# Mental Illness



## radical6 (Jul 16, 2015)

sooo im wondering how many ppl here are mentally ill

ive been depressed ever since i was a kid. like im severely depressed. i tried to kill myself when i was 5, and ive been trying a lot ever since then. im almost 15, and its been 10 years of awful experiences in my life. was planning to kill myself on my birthday as an anniversary of the first attempt, but its unlikely ill ever get the supplies to do so. 

being on anti depressants suck. they make you numb. you don't feel anything. but sometimes i do get sad on them. im never happy and im always tired and puking, and or dizzy as well. 

im pretty sure my dad beating me throughout most of my childhood probably had a role in my depression, and my stepfathers sexual abuse probably made it worse. i suspect i have BPD, so im talking to a psych about it tomorrow. doubt she will diagnose me with BPD, but maybe emergent BPD since im underage.

how do you live with your life? (if youre mentally ill)

for me, its hard. i dont feel like i have anything to look forward to. im doing great in school, im working towards jazz band 1 and going down the biotech path for the STEM program at my school. im not a loner either, i have quite a lot of friends.

but i dont feel like i have anything worth living for.

im kind of just... numb to everything. i feel like im drifting by. i sleep most the time. i stay curled up in my bed, usually sobbing or staring at the wall. i no longer find passion in music or writing, its just a chore to me now. i make an effort to talk to my friends (both real life and online) but i find it hard when i have so little energy. but at the same time i want their attention. its just hard.

when im not in a negative down like this, im usually irritated and bitter. im prone to breakdowns and yelling at people over nothing. 

ive been like this since i was a child, and it feels like its never going to end. 

and ive tried a lot of ways to cope. none of them worked. at all. 

*TLDR: *but yeah just wondering what other peoples experiences with mental illness(es) was like


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## peppy villager (Jul 16, 2015)

i have never been diagnosed with anything bc my mom is too embarrassed to get me evaluated and likes to pretend im fine.

but i truly truly believe i have BPD, and if not that then a very strong form of a depression. but because i don't have a diagnosis i can only tell you what my feelings are

like the past 6 years have been hell and in the last 2 years it's gotten so much worse. it's to the point where i don't eat, or eat too much, i sleep constantly but i'm always tired, i have cried like 4 times over god knows what, cut myself tonight over i don't even know. I'm *****y and rude and angry towards everyone. i left public school because i was too depressed to go.. quit my job. nothing is exciting anymore and my body physically hurts from living in the hell that my mind is in.

i just dont know. this is probably really boring and dramatic.

and i DON'T really live my life. it's hard to get me out the house. i just sleep and cry and listen to music and pretend if i just wait long enough things will just magically change. i just want out of this


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## himeki (Jul 16, 2015)

This is actually...a kinda touchy subject for me...so I'd rather not discuss, but I feel you guys!


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## peppy villager (Jul 16, 2015)

MayorEvvie said:


> This is actually...a kinda touchy subject for me...so I'd rather not discuss, but I feel you guys!



that's okay ^^ it's touchy for me with IRL people but telling people online is easier for me, i don't know why.


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## himeki (Jul 16, 2015)

Crunchy said:


> that's okay ^^ it's touchy for me with IRL people but telling people online is easier for me, i don't know why.



Actually, I would agree with that. In real life, I guess it spreads? But whenever It's tell someone online, they always act...different around me as if I was a freak...


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## Mahoushoujo (Jul 16, 2015)

im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk


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## peppy villager (Jul 16, 2015)

MayorEvvie said:


> Actually, I would agree with that. In real life, I guess it spreads? But whenever It's tell someone online, they always act...different around me as if I was a freak...



I know what you mean. It's like you tell someone you're depressed and they act as if they can't talk about anything around you anymore. Or like you're a crazy person who is dangerous

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Mahoushoujo said:


> im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk



it's so messed up how parents do that. i remember i researched for so long how to tell your parents you're depressed and everything said "your parents want you to be happy so just tell them so they can help you!!" and i truly believed it and then i told my mom and she clearly did not want to help me, and it just broke my heart

i'm so sorry youre going through all that youre amazing


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## himeki (Jul 16, 2015)

Mahoushoujo said:


> im not diagnosed either because my mom either thinks its a phase or if i do go to the doctors theyll give me tons of medicines, but anyway i think i do have depression n anxiety right now because this past year was horrible and just a lot of times ive tried to kms so idk


Oh no! You should just go anyway without your mom  Good Luck!

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I would agree with you two. For any condition, most people think its just a phase...My mom and dad seem to have this obsession over forcing me to walk everywhere near where I live because it will "make me feel better". No. I have a ton of blisters now, and thicker skin where I would constantly get blisters...


and they obsess over the confessions blog and sometimes think that talking to people is making me worse like wtf?


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## doveling (Jul 16, 2015)

weep. teenage years are the worst, so much stress.
i think i might have anxiety, i always am so negative and overthink stuff alot, like ever since my gran died 2 years ago i've felt lost and not myself.. or maybe its just teenage stage ah.

I'm not depressed though, like every other kid my age, i have bouts of mood swings ahha, never wanted to kill myself or hurt myself before. But its really hard to get through a day without being so worried and scared all the time, it sucks, and i feel for you all with a mental health problem/s, i promise it will get better~


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## Naiad (Jul 16, 2015)

I don't see the world as boring/in a negative way, but I honestly feel myself not wanting to continue on the path that I'm on now. I've lost motivation to continue living, so I have attempted to take my life a few times. (With pills, I'm not fond of knives/sharp objects.) This mostly stems from my abusive household, but I do have Social Anxiety & trouble communicating with others.


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## Jamborenium (Jul 16, 2015)

I'm not getting into details but I have been professionally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, ADD and I have frequent nightmares/night terrors, which makes it hard for me to sleep sometimes.


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## RainbowNotes (Jul 16, 2015)

coming out of depression for the 3rd time in a row but as of how things have gone so far this couple of months might fall back in. other then that i suffer from extreme anxiety along with a few personality disorders that make it hard for me to trust people and a high fear to rejection and social interactions.


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## epona (Jul 16, 2015)

since you were 5?! christ that makes me so sad, i didn't even know what mental illness was when i was that young :-(

i've struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years now. it's probably better classified as EDNOS because i've displayed symptoms/tendencies associated with bulimia as well, but my formal diagnosis was always anorexia
it's been really difficult and i had to move schools a lot because of it, and it's also delayed my entry to college because last year i didn't feel i was well enough mentally to move away for university

it sucks because my parents aren't really believers in mental illness in the sense that they thought if they just forced me to eat it would get rid of the problem, and yes that does eliminate the physical danger of starving yourself but it certainly doesn't do anything for (and most likely worsens) the mental aspect of an eating disorder because that guilt and that self-doubt and the feeling of worthlessness doesn't ever go away

i was an inpatient for a while a few years ago when things were really bad but i relapsed a few months after i left the ward, and i've kind of been up and down ever since
i spent a few months of the past year at a residential treatment center and it was really horrid because i wasn't underweight like the first time so i felt like i didn't have a right to be there. that's a huge issue with eating disorders, you feel like if you're not emaciated you don't deserve to reach out and seek help/treatment

it's just a really horrible thing to have to deal with and i've completely lost my sense of what a grey area is; i either eat like 100 calories max per day or i'll pig out and eat 8594956838595 calories in one sitting, there's never a healthy inbetween for me, and this just resulted in my weight fluctuating a lot and right now i'm probably heavier than i was before any of this started which sucks and really has taken its toll on my self confidence

it took a long time for me to consciously decide to recover because my eating disorder had become such a vital part of my personality/who i was that i wasn't quite sure who i would be if there came a day when i didn't have an eating disorder. i had to remind myself that i am intelligent and kind and worth so much without my eating disorder, and that it doesn't define me in any way. i've kind of acknowledged that now and that this is real and it's something that happened to me and something that i've managed to survive, and i'm actually doing really well right now in terms of taking care of myself and having a healthy attitude towards food which is super super great, i've also joined a gym and i can feel myself getting stronger both mentally and physically AND i've got a job now which means i'm kind of getting my life on track again ahah next step is university for sure though!

honestly it's such a horrible horrible life-destroying illness and i think unfortunately the severity of eating disorders is sometimes undermined because they usually affect the middle-class teenage girl demographic, which of course makes them no less dangerous but a lot of people kind of see them as a fad diet phase that every girl goes through or something. also people aren't educated enough on the fact that eating disorders affect  a lot of men too, so it's really important that that point gets across

tumblr and certain tv shows have kind of romanticised and glamorised eating disorders which is the worst thing ever because for a while i believed i was special and some kind of impossible woodland fairy who by the force of my own will could survive on air and water and black coffee alone, which is the most warped perception to have because in reality i was just really really sick, so the glorification needs to stop because this is a horrible thing, it's taken so many years of my life from me and made me miss out on precious things like family dinners and friend's birthdays and stuff and it's also ruined so many of my relationships and friendships so yeah not very romantic not tragically beautiful not very fun etc

although there's a really strong correlation between eating disorders and depression, luckily i can confidently say i've never been depressed. i've never been suicidal and i always saw a light at the end of the tunnel, be it ever so far away

anyway yeah sorry i blabbered a bit and i'm also not very articulate when it comes to talking about this so this post probably makes very little sense but anyway yeah

i wish you all all the best in your struggles and recovery, mental illness is a horrible horrible thing and it is nearly impossible to pull yourself out of it but i promise you it is worth it in the end! i'm still getting there with baby steps but you just gotta keep picking yourself back up every time you fall down


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## Dinosaurz (Jul 16, 2015)

I cope by finding a interest, look forward to something. Plan out a holiday. Just anything, a new game, whatever. And then I focus on getting that and don't look to the past.


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## Aestivate (Jul 16, 2015)

I'm not going to contribute anything to this thread but I think a lot, and with a lot I mean a lot, of people here on BTF have some form of psychological problems looking at the constantly new threads about these subjects which kinda worries me.


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## Beardo (Jul 16, 2015)

Not sure it my depression and anxiety are like a teenage angst thing and will eventually go away, but who knows. They make me nervous and miserable either way.


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## honeymoo (Jul 16, 2015)

I have bulimia nervosa as well as anorexic behaviour (can't be diagnosed with anorexia because there's a bmi thing). I don't like to talk about it, it's a struggle and it sucks but I'm making it through and getting better each day. Some days are bad and some are good.


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## natakazam (Jul 16, 2015)

I struggled with a lot of depression and anxiety related issues as a child, but my 21-year-old boyfriend was diagnosed with brain cancer in February of this year. I no longer care about my well being, I'm reckless, and sometimes I hope it gets to me. But I try to keep it together for him, at least. It's just all very hard. I was on anti depressants but I quit them because they don't help me right now.


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## iamnothyper (Jul 16, 2015)

5? really? at that age I don't think I even understood the concept of suicide or depression. I was just a happy-go-lucky brat.

given the amount of abuse from such a young age i think your current mental state is to be expected? i don't think you are in a situation to "cope" i think you need professional help. this is depression, yes, but i believe it is also a form of PTSD. if you truly want to get better i think this is something you cannot solve by yourself. the first step to recovery is accepting you have a problem and accepting help, but so many of us who live and think like this don't really want help. it's a numbness that we've grown accustomed to through years and depression is a deep dark hole that is practically impossible to get away from. 

i understand where you are coming from when you say living seems to be worthless. i first had that thought in 8th grade and when i asked my parents what the point of life was their response was "well, if you really didn't want to live why are you not trying to kill yourself?" and as the years went by it kinda just solidified my opinion that this world was **** D; and yet i'm still here. you kinda just gotta try and ignore it for as long as you can. don't think about it, fill your life with other things. idk.

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Aestivate said:


> I'm not going to contribute anything to this thread but I think a lot, and with a lot I mean a lot, of people here on BTF have some form of psychological problems looking at the constantly new threads about these subjects which kinda worries me.



but that's the reality of things in the world right now. the youth of today is ****ed up in so many ways we don't know what to do with ourselves. but these threads may not be entirely a bad thing, it may be a buffer to something worse.


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## mitzi_crossing (Jul 16, 2015)

I'm so sorry to hear about some your guys' stories, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.

I don't have BPD but I do have my fair share of mental illnesses. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from physical abuse in past. I suffer from nightmares, anxiety, social anxiety, depression, self harm and have overcome my battle with bulimia that turned into a binge eating disorder (though that it still one of my biggest struggles)

My parents think I'm just a lazy teenager. I think my mom knows I'm depressed but she doesn't quite get the definition of it, she just thinks I'm down, when it's more than that. I'm not suicidal but I have wondered before if it'd be better to not be around. I pretty much have nobody. I broke up with my last boyfriend (for unrelated reasons regarding this) and he was one of the only people who _somewhat_ understood. My bestest friends recently moved and all my other friends were from school, since being out of school those friendships dissolved. So I am quite literally alone.

I've been out of school for several months now and I can't find a job. I don't live, I just..sit here. Eat, sleep, cry and thats basically it. I don't really go out anymore. I have a short list of things that still manage to make me smile and laugh.

Anyways, didn't mean for this to sound like a sob story. Just thought I'd share my part. If any of you need someone to talk to I'm always here. It's nice being in a community where you know you aren't alone for once.


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## Aestivate (Jul 16, 2015)

iamnothyper said:


> but that's the reality of things in the world right now. the youth of today is ****ed up in so many ways we don't know what to do with ourselves. but these threads may not be entirely a bad thing, it may be a buffer to something worse.



I don't think those threads are bad per se but if it they try to replace a serious needed conversation with a professional with a thread on BTF then I really do. Also, I think it's mainly the way the society is built up these days, socially totally different then it was in the past, which makes people get these psychological problems with the needed behaviour besides it. But yeah, the government isn't going to pay attention to that. No, things that don't have anything to do with humans (and that's honestly why we even have a government) will mainly get all the attention. At least that's how it's in my country. A good euthanasia law? A good family care system? we probably need to wait until the society goes totally bad before something like that will be on the agenda to discuss.


