about updates and photos on them frequently. Communication really helps.

3. There's different things you can try to decrease debt, such as seeking out and applying for scholarships. Having a job, as you mentioned, also helps, though the worry of it interfering with your studies is reasonable. 12 credits isn't too bad though, I think it'd be pretty manageable with a job. Eventually you'll probably come across an opportunity to get payed to do research in your major too, which is what I'm doing.

Alternatively, are there options that are close enough to home (like, 2-3 hours drive at most or something) so you and your boyfriend can still see each other, and possible cheaper college options too, and also so that you're out of the house? If none have your majors you want, you can look into a "design your own major" thing, which I know many colleges have. You may be able to get help from faculty to put together your majors you want.


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## Flyffel (Apr 22, 2021)

biibii said:


> nooo don't worry flyff, the alternative would be stay home and go to a low-ranked university and not pursue the degree that I want, and just settle for political science and eventually law school.


Okay, I don't know how American university "ranks" affect how much money you make afterwards or how much you want a job in either field. You are investing lots of money in college so you should pick something that you are actually going to want to use later, right? 

Try writing down the absolute worst case scenario for both choices, and a semi-realistic good-case scenario for both choices. Maybe it helps!


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## Ichiban (Apr 22, 2021)

finances and grades prevented me from going to any real "good" university and i wouldn't be cut out for the workload (uni isn't worth the money imo anyways) but if i could've relocated for community college i would've, just wasn't able to with a whole pandemic going on. i have a hard time making friends irl too but to me the chance to be somewhere other than where i've spent 20 years of my life would be more than worth it, i dont really have any connections to my home at all anyways


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## Corrie (Apr 22, 2021)

I stayed at home and loved it. It saved me a lot of money and I loved being with my family for longer.


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## duckykate (Apr 22, 2021)

Honestly, as a fellow awkward introverted person who made the mistake of going out of state because I liked a program they had, I think you should stay home. It's super lonely moving to a new place all alone and on top of that I have hella student loans to pay. I wish I had just picked a local place to go to and stay with my friends. I feel like you'll be much happier at home with your BF and friends, and will save so much money.


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## Jacob (Apr 22, 2021)

It's important to know that you're going to be okay no matter what you end up doing. Getting a degree is a great start. Take a look into online or world campus classes for the college to see if getting those specific programs at that school is a possibility from hoe. 

As for my personal opinion, I believe moving away from home for college might be a great learning experience for you. I'm a very anxious person and I found that being on my own at college (made all new friends) has helped me form a professional mindset. 3 years in, I feel nearly ready to get a real job and begin life as an independent. I can't say if I would feel comfortable with that + networking if I had stayed home. 

Things like boyfriends not wanting to move and family deaths are unavoidable in life, you have to live your own life to the fullest first. You always have the option to fly home, call in, etc., if you feel it's important enough. If you know this college will get you closer to where you want to be in life, I think it's worth heading on out. Now, everyone's financial situation is unique, so I can't speak to that. Having a job (or two) with 12 hours of classes is very possible but could of course burn you own. You know your own limits! If you don't know your limits, maybe this will also be a great learning opportunity for you. 

Remember you can always get your foundations at a college near home then move out to finish them up or for grad school as well! Maybe you can take a year off school to work, earn some money, volunteer in your industry just to get a head start. Good luck with everything!


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## Lavamaize (Apr 22, 2021)

I would say move to the university you want to go to. You shouldn’t sacrifice the career you want (which you will most likely have the rest of your life) for one that you doesn’t appeal to you as much. In addition, I personally believe that the connections and friendships you will make in college will be extremely beneficial and rewarding. It will also most likely be easier to get letters of recommendation (assuming you are a good student and are in person for classes ) if you actually attend the in person classes at the university you want to opposed to staying online from your home. These letters and connections can be very important in securing a job someday. Lastly, regarding your worry about moving away from loved ones and home, like other have said, that is a natural part of life, and delaying it now will just be pushing the inevitable to the future.


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## Dunquixote (Apr 22, 2021)

I did both. I regret going to the dorms since i could get nothing done and missed home. Also did not get along with my last roommate. The noise was just too much for me. i could hear everything and it drove me insane. At one point i was considering going out of state but am so glad I didn’t. staying at the dorms has really messed up my anxiety for many years and other issues.


