# Does someone expressing romantic interest in you ruin your friendship with them?



## Aronthaer (Apr 11, 2017)

This is something that makes less and less sense the longer I dwell on it.

I'm not talking about breakups, I'm not talking about exes at all. I'm talking about when a good friend expresses romantic interest in you. what's your response?

I've seen lots of friendships ended over this, but to be honest, it makes little to know sense in my mind. Putting myself in the person's place, a friend that I don't think of romantically approaches me, telling me that they've had feelings for me for a while. this has happened a few times before, and I've let them know that I care deeply about them, but I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with them. every single time, we've moved past it and stayed good friends. if anything, it made us better friends, because we each knew that we cared about the other person. 

But I've seen so many people get upset or embarrassed because someone feels that way and just ends the friendship there. and it's a soul-crushing feeling to see someone you've grown so close to not only feel disgusted when you tell them how you feel, but then put up walls between you and them.

There is one caveat, however, and that is that the other person has to be willing to move on. if they can't let go of those feelings, then I think that you should (temporarily) give them some space. let them think about it for a while, and come back with love and acceptance.

So, what are your thoughts on this? If your best friend came up to you and expressed interest, would you continue being friends? How about that girl you talk to a few times a week in the school halls? That guy you hang out with at the library all the time? really interested to see what you guys think.


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## UglyMonsterFace (Apr 11, 2017)

This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this.


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## That Marshal Fangirl (Apr 11, 2017)

It's more of the opposite problem with me.  I told my guy friend I like him and now things are awkward between us.  He didn't say he shared those feelings but he didn't deny it either.  So now I'm stuck wondering if he likes me but is too shy to admit it, or just doesn't want to hurt my feelings.


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## Aronthaer (Apr 11, 2017)

Arize said:


> This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this.



I'm so sorry to hear this. To be honest, you should never try to make someone leave a relationship they're happily in for your own selfish interests. it's a douchey move and honestly you deserve better. 

I had somewhat of an opposite experience. I told an old friend of mine that I had an interest in her and she fired back with just brutal words that made me feel bad that I had these feelings and that I hadn't just tried to hide them better. The next day, I texted her asking how her day was going and was yelled at for "acting like nothing ever happened between us last night". The only reason I took a chance on telling her is because I was reasonably sure she would be able to move past it, being a very sensible woman. I was very, very wrong.


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## UglyMonsterFace (Apr 11, 2017)

Aronthaer said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this. To be honest, you should never try to make someone leave a relationship they're happily in for your own selfish interests. it's a douchey move and honestly you deserve better.
> 
> I had somewhat of an opposite experience. I told an old friend of mine that I had an interest in her and she fired back with just brutal words that made me feel bad that I had these feelings and that I hadn't just tried to hide them better. The next day, I texted her asking how her day was going and was yelled at for "acting like nothing ever happened between us last night". The only reason I took a chance on telling her is because I was reasonably sure she would be able to move past it, being a very sensible woman. I was very, very wrong.



I'm so sorry that happened to you. It isn't selfish to express your feelings to a friend, at least if they are single. Love is about taking chances after all. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell her and it's awful how she responded. If the friendship meant anything to her, she should have been more understanding, especially if you weren't being pushy. I understand if it was awkward at first,  but getting mad is an over reaction. I'm sorry  Hopefully she gets a hold of herself before she loses a good friend entirely.


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## Twisterheart (Apr 11, 2017)

I don't really have friends, but if I did I feel like it would ruin everything. I am asexual and aromantic, so I would never be able to return their feelings no matter what. Plus, the idea or someone liking me in that way bothers me. I can't stomach the idea of someone being in love with me, so I could never hang around them and be normal again. It would just be too much and I feel like it would ruin our friendship.


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## Bowie (Apr 11, 2017)

Definitely not. My best friend and I used to be partners, and often talk about being partners again someday.

I think it's really, really great when you can feel so comfortable with the person that you love that breaking up isn't even a big deal to either of you. That's really great.


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## kayleee (Apr 11, 2017)

Arize said:


> This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this.


Pretty much this. Even if I want to stay friends with the guy they are too butt hurt after being rejected so it's essentially them that ends the friendship

- - - Post Merge - - -



Bowie said:


> I think it's really, really great when you can feel so comfortable with the person that you love that breaking up isn't even a big deal to either of you. That's really great.



Personally I just think that shows a lack of interest from one or both parties and wouldn't find that a good basis for a relationship at all but to each their own


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## King Dorado (Apr 11, 2017)

you guys aren't doing it right.  there's supposed to be a drunken hook-up first that prompts the romantic confessions by one of the friends, that way you have maximum awkwardness and drama...