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## gpiggy2 (Jul 16, 2015)

I haven't been officially diagnosed but after about 5 years of symptoms I think I may have some variation of depression/bipolar maybe :/ But it's really hard to tell as I'm a fairly emotional person anyway so...Things are getting better now though  It's just sustaining the positivity that is hard sometimes.


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## Stalfos (Jul 16, 2015)

I feel for you. I've been severely depressed since the age of 10. Just wish I'd gotten help sooner and didn't have to throw away so many years of my life on this disease. Nowadays I'm better and manage to cope with it. Although, some days are not so good. I'm lucky to have my girlfriend on such days. <3


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## nami26 (Jul 16, 2015)

im not diagnosed with anything but i was depressed for a few years starting when i was 10 and now im 14 and it stopped when i was 12 or so. i planned to kill myself when i was 11 by jumping off a Bridge into a river inmy town but my sisiter found out and my mom talked to me about it. i took some medicine,  and talked to a counselor and i was fine. i am so different now i would never think of doing anything like that again. so yeah, just had to put that out there.


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## Nuclear Bingo (Jul 16, 2015)

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 9. Then I was diagnosed with "moderate to severe" OCD when I was 15. I take 120 mg of Cymbalta daily. I'm thankful for parents who have put up with damn near everything that comes along with OCD and Depression through the years and I'm lucky to have prescription medication.


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## Mahoushoujo (Jul 16, 2015)

Crunchy said:


> it's so messed up how parents do that. i remember i researched for so long how to tell your parents you're depressed and everything said "your parents want you to be happy so just tell them so they can help you!!" and i truly believed it and then i told my mom and she clearly did not want to help me, and it just broke my heart
> 
> i'm so sorry youre going through all that youre amazing



thank you both! i know its just frusturating because theyve (my parents) seen me hurt myself with their eyes and they think just talking about it once will make it all better, when its obv not and like after a few days i go back to hurting myself lmao.. also for a while i was questioning if i have bpd too :// just because ive researched a bit abt it and i just have rlly similar symptoms to bpd ( if that makes sense idk if i worded it right)


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## ams (Jul 16, 2015)

There is unfortunately a strong history of mental illness in my family. I first experienced depression when I was about 6 and I lost my mom. It resurfaced at around 12 and became extremely severe when I was 17 (i.e. beginning to plan/collect supplies for suicide attempts). It kind of just got progressively worse over the course of university, but I managed to graduate. However during my final exams in my last year of university my sister died and I just hit a breaking point. So basically I've taken the last year off school (was supposed to start my second degree last fall) by taking a medical leave for depression. I think that my depression stems partly from genetics and partly from the stress of growing up in a household where there was a lot of hard drug use going on around me.

Anyways, Justice I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I also struggle with feeling like I don't have anything to live for and have slowly quit all the activities I used to be passionate about. I completely relate to the feeling of losing the things that used to fulfil me to depression which makes them feel like a chore.

My experience with medication, however, has been ok. For me getting to the right dose of medication helped me to be capable of experiencing happiness doing the activities that had become a chore. It has also almost completely taken away my random sobbing fits that I used to have to leave class for all the time and would keep me up all night. I'm certainly not a doctor, but if you feel like the medication isn't helping you definitely talk to your doctor. I convinced my reluctant psychiatrist to help me change meds/doses (although he seemed to think I was doing better) and I finally began to get somewhat workable results.

The best advice I can give you is that at only 15, there is so much of life that you haven't experienced. So many great things that you couldn't even imagine right now. My first remission of symptoms was when I was about 18 and it was a result of a few things happening in my life that I never thought would be possible. I try to tell myself this all the time. I'm still young (though quite a bit older than you) and it would be so naive of me to think that I've experienced all there is (although my depression seems to tell me all the time that there's nothing else worth doing). Lately I've been handling suicidal thoughts with essentially postponing them. Saying "ok I'm going to do another year of school first and then reevaluate". It's helpful because sometimes in the interim there is time for things to get better. I also find that things like volunteering really help me. Helping others can be a great way to help yourself.

Anyways sorry for the rambles, but as others have said I'm also always here if anyone needs someone to talk to.


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## eggs (Jul 16, 2015)

i've been diagnosed with major depression since i was 12. it was/is a really hard battle and eventually i just gave up, especially when my parents went through a terrible divorce in 9th grade (they ended up getting back together a few months later) and i tried committing suicide maybe half a year ago (i am now 17 going on 18). it landed me in a hospital and now i'm medicated up my a**, as my mother put it. during that hospital visit, i was also diagnosed with anxiety. great.

i think i may have bpd too, but i'm really afraid of what my parents will say/do if i get diagnosed or talk to my psychiatrist about it, so i'll put it on the back burner for a while. i'm like the teenage anti-christ to my parents: i'm gay, trans, disabled, and expensive to take care of.

i don't know if you're still reading these, justice, but if you are, we've talked a few times in the past and i'd love to PM/talk to you privately sometime. you have strong opinions and i think you're one of the coolest people on this site. you deserve to be happy and i'm sorry things are so hard for you.


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## Mango (Jul 16, 2015)

my mom kinda mentally abuses me so i probably have really bad depression and a mood disorder


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## Llust (Jul 16, 2015)

im sorry for what you're going through. ive been depressed since during fifth grade for reasons, but didn't actually become aware of it until seventh grade. long story short, i went from a ton of friends with the same interests as myself (anime, gaming, books, etc) but now im alone with no social like, no legit friends in real life or on the internet anymore, just alone every day watching anime in the summer. i dont mind anymore (sort of), i actually find it pretty relaxing to not worry about planning skype calls with people or having to reply to messages all the time. so far since the school year ended, i haven't had any major break downs unlike last year, so i guess im getting better..but im convinced that all im doing is ignoring the depression bc lately every night, i havent been able to sleep at all bc the depressing thoughts i use to have are coming back little by little. i solved that problem by just keeping my phone and earbuds with me every night to listen to music when i need to in order to shut it out, but thats just a temporary solution. i have a feeling it'll come crashing down on me once the school year starts, i'd have to worrying about my social anxiety, grades, etc. but..thats not for a month or two anyways. because of this all and other issues, i deal with severe depression, insomnia, social anxiety, and mood disorders. about you though--this probably sounds really cliche but i hope everything works out for you


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## kitanii (Jul 16, 2015)

My parents made me go to a psychiatrist when I was 15-ish. Been on antidepressants off and on for those 5 years since. I just take life one day at a time. Some days are easier than others.

Probably will stop taking antidepressants when my current refill is finished because I no longer have insurance.


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## biibii (Jul 16, 2015)

rip the following post:
i was homeschooled up until i was 13 (im 14) bc i suffer from schizophrenia (its been treated and i hardly ever hallucinate now, and at this point its almost nonexistent) but because of it, i used to have these cases where id just flail and just bite myself where i could and my parents would have to hold me down and soothe me but it usually took quite a bit of time before i did. (this hasnt stopped, even though the biting has, theres been other forms of self harm) and i was unsafe to be around other children?? so anyway i think i might have a bit of an anxiety issue as well bc this last year was my first ever year in a public high schools and i met this wonderful girl and i liked her and my parents found out and they just isolated themselves from the "lesbian disgrace" in the family, they switched my entire schedule (and almost school) so that i would never interact with her. they stripped me from my phone, and took me out of dance classes and it just makes me break down in dry sobs almost daily. just recently in may was my 3rd attempt. i took a buuuuuuuunnnnch of tylenol and regretted it immediately and went and vomited most of it and still took a really long nap (18+ hours). i used to cope with ballet and drinking a lot of tea and crying but now i almost hardly ever have a physical tear come out?? even then that didnt help all that much and i still pulled stunts (pills and a hanging attempt)  i just cant feel anything anymore sigh


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## inkling (Jul 16, 2015)

Edit: I usually remove sensitive/personal poats after a day or two. Sorry.


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## Sanxithe (Jul 16, 2015)

I have Major Depressive Disorder, had two suicide attempts this year. I would self harm a lot and starve for days whenever I was depressed but I never actually tried suicide cuz I told myself things would get better. I had to do it the first time to get to the hospital because my parents didn't believe I was depressed even though I always came home from school crying and my world was really falling apart. Now I'm on antidepressants and have to repeat my year in school. My medicine helps me.. And thankfully so far there has been only one side effect: horrible trembling. And it's kind of a big deal for me because I loved to build houses of cards and now I can't even do the second level. Also I like drawing very much and I am a perfectionist when it comes to my artworks. Now I can't draw a perfect straight line without erasing and trying again 10 times.I used to be on fluoxetine 20 which did nothing but gave me pains and stress. It's stupid. The doctor says "these are anti-depressants. But in some young people they have suicidal thoughts". Seriously. Who the hell thought this was helpful? Now I'm on Zoloff 75 and I've been at least okay 30% of the time.

Guilt is a huge part of my depression and it doesn't help that I'm extremely intelligent and I can get good grades without studying because I don't deserve this high IQ when I don't value my life and make use of it to help people which ultimately makes me undeserving of my life. I have nightmares every night and take 2 hours to get out of bed due to the stress it gives me. I go to school and have panic attacks in class so I sit outside so as not to disturb my friends but it made my life feel so blank because I was just going to school and sitting outside class alone everyday. My mom never lets me skip school without MC..

One of my fears because of my depression is the mental ward stays. Every time you have a failed suicide attempt you have to go there and whenever I feel my life is falling apart I get so scared my parents will notice my misery and send me back to the hospital. I hate going there because it costs my parents money and my mom time. Also it has no privacy in there and I'm uncomfortable with the nurses. Some schizophrenia people are really really dangerous and scary and I feel like if I go into one of my panic modes they might restrain me so I only cry in the toilets where no one can hear me.. It's also hard to sleep at night with people screaming their heads off... So every time I feel down the thought of the hospital gets me so scared that I want to die even more so that I don't go there. The plus side of hospital stays are that the food is better than school and you can meet people with your same problem... Especially people my age. It's great to have someone who can understand you... But in a mental ward here it's 30% elderly who can't talk, 30% schizos who only talk to themselves or scream at you, 30% middle aged who are ok except some don't speak english, and 10% youths. Whenever I get in I always pray that there'd be one or two under-20 people to befriend.

My girlfriend dumped me after the first time I got admitted. She didn't visit me at all or answer my messages while I was in. She thinks she's the cause of my depression but really I just get more depressed when I don't have her..

Anyways I'm staying at home for the rest of the year. Hope next year I can adjust back to school well...


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## Gregriii (Jul 16, 2015)

I'm sorry for all you I wish I could help ;-;, but at the end, life is life, and things happen for a reason, I guess


My life is full of problems, and I always think "positive" I laugh at my faults and I see my own problems with a sarcasting tone, no matter what. I hate crying or being in a bad mood. I know humans can't ignore our own emotions. We have limited time to live, and we can't spend our time being sad, because I swear that the reason that is making you sad today will be gone. Maybe in a week, maybe in a month, maybe in two years, but It will disappear, and you will have spent a precious time for nothing. Yeah, I know that I may seem somebody  that is dumb and happy, but I'm not happy. I'm just living. (I swear it makes kinda sense) 

Sorry if somebody gets offended for the words or something, I would like to write more and correct some things but It's really hard since English is not my best subject, haha.

Oh yeah, I forgot, I have ADHD and Tea


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## biibii (Jul 17, 2015)

Gregriii said:


> I'm sorry for all you I wish I could help ;-;, but at the end, life is life, and things happen for a reason, I guess
> 
> 
> My life is full of problems, and I always think "positive" I laugh at my faults and I see my own problems with a sarcasting tone, no matter what. I hate crying or being in a bad mood. I know humans can't ignore our own emotions. We have limited time to live, and we can't spend our time being sad, because I swear that the reason that is making you sad today will be gone. Maybe in a week, maybe in a month, maybe in two years, but It will disappear, and you will have spent a precious time for nothing. Yeah, I know that I may seem somebody  that is dumb and happy, but I'm not happy. I'm just living. (I swear it makes kinda sense)
> ...



my younger cousin is adhd and i can tell its like living hell because he irritates his mother and she treats him terribly


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## shannenenen (Jul 17, 2015)

I've been plagued by different mental illnesses and other behavioral problems since I was a kid. When I was in elementary school, I had extreme anger issues as well as being highly sensitive, and I was 7 during my first visit to my counselor. I've been seeing him on and off for the past 10 years.

When I was 13, he diagnosed me with moderate-to-severe depression (I'm 17 now); I was diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder about two years later. The depression is genetic but I have no idea where the anxiety came from, though I know that it often comes hand in hand with depression. I SHed for about two years and was suicidal for about 6 months- no attempts but plans were made. I've been in a state of recovery for about 10 months, and I'm 7 months clean of self harm.

I'll be honest: my life has been easier than others on here. The worst treatment I've experienced at the hand of others is verbal and emotional abuse, but I may have perceived it that way because of how sensitive I am. I may have been gaslighted, though. I don't know anymore. But my mom and my friends have always been really supportive and kind and I was diagnosed and got help before it got past the point of no return. My medication really helps. Some people say that their meds make them feel numb, and that's not what they're supposed to do- if you feel that way, you may need to look into another medication. My personal experience with medication is that it helps me to feel more stable and mellow and keeps me from making any rash decisions.

My number one piece of advice is that whatever it is you're feeling, it's valid. I've had people tell me that my experience isn't legitimate because it isn't as severe as theirs/others. But that's not true. My experience as well as yours is valid and legitimate and real. If you're feeling it, then you're feeling it and that's okay. And you can always look for help and find it in unexpected places.


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## Ghost Soda (Jul 17, 2015)

diagnosed, i have add and ocd.

and undiagnosed i'm 99% sure i have some kind of anxiety disorder, either general anxiety disorder or panic disorder, since i have panic attacks often irregularly.