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## deana (Apr 22, 2021)

I moved away for school and I don't regret doing it. School was my way to get out of a town that I hated and that's something I really wanted at the time. I didn't make a ton of friends but I met a few good people. 

I think the life experience of moving away and being on your own is valuable but of course you could always do that later down the road. So in my opinion the main considerations are costs and the degree you want to take. If you think the degree is worth the additional costs then the other details will sort themselves out, not saying those other things won't be stressful but they can be managed. 

Also just a note over the boyfriend issue lol I was in a similar situation and decided to move anyway 6 hours away from him and things still worked out in the end. So don't automatically assume it will be bad for your relationship I guess, it's just different and you'll need to put in different kinds of effort to stay connected but it doesn't mean it's not possible.


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## Oldcatlady (Apr 22, 2021)

I stayed with my family in a local university and while there were times I regretted it, I also think it was for the best, so I’m not sure lol. I think overall I preferred staying home but I feel like I missed an opportunity to experience the uni life meeting tons of people in a new exciting setting haha. Our situation is quite different though, because I get along well with my parents, didn’t have a bf at that time, and the program I wanted was available in my city. 

pros:
-The school I went to has a great program that I wanted from what I heard from everyone.
-my family couldn’t afford me going to another city without going in debt/student loans/compromising on standards of living, so I financially helped my family a lot by not going
-I got very sick the first year of school (and I still kinda am, it never completely went away...) and living with my family helped a lot because I had all the support needed. I can’t imagine how scary it would have been taking care of myself while sick in another city
-I get to keep in touch more with my friends from high school who stayed in this city 

cons:
-I’ve always wanted to try out the res life, going to a new city and meeting new people. I had friends/acquaintances whom I could have connected with if I did move to the other city, so I think I would have had a good time being more independent
-expensive...


I think no matter what you decide, you can get through it  it’s also ok to take risks and even if it doesn’t work out like how you thought it would, you can find solutions as you go so do what you think would make you happiest.


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## TheSillyPuppy (Apr 22, 2021)

I picked a school that was in-province, about 1.5 hours away from my home. It was the school and program that I wanted to attend--my first choice.

I learned a lot about myself in university, such as how I am a bit socially anxious. For much of elementary school and all of high school, my friends were pretty much from the same groups of people.

I lived on-campus in the dormitory in first-year, then found leases or sublets for the remaining four years of study. It costs more, but I found it helped me to form relationships with peers, especially those outside of my program, which got progressively more difficult as the years went by due to everyone gaining further specialization in their respective programs. It also helped me make use of first-year tutoring services and get more exposure to extracurriulars and other activities beyond the classroom.

Like @\Cadbberry suggested, apply to as many scholarships as you can. I wish higher education wasn't so heavily commoditized as it is, but it is what it is. There was one semester where I worked part-time at a company I had interned at. I only worked for a maximum of 15 hours per week, on top of around 40 hours of classes and 40-50 hours of schoolwork. Needless to say, I did not attempt that again.

I made many acquaintances and only a handful of very good/best friends, but to me, friendships are quality over quantity! One of my best friends was a guy who sat right next to me in the first row (yeah, _I_ was that type of student, lol). I struggled a lot with the material in my first semester, and he always knew how to explain complex concepts to me in a way that I could absorb the material. Later on, the two of us found three other folks in our program that we jived with and we basically became this conglomerate of five students who were almost always joined at the hip. You never know what can come out of talking with a random person!

University is also where I learned adulting skills, like going grocery shopping, doing laundry, and cooking for myself.

I met my S/O (my first boyfriend) in first-year and we have been together ever since (almost six years now). For most of undergrad, we haven't been in school in the same semesters, but we made it work! As long as both of you are willing to put in the time and effort to make your relationship work, --no matter the distance--you will find a way!

Your parents will find a way to get you home if an emergency happens. My parents helped me pack up all my belongings and move out of my rental in mid-February 2020, since they followed the news in Asia where there were already reports of COVID.

Going to university out of town also gets you exposed to folks from all sorts of backgrounds. I grew up in a city largely populated by other Chinese folks, and it was in university where I got to meet so many more people with diverse backgrounds. It really gives you more perspective about the world.

Do what will help you the most with achieving whatever end goal you have. It's hard to place a monetary value on many experiences. I wish you success with making your decision and with whichever school + program you decide to pursue!