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## N a t (Apr 11, 2017)

I was that friend. I was interested in a good friend of mine for years. I'm nearly positive I was in love with him. And I only ever asked him about it twice. Rejected both times, and despite how awkward it may have been for him, and how painful AND awkward it was for me, we're still close friends. I think before anyone makes any sort of move, they need to evaluate some things. How strong is the friendship? Can it handle a bomb like this? Can you handle the chances of things going badly? Can they? I think I honestly would have been better off if he had ended our friendship, but he didn't want that. And despite my feelings, i helped maintain peace at my own expense. Having to hang out with him and talk to him like it never happened while still hurt from the rejection and still in love with him was one of THE most painful times of my life. But, I'm glad that we're stilk friends. I guess. If the opposite happened to me, and I was confessed to, which would probs never happen LMAO I AM SO UNDESIRABLE IRL, I wouod be drowning in guilt. I know I can't just force myself to have feelings for someone, and I shouldn't because it's unhealthy for both parties, but i cannot help but feel guilt. I feel guilt rather easily, even over nonsensical things.


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## Bowie (Apr 11, 2017)

kayleee said:


> Personally I just think that shows a lack of interest from one or both parties and wouldn't find that a good basis for a relationship at all but to each their own



Nah, it's not like that at all. It's just that, if we were to part ways, we wouldn't be yelling at each other or cutting each other out of our lives or anything like that. We have the comfort that, even if things don't work out, we will always be close friends, and that feeling is something I think is really important in any relationship.


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## radioloves (Apr 11, 2017)

I guess it could ruin a friendship, but if things can be worked out then it should be ok


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## Soda Fox (Apr 11, 2017)

I've had some relationships fall apart but I've also had one that grew stronger.  My current best friend confessed to me only a few months after getting to know me when we were Freshman (him) and Senior (me) band classmates.  I was not interested but I appreciated that he was honest with me and didn't get all weird about it like guys I had been friends with in the past.

We've been friends for just about 10 years now and can be very honest with each other.  It's nice.


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## N e s s (Apr 11, 2017)

Well...I'm kinda going through this right now. This one girl who I was best friends with had a crush on me late last year, and eventually I ended up liking her back. I asked her what she thought of me about a week or two ago, and I was rejected.

Things are just weird between us now.


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## kayleee (Apr 12, 2017)

Bowie said:


> Nah, it's not like that at all. It's just that, if we were to part ways, we wouldn't be yelling at each other or cutting each other out of our lives or anything like that. We have the comfort that, even if things don't work out, we will always be close friends, and that feeling is something I think is really important in any relationship.



Ah okay I understand what you mean now


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## Nanabells (Apr 12, 2017)

Lmao *YES*. I've had guy friends do this and it just pissed me off real quick and made me end the "friendship" we had. Because it made me feel as if the "friendship" wasn't there at all. I think the one thing everyone should keep in mind before confessing is if the other person likes you back. This is going to make me sound like a teen magazine, but if you want to avoid the awkwardness and weirdness and FOs, then learn how to _read the signs_! Now, for the shallow, super superficial, brutally-honest, controversial, I'm-a-20-year-old-girl part of my answer: pssst! If you're hot, just go for it!


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## Aronthaer (Apr 12, 2017)

Nanabells said:


> Lmao *YES*. I've had guy friends do this and it just pissed me off real quick and made me end the "friendship" we had. Because it made me feel as if the "friendship" wasn't there at all.
> 
> learn how to _read the signs_![/SIZE]



Why risk misinterpreting someone else's actions if you can have a mature conversation about it? I don't honestly know what part of someone confessing feelings would make you feel that they weren't a friend, unless they were being superficial and putting you on a pedestal based on what you look like, in which case you probably don't want them around anyhow. but if they're being honest and open with their feelings and want to talk about it with you instead of consulting a magic-8-ball or randomly stitching together your behaviors like a crime scene, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.


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## blackroserandom (Apr 12, 2017)

It really depends. Depends on the person, the situation, and the resolution. 

Back in middle school, I confessed I had a crush on one of my guy friends. He teased me about it but nothing really came of it: friendship was like it never happened and ya know how crushes are when you are super young...very fleeting. A couple weeks later we were still friends and my crush was gone.

And here we have now, years ago a friend of mine confessed his feelings for me while I had a boyfriend (didn't work out, he cheated/talked to me once every few months and yet ended on amicable terms) and turns out the feeling was mutual. Hooray for me, I'm engaged to my best friend. 

And I'm sorry to hear about all your experiences, some of them sound like a real doozy!


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## Nanabells (Apr 12, 2017)

Aronthaer said:


> Why risk misinterpreting someone else's actions if you can have a mature conversation about it? I don't honestly know what part of someone confessing feelings would make you feel that they weren't a friend, unless they were being superficial and putting you on a pedestal based on what you look like, in which case you probably don't want them around anyhow. but if they're being honest and open with their feelings and want to talk about it with you instead of consulting a magic-8-ball or randomly stitching together your behaviors like a crime scene, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.



You're absolutely right! If it's a mature conversation, with the guy being honest and open about his feelings, that's absolutely okay! But from personal experience, I can tell you that some guys feel entitled to a relationship just because you guys were friends, as if it's expected that your friendship would "naturally blossom" into a relationship like in the movies. So if you ask me, if I am _clearly_ not into someone, then I'd rather that that someone _not_ confess, push his feelings onto me, and try to coerce/ guilt-trip me into a relationship.


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## britters (Apr 12, 2017)

My best friend finally decided to tell me his feelings 5 years ago. *5 years forward* We're engaged & have an awesome son. I love knowing the person I'm gonna marry is not only an amazing dad & my fiance but my best friend too.