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## hzl (Jul 18, 2015)

I was diagnosed with major depression like 5 yrs ago and since then have been diagnosed with chronic depression and I have to take antidepressants pretty much errrry day.
Depression and anxiety are extremely common to be honest but is still a taboo subject which p-sses me off to no end. Talking is the best thing we can do


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## KaydeeKrunk (Jul 18, 2015)

The only "confirmed" mental illnesses I have are Depression, Borderline Personality, and ADHD. But due to my medical anxiety I can't have the other things I've got wrong with me to be "confirmed." I also have, like stated, medical anxiety, hypochondria, social anxiety, anxiety about SO MANY OTHER THINGS, I am pretty sure since I was 15 when I got diagnosed the H fell off my ADHD because I have calmed down a lot, but the ADD symptoms still persist. I have slight OCD towards certain things. Basically I have a bunch of everything, it's great! Hahaha..ha...ha..he..


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## kassie (Jul 18, 2015)

[removed]


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## ThomasNLD (Jul 18, 2015)

My diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder came when I was around 18 I think, later Borderline was added to the diagnosis.
I started new meds like a month ago, but I`m already bringing back the dose to go on the meds I started out with a long time ago. I`ve had many meds in the meantime, with variable results. They all had in common that they didn`t work and had horrid side effects. Halperidol was so bad I was running laps through my livingroom and went cycling at midnight to get rid of the unrest in my body. I had to go to the emergency post to get medication to counter it (I freaked out a lot of people by constantly walking from left to right in the waiting room, lol).

Anyways, I go back to Paroxetine, which also had very bad side effects, but it has become a choice between evils, so I have to choose to lesser evil. 

I`m enrolled for a new treatment starting in october, taking 9 months, three days a week/8 hours a day. 
In honesty, I`ve seen way more doctors and medicine types then I thought I could stomach, but my current doctor is making it worthwhile. So it sucks I got to stop seeing him for nine months, since it would interfere with the other treatment. I`m really going to miss him.


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## hzl (Jul 20, 2015)

hzl said:


> I was diagnosed with major depression like 5 yrs ago and since then have been diagnosed with chronic depression and I have to take antidepressants pretty much errrry day.
> Depression and anxiety are extremely common to be honest but is still a taboo subject which p-sses me off to no end. Talking is the best thing we can do



The best way I can describe depression is with this quote 'Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all.'

It sucks but you guys remember you're all awesome and our illnesses should never define who we are as people x


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## okaimii (Jul 20, 2015)

Well...

I was diagnosed with major/clinical depression and anxiety last year. I've had it before then too. I remember my mom taking me to the doctor because I "wasn't right". She said she hated how I was acting. But when I went to the doctor, they just said it was stress. I told them that I felt helpless and had no motivation for anything anymore but I hid the fact that I was having thoughts of suicide. At that time I was really angry because I just felt really, really alone and unwanted in the world. Everyday I would wake up and hate how I was still living. I was disgusted in the world and the people around me and I was also disgusted in myself. Around August of last year, something happened (I don't want to share exactly what) and I grew even more sad. I've had thoughts of suicide before but it was becoming an everyday thing. I dreamt of ways to kill/hurt myself such as overdosing on my mom's pills and other graphic things. I also grew more angry towards people because no one seemed to catch on to my pain. No one seemed to care. Eventually I grew tired of feeling this way and told my school counselor (who I'm quite comfortable with) everything that I was feeling and thinking. And since I also told him about my suicidal thoughts, I was sent to a mental hospital and spent a week there. It ****ing sucked. It didn't even help and was just a waste of my time. When I got out, my mom acted like nothing happened. She still never does. She never wants to talk about it. I feel like she's almost ashamed of me and it kinda hurts. While things are a bit better than before, I still have thoughts of suicide and I self-harm occasionally. I have a lot of anger in me.

A lot of people think you have to look forward to something big. A person, a hobby, a pet, etc... But that isn't always the case. At least, it isn't in mine. I don't have anything extravagant to look forward to in my life but... For the rare moments that I feel free, happy, accomplished, proud... that's enough for me. I'm unsatisfied with myself right now but I do think about what I can become, as cheesy as that sounds, haha.


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## Zanessa (Jul 20, 2015)

Major depression and anxiety. It's a fun life wanting to kill myself but being too afraid to do it. 

Have had this since I was 6. I'm 17 now. Only got help this year after throwing it at my parents and the school finding out. Even then, my current therapist has only given me more reasons to end it so :/


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## ThomasNLD (Jul 20, 2015)

ZanessaGaily said:


> Major depression and anxiety. It's a fun life wanting to kill myself but being too afraid to do it.
> 
> Have had this since I was 6. I'm 17 now. Only got help this year after throwing it at my parents and the school finding out. Even then, my current therapist has only given me more reasons to end it so :/



Its a feeling I can definetly relate to. I can`t say everything is going to get magically better, because thats just not how it works. What I can say is that us humans have amazing ways to use time and acquired methods (through life experience, therapy for example) to forge a better way of dealing with what is in essence the exact same feeling that hurted you more before. 

If you`ve just started therapy I hope you will give it a real chance, if not with this therapist, then maybe with someone who you connect with better. I remember starting with therapy over 15 years ago (holy crap, its been 15 years), I was very hesitant and pushed him away, but he really came through for me. Though I might not be much happier, I have a lot bigger understanding how everything works and that gives me rest. It gives you the opportunity to manouvre yourself around it, not getting hit anymore by the full impact of negative feelings and thoughts.

I hope you`ll feel better.


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## yoshiskye1 (Jul 21, 2015)

Sorry. I prefer not to keep personal posts up for long. I just need to get it off my chest nd if I leave it too long it seems attention seeking to me and I don't want attention bought so certain things.
To anybody who is suffering, I wish you the best
Stay safe and keep living ^_^


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## Mayor London (Jul 21, 2015)

Social Anxiety, depression, anorexia nervosa, homosexual. My life's a ****hole. Tried drowning myself.


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## eggs (Jul 21, 2015)

yoshiskye1 said:


> -snip-



god, that's terrible. i completely understand how it feels to have unsupportive parents.
i don't have anorexia nervosa myself, but my friend does and support is essential. i hope this year is nice and fast for you so you can get the help you need.
remember that it's okay if you don't make the same grades as your brother. you're WAY above average and you've gotten scholarships because of your intelligence! that in itself is damn amazing! besides, you're you and your brother is a completely different person.
you stay safe too! (also, good luck on finding your dreamies. ;o you seem to have quite a few!)


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## yoshiskye1 (Jul 22, 2015)

eggs said:


> god, that's terrible. i completely understand how it feels to have unsupportive parents.
> i don't have anorexia nervosa myself, but my friend does and support is essential. i hope this year is nice and fast for you so you can get the help you need.
> remember that it's okay if you don't make the same grades as your brother. you're WAY above average and you've gotten scholarships because of your intelligence! that in itself is damn amazing! besides, you're you and your brother is a completely different person.
> you stay safe too! (also, good luck on finding your dreamies. ;o you seem to have quite a few!)



Thanks for your reply and support. It's genuinely appreciated x trust me, my priority is to get the help I need as soon as possible. After all, venting changes very little xx Have a great day!


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## Akimari (Jul 22, 2015)

Wait, so is this an excuse to talk about my struggles with mental illnesses without worrying too much about being judged or called attention seeking? I'm all for it. Regardless though I really do wanna clarify that I don't want a pity party or anything like that, I just wanna let it out. 

Depression was my first experience with a mental illness, and it was something I experienced extremely early on in life. 3rd grade early. I'll never know why, but the peers in my small Catholic school that I went to loathed me. Maybe it was cuz I moved in the year before and maybe it was because I was just a freak, but it completely scarred me. Those young years were the years that I should've been learning how to make friends, socialize properly, get out with people, everything. But nah, instead I was bullied constantly from 3rd grade, 4th grade, and 5th grade. It was after 5th grade that I begged my mom to let me change schools. I had gotten a death threat in my locker from someone in the 3rd grade. My gym teacher noticed how bad the bullying was (I either NEVER had a partner in gym or always had a guy partner because the guys were at an uneven number) and called out my entire class on it. I remember going to a sleepover and I called my mom at midnight because the girls there kept making fun of me. Fifth grade, I kept trying to sit with the closest people I could call "friends" and they all moved tables away from me. Constantly. I could go on and on, but needless to say it wrecked me mentally. I didn't know how to interact with people, I was secluded to the internet, not to mention that I had self-harmed in some way or another for the first time in the 5th grade, and also seriously considering dieting. Whatever, that's where my depression stemmed.

Come middle school, things are better. Sort of. Then 2010 hits (still in the 6th grade at the time) and my family is getting ready to lose our house, my mom's hooked on pain meds, I'm cutting myself, and the school knows about me cutting and makes fun of me for it. Man, I remember in my English class we were looking at magazine pictures and one was of this really ugly monster thing. Some guy looked at me and said "Hey, doesn't this look like Lexi?" and a girl next to him replied "Oh yeah, it does!" I mean, okay, I get it, I'm ugly as hell, thanks for reminding me. Plus a huge screwup that made the school think I liked this popular butt-chin ugly douchebag made them all hate me. Let all that pile on to the low self-esteem, depression, and then a mix of anxiety coming in.

7th grade, fell in "love", dated the dude, he dumps me because his friends made fun of him for dating me, rest in complete pieces any last shreds of my self-esteem, pretty much go into a deep depression for a while. 8th grade, fall in "love" again, person is in love with this girl who is PERFECT. I'm still jealous of her. I still cry when I see her pictures cuz of how perfect she is. So stupid me decides the best thing to do in that kind of situation where I'm pathetic and ugly and undesirable to anyone is to make myself desirable. So, I start purging. 

And thus I piled onto myself an eating disorder that caused me a mental breakdown earlier today. Not to mention that during the summer of 8th grade, I developed insomnia as a side-effect of my lack of eating, (and purging, it's like an anorexia/bulimia mix) took my brother's pills to stop myself from eating, cut myself some more, and even attempted suicide a few weeks into high school. 

I think, as of right now, my eating disorder is what's pushing me back the most. Depression and anxiety too, but holy mother of god I would never wish an eating disorder on my worst enemy. Not even those absolutely worthless sacks of crap that bullied me throughout my primary school years. I started taking my brother's pills again (in secret, at first, then I convinced my mom to let me take some of them but now she won't let me anymore. They basically enhanced my motivation, ability to focus, and ability to not eat) a few months ago so that I could stop feeling so dragged down by my depression and so I could combat my binging that began happening as a result of me starving and purging so much. Even now, I still want them. If I could get a hold of them and take another, I would. So now I'm left wondering if the next thing to be added to my list of mental disorders is going to be medication addiction.

Seriously though, my eating disorder has ruined me. I mean, okay, it made me thinner. I went from 115lbs down to around 90-95lbs. I'm 5'2". My face and body and legs are noticeably thinner than how I was in middle school. But I can't enjoy a proper meal anymore. The foods and snacks I used to love are now foods that I can't eat without wanting to throw them right back up. I can't even eat a small dessert anymore without immense guilt overtaking me, and if guilt doesn't overtake me, then the physical feeling of illness and fullness comes in my stomach and up my throat. I love being thin, I love feeling even just a tiny bit pretty, but I also loved being able to eat a god damn meal without worrying about calories or gaining weight.  

Honestly, I keep thinking of suicide more often than I should be. I'm on a huge restrictive schedule with food cuz of my eating disorder. I'm not allowed to eat alone. Any food that I eat, even something like a small box of blueberries, has to be eaten right in front of my mom or dad and then I have to stay with them for an hour afterwards. All the bathrooms are locked. I can't have my own garbage can anymore. I'm not allowed to eat after 10pm. I have to ask to use the restroom. And honestly, they mean well, I know, but this type of utter restriction is driving me insane mentally. It's 4am and my stomach is growling and I'm starving and I'm not allowed to eat. And if I screw up even once, there's that fear that I'll get threatened to be sent away to a program that's over an hour away for six hours a day for treatment. Maybe I need it, I don't know. I don't care. I don't think I can do this anymore and I don't know how much longer my mind can take everything and anything. 

Mental illnesses are hell and they will ruin your life until you can't even remember what kind of person you used to be before the illness, or if the person you are now is who you were meant to be all along.


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## ThomasNLD (Jul 22, 2015)

Akimari said:


> snip



I used to work for an organisation with specialised in helping people with eating disorders, two people who had an eating disorder guided me when I was a student for peer worker. I heard a lot of personal stories from people with eating disorders and the long and hard road to recovery they had to go through. Even after that, it still remained a part of them. 

As someone who was bullied myself for over 7 years, I can empathize with that emotional experience. Long after letting go of the actual bullying events, I still suffer from the effects it has had on my development into adulthood. My mental illness came to light about 17 years ago I think, its hard to remember because it became one long tedious road of trying to recover.

Like you experience in a more strict form, my life as well is under surveillance. Like you I`m aware that it is with good intent that these people keep close tabs on my life, but it doesn`t make it easier to deal with. Its important to both teenagers blossoming into adulthood as well as adults themselves to feel in control of your own life. Its hard when part of that is taking out of your hands, even when it is your best interest.

I don`t feel in a position right now to tell you that everything will get better. Not just because I`m in no position to say that about your life, not just because such words seem meaningless when your in a very hard spot in life, but simply because I myself right now am in some sort of relapse. 

However, I know from experience that the things that can break you, can make you as well. Its difficult to get reacquainted with yourself after mental problems have stampeded through your life as a bunch of elefants in a porselainshop, but it is possible. It is possible to let go of the past and find acceptance in the person you have become, a person who might have lost some personality traits you cherished, but have gained strength through hardships. 

I really hope you get to this point. A famous Dutch cyclist (Leontien van Moorsel), suffered from an eating disorder, she came out with it and after doing a lot of volunteer work in this area, she started a house where people with eating disorders can meet and learn from eachother, support eachother and find a safe environment to be themselves. Such inspirational figures can feel far away, but they can also inspire to keep working hard to bounce back. Because they do show its possible. 

If you ever feel a need to vent and wonder what would be a safe place for it, feel free to wirte it in a pm towards me. I might lack the words of wisdom to add anything meaningful for your recovery, but I`ll never lack acceptance and good will to lend an ear. In my experience atleast being accepted and seen for who you are, was a major contribution to getting back to a more meaningful and autonomous life.