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## Livia (Apr 22, 2021)

I voted for yes and I regretted it. I went to a university in another state, and I ended up dropping out and moving back home after 2 years because of loneliness, anxiety, and stress. I even started having hallucinations from how stressed I was. I lived in an apartment by myself so I didnt have any roommate issues, but I was completely alone which isn’t good either. I’ve never been good at making friends and I felt very lost and it was just not a good time for me. I think if I had stayed home, then I could’ve graduated and I would have some kind of degree by now. this probably isn’t helpful at all, sorry.


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## Rika092 (Apr 22, 2021)

This is a strong yes from me. Personally, college has been one of the best four years of my life. I’ve made some of the best friends that I’m still really close to now, and the experience I had there is something that I would never trade for anything else with. I’d say the major difference between going to college vs pursuing a degree at home is the opportunity to networking. This is about getting to know people in your class who may end up being your coworkers, the professors who can write you recommendation letters for scholarships and later on when you apply for jobs, as well as making friends who share common interests with you, because in college there are a ton of clubs that you can join or even create a new one if you want to. College degree nowadays is very prevalent, so from career perspective I can tell you getting the degree is important but what ultimately helps with your career is whom you know. And the kind of exposure you get and the relationships you build in college, one simply cannot recreate with home schooling. As for your boyfriend, of course this is something that you will need to work with him on, but ultimately I feel like he should be supportive and respective of your decision. For financials, I presume you are exploring scholarship/financial options already - this is a big hard to say because everyone’s situation is obviously different and I’m in no position to make decision for you, but if U of Texas has a stellar program for the major you wanna pursue, it might still be worth it with student loans. A school with really strong major typically has excellent alumni support and probably have really well organized career fairs, and again, would make job hunting so much easier.  

FYI- For reference, I went to a college that is slightly close to home but still far enough (~ 4 hrs driving) that would make it a hassle to go home every weekend and this was a intentional choice.


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## xSuperMario64x (Apr 22, 2021)

I'm in the same situation as Riley (Midoriya), I'm currently about to graduate with my Bachelors from a college that is only about 35 min away from where my parents live. If I were in your situation I could definitely see how being that far away from home would give you some trouble, especially if you're close to your family (I personally have no issue being away from home because I really don't like it there at all, I would rather be at school in a dorm than live at home).

It can be really worrying to move that far away, one thing I can recommend is that you get in touch with your academic advisor (if you have one) and/or the university offices that deal with student affairs (at the college I go to there is the dean's office, the chaplain's office, a counseling center, the spectrum resource center for LGBT+ students, etc.) that way you have some sort of support system on campus even if you don't make friends.

as for debt, I've heard that the people who collect student debt usually go off of whatever your income is (as well as giving you a 6-month grace period) so making payments on your debt shouldn't be too big of an issue. it is a bit troublesome that going to a college out-of-state can cost so much more but it will likely still be managable. I'm currently at a college that charges about $27k per semester in total (I'm at a private college). if you apply for financial aid or even get scholarships that should help you pay off your tuition.



biibii said:


> I am also scared of moving and being lonely. I have a hard time socializing and making friends irl as I believe I may be ND (currently in the process of seeking a diagnosis) and I have been this way since I was a child. I am afraid I will become one of those stories of people moving to college, making no friends, struggling and hating it, and having to move back home with massive debt behind them.


I wanted to quote this part in particular because I can really relate to this. I'm sure you've seen my posts all over this forum about me dealing w being autistic at a school that doesn't seem to care abt ND people (at least, they're not giving me proper accomodations for autistic issues). for me personally, yes I basically made no friends (I've only made two friends because I was forced into a room w them my sophomore year and we're more so acquaintances than "true" friends), yes I struggle a lot, yes I hate it, and yes I'm sure I'll be going home with a lot of debt (though not excessive debt cause I have a lot of scholarships as well as financial aid). 