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## A spooky ghost! (Apr 12, 2017)

Honestly it did for me we don't speak anymore I'll just be the girl who broke his heart.


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## Fearthecuteness (Apr 12, 2017)

Arize said:


> This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this.



This is because like 95% of the time guys only hang out with girls to get in their pants or because they wanna go out with them. Guys are too egotistical for their own good and too many think with their dicks.


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## carp (Apr 12, 2017)

if u proclaim ur lov when we just chillin as chills i blockin ur a$$ quicker than usain husain bolt boi


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## Aronthaer (Apr 12, 2017)

Fearthecuteness said:


> This is because like 95% of the time guys only hang out with girls to get in their pants or because they wanna go out with them. Guys are too egotistical for their own good and too many think with their dicks.



whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa

Please don't

Don't even go there dude

My friend groups consist of both guys and girls, who all get along fine with each other.  no one's trying to get into anyone's pants. Don't you think it's maybe a _little bit_ sexist to say that "95 percent" of men are egotistical *******s?


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## N a t (Apr 12, 2017)

Aronthaer said:


> whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa
> 
> Please don't
> 
> ...



I agree. That's kind of messed up. I'm sure if a guy said something about how loose most girls are these days and that all girls are *****s, the female population on this site would be losing their mind.

- - - Post Merge - - -

And yes, I'm a girl, and while I don't freak out when you get the occasional guy that stereotypes all females as loose or stuck up, it isn't nice to hear those things. It goes both ways.


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## pinkbunny (Apr 12, 2017)

although I would always continue the friendship, when a friend expresses emotion towards you and you dont feel the same its always awkward and I feel like its never the same afterwards


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## N a t (Apr 12, 2017)

dmt said:


> although I would always continue the friendship, when a friend expresses emotion towards you and you dont feel the same its always awkward and I feel like its never the same afterwards



It definitely is not the same. Personal experience here.


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## Sergi (Apr 12, 2017)

Nah, I choose not to let it bother me. I let them decide what they want to do. I'm not going to judge them or push them away if they have feelings. I will continue to hang out with them without leading them on and letting them know we're just friends. Sometimes it becomes too much for them though and they can't be around the person they like. That's what I mean by letting them choose.


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## oliversacnl (Apr 12, 2017)

It used to make me uncomfortable, but now I don't mind it so much. As long as the person is being flattering and not creepy, I don't mind it at all. 

I would worry that if they stopped having a crush on me that the friendship would end. that's my biggest problem, I think. If the friendship was born because they thought they had a shot with me, then realized that they didn't, then they could leave the friendship... 

Meh. Their loss.


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## fenris (Apr 12, 2017)

the only reason someone expressing romantic interest in me would ruin our friendship would be if I didn't reciprocate their interest and they kept pushing, or if they tried to get me to leave my husband for them (the concept of cheating is a non-issue here, hubby's cool with the idea of me seeing other people as long as I'm open and honest with him).


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## UglyMonsterFace (Apr 12, 2017)

Fearthecuteness said:


> This is because like 95% of the time guys only hang out with girls to get in their pants or because they wanna go out with them. Guys are too egotistical for their own good and too many think with their dicks.



I don't agree at all with this statement. I think I've just had bad luck and just been meeting all the wrong people. I know people with guy friends who aren't like that at all. I mean, on the other side of that is that most of the girls I've met have been backstabbers and very superficial. But I'm not gonna say that the vast majority of women are like that. I just don't meet enough people to find the good ones. Bad luck mixed with social anxiety means I don't approach people that I'd like to be friends with, and I'm always approached by people who only want to take advantage. It's not a gender thing at all.


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## Rabirin (Apr 12, 2017)

a bit, it makes me feel quite awkward and uncomfortable around them but that's probably because i'm socially inept, and i often try to change the subject and act like it never happened. it won't stop me from being friends with them, but it'll make me feel real awkward whenever i'm around them. i'm almost never the person who admits romantic interest or feelings to somebody, and if it happens that a friend likes me in that way it's usually them who'll say.


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## Corrie (Apr 12, 2017)

Arize said:


> This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this.



I feel you! I've had several guy friends of mine only be my friend in order to try to get closer to me to perhaps get a chance to date me. It's a really awful feeling when you find this news out and while others may spite you and tell you that you should be lucky people are interested in you, these type of people are usually borderline manipulative. After the first one or second one, you assume that you can see the signs since you've experienced them before but everyone is different and uses different methods to attempt to gain your affection so you're stuck not knowing until something explodes in your face. 

I had a guy friend tell me to dump my ex for him. He went so far as to tell my coworker to constant tell me that him and I would make a great pair. It was really awkward for me and honestly the only thing that stopped him was when I broke up with my ex and ended up getting together with my current boyfriend. It was a mess because we all worked at the same store. He then took that as a sign that it wasn't going to work and he instantly stopped talking to me. As sad I was to lose a guy friend, he clearly wasn't a good friend and having that pressure off me felt so good.