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## pillow bunny (Jul 22, 2015)

Spoiler



Is there an eating disorder where you literally can't stop eating? I eat WAY too much junk food, like probably 5000+ calories on some days (no, that is not an exaggeration). I tried to eat under 2000 calories a few days ago but I just couldn't do it. I spend so much time just being like "okay, I'm going to only eat a few chips and then do my homework" but then I end up just sitting there eating the entire bag and not doing any of my homework. I'm 94 lbs iirc so I'm not obese yet but I don't want to die of a heart attack/diabetes/whatever


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## hemming1996 (Jul 22, 2015)

pillow bunny said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Is there an eating disorder where you literally can't stop eating? I eat WAY too much junk food, like probably 5000+ calories on some days (no, that is not an exaggeration). I tried to eat under 2000 calories a few days ago but I just couldn't do it. I spend so much time just being like "okay, I'm going to only eat a few chips and then do my homework" but then I end up just sitting there eating the entire bag and not doing any of my homework. I'm 94 lbs iirc so I'm not obese yet but I don't want to die of a heart attack/diabetes/whatever



Do you not throw them up? I think it's really strange you eat that much and have a low weight.
EDIT: Or fast and exercise excessively
That's BED (binge eating disorder). If you cannot control it I think you need to go speak to your doctor


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## p e p p e r (Jul 23, 2015)

pillow bunny said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Is there an eating disorder where you literally can't stop eating? I eat WAY too much junk food, like probably 5000+ calories on some days (no, that is not an exaggeration). I tried to eat under 2000 calories a few days ago but I just couldn't do it. I spend so much time just being like "okay, I'm going to only eat a few chips and then do my homework" but then I end up just sitting there eating the entire bag and not doing any of my homework. I'm 94 lbs iirc so I'm not obese yet but I don't want to die of a heart attack/diabetes/whatever



are you in high school?  I used to eat that amount in high school and always be stick skinny...  but it also could be an issue with your thyroid so maybe you should talk to your doctor


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## natakazam (Jul 23, 2015)

p e p p e r said:


> are you in high school?  I used to eat that amount in high school and always be stick skinny...  but it also could be an issue with your thyroid so maybe you should talk to your doctor



i agree with this. some people just have insanely good metabolisms but if you are like, craving and eating non stop but can't gain weight at all, it could be a thyroid thing. does anything else bother you physically?


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## UmaNation (Jul 23, 2015)

Same here ._.


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## piichinu (Jul 23, 2015)

hemming1996 said:


> Do you not throw them up? I think it's really strange you eat that much and have a low weight.


hmm i just wanted to say that it's pretty common for people having a low weight despite the amount of food they eat (even if they dont exercise). 
but yeah basically what everyone else has said


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## SolaireOfAstora (Jul 23, 2015)

I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Most people only know it as "autism" but I sometimes feel myself lucky that I can write and talk and stuff. I am very high functioning but also suffer from depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed when I was 12, most people said I was behavioral, so I didn't get the attention I needed. That's why I was diagnosed so late. I saw my first psychologist at age 6.
I sometimes feel like I don't deserve what I have, such as 2 published books and an over-80% average in almost every subject. Whenever I tell people I'm autistic, it's one of the two answers "yeah..." or "What!? Really!?" some people figured I had something wrong with me because of all my outbursts and some people only believe it because of my outbursts. Anyways I hope everyone feels better. It's not an easy life, being mentally ill. I hope everyone understands that.


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## DoctorGallifrey (Jul 23, 2015)

I'm not diagnosed with anything unless ADHD counts. I am however going to have a mental health evaluation tomorrow afternoon because depression and other mental illnesses do run in my family, and I want to keep on top with everything considering the family history. I also know Physical & Mental health are equally important.


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## riummi (Jul 24, 2015)

Woah I never thought about it but I might have b.e.d too...I always wondered why I feel the need to eat even when I'm not hungry.  but heck I might just be over reacting hm...


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## Classygirl (Jul 24, 2015)

I am not a dr...just let's say in relation to some of what you said about your childhood experience and from...my own experience around your age have you brought those issues up somewhere safe as in it could be PTSD and not an underlying mental issue...or is that totally seperate from the situation. I am only asking, you need not respond as have seen these things pushed under rug by families causing misdiagnosis of mental issues when it is environmental or historical life reaction and not a problem with that persons born mental capacity..leading to unnecessary stigma and no recognition of those involved in the serious issues at play in the trauma part of it...again don't know your situation exactly. But families blaming and hiding trauma response on a problem with the victim I have seen and is a hot button of mine esp in teenage years with misdiagnosis involved...so just asking.


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## Classygirl (Jul 24, 2015)

I have my own medical based issues..but my fianc?e who is a 22 year old male has severe ADHD and I really would like to understand from someone who has it's perspective what that's like as with my own issues it would be better for us relationship wise if we understood what each was going through but it seems my job to make this effort so I will just ask, as he has a lot of stress with school medical type which can put a lot on him he is obsessive over small assignments and takes on loads of extra work and I can't be as active with my physical stuff but don't know if it is normal for him to just randomly blow up at me, when I can't handle much more stress well, to get suddenly really upset about small things from nowhere, he was supposed to drive me to a dr apt once we were a little late as it takes me time I was trying to get in the car and he drove away I can't run but made it up the road he didn't come back and I had to force walk home as couldn't just sit in neighborhood street to rest. Once blamed me and my house for losing job hours, seems incapable of thinking of someone else's side than his...He is sweet and going I to pediatric nursing for sick children and is good at what he does. He said he has two meds but doesn't like to take the one to calm as makes him tired and I know from medical not my place to comment on that. He also said once randomly that he has issues of bias toward women so it may not be medical it may be his experience with women in which case that's different. But he can turn on a dime and push his stress on me which is hard. When we met he was soo sweet and when eventually as I knew it would I got really sick while he was here as was a lot first 6momths he was very helpful in an awkward situation for me, but he says back then he was on a med that was pushing down his testosterone and hurting his liver and causing...male issues so he stopped taking it and totally changed personality and appearance almost like was just going through that phase of life later than most...then came more aggressive attitude he says that and stress of school and new work is what changed. But during that 6 months of him being calm loving and patient we were engaged and now I feel I don't know him and if we can or should go on...
  I would love to try to understand what he is going through so can match that to what I do to maybe help things but don't know anyone with this issue to ask what it causes or what thier experience is if they can express it...If know about this from a loved one or personal can private message me, really want to understand. And he makes me feel like if I left he would break apart but I need to understand how we could relate better given both our issues mine physical his different than mine under "mental" category although I know it likely effects a lot of things I don't understand. So that I can try from a place of understanding before deciding if it is this issue or just a bad relationship.


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## Wittle_Munchkin (Jul 24, 2015)

Spoiler: Long story, but now feels like a great time to vent. :)



Now's the perfect time to vent about my frustrations with my mental illness. 

I have a learning disability, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, and Anxiety. I struggled with school since as long as I can remember. In the 3rd grade, my school psychologist thought I had ADD, so I was put on medication for the rest of the year. All it did was kill my appetite, give me severe nausea, and make me exhausted at the end of lunchtime during class. My mom didn't take those symptoms as a sign that I didn't have ADD, so she just kept making me try different medications to treat it. She eventually gave up forcing me to take medications by the time I reached 6th grade. 

(Fast forward to puberty)

Literally out of nowhere, I experienced deepest feelings of hatred, confusion, and depression. No, this wasn't the typical "angst/crazy hormone stage" that almost every typical adolescent goes through. It was something completely different... and my gut told me. Whenever I told my mom about how I was feeling, she swept it under the rug and told me it was completely normal and I was just trying to get attention. All it did was make me cry and wonder, "So... if everybody experiences this, why aren't they showing signs of it around me? Why don't they talk about it out loud? Aren't these feelings supposed to be talked about out loud? They should. It's AWFUL. Maybe I'm just weak... maybe I'm not strong enough to handle these feelings... maybe I'm not supposed to handle them... maybe... maybe..."
I tried to get my mom's attention in a positive manner. (There is positive attention and negative attention.) Positive attention didn't work, so I used negative attention out of desperation.
I feel stupid for bringing this up, but I cut myself. A lot. I did everything in my power to make her notice it. I'd purposely show my arms and legs in front of her. I never showed them at school because my friends were already concerned about me and I didn't want to stress them out. 
It didn't work, so I gave up on the cutting and let my mental illnesses control me.

I had outstandingly impressive grades in middle school, but only because I would literally hit myself if I caught myself not paying attention/understanding my homework when I got home. If I looked away from my paper for a couple of minutes and noticed, I would hit/punch myself in the stomach until welts and bruises made my body their home. If I didn't understand a problem on the paper, I would pull pieces of my hair out. If I needed to use an eraser, I bit the inside of my lip until it bled. If the results on my calculator didn't match my answers, I wanted to kill myself. I needed to feel perfect; to be perfect. What's horrible is that I knew perfection was impossible. I KNEW that perfection wasn't a title I could claim. I thought I was a weirdo. I felt like a dried up worm in a world full of shiny race cars. Weird comparison, but it's true. 
Body image later became a huge issue. I'm a girl, so of course I was bombarded with unhealthy beauty standards from every source imaginable. I ate 5,000+ calories after doing homework as a therapeutic routine I *had* to do and I found out how to throw it all up. I never gained weight. (In fact, I lost a lot of it. Too much.) I threw up after every meal later on.

I don't want to go more into my past because after reading over what I wrote so far, I feel gross. All I'll do is end with a few more statements. 

I still have OCD.
I still have Anxiety. 
I still have Bipolar Disorder.
I still have Bulimia. (It's less severe than before.)
I used to take medication for them all until this year. My psychiatrist doesn't know.
I'm still confused.
I'm still struggling to learn and succeed as fast as everyone else. 
Things have gotten better in my life, but not at all at the same time.
I don't know.
I'm tired. 
I'm sad.
I'm happy though. 
(Blame the Bipolar...)  
Nobody knows it about my illnesses except my family and my psychiatrist.
In fact, everybody I know thinks I'm one of the happiest people ever. 
I know how to cope and shield what I have. I'll fake it till I make it, I guess.


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## JasonBurrows (Jul 24, 2015)

I was diagnosed with autism when I was young and I have actually been leading quite a decent life. I wouldn't say a fantastic one as I find it difficult to understand social situations and general emotions.

I am posting in this topic because I have been worried for quite a long while (although I am calmer now) about something that I keep in my mind. 
The thing that I have been concerned about is this. 

*PLEASE READ CAREFULLY.* (I will assure you this is not shouting)

I am not sure whether I have got a problem that I am likely to regret ignoring or whether it is nothing at all.

I have been experiencing many issues over the last few months to a year. They are "could something be wrong with my health" issues etc.

Read all of the text in bold carefully and just have a think about it if you need before replying.

*I have this issue where I am constantly doing burp-like noises and coughing. I was concerned to whether it is something wrong with me a few months ago, but these days... My Dad has listened to me when I am asleep and the burp-like noises and coughing stop as my active mind is obviously not focused on it and he said the following to me...

"Jason, if you had an illness of any sort, you would be experiencing more symptoms than this AND... An illness DOES NOT go away like your "issues" seem to do when you are asleep. An illness would more often than not KEEP YOU from going to sleep or staying asleep."

I would like to add that I have been for blood tests, check-ups and a stool test and nothing has come up abnormal.
The only thing I have not had is an endoscopy and I have been told that I shouldn't need one as I can swallow and breathe fine.*

*Important: Basically... Just from honest opinion. Do you believe that my Dad is correct?*


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## Yvonnetho (Jul 24, 2015)

Hi. Didn't read the entire thread but just wanted to show support for other mentally ill ppl here. I have borderline personality disorder (bpd) and other comorbid disorders which are difficult to pinpoint. Been in and out of therapy since I was 13 gone back and forth through medications to control my fits of intense anger and delusions. And other **** that comes with having bpd. So yeah. I'm new to this website. But hi fellow mentally ill friends.


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## Geoni (Jul 24, 2015)

I've been diagnosed with severe depression and more recently anxiety, but the latter I feel was a product of doing too much at once and the medication just made me lazy, so a little anxiety is a good thing. Been battling with the severe depression for a while now and I can say with certainty exercising and having a normal sleep schedule helps much more than medication does (but that still helps some). 

Personally my word of advice is to not let any mental illness you've been diagnosed with define you, that's a slippery slope.


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## queertactics (Jul 25, 2015)

OP you need to talk to your psychiatrist and get on new medication, probably a different SSRI!!! your meds shouldn't make you feel numb. Thats a MASSIVE side effect and you like. Need (with a capital "N") to talk to your doctor. 

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 4 years ago, and have been Stable for 2 years. Ive been exhibiting signs of Bipolar II and my psychologist wants me re-diagnosed but my psychiatrist doesn't want to worry about it until I need new meds, so we're at a standoff right now. Its totally Bipolar II tho. 

I also have moderate dyscalculia, mild dyslexia, and ADHD, which were all diagnosed a few months ago. Im 20. Iwas never diagnosed in school because I excelled academically but its totally A Thing. 

but yeah man ive been through the system since I was 10, I totally know how to play these doctors' games. and now that im in college, I have the resources to double check them. (I disproved my psychiatrist re: Bipolar II and treatment on SSRIs vs SNRI s because like. I can collect the latest research and talk to other trained physicians within the psychology department). 

Even if you're a kid, call your psychiatrist out on things. If you dont trust something or if you want a second opinion, tell them. You become The Difficult Patient, but it keeps them on their toes.