*Also *keep in mind that schools are often forced by law to comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act so if you know in advance what kind of accommodations you need let the universitiy's disability office know as soon as possible! this is the biggest issue I've had, I never contacted the Disability Office for academic help and that's prob why I'm struggling so much (though it doesn't solve the attendance issue I talked about yesterday). I would advise seeing if you can get into your own (single) room like I did, and if it's allowed you could also apply for an Emotional Support Animal to help with loneliness.

but I haven't lived to regret being in college in-person because, while yeah it's been a pretty terrible social experience, the academic experience has been really awesome. I've gotten a lot of opportunities to perform in ensembles and play recitals (ofc I'm a piano performance major so this is what I enjoy most) as well as get to know many music professors who share my love of music and desire to learn about it. being in college in person can offer tons of academic opportunities and experiences, and for that alone I would most definitely recommend being on campus (only thing is to make sure you get into smaller classes, the college I'm at is small anyways so getting in touch with professors wasn't an issue, I know it _can _be at some larger universities).
I'll be applying for grad school this fall for the 2022-2023 school year and I'm sure I'll go through the same issues yet again, but the academic experience and getting to spend all my time playing and studying piano and music in general will make it worth it imo.

another thing that might help is if you're giong to a regular university (like not a liberal arts college) then you know you'll get to focus solely on your degree. because I'm at a liberal arts school I've had to take so many extra classes that I hate (I'm currently in a theater class cause I need a fine arts credit that isn't music and I _hate it so much_). hopefully you don't/won't have to deal w that, since I assume that University of Texas is a public university and is not a liberal arts college.


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## Millysaurusrexjr (Apr 22, 2021)

I moved from Washington State to Savannah, Georgia for art school. Me and my brother both decided to go to the same university. It was awesome although my parents decided to follow us to the other side of the country, they moved about 2 hours away from Savannah to Charleston, South Carolina. It was nice having them closer though! I think it's worth it to use college as an opportunity to move someplace new. A lot of people never leave the state they were born in and I think that's just unfortunate.


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## Holla (Apr 23, 2021)

I both loved and hated it in a way.

I originally went to University straight out of high school and hated it in general. I didn’t fit in and the program I was in didn’t really lead to any real goal at the end. It was a 6+ hour drive away from home and I was really lonely and missed my parents a lot. I was only really able to visit them once that whole semester during the thanksgiving long weekend since it was so far away. I ended up quitting after one semester and returned home.

The following school year I went to college instead only 30mins away. It was a much better experience overall. I still lived there away from my parents but I could easy go back home every weekend and visit if I so chose. I lived in different places throughout my 3 years there and each had their pros and cons but I didn’t mind it too much since I could visit home pretty frequently.


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## FireNinja1 (Apr 23, 2021)

I mostly enjoyed my time at university away from home.

But, ultimately, I think it boils down to what you're looking to get out of transferring -- you should probably consider what UT's programs can afford you that you can't get at a university close to home, and then weigh that against the cons you've listed. What other people have experienced at completely different programs at completely different universities is at best a poor predictor of what your experience will be.

As far as I'm aware, UT does have very strong programs in many different areas, but nobody in this thread can (nor should attempt to) perfectly answer your concerns about your boyfriend, your grandparents, or your finances.


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## cIementine (Apr 24, 2021)

i'm from the uk, where living away from home for uni is never more than a few hours away and student debt thankfully isn't really an issue for me, but i can relate to a lot of your struggles. i'm in my first year of uni and i moved from my relatively small town in the middle of the country to central london. this time last year i was sat debating between where i study in london versus a school in a small uni town further away from home that felt cosier, safer, and more 'possible' for my anxiety. i figured if i didn't try london i would regret it, even though the idea of moving to such a big city was my biggest fear, and i spent most of the summer sick with anxiety at the thought of going. i remember the day i moved and i felt my fear literally evaporate - i was so excited, felt so suddenly capable, and really felt like i took advantage of the start of my uni experience, even with the world as it is. i can't imagine having not done this, and feel privileged to be able to have done so as when i was applying to schools, i was in the midst of a family issue where i thought i'd have to stay home and commute to a nearby uni to look after a family member. deep down i knew i wanted to move out and get out of my comfort zone even if it horrified me - i knew the regret would be worse than any anxiety i feel.

sadly my anxiety has been worse this semester, but i've been lucky to be able to meet so many wonderful friends, even as someone who was quieter in school and has always had small groups of friends. i think you will find your people, and a great way i did this was through group chats for my cohort and making individual friendships from those. in times like these especially, everyone is in the same boat and using the online circumstances to find friendships. i wouldn't have the confidence to seek help for and persevere through my anxiety without their support and the confidence i've gained from my independence.

as much as your boyfriend is important to you now, and may continue to be in the future, i don't recommend making decisions based on relationships. it's not something anyone wants to have the foresight to consider, especially in the midst of a happy and fulfilling relationship, but relationships are often temporary - the trajectory of your life and the implications of the path you choose are not. you could still maintain your relationship if you move away through long distance. 

i can only comment from a lifestyle and anxiety-based perspective - i can't fully grasp the student debt aspect or how you will manage your medication. i think if i was in your position, debt would have a big impact on my decision, but if it's something that you are financially able to and willing to deal with, i would move away. life is short! and you'd be in debt either way.