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## Ghost Soda (Apr 12, 2017)

For me it depends on how they act when I tell them I'm not interested. If they're cool about it and accept that we're going to stay friends then things would be fine but if they act like a whiny, self-entitled turkey about it or insist that I'll "change my mind about it" then that'll definitely ruin the friendship!


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## UglyMonsterFace (Apr 12, 2017)

Corrie said:


> I feel you! I've had several guy friends of mine only be my friend in order to try to get closer to me to perhaps get a chance to date me. It's a really awful feeling when you find this news out and while others may spite you and tell you that you should be lucky people are interested in you, these type of people are usually borderline manipulative. After the first one or second one, you assume that you can see the signs since you've experienced them before but everyone is different and uses different methods to attempt to gain your affection so you're stuck not knowing until something explodes in your face.
> 
> I had a guy friend tell me to dump my ex for him. He went so far as to tell my coworker to constant tell me that him and I would make a great pair. It was really awkward for me and honestly the only thing that stopped him was when I broke up with my ex and ended up getting together with my current boyfriend. It was a mess because we all worked at the same store. He then took that as a sign that it wasn't going to work and he instantly stopped talking to me. As sad I was to lose a guy friend, he clearly wasn't a good friend and having that pressure off me felt so good.



I can totally relate  It's such a sad thing, especially when you are so invested in the friendship. I had a friend who I got along with so well, and he was my closest friend at the time. Then one day he told me he "loved" me. Now, he was well aware that I was in a long term relationship, and he even met my bf. So I told him, that I wasn't interested in him like that. He insisted he would be better for me than my bf, and I got really annoyed. It turned into a terrible argument and then he told me, "Well I saw him cheating on you with another girl!" This was a complete lie, obviously. I even asked for details and suddenly he was like, "Oh since you don't believe me, I won't tell you." I was so incredibly hurt by this, that he would go so far as to lie about something like that. It truly destroyed my trust in him. He eventually started begging me to stay his friend, saying sorry, but not admitting to the lie. He made up so many stories to excuse his behaviour and I was just done.

I've also had this guy start calling me names and start being really verbally abusive toward me because I wouldn't break up with my bf for him. He said I "obviously want attention" because when we met, I was wearing a top with some cleavage :/ Seriously, I was just wearing a regular tank top, so sorry if my boobs naturally are like that. I'm not going to wear a turtleneck in the summer. He started calling me names, harassing me, telling me that I'm a woman and therefore I _need_ him (he was the most sexist person ever). He then was like, "You don't know who you're dealing with here." And he started insinuating that he had a lot of power over me and I should do what he said.

Gosh, some people are just jerks really. Lots of egos that are much too big for their own good.


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## Nuclear Bingo (Apr 12, 2017)

Fearthecuteness said:


> This is because like 95% of the time guys only hang out with girls to get in their pants or because they wanna go out with them. Guys are too egotistical for their own good and too many think with their dicks.



No, this is true. Guys try to keep it a secret, horribly so. if you are a girl and you have a guy friend who always initiates or acts really kind for no reason, he wants you romantically. If the dude is being weirdly available and nice, your suspicions are correct. All guys think like this often. It's not sexist. The girls in this thread mention it happening before and to them and then the guy gets upset. It's because he was never  really being sincere.


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## N a t (Apr 12, 2017)

Nuclear Bingo said:


> No, this is true. Guys try to keep it a secret, horribly so. if you are a girl and you have a guy friend who always initiates or acts really kind for no reason, he wants you romantically. If the dude is being weirdly available and nice, your suspicions are correct. All guys think like this often. It's not sexist. The girls in this thread mention it happening before and to them and then the guy gets upset. It's because he was never  really being sincere.



I mean, yes this is true, and probably for females too,  but not always so. One of my guy friends was like this because he was in fact using me to get free stuff, and another of my guy friends acts like this, and I thought that he may be slightly interested in me, as i was very interested in him, but twice over a span of several years I tried to initiate something with him, I was very forward and clear about it, and he declined my offer both times. He isn't gay, and he's never had a real girl friend. But he's sups6er nice and wants to hang out all the time. He's just a genuine friend.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I really only disliked that when everybody seems to bring this up for either sex, they always turn it into some awful generalization or stereotype that I see as insulting. Nowadays all i see are social media posts and jokes about **** boys and "thot"s.


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## Nuclear Bingo (Apr 13, 2017)

Petey Piranha said:


> I mean, yes this is true, and probably for females too,  but not always so. One of my guy friends was like this because he was in fact using me to get free stuff, and another of my guy friends acts like this, and I thought that he may be slightly interested in me, as i was very interested in him, but twice over a span of several years I tried to initiate something with him, I was very forward and clear about it, and he declined my offer both times. He isn't gay, and he's never had a real girl friend. But he's sups6er nice and wants to hang out all the time. He's just a genuine friend.
> 
> - - - Post Merge - - -
> 
> I really only disliked that when everybody seems to bring this up for either sex, they always turn it into some awful generalization or stereotype that I see as insulting. Nowadays all i see are social media posts and jokes about **** boys and "thot"s.



such is life, huh?