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## Dragonqueen0912 (Jul 25, 2015)

I've had depression for a long time as well, but not nearly as long as OP. I remember being little and trying to suffocate myself with bags, or self harm or any of the such. I've pretty much traumatized myself by now though and looking at sharp objects makes me want to throw up I'm not really sure what's up with that

It's gotten a lot better but it's not completely gone, and now I have anxiety too so everything sucks


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## momiji345 (Jul 25, 2015)

I Have disability  short story .I came to Canada when i was young  i did't know why i had to go to special class .I Was never pick on but i had friends that have been there because  they where different . I told my self i was stupid and there no point  of trying ,middle school was ok i had a few friends that help me make the day fly by .Then when high school came  it was the worst .The stuff they where teaching i all ready new .Am bad a math and spelling but life skills like work ,reading ect am fine .In gr 9 i wanted to take s.s in school but the teacher was saying its too hard for me .Sure its hard  if i get a f i don't care at lest i will try to learn and make  friends .Most of high i was in the  special needs class but i did get a few class out i push the teacher to let me get 2 normal class i still didt try hard in school .In years  I did things am not proud of ;(  grd .10 ,11 12 i make only 5 friends that are not my classmates . I never went to prom,I get small depression i some times cry why god me stupid.After hight school i took a long break from school  am not sure if i want to go to school  .I have a job so am very happy ;-) I can treat my self to movies ,yummy food ect  

How i over came stuff .I had few friend to hang out  ,my cousin help me alot , music ,videos games ,love for aquariums/ fish ,reading books fav hobby's,just life its self even if am awark or wired.


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## Albuns (Jul 25, 2015)

justice said:


> sooo im wondering how many ppl here are mentally ill
> 
> ive been depressed ever since i was a kid. like im severely depressed. i tried to kill myself when i was 5, and ive been trying a lot ever since then. im almost 15, and its been 10 years of awful experiences in my life. was planning to kill myself on my birthday as an anniversary of the first attempt, but its unlikely ill ever get the supplies to do so.
> 
> ...



Haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I may have slight depression and for sure suffer from anxiety.

As I got into my first year of high school, I felt myself becoming lazier and more procrastinative in everything I do starting from simple things like cleaning to something I'd do almost on a daily basis like drawing and sketching. Eventually, that laziness turned into mini panic attacks from over-complicating the situation. Aaand then it just spiraled away into crying myself to sleep over something that seems trivial now like an essay or assignment due the next day. I always took it for pessimism and shrugged off any sort of help I got, whether it be words of encouragement and or a breakdown of whatever was troubling me.

Self-esteem reached rock bottom, self-worth broke through that rock, and somewhere along the lines, I started taking up swordplay to vent it all out. It's pretty affective to, and it's a form of exercise so hooray, I suppose!

The sad thing was that family was pointless. My mother assumed teens had no worries in their lives simply because of how she lived when she was my age and how lax we apparently have it today...

The closest thing to attempted suicide for me was grabbing a metal stick and hitting myself over the head with it until I bled. If it weren't for me losing consciousness, I might've actually killed myself..

Nowadays, I get around through ignoring my troubles and occupying myself with things that help me feel single-minded or enraptured in my imagination. 

I usually feel a bit touchy about talking so openly about this, but over the years, I stopped caring. I've told enough people, what's wrong with telling a few more? Who knows, maybe I'll find someone who I can strongly relate to.


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## ApolloJusticeAC (Jul 25, 2015)

epona said:


> since you were 5?! christ that makes me so sad, i didn't even know what mental illness was when i was that young :-(
> 
> i've struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years now. it's probably better classified as EDNOS because i've displayed symptoms/tendencies associated with bulimia as well, but my formal diagnosis was always anorexia
> it's been really difficult and i had to move schools a lot because of it, and it's also delayed my entry to college because last year i didn't feel i was well enough mentally to move away for university
> ...



why is this so long


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## Akimari (Jul 26, 2015)

pillow bunny said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Is there an eating disorder where you literally can't stop eating? I eat WAY too much junk food, like probably 5000+ calories on some days (no, that is not an exaggeration). I tried to eat under 2000 calories a few days ago but I just couldn't do it. I spend so much time just being like "okay, I'm going to only eat a few chips and then do my homework" but then I end up just sitting there eating the entire bag and not doing any of my homework. I'm 94 lbs iirc so I'm not obese yet but I don't want to die of a heart attack/diabetes/whatever



It seems like this could be a symptom of binge eating disorder. Whilst everyone's bodies are different and have different needs, I don't recall it being common for a person to casually take in 5k+ calories per day. Eating disorders are not just disorders that focus on an inability to eat, and it really does make me sad that serious disorders like binge eating isn't as acknowledged. 

If I were you, I would set up a meeting with your doctor to see if there's any other underlying reason as to why you're overeating so much. Is it a lack of nutrients? A side effect of some medication or another underlying medical problem? Or is it just downright binge eating? Regardless of your weight, an eating disorder is an eating disorder, and an overabundance of fat and calories can still have a negative effect on you even if it doesn't show in body weight.


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## piichinu (Jul 26, 2015)

Akimari said:


> It seems like this could be a symptom of binge eating disorder. Whilst everyone's bodies are different and have different needs, I don't recall it being common for a person to casually take in 5k+ calories per day.



You don't recall it being common because it isn't. It's common for people to not gain weight while taking in that many calories. Obviously 5k isn't healthy even if you aren't gaining weight.


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## Money Hunter (Jul 26, 2015)

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 12 but I got it diagnosed and treated well since my parents are doctors. It still affects my life in lots of ways but I was very fortunate to have supportive parents and I know there are many out there who don't and struggle because of it


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## hemming1996 (Jul 26, 2015)

ApolloJusticeAC said:


> why is this so long



Why can't it be? If you don't want to read it, don't.


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## HeadB!tchInCharge (Aug 6, 2015)

I feel you all to a terrible degree.

I was diagnosed with *ADD* (*NOT ADHD*, they're _very_ different!) when I was *six* and that started the path of medication.

When I was *eight*, I was diagnosed with *depression* and it was a really hard year for me. I was on and off so many medications, it was crazy.

When I was *ten*, I was diagnosed with *major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder*. I was constantly antsy and startled easily. I worried over everything and could give myself a stomach ache over the smallest things.

At age *fifteen*, I was told that my anxiety was the cause of my *dermatillomania/dermatophagia*. It made sense after all. I only pick when I'm anxious.

Finally, this past year (my first year of college) I experienced *a break*. I became so depressed that I didn't shower for nearly a week, didn't take my medicine and didn't go to class for nearly a month. In *January of this year*, I was diagnosed with *bipolar disorder type two*. I've been on a new medication with fluctuating doses and have been taking Prozac for the last two months and it's been working very well. But we'll see how things work out.

*I deal with my life the only way I know how: one step at a time. I don't see a point in killing myself. I love my family too much to leave them with that. I have too much to look forward to. Maybe that's just me, though. I've had enough death in my life, thank you.*


*P.S. When you guys say BPD you mean borderline personality disorder, right? Because that's what BPD stands for.*


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## ThomasNLD (Aug 7, 2015)

Not in the case of Money Hunter probably, because Borderline generally isn`t diagnosable until after puberty. He/she probably means Bipolar.


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## Celestefey (Aug 7, 2015)

I've not been diagnosed but I do know that it runs in my family... I'd say I suffer from depression. And bleh, it sucks really bad. I tend to go through weird cycles. Like, for a few weeks, I'll feel totally fine - I'm happy and calm and feel positive and motivated. Then other weeks I have little motivation to do anything, I constantly feel sad and alone and bored, or like nothing can keep my attention. It just goes on and on like this. I'll frequently have moments where I break down and cry for like an hour and just feel so distressed and can't seem to calm myself. I'll freak out at friends over the silliest of things. I remember I once shouted and screamed at my brother because he was standing in the kitchen for ages and I just wanted him to get out and leave me alone. Like... Idk, it causes me to act really horribly and miserably. I would say though I have very mild depression now. It was AWFUL last year. My parents split up around the time of my exams. They used to argue and fight a lot, my mum had to stay in my room a lot whilst I was trying to study. I also then had to deal with moving house, a close family member dying, etc, all whilst taking exams. Honestly I don't know how I survived. It was probably the worst moment in my life. Honestly though, after counseling and moving on from that time, I can say that I've become a much stronger person because of it.  Although, sometimes I do have my bad days. My mum is not very supportive either, she often tells me to "just get over it", which totally sucks because... Hey, if I could do that, then I suppose I would have done that many years ago. x3 But you know. The best thing I can do is try my best everyday, and be proud of what I can do and what I achieve. Even if that may seem small or insignificant to other people, that doesn't matter. I should still be proud and should still continue to do my best in everything I do.


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## lizzy541 (Aug 7, 2015)

this is all so sad to read :c i've been perfectly happy and content with my life for about 2 (almost 3!) years now, however i struggled with many things for about 3 years. i know where you are all coming from. i don't really know how i overcame everything, but at one point i just got to the point where i realized i didn't hate my life or myself and that i was going to be okay. i think you just really need to find the friends who make you the happiest, and cut those out who bring you down.


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## Midoriya (Aug 8, 2015)

Wow, a lot of this thread is so sad... I can empathize with a lot of you, sometimes when people have mental disorders it's hard to get out of them and takes years of baby steps before progress is made....

I myself was born with Aspergers (Mild Autism), although I wouldn't exactly consider it to be a mental illness.  Yes, it affected my life but it never changed who I was and who I am from when I was born till now.  Aspergers is something that makes someone extremely intelligent, but also anti-social in a certain way along with other things.  In elementary school I threw temper tantrums a lot and lost control of everything I did while trying not to.  Thankfully that stopped after awhile, but middle school sucked.  I was excluded every single day of middle school at lunch and when I wasn't in class by everyone.  Like I'd literally have one table to myself and no one would offer to sit and eat with me.  And this happened every day 182 days a year of school, and it sucked.  High school was a lot better thankfully as I switched from Public school to Private school and had a great time in high school making friends with everyone there for four years before graduating in May.  At times I wanted to kill myself when I lost control, but I learned to get past that.  Thankfully I took speech classes my whole life so I learned how to control my Aspergers.  It's faded away in recent years so people are surprised when I tell them I was born with it cause it seems like I wasn't now.  But that's only because I had great, supportive parents, an awesome psychiatrist, and took the steps needed to get past my anti-social stuff.

I had also taken a focus pill (ritalin) and anti depressants my whole life up until a year ago where I was able to ween myself off of it and am proud to see I don't have to take any medication now at all any day of the week.  I know sometimes things look bleak and there doesn't seem to be any purpose for you in life, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel as long as you keep taking baby steps, get help (professional help), and work towards a brighter future.  I had a friend who had full blown autism up until he was 14 and one day he was finally able to think and act clearly because of all the steps his family and he himself had taken to get there.  He and I had effectively "cured" ourselves of our mental illnesses, I guess you could say.  But in the end it doesn't matter because mental illnesses don't define you, labels don't define you, in the end the choices you make in life and the person you grow to become is what defines you.  Killing yourself definitely won't help your problems and will just create more for the people that cared about you when you were alive.  And if no one cared about you, then it doesn't matter, because killing yourself would cut off your problems completely, not solve them if you get what I mean.  Exercise and hobbies are some of the best ways to take your mind off things.  I was able to get where I was today by having done Karate for 8 years now and mastering it, I've also done aikido for one year and am a green belt, golf for a couple years, and competitive billiards for 5 years.  I also enjoy playing video games and I think we can all agree that's a way to take our minds off things, even if it is temporary.  In the end though, even when everything seems dark, never give up.  Because there always be a way out if you try hard enough.  As Sherlocke Holmes once said "Once you eliminate the impossible, no matter how improbable, it's possible".  If you take the right steps and hear the right things you will persevere, maybe not overnight, or within months, or even years, but it will happen, that I can promise you.  You have two choices in life.  You can either let your mental illnesses control you, or you can control your mental illnesses.  Now, what are you going to choose?

#NeverEverGiveUp


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## radical6 (Aug 10, 2015)

i forgot i made this thread..lol

i relate to a lot of people in here tbh. idk what to say to everyone but it makes me feel better im not alone in this i guess. its just...tiring. ive been on so many meds i cant name them all anymore. i feel so numb now, i dont really have any emotion besides sadness. im not happy nor am i ever mad, im just..empty. i guess this is the price i pay to take my overwhelming sadness away, but sometimes im still anxious and upset. i just want this to be over with.


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## sock (Aug 10, 2015)

I had separation anxiety when I was 10 and depression when I was 13. 

I have a friend who's on meds for depression who's 16.

My other friend tried to kill himself at the age of 8. His mom has now been diagnosed with depression.

My other guy-friends mom is also taking meds for depression.

Another, she tried to kill herself twice at school, when she was 14. 

My dad had a breakdown last year, and now takes meds.

My boyfriend was extremely depressed and was on meds at the age of 15.

I suppose I'm trying to say you're definitely not alone!


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## Albuns (Aug 10, 2015)

justice said:


> i forgot i made this thread..lol
> 
> i relate to a lot of people in here tbh. idk what to say to everyone but it makes me feel better im not alone in this i guess. its just...tiring. ive been on so many meds i cant name them all anymore. i feel so numb now, i dont really have any emotion besides sadness. im not happy nor am i ever mad, im just..empty. i guess this is the price i pay to take my overwhelming sadness away, but sometimes im still anxious and upset. i just want this to be over with.



Well, I'm not sure how you feel about this.. but sometimes being around moody people and those who try and empathize might be a good way to relieve some tension. They can give you a view of yourself that you never really thought about, kind of like a self reflection~
Sometimes the best medicine is just knowing you have someone around to listen and talk to, the only lingering issue would be the time it takes to get better. c:

Sorry if I sound a bit pushy, I just like trying to help.


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## MrPicklez (Aug 10, 2015)

Hi, my name's Chris and I'm just like a lot of you.

When I was a baby, I was diagnosed with a severe case of rheumatic fever. I've been on penicillin since then and I'm expected to be on it for the rest of my life because of the disease. At the age of 4, I was diagnosed with Sydenham's chorea, ADHD, and mild autism. They prescribed me ritalin, but they took me off of it a year later when they noticed I was losing a considerable amount of weight. Been on Adderall ever since. When I was 10, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and major depressive disorder. I've been on multiple different anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills since then. Back in 2009 I was hospitalized TWICE because I purposely overdosed on my prescription adderall. Same thing happened just recently in October of 2014. All depression related. Right now I'm on ambien cr to sleep, celexa for my depression, adderall xr for my ADHD/Sydenham's/autism, and alprazolam for my anxiety/bipolar disorder.