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## sleepydreepy (Apr 24, 2021)

Im a recent graduate who went to college halfway across the country from where I lived (lived in Texas, went to college in Massachusetts) and I absolutely loved it.  I went because I honestly hated my life in high school and at home and wanted a big change, plus the college I got into was very prestigious. I am super glad I did go because I learned so much (academically and also about life) and met my three best friends there. Having this experience was essential to me growing as a person, and I encourage you to do the same. In your case, living 12 hours away isn't too bad, and you can always drive home on weekends or for breaks, and in case of an emergency.  I'm sure you will find friends too- there are all sorts of people at college (especially in a big university like UT) and I'm sure you'll find someone you relate to.  Leaving your parents can be difficult, but you will have to do so eventually, and college is a great time to test that out and figure out how to "adult" on your own.

I think your biggest problem would be student debt over everything else you mentioned, and I can't really speak for that, so I guess you'd have to do some research and calculations. Make sure you can get through school ok, and then see if you can line up a job through resources at your university after you graduate (take into consideration the resources UT offers for your major and how that will affect your future career options vs your current school).  Usually colleges have some sort of career center you can make an appointment with and use! I wish you all the best <3


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## biibii (Aug 13, 2021)

well…im moving away from home the 21st of august. im using this kind of like a diary entry to speak my mind. i am worried. i am worried that the academics will be too hard and i will struggle in school as i try to find my way in the world, and feel discouraged. im worried i will be lonely. im worried about my debt, and my responsibilities. im worried my boyfriend will find someone else to love and it wont be me. im worried about my grandparents growing older, and longing for their company. as for on the other hand, im excited! im excited to be away from my toxic household for the first time. im excited to be in a completely new city where nobody knows me and i can truly be myself. im excited to dress the way i want and feel independence, and im excited to explore the city. i do feel heartbroken upon seeing my boyfriend cry as i packed, but i kept trying to make him smile to make even a painful memory have some semblance of happiness in it. i feel icky thinking today may have been our last full day together, as well as knowing i said “see you later” to one of my best friends today, and the other on saturday. my heart is hurting tonight but i hope to see where i will be at in a month or two. thank you for helping me make my decision friends


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## amemome (Aug 13, 2021)

I voted for both No options; I thought there were clear pros and cons to staying at a hometown university. I both liked and regretted staying close to home. For me, the cons were mostly for me as a person and as an adult (whatever that means financially, health-wise, and identity-wise). Hopefully you're more social and up to the challenge (I definitely wasn't) and best of luck in upper education!

*Pros:*

*The local university is a good school*
Because it's a good school, the quality of my education was good.

*A large handful of my high school friends also went to the university, meaning I had a support network*
Because it's a good school, lots of friends ended up choosing to attend it. That meant I had an immediate support network going into school.

*Local university = saved money*
Not talking about Room & Board (I lived out for 3 of my 4 years at University). I'm talking about In-State tuition. About half the price to attend in-state vs out-of-state.

*Already familiar with the town*
I already knew where the good areas were in town and where the sketchy areas were. No struggling around the town. I knew what buses I had to take to get from here to there.

*Could rely on parents*
If I needed my winter clothes (LOL, you can tell I am not from Texas) or anything I left at home, I could always drive home and get it. I could rely on my parents to help me get to classes or buy groceries. I could rely on them to help me make rent if I needed it.

*Cons:*

*I never left my comfort zone*
A bad thing about being at a home university is that I was too comfortable being how I was straight out of high school. There was no need to really rediscover myself as an adult. It took me a lot longer to explore my identity due to not wanting to be outed by anyone random I knew from high school. I also didn't make too many friends in University because I didn't need to -- I could just hang out with my high school friends.

*My parents were helicopters and being close to home enabled their overbearing behavior*
They liked to (and still) hover over my life. I felt that I wasn't allowed to grow up and start taking financial or medical responsibility because they micromanaged my life. Socially, I never felt like I could meet a partner due to how much input they'd have on who I was hanging out with or had romantic interest in. If I went somewhere further away, it would have limited how much they could contact me every day and I think I would have been able to grow up more.