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## radical6 (Apr 13, 2017)

Only if they complain about the friend zone


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## crystalchild (Apr 13, 2017)

i think this is a tricky thing that would depend on a lot of factors. cutting someone off solely because they have feelings for you strikes me as rash and insensitive, but if it turns out they only hung out with you due to that attraction, then its reasonable i guess. i wouldnt be comfortable with someone who only really wanted to get in my pants, but if its a genuine friend who happened to develop romantic feelings along the way, then ill respectfully decline and hope they can let go of those feelings and still be pals.


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## Dogemon (Apr 13, 2017)

Nuclear Bingo said:


> No, this is true. Guys try to keep it a secret, horribly so. if you are a girl and you have a guy friend who always initiates or acts really kind for no reason, he wants you romantically. If the dude is being weirdly available and nice, your suspicions are correct. All guys think like this often. It's not sexist. The girls in this thread mention it happening before and to them and then the guy gets upset. It's because he was never  really being sincere.



This absolutely not true lol. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it isn't some bullcrap number like 95%. The majority of my friends are guys and though I am openly polygamous, few have any remote romantic/sexual interest in me. It is very possible to get sisterly feels for girls or just want to hang with them and go out of your way for them. I go out of my way for most of my friends and we would sooner vomit than be in relationships with each other.

I think this "issue" tends to only happen with dudes who are raised to think that girls are only there to date, aka dudebros and entitled middle schooler-brained fellas. I honestly think any decent *person* will not leave someone they care about just because they don't return romantic feelings for you and they were probably gross morally if they did.


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## crystalchild (Apr 13, 2017)

i tend to be quite wary of guys from the moment they initiate contact with me, to try to determine how much of their interest is sexual and how much is just wanting to make friends. the fact that im a lesbian and tend to express this early in our interactions might save me from some of the douchebags haha (although still not all of them)


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## TheGlamourGroup (Apr 13, 2017)

Yes mostly. I end up feeling kind of uncomfortable and even kind of avoiding them. For example, currently there's a guy who I think likes me. He's pretty quiet and when we pass each other in the hall he would quietly try wave to me. He would often run back to me to say hi if he missed me. It looks like he waits for me just to greet me too. Both us are very quiet and it's really awkward. Nowadays I actually feel like trying to walk fast to avoid him. My friend said that he said to her if she knows me. My friend said yeah, why? She said he didn't say anything. 

Something kind of different happened too. Before this, another kid liked me. Not sure if he still does, but he's REALLY ANNOYING. Literally he's the most annoying person and my friends all hate him. He tries to take other's food even if they said no. Anyways, before he would keep talking to me every second and hug me..? That was kind of awkward. I try to avoid him, of course. But yeah, that was mostly it.


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## Trainer Lillie (Apr 13, 2017)

I don't think ending a friendship over this comes from a place of callousness or disgust, though - or at least it hasn't for me when I did ultimately do it myself. It was quite the opposite in that I just felt incredibly _awkward_, and the other person felt very embarrassed and, with their specific personality, just couldn't shake feeling like it was a burden or an issue to me when, to be honest, if they had been able to be more comfortable and accepting with themself and their feelings (easier said than done, I know), the whole thing would have been less of an issue for both parties. When you care a lot about someone as a friend, you want them to be happy and for their feelings to result in something happy and healthy for them, but when those feelings are for you and they can't lead to anything, you feel both disappointment that your friend is suffering with unrequited affection, and incredibly awkward and guilty that you are the reason for that, atop the natural discomfort you can feel when someone likes you and you aren't interested in that way. It's difficult to describe just how intense, uncomfortable and unfortunate that situation can be for all involved, and I think if you don't have both parties able to not take it all too seriously, see the humour in it, let the guilt go and move on, it just becomes impossible to comfortably continue that friendship.

I believe that if both people have the right personalities and perspectives it's entirely possible to take some breathing room, let some time pass and go back to being as good friends as before. But it takes big people to not be too proud, too embarrassed, or too fixated on feelings of guilt or shame either way to make that happen.


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## Nicole. (Apr 13, 2017)

I have experienced a situation before where a male friend of mine confessed his love for me. This was during a very awkward time of my life so for that reason I didn't know how to react and approach the situation. However, I am pleased to share that it did not affect our friendship at all and still to this day we share a strong and healthy friendship. Even though we are slowly moving towards our separate pathways in life, we still make time to visit and see each other now and then. It made me realize what a true friend he really is, by that I mean it emphasizes his commitment towards the friendship regardless of my decision to kindly decline his question.  

How did I feel after the confession? At first, I felt quite unsettled and anxious knowing that a friend of mine could likely only be friends with me solely for that purpose. It made me feel as if I was being used and that it was just a fake friendship.


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## Soot Sprite (Apr 13, 2017)

I've only really had one bad experience with this, most of the friends I've had that have had an interest in me I felt the same way so I was lucky enough to have it work out. 

The bad experience I had ended up getting my fiance fired from where I work because one of my friends and coworkers that liked me ended up getting super jealous. After he found out I was dating my fiance he was petty enough to get him fired because of it.


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## KittyKawaii (Apr 13, 2017)

Real love means painful sacrifice, but I am sure most of you know that already.