It's literally a chore for me to get up and do daily activities. I literally sleep most of my day away every single day and stay up most of the night(less people at night than during the day). I completely flunked going to public college because my social anxiety prevented me from really making friends and I always feel alone because of it. I honestly haven't had a really close friend since high school and that was back in 2009. It's even worse because of my ADHD/sydenham's because I'm always hyper as hell and I hate staying in one place but I hate being around people just as much. See the dilemma? What makes things far harder for me is the fact that I'm not really close to ANY of my family members but my dad and even then he's hours away back in my home town. It's just myself, my girlfriend, and two dogs. They can only do so much to help me.

Now I just feel like I'm *****ing so I'm gonna stop lol

EDIT:
I forgot to mention that I have permanent heart problems and stuff due to the rheumatic fever and that's why I'm on penicillin for the rest of my life. I have problems with bacteria and stuff so I get sick extremely easily.


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## aslyssalox (Aug 10, 2015)

Well I'm definitely a pessimist, and I was involved in doing something that's considered a mental illness *not gonna go into details* but I feel ya guys... Life can be a b***h sometimes


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## f11 (Aug 10, 2015)

I've been professionally diagnosed adhd, and emergent-bpd (I'm a minor). Also self diagnosed bipolar II and GAD bc I haven't seen my psych in a while lol.


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## AmaiiTenshii (Aug 10, 2015)

apologies for bumping the thread. i'm just gonna say rn that what i write might be long but hopefully not too long gah.

first and foremost i've been professionally diagnosed with all of my mental problems, but currently i'm unmedicated for personal reasons. i used to take a myriad of medications a few years ago but have since stopped.

my childhood wasnt exactly the best, verbal/physical abuse and csa and yeeears of intense bullying to a point where the police were involved and i had to switch schools more than once.

i believe it's because of my ****ty childhood that i developed my most notable mental illness which is did/dissociative identity disorder. aka multiple personalities but that's a really outdated medical term and hasnt been used professionally in like 20 years or something. it's a total ***** to deal with. 

aside from did i'm also schizophrenic, bipolar type 1, psychotic/delusional, on the autism spectrum (aspergers), adhd type 1, a legitimate sociopath/aspd, severely socially anxious 99% of the time (also separation anxiety??), and i have mild-to-moderate ocd when numbers are involved; for example i usually cannot count normally, after i hit 12 i go back to 1, just like a clock. 

the majority of that is not actually immediately present, however.

because i have did, some of my alters (other personalities, i guess they could be called) are responsible for storing certain mental illnesses so that my life can be a little more normal. it doesnt mean that my other personalities themselves are mentally ill or that i dont have those illnesses, it just means they're not 100% there all the time and the symptoms get much worse when the other personalities are conscious.

tldr hi there i'm shiloh and i'm a one-man insane asylum.


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## mayoremi (Aug 10, 2015)

I dont see what I have as a mental illness, but I do have aspergers.


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## Xerolin (Oct 28, 2015)

Less than an hour ago, I discovered I have adhd. I just dunno how to tell my dad.. That _would_ explain why I get super distracted. A lot. Plus like on average, women cry 5 times a month? I cry every other day..

- - - Post Merge - - -

Sorry for bumping this btw


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## Celestefey (Oct 28, 2015)

KawaiiLotus said:


> Less than an hour ago, I discovered I have adhd. I just dunno how to tell my dad.. That _would_ explain why I get super distracted. A lot. Plus like on average, women cry 5 times a month? I cry every other day..
> 
> - - - Post Merge - - -
> 
> Sorry for bumping this btw



How did you discover you had ADHD? I'm not trying to invalidate you or anything, but I just wanted to say, it's TOTALLY normal to cry very often when you're a teen anyway, and just going through puberty, because your hormones are just all over the place. When I was younger I used to have mood swings a lot, and even now I still do because of periods and stuff like that. I know you're a younger teen, so, please don't feel like it isn't normal to cry a lot. Yes, the average "woman" may cry 5 times a month, but that's because they are older and more mature, so are less likely to have mood swings and the like, because they're done with puberty. Besides, it doesn't matter how often you get upset, how often you get mood swings, how often you cry... Our emotions are all valid, and it is okay to feel that way. Your feelings are totally valid.


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## Fantasyrick (Oct 28, 2015)

I have adhd ^^ id think it's bad at all it is a part of who I am and I wouldn't change it


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## Xerolin (Oct 28, 2015)

Celestefey said:


> How did you discover you had ADHD? I'm not trying to invalidate you or anything, but I just wanted to say, it's TOTALLY normal to cry very often when you're a teen anyway, and just going through puberty, because your hormones are just all over the place. When I was younger I used to have mood swings a lot, and even now I still do because of periods and stuff like that. I know you're a younger teen, so, please don't feel like it isn't normal to cry a lot. Yes, the average "woman" may cry 5 times a month, but that's because they are older and more mature, so are less likely to have mood swings and the like, because they're done with puberty. Besides, it doesn't matter how often you get upset, how often you get mood swings, how often you cry... Our emotions are all valid, and it is okay to feel that way. Your feelings are totally valid.


I was watching brainPOP XD
I'm currently 11 years old. Crying extra lately cuz um..lady things XD
I get some pretty extreme mood swings. Usually a combination of an "attitude" (according to my dad) and crying


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## Llust (Oct 28, 2015)

idk how to start with this but earlier in class, i had my earbuds in so everyone around me assumed i was listening to music and couldnt hear anything else. true, i was listening to music but i paused it for awhile just to eavesdrop on convos. i happened to pick up a few sentences coming from this group of girls around me like 'omg did u guys see the scars on sydneys (my name, ayy) wrist? ikr its so gross and shes so skinny too, no wonder she doesnt have a boyfriend lol. shes probably looking for attention looking like a loner and dressing emo n stuff. y'know, "depressed" people are so pathetic. they just need to suck it up.' okay just to clarify, im an introvert. i enjoy loneliness and im comfortable with my style. yeah, there are scars on my wrist from self harm but that shouldnt mean sht anymore. i cant control my metabolism so my apologies for ticking you off bc im skinner than you. whats in the past is in the past, but the sht they said about depression really pisses me off. for those of you who genuinely dont understand what its like to be depressed or have any sort of mental illness, read what i have to say the quit judging people

we didnt choose to be depressed, so dont just say 'just ignore it and move on' because how can you ignore taunting thoughts that repeat in your mind constantly? 'nobody needs me; why does it hurt so much?; how did it all come to be like this?; will i be this lonely forever?; and theres soo much more to that. thats what goes through our minds. telling us to just get better is like telling a person with a broken leg to just walk to the hospital. you think its pathetic for us to self harm, but our situation is so shtty that its the only thing we can resort to in order to shut out our thoughts and mental pain bc thats how much it hurts. im not saying this for every single depressed person out there, but im pretty sure everyone can relate

being depressed is like being trapped between a mind that wants to die and a body that wants to survive; get it? its a constant war that feels like itll never end and you cant do much about it. we try to stay strong, really, but its not as easy as you think. we act like we're okay and guess what, the saying "im fine" is the most common lie ive heard and told. for me, whenever i say im fine, im never telling the truth. i just dont want to open up to people who dont really care. i dont want to give you something to worry about, so i just lie. mental illnesses have its little side affects too and just saying, even the smallest things can build up through time and start rolling back to the person in a few days or even a few years that form a depression episode. quit making people feel  insecure about themselves bc you will affect they way they see themselves. my brother told me my teeth are ugly when i was eight. sure, hes my brother and siblings say rude crap all the time, but that stuck with me. i cover my mouth whenever i laugh, talk or smile. i wore leggings in middle school and was told i have 'meaty thighs,' i saw it as being told im fat. it didnt stop me from wearing shorts and leggings, but it lowered my self esteem and security. theres more to it

id just like to throw in a few things that i say a lot but are never true;
i already ate = im starving myself / i feel fat and by starving myself, i feel skinnier
im fine = im not, help me
leave me alone = show me you care enough to stay
i hate him/her = i either mean it or i miss them
im getting better = im getting worse

i have trust issues because im tired of telling secrets even to the people i really trusted and having my own words used against me later on. i used to be quiet and reserved because i was shy yet wanted to make friends. now im quiet because ive been turned town and left to rot by everyone in the room and theres nobody i can call a close friend. i dont cry for attention, not at all. if anything, i avoid crying at all costs. crying in front of everyone means im weak, and thats something i dont want to show. i dont want to spark attention and rumors, but if i cry without making it to the bathroom first, i have no control over it. all my emotions ive locked up are pouring out and are past its limit when im depressed, im fragile. when im touched by the wrong people, i break so easily and takes days or even weeks for me to put myself back together. i see it as a war. my self harm scars are my battle scars and the fact that im still alive even after all ive been through is surprising

even when i dont look like im depressed, im most likely dying behind my fake smile. as i mentioned, i just dont want to draw in unwanted attention and special treatment so i just shut it all in until eventually after a few months, ill just have a hysterical breakdown at 2 am, letting out all those bottled up emotions. depression. anger. lament. everything comes out. when thats done, the cycle will eventually repeat

*i dont expect you to completely understand how we feel, but you dont know sht about what goes through our mind every morning, throughout the day and late at night so its not your place to judge us*


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## Kinoko (Oct 28, 2015)

I know this is kind of an old thread but I just wanted to say that everyone who has shared their experiences has been incredibly brave, and I can definitely relate to a lot of what you guys are saying. From when I was maybe five years old to now, I've always struggled with mental illness. When I was 14-15, I finally got to a professional and was diagnosed with anxiety, major depressive disorder, trichotillomania, and ednos. I got prescribed Prozac and took it for several years, but I kind of weaned off of it this year. Not because I felt like I was "cured", but I just kind of gave up on wanting to make myself feel better. For the past three or four months, though, I've been the happiest I've ever been. I'm 19 now and I do still struggle with those things, but the difference between now and several months ago is that I'm currently very stable and I RARELY have suicidal thoughts and feelings, as opposed to before when I had them 24/7 and had to be hospitalized several times. I think there are a few reasons as to why I feel so much better now, but the biggest ones were moving to Hawaii, going to college every day, and having the best support system I could have (my mom and my boyfriend). My environment has always had a huge impact on my mental health, and I always got so much worse on the east coast during the winter when it was always cold and dark. Here, it's always warm and sunny and I really do think it's been so much better for my depression in particular. 
I guess I just wanted to say that it's awesome that you are all sharing your feelings and experiences, and I promise one day many of your struggles will just be bad memories. It sounds super corny lmao and I never believed any of that "it gets better" BS either, but after going through the healing process myself and finally feeling consistently happy I can say it really does get better one day. That doesn't mean that everything will be perfect, because trust me I still have like one or two bad days a week haha. But for the most part, I feel really good. And I hope you all can say the same thing someday!


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## Celestefey (Oct 28, 2015)

KawaiiLotus said:


> I was watching brainPOP XD
> I'm currently 11 years old. Crying extra lately cuz um..lady things XD
> I get some pretty extreme mood swings. Usually a combination of an "attitude" (according to my dad) and crying



I wouldn't 100% rely on the internet and stuff like that to diagnose yourself. I know self-diagnosis is a touchy issue, but you shouldn't start labelling yourself with mental illnesses and things like that when you may not even know for sure! If you do genuinely think you have ADHD after some time and you do genuinely feel like it is causing problems for you then talk to someone about it! Communication is so vital, and it's a way you can make sure you do get the support you need, rather than relying on what people on the internet says.

And yeah, it's totally normal to have mood swings when you are 11, do not worry! Periods do cause people to have pretty bad mood swings because of hormones and stuff like that, and that's completely fine. It's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel that way. We're all human beings, and our emotions and experiences are valid! And lol "attitude" - I'd ignore your dad when he says stuff like that, in my opinion. ^^


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## jiny (Oct 28, 2015)

KawaiiLotus said:


> I was watching brainPOP XD
> I'm currently 11 years old. Crying extra lately cuz um..lady things XD
> I get some pretty extreme mood swings. Usually a combination of an "attitude" (according to my dad) and crying



Sure brainPop can be helpful at times, but you shouldn't self-diagnose you if you don't know for sure!


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## Xerolin (Oct 28, 2015)

Btw I took the online test from psych central. I got 36 points. But I get _really_ distracted, hyper, forgetful, and behind in schoolwork.


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## Miele (Oct 28, 2015)

Sugarella said:


> Sure brainPop can be helpful at times, but you shouldn't self-diagnose you if you don't know for sure!


Actually, self-diagnose can help you figure out if you have a mental illness or no. You can read about and if share some qualities, you can diagnose yourself with it. HOWEVER, you shouldn't go on it alone. If you think you have a mental illness, you should get tested and if you tell the doctor that you may have said illness, they will test you for it. (Perks of being a psychology major because it helps you understand self diagnosing)

As for me, I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, GAD, social anxiety, panic disorder, and selective mutism. I've been diagnosed from the ages of 12-17, and trust me, they are so lame. I can't do a lot of things because of them and I can't enjoy the things I used to enjoy because of them. This is the main reason why I love t?p so much because all of their songs express how I feel and what I'm going through. I usually don't talk about them in real life because I am not comfortable talking about them in person, but I will talk about them online (it's the whole anonymous thing).


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## milkyi (Oct 28, 2015)

I have OCD, and let me tell you it sucks.


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## Xerolin (Oct 28, 2015)

Hundredth. Poo. 101th*
Everyone has ocd apparently


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## KittyKawaii (Oct 28, 2015)

I dunno what it's called, but sometimes I can't really feel anything.

Like, I haven't really had major sadness, happiness, etc. for the past 3 years. I guess it's strange, but hey, that's how life goes.