*It can get boring*
Depending on the neighborhood, some things change slowly. And that means you go to the same places over and over again because there aren't any other options. My town is getting gentrified which means all of the quirky stores around town are disappearing in favor of expensive student living. That makes this town boring since there's even less to do.


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## tiffanistarr (Aug 13, 2021)

biibii said:


> well…im moving away from home the 21st of august. im using this kind of like a diary entry to speak my mind. i am worried. i am worried that the academics will be too hard and i will struggle in school as i try to find my way in the world, and feel discouraged. im worried i will be lonely. im worried about my debt, and my responsibilities. im worried my boyfriend will find someone else to love and it wont be me. im worried about my grandparents growing older, and longing for their company. as for on the other hand, im excited! im excited to be away from my toxic household for the first time. im excited to be in a completely new city where nobody knows me and i can truly be myself. im excited to dress the way i want and feel independence, and im excited to explore the city. i do feel heartbroken upon seeing my boyfriend cry as i packed, but i kept trying to make him smile to make even a painful memory have some semblance of happiness in it. i feel icky thinking today may have been our last full day together, as well as knowing i said “see you later” to one of my best friends today, and the other on saturday. my heart is hurting tonight but i hope to see where i will be at in a month or two. thank you for helping me make my decision friends



you are strong and I am proud of you I hope you and your boyfriend can make lots of time for each other when you can!


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## Lady Timpani (Aug 13, 2021)

I stayed at home for college and while ultimately I think it was the best choice for me, I wouldn't have minded giving a farther away college a try. My biggest regret with college is not getting involved in student life more; aside from a frat I was apart of I literally went to classes and went home, so unfortunately I didn't make very many or very close friends in school. I am glad I don't have as much debt as I could have had, though, and knowing myself I don't know that going away would have helped with the socialization problem-- I actually think there's a good chance I would have wound up transferring back home.

Are there any scholarships you could apply for to help ease the financial burden on yourself? It sounds like this is something you really want to do, and if you're sure about it I would definitely try to make it happen. Depending on the career you pursue it's also possible to have your employer for give some or even all of your student debt. Idk what you're planning to do but if you're planning on working for the government that might be another avenue for you to pursue.


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## MadisonBristol (Aug 15, 2021)

I didn't go that far away, just a half hour drive. Though I can't drive and my hometown is very disconnected (over 4 hours by bus and train) so my mom would sometimes have to visit me. I did miss home, but I did love being on my own. Though now I'm going to another college down the street from my house and it will probably be convenient but I miss having my own dorm. And living somewhere outside my hometown that I hate so much.


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## Soigne (Aug 15, 2021)

i regret not going away to college. my four years were spent 10 minutes from my house and i never once felt like i was a good fit at my school. i only stayed because i believed that i would be saving money, but the difference in cost between where i went (private) and a public state school i could have gone to was negligible.

do what is best for you and your circumstances, though. i know many who stayed local and preferred to be with family.  i know many who left and never came back.


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## Ichiban (Aug 16, 2021)

I'd rather be able to go away for my studies but I don't have the financial security to be able to that so I've stayed local


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## Wish (Aug 17, 2021)

I moved away for college at 18 all by myself to cut ties with my family. I worked 30 hours a week and was a fulltime student. I still have some debt now but I would not change a thing about it. I had the biggest peace of mind of my life at that point in time because I finally had the option to make a decision fully for myself


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## tomatospooks666 (Aug 20, 2021)

wherever i go for college, it absolutely has to be away from my family, i tend to hate being around most of them.


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## Neb (May 16, 2022)

Sort of. I moved to a larger city in my state with one of my moms. I was already familiar with the area since I visited often as a child. There wasn’t really much of a choice. Housing is extremely expensive in my state and I couldn’t find a well paying job to have while I go to school.

The convenience is nice. I can access a ton of restaurants and books stores within a 2 mile radius. There are great views of the mountain and river too. I’m just kind of sick of the urban sprawl. When everything is grey it can kind of take a toll on your mental health after a while. I crave greenery.

I’m glad I made the decision. Even if I had the option I’d still say staying with one of my moms was the right choice. I can focus on my schoolwork instead of whether I can pay the rent. I definitely want to get my own place once I can find a stable job, but this will work for the time being.


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