Usually being a true friend is one of the best forms of love, but whenever someone makes romantic suggestions, they seem to be trying to harvest enjoyable feelings from that person. Romantic feelings fade after a while, and they often leave relationships to become more like chores. 

Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they are limited from helping you out in any way, so they don't really need to act differently.


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## wynn (Apr 13, 2017)

I've had several of my male friends confess feelings for me. It doesn't bother me at all. Everyone has these feelings and I think it's silly to end friendships or make things awkward because of them. If anything, I try to be understanding of them because I was in their shoes once. The only time I'll ever have an issue is if a guy was only my friend to hook up with me.


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## vel (Apr 14, 2017)

if someone actually likes you and you reject them and they act badly over it, they should be dropped like they're hot. if they're going to act badly over a simple no, imagine how badly they'd act in an actual relationship, never mind a friendship. so in that case, yes it'll ruin your friendship. 

if they act respectfully, and you have no interest, be friends. feelings fluctuate and change, you could end up liking them. you can't be sure it's a no, and you can't be sure it's a yes, as love is not a choice. so there are many many different ways it could end up, there isn't a definite answer as people are different.


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## KaydeeKrunk (Apr 14, 2017)

I had a friend who I had really deep feelings for in school, we dated briefly but ended up not really meshing well. So we stopped going out but remained friends, we stayed great friends even after I moved away and kept in contact through texting and facebook. I also dated a few of my other friends in school, and had a few who expressed interest that I didn't reciprocate and we stayed friends. 

I can see how someone might take offence or be hurt emotionally if they are more sensitive, or really thought you felt similarly, which has happened to me as well because I "flirt" with my good friends, call them babe and stuff cause I love them, just not romantically. Most of my friends get this but sometimes they'll get the wrong idea, like me and my really great friend write to each other like a couple, saying things like "smooches" and "will you marry me" all sorts of flirty stuff, she knows I'm not gay for her and she isn't gay for me that's just how we friend. 

I've had a friend who told me they didn't like that when I did it to them, to be fair she was not used to being "loved" so when I would tell her I loved her she'd take it the wrong way, so I stopped, and wasn't offended.


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## Romaki (Apr 14, 2017)

Just be honest about your feelings and don't expect special treatment for being kind, that's just common courtesy.
People who keep up fake friendships to snake there way into a possible romantic relationship are the worst imo.


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## AlanRickmanFan27 (Apr 17, 2017)

not when they express romantic interest in me it's the other way around when i honestly tell them about my feelings about how i want to be more than just friends they dump me as friends with them!  like they want a stupid moronic girl who is mean and who lets ppl walk all over her and use her a lot instead of a girl like me nice honest truthful blunt kind and not stupid but smart but they don't understand it hurts me when they use me like they do


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## Dogemon (Apr 18, 2017)

AlanRickmanFan27 said:


> not when they express romantic interest in me it's the other way around when i honestly tell them about my feelings about how i want to be more than just friends they dump me as friends with them!  like they want a stupid moronic girl who is mean and who lets ppl walk all over her and use her a lot instead of a girl like me nice honest truthful blunt kind and not stupid but smart but they don't understand it hurts me when they use me like they do



It sounds like you aren't being 'smart' about who you are choosing as friends if you can clearly tell that they are looking for someone like that. It is also possible they are not comfortable being around you. That isn't selfish, especially if they have a prior relationship.


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## easpa (Apr 18, 2017)

I've had it happen to me once before where I had to turn down romantic advances from a friend and while it put a bit of a strain on things at first, he soon got over it and our friendship went back to normal. I even ended up introducing him to his next boyfriend!


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## AlanRickmanFan27 (Apr 18, 2017)

Dogemon said:


> It sounds like you aren't being 'smart' about who you are choosing as friends if you can clearly tell that they are looking for someone like that. It is also possible they are not comfortable being around you. That isn't selfish, especially if they have a prior relationship.



that is true and i agree  thanks!  and lol on your pic of isabelle xD haha i would call it isabelle in RL XD lol


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## intropella (Apr 18, 2017)

Yes, and it's really sad that the friendship is gone. ):
One time a really good best friend of mind, expressed interested in me. I told him I wasn't interested , and he started being persisted for a while. Then I gave in (loser 14-15 year old me. LOL). Anyways, I gave the "romantic" relationship a go, but like everything seem so lovey dovey instead of like being our old self? You know??? Ugh a year pass, and then he just randomly told me he liked someone else and stopped liking me. (Twas falling for him at that time, and everything wrecked out friendship. Cause in my mind I just lost my best friend). At the end, we are no longer best friend, and it makes me sad. 

Oh well. The past is in the past kiddos.


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## BrinaLouWho (Apr 18, 2017)

Normally yes, if they cannot accept that we are only friends then the friendship normally crashes and burns on its own. This has happened to me several times it just depends on how strong the friendship is and if the person can control/get rid of their feelings.