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## Celestefey (Oct 28, 2015)

Miele said:


> Actually, self-diagnose can help you figure out if you have a mental illness or no. You can read about and if share some qualities, you can diagnose yourself with it. HOWEVER, you shouldn't go on it alone. If you think you have a mental illness, you should get tested and if you tell the doctor that you may have said illness, they will test you for it. (Perks of being a psychology major because it helps you understand self diagnosing)



Yes, this is what I was trying to say. I mean... It's not okay to just self-diagnose yourself with like every mental illness under the sun because, the chances are very high that you don't have all of those mental illnesses, and you really ought to seek advice from those who are professionally trained as they will be able to provide you with the correct support you need. I mean, the internet was how I found out more about depression, and I started to link some of the common features of depression to my own patterns and behaviours. It was not something I just diagnosed myself with suddenly one day, it was more like a process... A realisation, even. But I didn't just suddenly go: "Yeah, I have trouble paying attention sometimes so I have ADHD", or in my case "I feel sad and cry a lot so I must be depressed", it was more like a process of doing research and taking time to understand what depression was.

Anyway, back on topic, but yeah, I suffer with depression, which really, really sucks. Somedays I just wake up and feel like complete garbage and just wish I didn't even exist. Sometimes, I am sad for no reason and I just don't have any motivation to do ANYTHING. I feel like, I become depressed when I am lonely and I don't have something to occupy my mind, or just when I have a lot on my mind and it distresses me so much I feel like I can't do anything to sort it out. I tend to go through phases of peacefulness and then just months of depression. It sucks and I have no idea why I am like that. I've started to take some vitamins and it's really helping me and affecting me. I didn't take it with me though whilst I was on holiday in New York the other week and I really noticed a difference. The vitamins basically just help me feel more energetic and less tired and fatigued all the time (something which depression causes me to have). Anyway yeah, I am FINALLY getting some professional help and I'm finally starting to change aspects of my life and I'm just generally feeling much better nowadays... So let's hope things stay that way.


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## Miele (Oct 28, 2015)

Celestefey said:


> Yes, this is what I was trying to say. I mean... It's not okay to just self-diagnose yourself with like every mental illness under the sun because, the chances are very high that you don't have all of those mental illnesses, and *you really ought to seek advice from those who are professionally trained as they will be able to provide you with the correct support you need*. I mean, the internet was how I found out more about depression, and I started to link some of the common features of depression to my own patterns and behaviours. It was not something I just diagnosed myself with suddenly one day, *it was more like a process... A realisation*, even. But I didn't just suddenly go: "Yeah, I have trouble paying attention sometimes so I have ADHD", or in my case "I feel sad and cry a lot so I must be depressed", it was more like a *process of doing research and taking time to understand what depression was.*



That's very true. With a lot of mental illnesses, you need the right support to help you get through them. And you're right, they can help you realise that you may have one, but you shouldn't just go around and say you have a mental illness with just a self-diagnose because you can make a lot of ppl angry for it (that's how I am with my social anxiety).  You need to research more about it because it's not just a general thing because there are more categories within a category. Get professionally diagnosed before you go around and stating that you have said illness.


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## Twisterheart (Oct 28, 2015)

I have chronic depression, however it is slowly starting to get better. I still have a long way to go, though.


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## Sleepi (Oct 28, 2015)

I have anxiety (and social anxiety) and have since the age of 11 (somewhere around there, bear in mind I'm 18 now so), past experiences with informing teachers about my anxiety (I've had some time off school/college because of it) hasn't gone well, not at all. I got referred to a therapist/counsellor (not too sure what to call them) and I couldn't even open up about it (I just got very upset). On top of that I'm unsure as to if I have depression but I'm too afraid to get a diagnosis/get help, and also I haven't really had friends since I was 8? Just a lot of bullying..


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## Kuroh (Oct 28, 2015)

I deal with anxiety and social anxiety. I have also had mysophobia for a few years and it causes me to OCD on things and wash my hands constantly (which is really annoying in the autumn and winter since they get dry/chapped). I don't usually tell people irl though, since I'm afraid they won't understand.


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## radical6 (Oct 29, 2015)

i dont even remember making this thread

also update from july: pretty much my mood plummeted, went psychotic and tried to kill myself, got put in the ER, almost got locked up in the mental ward, pretty sure im insane but its k coz i got good grades n friendz (i can actually hide my mental illnesses prety well. sucks 4 the boys who hav a crush on me coz im pretty sure they would never be able to handle me lmao)


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

don't exactly love talking about my diagnoses n stuff but honestly idec anymore it's just a part of me and my life that i gotta try to deal with even though i wanna kms at all times. honestly don't get how anything could change for the better, especially not through therapy, but i still go because it's probably not totally useless and my therapist is nice. ;;

honestly my biggest problems are probably intrusive thoughts/impulses that are super hard to resist, not really feeling emotion except for like Utter Despair (lmaoo no but rly), and dissosiocation, if i spelled that the right way. it's like when all these three things go together they form a hybrid Bad Thing that makes me dead

also uh does anyone else feel like getting better and maybe even getting to live a life w/o mental illness (even though your illnesses are cureable) would be impossible?
 because that's kind of what it feels like to me, I have a friend who tells me that I'm going to get better and "fully become [myself] again!", but that's just... so weird.... I am myself now even tho I'm ****ed up, am I not..?


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## radical6 (Oct 29, 2015)

lencurryboy said:


> also uh does anyone else feel like getting better and maybe even getting to live a life w/o mental illness (even though your illnesses are cureable) would be impossible?
> because that's kind of what it feels like to me, I have a friend who tells me that I'm going to get better and "fully become [myself] again!", but that's just... so weird.... I am myself now even tho I'm ****ed up, am I not..?



some mental illnesses will stay with you forever
some like depression can /maybe/ be cured.
but it never really goes away. it just disappears for a decade or two. depression usually comes back


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

justice said:


> some mental illnesses will stay with you forever
> some like depression can /maybe/ be cured.
> but it never really goes away. it just disappears for a decade or two. depression usually comes back



yah well that sucks a lot


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## Cailey (Oct 29, 2015)

welp, hello. I am cailey, I am nearly 20yrs old, and I was diagnosed with depression at about 13yrs.

they put me on some anti-depressants which at first I couldn't deal with (messed up emotions, loss of appetite, couldn't focus).. basically did the opposite of what it should've done. I was off and on it for a couple years. my childhood was... bad, to say the very least. I really don't want to or feel comfortable giving every detail over some videogame forums, however I will share a few things to give an idea.

at age 6 I waved goodbye to my alcoholic/drug abusing/sexual assaulting father in a courtroom with my mother (biological, I love her, she's my best friend) and my father (he adopted me when I was about 10 and has been with my mom since I was 2 or so) he has raised me because the other one obviously was incapable. after 6 terrifying years, he was gone. attended high school, was bullied throughout and was forced to go to two different schools because of issues at the first one. I had a formspring account (stupid I know) which was something people could ask anonymous questions on... you know where I am going with this. honestly now I have so much confidence in my looks but then.... it was my awkward stage and I did wear funny things, etc. so of course people filled that with anonymous comments about how ugly I was etc. one night, early freshman year, I attempted suicide. my brothers best friend came to the rescue. parents announced a divorce when I was about 15yrs after being married for 15yrs. I left the house. went to my best friends house of 10yrs and stayed with her for a week. my older brother ran off and joined the navy and left. sister moved right out at 18 that year. before they divorced we were fairly wealthy. I had horses, they were my escape. nice house, went to events, vacations (beach every summer, forest every winter since I was 5) it all stopped. house got foreclosed, had to sell all my horses, vacations stopped. I lost my best friend of 10yrs, I basically lived with her. she knew everything. hell, I knew her for 10yrs we had to of been like sisters - we were. she chose a controlling guy over me. one that made him stop seeing me on certain days etc.? I was 15. I am now nearly 20... haven't heard from her since. family started acting flaky (not close to my dads side but my moms started being distant after the divorce).. started hopping around condos with mom.. lost all friends, so did she. more details, but you get the point. 

but you know what? I'm happy. happy as can be. and it did, take a LONG time for me to get to this point. I pushed through. after years of therapy, anti-depressants, and loss - _I. pushed. through._ and you know what, beautiful? you can too. you can do it. because I've been there. not exactly where you've been, but I've been _there_. you know, that empty useless void you escape to, drowning in suffocating emotions. I have been there. I, too, have spent countless waking hours staring at walls, ceilings, floors... screaming, crying, slamming doors, questioning life. hell, I still cry sometimes. and that, that is okay. I know you're having a hard time, I know all of you are. it saddens me. I know those emotions. but I promise, I promise from the deepest depths of my heart and soul that everything will be okay. you will be okay. you are all so beautiful. so, freaking, _beautiful_.... I admire you all for how far you've come. I admire you for pushing through, even if you're hanging by a tiny string - _you are still here_, and I want it to stay that way. the world is beautiful. or it can be. it's how you view things, lovely people. it's how _you_ view things. life is so immensely short. my years so far have flown by - it's almost scary. 

I have found beautiful boy to spend my years with. we just recently went on 5yrs of dating and now 2yrs of living together in a cute little apartment in the city. we adopted two cats together and snuggle each other to sleep every night. I talk to my mom everyday and we give each other support. I graduate dental school tomorrow, can you believe it!? I'm actually going to be a dental assistant when I remembered being at that stand still the night I attempted way back thinking I could never do anything of that matter and yet I graduate tomorrow........ it's unbelievable. my family is coming around again.. my depression is fading. surround yourself with things you love. I plan to adopt a horse in the next few years, move out of state, go on more adventures, eat amazing food, buy myself some cute clothes, have a child in a few years, get married around the same time...... life has so much to offer. you just have to accept its gifts... 

I love all of you. I admire all of you. I encourage you all to keep treading. and I encourage you to feel free to pm me anytime you ever need me. I am always, always here because I know how it is to be the only person on this earth - or at least feel like it. 

you are all so much stronger than you think, you beautiful humans. keep going, _good things are coming your way_.


* might delete post later as I feel it's really personal and hurts me to read I guess - depends on the responses I get. if it's motivational or inspirational I'll keep it up I suppose.. ; u ;


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## cIementine (Oct 29, 2015)

caileymichelle said:


> welp, hello. I am cailey, I am nearly 20yrs old, and I was diagnosed with depression at about 13yrs.
> 
> they put me on some anti-depressants which at first I couldn't deal with (messed up emotions, loss of appetite, couldn't focus).. basically did the opposite of what it should've done. I was off and on it for a couple years. my childhood was... bad, to say the very least. I really don't want to or feel comfortable giving every detail over some videogame forums, however I will share a few things to give an idea.
> 
> ...



i'm really glad you're happier now, you deserve it. everyone here deserves it.

I've not been diagnosed with anything so this is probably a bunch of bs so instead of saying 'I have depression' i'm going to say 'i'm feeling depressed af'. like op said, I feel numb. i'm just drifting through life like a bloody salmon with nothing to live for or look forward to. i'm not happy. there's no reason I shouldn't be; my family is awesome. they're my only support. I do great at school.
i'm just not happy. i'm in this perpetual cycle of unhappiness that has engulfed me. like the little tiny salmon I metaphorically am, i'm at the bottom of the food chain, and sadness is the primary predator.


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## boujee (Oct 29, 2015)

Are these self-explanatory or did y'all really go to the doctors and they told you were diagnosed with sucha such. Kawaiilotus just said they discover they had adhd less than a hour ago makes me think you just look up adhd symptoms and believe that out of 1/10 of those things, you have it. 

It's kinda hard telling the difference between people who really has it or just don't.
That's the sad thing about the Internet, you'll have people who really have it and may need help then you have those who just think it's a game and just want some attention. 


I remember when I was like around 13 and I assume I had bipolar depression because of my constant mood swings(turns out to be puberty) and I was mentally fine.

Now that I'm older, I have clinical depression. This begin to adapt since the passing of my mother. I'm not suicidal, oh no. I fear dying for seeing my life-less mom face to face traumatized me. My constant overthinking made me stress. My stress prevents me from doing anything. Me doing nothing prevents me from enjoying anything. And I can hardly enjoy anything cause of my prone fear of dying so anxiety comes into place.
I take medicine and I'm about to go to counseling again


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## tsantsa (Oct 29, 2015)

painchri589 said:


> I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Most people only know it as "autism" but I sometimes feel myself lucky that I can write and talk and stuff. I am very high functioning but also suffer from depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed when I was 12, most people said I was behavioral, so I didn't get the attention I needed. That's why I was diagnosed so late. I saw my first psychologist at age 6.
> I sometimes feel like I don't deserve what I have, such as 2 published books and an over-80% average in almost every subject. Whenever I tell people I'm autistic, it's one of the two answers "yeah..." or "What!? Really!?" some people figured I had something wrong with me because of all my outbursts and some people only believe it because of my outbursts. Anyways I hope everyone feels better. It's not an easy life, being mentally ill. I hope everyone understands that.



I also have asd, but im pretty lucky because i don't seem to have any other "disorders" that come with it.
It got to a stage where i had to be tested for asd, because i would just have major anger outbursts over the slightest thing (i still kinda do.) It took the doctors about 2 years (i think) to come up with  a diagnosis for me.
My parents had known that something wasn't quite right since i was 3, I used to trash my bedroom over nothing, but i'd always have one shelf, that had to be perfect or it felt like everything was falling apart. When we went to the drs, They just said that i was a "perfectionist".
It was when my grandad died, that alarm bells truely started ringing, because the way i dealt with my grief wasn't like other people, i mean, sure i cried. but i also drew loads of pictures of me and my grandad, and then i'd add a man behind my grandad hurting him. (My grandad died from cancer) I was only 6 years old.
Then, 3 years later when i was nine, the SEN department in my school refered me to a doctors that specialised in things like autisum,aspurgers,asd,etc. It took them 2 years (as i previously stated) to diagnose me with asd. So thats basically my story i guess, since being diagnosed, i've recived more support from my school with my "anger issues" And i guess thats helped.

I'm not sure if you'd class ASD as a mental illness as such, but i just wanted to get this off of my chest.