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## Zireael (Apr 18, 2017)

This has happened to me a few times and it's never ended well, so I'd say yes. I used to be good friends with a couple of boys in school who I sat next to in English class, and eventually one of them told me he liked me over MSN after school one day. I'm not sure if that was worse than face-to-face or not because it made going into class the next day very awkward. We never spoke the same way again, it just felt too weird since I wasn't interested, and he was very persistent about it which made things even worse for me. It's bad when someone can't take "no" for an answer, I think that if someone truly respected your friendship and wanted to maintain it then they wouldn't be pushy about a relationship, so maybe it was no big loss.

Maybe it's a good judge of character how someone reacts to being rejected like that, I'm really not sure. There was another case where I thought I understood someone quite well in my old Tera guild back when I played to the point where I did consider him a friend, but after he tried getting too close and I told him to back off he changed _completely_ and actually came off as pretty nasty and self-centered. Really not what I expected, and I'm glad I kept him at arms length and never gave away any personal info because they seemed quite dangerous. Needless to say, we never spoke again and I'm glad of it.

I guess it's hard for me to really understand it, I don't think I've ever been in the position to confess to someone and be put down. I know it must be hurtful but I don't think I would react the way I've seen people do in the past... It just feels disrespectful to the friendship and person, because it not only hurts you, it hurts them too and puts them in a very awkward position. I don't think I could do that to anyone without feeling bad, so I'm really passive about these things.

So far I haven't had good experiences but I'm glad that some people here have been able to put those feelings aside and remain friends. I think if they're able to do that it's really wonderful and it would make me cherish their friendship even more.


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## piichinu (Apr 19, 2017)

my thoughts on the matter ?

men are pigs


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## s i r e n t i c (Apr 19, 2017)

Every time it's happened to me I usually just apologize 'cause I don't like them back, and then I try to just put it behind us. I mean, generally it's awkward for a few days but oh well.

If the person isn't able to accept that I don't feel the same way for them then after a while I'll just start to stop talking to them, especially if every time I talk to them they hit on me or try to convince me that since we're friends already we'd be a good couple.. 

Maybe I just have horrible luck, but every time I'm friends with a guy within a few months or whatever he'll eventually try to convince me that I should date him, so sadly almost every guy I'm friends with stops being my friend after a few months 'cause they're pissed I won't date them or because I'm uncomfortable with being guilted or pushed into a relationship with them :/


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## Duzzel (Apr 19, 2017)

I'm very emotionally immature, unfortunately...
For someone to admit that they were romantically interested in me, it's always been very awkward.

One time when someone told me they were in love with me, it was over the phone and I didn't know what to say. I remember sitting there in silence for about 15 seconds before I eventually said something that changed the topic. A few days later I finally messaged them to say I was sorry about how I responded and that I still value the relationship we already have - but we didn't talk for a couple months after. I was mad at myself because I know how I should respond (I had to look up how to handle those situations) but I sort of froze, I didn't really know what to do. And this had happened 2 other times with different people. 

I've never dated or found myself in love with anyone, so perhaps it's in part due to my inexperience. But I hate what I ended up putting those people through because I would end up avoiding them for a long while. I just can't handle someone loving me and not loving them back. 
It's gotten to the point that if I notice friends getting exceedingly comfortable around me then I'll distance myself a little.


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## visibleghost (Apr 19, 2017)

depends on what theyre like

i had a guy be really friendly and nice to me but then he said he Liked me and after i was like "oh cool but it's not mutual" he just kept pestering me about it?? it made me really uncomfortable and was very awkward. finally i told him that he was making me uncomfortable and that i wasnt interested in him like that. then he went on a rant about how i had "led him on" lmao and he changed his kik nickname to "my heart is in peieces" .

not long after we had a fight and i told him i dont want to be his friend anymore (partly because of his Confessions of Love but also because he was a manipulative baby who couldnt accept being rejected.)

i dont think romantic interest has to ruin friendships but it can definitely destroy everything. it depends on the people and how they handle it


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## KarlaKGB (Apr 19, 2017)

need someone to express interest in me first xdxd


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## Envy (Apr 19, 2017)

Hm...

Well, the problem is typically the other person and how they handle it. Forming attraction is fine, you can still be friends. There are two scenarios where it is bad (and these usually are combined): Someone tries to befriend you solely because they're attracted to you. In which case, it was never actually a friendship to them. Those never end well. And then of course, the second scenario (which as I noted, usually follows the first) they become bitter when you say you don't like them and make a big deal about it.

I mean... If you really love someone, a friendship is valuable. It can be painful, but if you can't stand being friends with them, you were never in love with them.


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## Cazqui (Apr 19, 2017)

Depends on how the two parties handle it. I'm a very awkward person and I'm very shy naturally so if I actually confess my feelings for someone then it's incredibly difficult for me. I've had crushes before and we decided to stay friends. Some of them I'm still friends with to this day.


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## Malaionus (Apr 20, 2017)

romantic interest??? who's she


i've never been told that someone likes me or the other way around


mostly bc i've never had crushes


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## Biyaya (Apr 20, 2017)

It really depends on the relationship. If a person likes me primarily as a friend, s/he could get over it if I don't return romantic feelings for him/her. If I am primarily a romantic interest, then the friendship will likely fail (eventually, when all hope is lost.. ). Some people hold out longer than others too. It might also have to deal with how close of a friend that person is. You're right; some people become too embarrassed to continue contact like before, and maybe that has a little to do with how they perceive their bond, whether it is well established or easily subject to change.

As a note: I am married now, so people don't pursue me anymore. But to answer your question: Before I got married, if someone confessed or put an obvious move on me and I wasn't interested or didn't want to be the person's significant other, I'd kind of brush it off or apologize and continue talking to the person how I would, pretending it never happened just so the person didn't have to be embarrassed whenever s/he talked to me. Nobody ever brought it up again either.

Now, I'd let the person know that I am married and staying faithful to my husband out of love and commitment, and if a person put a move on me, I'd be very cross about it because that is plainly disrespectful towards not only me but my husband!


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## Licorice (Apr 20, 2017)

I kill it right there because they will eventually bring it up again and things get awkward from that point on.


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## Draoii (Apr 20, 2017)

It's rare that anyone expresses any sort of interest in me but when they do I turn into an emotionally constipated dork.
One time it happened and I ended up accepting their feelings, while I had no romantic interest in them, so we ended up losing contact over me and my idiocy. Looking back at this story, I really was 
an ass. omg young me is the worst


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## brutalitea (Apr 20, 2017)

They usually ruin the friendship on their own because they reveal themselves to be typical Nice GuysTM who get pissy that I won't sleep with them after they were "nice" to me. I read this pretty fantastic post on tumblr the other day that summaries my feelings on this subject


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## AlanRickmanFan27 (Apr 21, 2017)

Tae said:


> They usually ruin the friendship on their own because they reveal themselves to be typical Nice GuysTM who get pissy that I won't sleep with them after they were "nice" to me. I read this pretty fantastic post on tumblr the other day that summaries my feelings on this subject



omg! that happens to me too! act nice but then show their true colors and they are mean and cruel and im like why couldn't u show that before u faked all nice to me! idiots! and im not a whor nether why think i am when im not! u just want one because u think im one but then u get all pissy when i wont sleep with u like i am one!  i know exactly how u feel


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## Bones (Apr 21, 2017)

It really depends on several different things, like.. if we're close friends, then I'll be honest and say that the feeling isn't mutual, ask them if they need some space, and so on.

If we're not really close (especially if we're casual friends and/or just started to befriend each other), then it might make me uncomfortable. I've had a lot of people approach me as potential friends, then display a blatant romantic interest in me (usually amongst various other iffy qualities), which immediately makes me want to drop them like a hot potato.

And in any situation, it also depends on how they react. If somebody was really, truly fine continuing to remain friends with me, then I'd say it was cool. But if they say that, then get all broken up about it (which is a normal reaction), then I'd struggle a bit, since they obviously need some time away from me and idk if they'd ever be able to be my friend. (some people just get in too deep, even to the point of subconsciously resenting the person for not being able to like them back)

But, as a general rule of thumb, I'd say that as long as they're not a creep and are actually *capable* of being friends with me after the fact, then s'all good.

(I also wish that more people thought like me, 'cause I can't tell you how many times I've thought a friend was cute and could picture myself testing the committed-relationship waters with them, only to find out that a friend finding them attractive was apparently the worst thing ever, no exceptions)


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## cIementine (Apr 22, 2017)

it depends how they take it if you don't feel the same. if you can just laugh about it and move on, like what happened with two of my friends, then it'd be fine, but if it creates a rift and a bit of awkwardness (and understandably so), then it would probably ruin a friendship. 
i guess it also depends on closeness.


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## OperaPhantom (Apr 22, 2017)

My short answer is no, but it really depends on the situation. One guy from my high school, who I wasn't really good friends with, but just friendly with him, asked me to be his girlfriend. It made things awkward after I said no, because he kept thinking he could change my mind. It was one of those "I'm friendly to this guy because I'm friendly with everyone, but now he's thinks I was flirting with him and he won't let it go and oh god I'm really regretting showing basic human kindness now can you please just accept my answer of no" situations. It was especially awkward because he was one of the students who was held back a lot, so he was pushing 20 as a senior in high school; I was a 17 year-old junior who was tutoring him in various subjects, and we liked some similar stuff (certain animes, cosplay, interested in criminology and forensics, loved history, etc.). It was even more awkward in senior year, when I started dating my boyfriend, and the guy still thought I would go out with him. 
I guess that was more of a special circumstances thing, and it was his problems that caused the beginning friendship to fizzle.
Other times, I've had no problems. One of my best friends is a girl who wrote and gave me a love poem in the college cafeteria. I'm straight, so I respectfully declined, but she and I became best friends because we have a lot of shared interests. One of my best friends in middle school was a girl who also gave me a love poem (one of Shakespeare's sonnets); I helped her figure out which girls in our school were also LGBTQ+, and helped her. Even though she's moved away, she and I still keep in touch. I just finished proofreading the poem she wrote for the girl she's currently interested in, actually. 
I've only had two guys tell me they like me; the guy I previously mentioned, and my boyfriend. Even after my boyfriend and I broke up once, we remained friends because we understood each other so well (we're now back together again).

So no, I try not to let friendships fizzle because of romantic interest. If the other person doesn't understand, that's their own thing.


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