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## Aestivate (Oct 29, 2015)

Gamzee said:


> Are these self-explanatory or did y'all really go to the doctors and they told you were diagnosed with sucha such. Kawaiilotus just said they discover they had adhd less than a hour ago makes me think you just look up adhd symptoms and believe that out of 1/10 of those things, you have it.
> 
> It's kinda hard telling the difference between people who really has it or just don't.
> That's the sad thing about the Internet, you'll have people who really have it and may need help then you have those who just think it's a game and just want some attention.
> ...



Sadly, I think most people diagnose themself with such things as depression by indeed, looking up the symptoms. I don't know why tho, I know you might be relified when you get to hear your diagnose from a doctor but this. Besides, a lot of people still don't accept that there's a difference between feeling down and being depressed. 
Don't get me wrong, if you're diagnosed by a doctor, well, congrats on your diagnose, that must be a relief. I think society claims us all to have all kinds of mental deseases. Oh you feel stressed and can't work? Well you must have a mental desease or something, stress disorder or whatever. In the end the attention whores who claim these things will die in hole by themself anyway.


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## Nightmares (Oct 29, 2015)

Aestivate said:


> Sadly, I think most people diagnose themself with such things as depression by indeed, looking up the symptoms. I don't know why tho, I know you might be relified when you get to hear your diagnose from a doctor but this. Besides, a lot of people still don't accept that there's a difference between feeling down and being depressed.
> Don't get me wrong, if you're diagnosed by a doctor, well, congrats on your diagnose, that must be a relief. I think society claims us all to have all kinds of mental deseases. Oh you feel stressed and can't work? Well you must have a mental desease or something, stress disorder or whatever. In the end the attention whores who claim these things will die in hole by themself anyway.



That last bit doe 0-0


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

Aestivate said:


> Sadly, I think most people diagnose themself with such things as depression by indeed, looking up the symptoms. I don't know why tho, I know you might be relified when you get to hear your diagnose from a doctor but this. Besides, a lot of people still don't accept that there's a difference between feeling down and being depressed.
> Don't get me wrong, if you're diagnosed by a doctor, well, congrats on your diagnose, that must be a relief. I think society claims us all to have all kinds of mental deseases. Oh you feel stressed and can't work? Well you must have a mental desease or something, stress disorder or whatever. In the end the attention whores who claim these things will die in hole by themself anyway.



don't want to get into the issues of self dx so w/e but
honestly it's not like mental illnesses are limited edition, there can be however many people with mental illnesses really, so I don't really get what you mean.... It kind of sounds like you think that doctors diagnose too much..?

Also people who lie about having a mental illness for attention kind of suck, but I mean... Some mental illnesses make people really, really need attention. Of course it's bad to lie in bad ways about bad stuff, but honestly saying that they "will die in hole by themself" is kind of harsh and rude...


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## boujee (Oct 29, 2015)

He's not saying that people self/diagnose a lot
It's more of what society base upon assumptions 
You're stress? Depression! 
Mood swings? Bipolar!


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## HopeForHyrule (Oct 29, 2015)

I haven't been diagnosed, but that's my own fault because I don't want to be medicated and become a vegetable. I've seen other people before and after they were medicated, and the shift was almost horrifying.

I know I've been dealing with moderate to severe depression most of my life, and other than a couple suicide attempts in my younger years, I like to think I hold it together fairly well.


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

Gamzee said:


> He's not saying that people self/diagnose a lot
> It's more of what society base upon assumptions
> You're stress? Depression!
> Mood swings? Bipolar!



i meant doctors diagnosing too much, not self diagnose.
also yeah that might be the case, but people do suffer from depression, stress and anxiety and if they actually are depressed or bipolar they should get help.
 People and society should stop being like "i'm sad because my dog died yesterday, that means that i have depression" since that's definitely not how it is, but it's not like anyone shouldn't think they're depressed because it's mainstream or w/e


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## Miele (Oct 29, 2015)

lencurryboy said:


> i meant doctors diagnosing too much, not self diagnose.
> also yeah that might be the case, but people do suffer from depression, stress and anxiety and if they actually are depressed or bipolar they should get help.
> People and society should stop being like "i'm sad because my dog died yesterday, that means that i have depression" since that's definitely not how it is, but it's not like anyone shouldn't think they're depressed because it's mainstream or w/e


That's true. Doctors are diagnosing too much, and in some cases, doctors can misdiagnose someone. That's why it's important to go back and get yourself retested. You may not have the same mental disorder and you may have a new one that you have knew you had. My friend was diagnosed with manic depression for years, but then she went back last year to get retested, they diagnosed her with BPD, not manic depression. Its true. Depressions is not about being sad 24/7, it is about not wanting to do anything and not having the energy to do it. You lose interest in things you were passionate about, feeling nothing but apathy, your relationships with others are weak, and you just feel empty. Its not about being sad. That is not what depressions is so just because you're sad, it doesn't mean you have you have depression. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain (according to my psychology textbook) and it can be treated with medication and therapy.


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## Aestivate (Oct 29, 2015)

lencurryboy said:


> don't want to get into the issues of self dx so w/e but
> honestly it's not like mental illnesses are limited edition, there can be however many people with mental illnesses really, so I don't really get what you mean.... It kind of sounds like you think that doctors diagnose too much..?
> 
> Also people who lie about having a mental illness for attention kind of suck, but I mean... Some mental illnesses make people really, really need attention. Of course it's bad to lie in bad ways about bad stuff, but honestly saying that they "will die in hole by themself" is kind of harsh and rude...


Yea, sorry for the spelling errors, I'm not used to ranting about society in english
Anyway, what Gamzee said. With the recent changes and commotion about not only taking care of yourself physically but also mentally I think that people assume they're standing alone for their problems and should therefore, for example, diagnose themself. We feel like society just puts a lot of pressure on us being 100% health while we seem to be unable to see all care-possibilities and rather do it ourselves. No one likes to give partly control on their body/mind to an other person, it's just something that's needed in this century, something I think a lot of people don't realize. It's not just so you can get back to your job, it's also for yourself.


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

Aestivate said:


> Yea, sorry for the spelling errors, I'm not used to ranting about society in english
> Anyway, what Gamzee said. With the recent changes and commotion about not only taking care of yourself physically but also mentally I think that people assume they're standing alone for their problems and should therefore, for example, diagnose themself. We feel like society just puts a lot of pressure on us being 100% health while we seem to be unable to see all care-possibilities and rather do it ourselves. No one likes to give partly control on their body/mind to an other person, it's just something that's needed in this century, something I think a lot of people don't realize. It's not just so you can get back to your job, it's also for yourself.



Oh, I get it now. Yeah, that sounds totally reasonable


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

Aestivate said:


> Yea, sorry for the spelling errors, I'm not used to ranting about society in english
> Anyway, what Gamzee said. With the recent changes and commotion about not only taking care of yourself physically but also mentally I think that people assume they're standing alone for their problems and should therefore, for example, diagnose themself. We feel like society just puts a lot of pressure on us being 100% health while we seem to be unable to see all care-possibilities and rather do it ourselves. No one likes to give partly control on their body/mind to an other person, it's just something that's needed in this century, something I think a lot of people don't realize. It's not just so you can get back to your job, it's also for yourself.



Oh, I get it now. Yeah, that sounds totally reasonable


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## pearly19 (Oct 29, 2015)

Ive read every post in this thread and it is heart breaking 
   that so many of you are unhappy, in pain, and have
   been hurt. I have never met any of you, but
   tears are falling as I see so many people suffering. 
   Perhaps this will be long to read and some might disagree
   but  I am compelled to post.

I have been abused long ago and felt the same things
   people have felt: bitterness, sorrow, (for me anger), 
   and finally emptiness. Certainly, I had no control
   over getting abused and never asked for it but 
   the world that I was born into is imperfect and broken.
   The person who abused me did so because that
   person was not happy or loved. Today I live, having
   forgiven that person and no longer bitter for 
   what that person has done in the past.

Its not easy to let go of trauma and pain. It is not easy
    to forgive those who are cruel, hateful, judgmental, 
    and violent. But these kind of people will continue
    to exist.And although it is truly the most difficult thing
    you will do, you must moved pass these.

This is because kindness, courage, love, endurance, and 
     forgiveness is just as alive and real. Everyone in this
     thread has the struggles each one of them here has experienced.
     Everyone here has participated in listening to 
     each other's story and those who can relate has
     responded. This is example of kindness  and care. 

Another thing that has been true is that life does not promise
    protection nor constant goodness. People that I love and 
    share deep friendship with will come and go because of
    change or death.In addition... for me and when others were
     to look at my life, goodness happens very little ... goodness
     is scarce and rare.

The final reality is that no one could ever provide me true consolation
      and healing even though they want to. No one other than
      I could really understand how painful and terrible it 
      was to be abused and how great desire of wanting to end my life was. 
      Sure, there are many other people who are abused but each
      of us have different degrees of feeling despair and being damaged
      by such physical/mental/verbal abuse. My parents, sisters, friends,
      love, mentor,  role model, therapist, counselor etc could never know 
      what it is like and Im glad that it will stay that way.

*Despite everything, three facts remained:*
Life was given to me when I was born into this world. It is not
        my place to end it, no matter how crappy it gets. It 
        is the very least I can do to respect something that 
        was given to me and I nor any human on this planet 
        do not know much about or hope to ever fully understand.
        Nor  is it any one's place to end my life.

 I realized that  being happy is a choice I can make. It is only up
      to me and I can only make myself happy. Happiness does not 
      just simply come. I have fight for it, want it, and constantly 
      choose to be happy. Because of this, I know what goodness
      and happiness is when I feel, experience, and have it. Thus,
      depression cannot possess me forever and no medication 
      or professionals really have power to heal me. It is I who 
      decide that. They are just tools to help me in the beginning.  The
      way to start being happy is to be grateful what you do 
      have and get help.

 Life and being young only comes once. Even though you
    experience complete emptiness and may be energy-less,
   time will go by. Weakness, sorrow, bitterness, and anger
   will always be around but depression can definitely 
   end and be defeated if you fight it every second and every
   day of your life. It is better to die trying than do nothing
   at all because it is something, even if you dont think its
   not very effective. The more you fight, chose life over death,
   chose to get out of bed and eat, the closer you are
   to complete healing.


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## Jill (Oct 29, 2015)

I have anxiety and depression I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder last year- but I've battled with it my entire life. I'm also bored and disillusioned wit life as a general thing- as a result I need CONSTANT stimulation from something new and exciting.


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## Han Solo (Oct 29, 2015)

I've been depressed since I was about 14 but I feel like I'm improving a bit there thankfully.
I've had horrible, HORRIBLE social and general anxiety since I was 5 though, so about 16 years in total. I have bad stomach/intestinal problems now because of it lol. ;w;


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## DJStarstryker (Oct 29, 2015)

I spent a large chunk of my childhood and teenage years depressed. You know what fixed it? I got rid of the source of the depression. I moved out when I turned 18 and I got away from my parents. I haven't seen them in YEARS. My mother was the worst. She was emotionally abusive. Sometimes people can't understand why I never go see her, because she's my family. Well, you don't get to choose your birth family, and sometimes your birth family is bad people. I would rather spend my time around people I actually like, people that are kind to me and aren't trying to hurt me for their own selfish and cruel reasons. 

I'm very happy now. It was a worthwhile choice to make.


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## visibleghost (Oct 29, 2015)

DJStarstryker said:


> I spent a large chunk of my childhood and teenage years depressed. You know what fixed it? I got rid of the source of the depression. I moved out when I turned 18 and I got away from my parents. I haven't seen them in YEARS. My mother was the worst. She was emotionally abusive. Sometimes people can't understand why I never go see her, because she's my family. Well, you don't get to choose your birth family, and sometimes your birth family is bad people. I would rather spend my time around people I actually like, people that are kind to me and aren't trying to hurt me for their own selfish and cruel reasons.
> 
> I'm very happy now. It was a worthwhile choice to make.



it's great that you managed to get rid of the source of your depression, i'm happy for you ;;


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## Sansa (Oct 30, 2015)

Gamzee said:


> Are these self-explanatory or did y'all really go to the doctors and they told you were diagnosed with sucha such. Kawaiilotus just said they discover they had adhd less than a hour ago makes me think you just look up adhd symptoms and believe that out of 1/10 of those things, you have it.
> 
> It's kinda hard telling the difference between people who really has it or just don't.
> That's the sad thing about the Internet, you'll have people who really have it and may need help then you have those who just think it's a game and just want some attention.
> ...



As someone with ADHD, I beg to differ.  

I wasn't actually diagnosed until doctors had me try out medication.  FYI I am 28.  

Every single GP has tried to diagnose me with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, and every time I went to see a therapist they said I had "situational" depression or anxiety, meaning that something stressful is actually causing those events, that it's not caused by some sort of chemical imbalance.  Stressful things like, oh, a different disorder. 

Now, my parents never had me diagnosed as a kid because they didn't want me on meds, but I displayed an awful amount of inattentive symptoms even at an early age.  It's all over the report cards, and yet when I was at home I'd do nothing but read (usually material that was more advanced).  There's also a ton of family members who are also obviously ADHD and it's visible in at least three generations.  Anyway, eventually it got to the point where I was being threatened with being fired at work despite working a crazy number of hours a week and devoting my entire life to it.  I completely broke down crying in the doctors office about how no one listens to what's actually going on, how I never get better, I can't sit still yet I have no energy, I can't focus, and now I'm getting fired.  And it was just a check up for a different health issue.    

He put me on a very low dose of Adderall to start out with.  The first time I took it, I felt lightheaded and it was unpleasant, but I have not experienced that since.  For the first time in my life I felt like I was functioning the way a normal person should be able to function and I was actually able to do some work coherently for a few hours.  For the first time I actually felt calm.  Unfortunately a week later I was fired anyway, it was too late. 

Self diagnoses can be a bad thing at times, but honestly, if you really feel as though something is wrong and there's a lifetime of proof and it's obvious it exists in other family members, you need to be upfront about that.  I argued with doctors about this for literally a decade without getting the help I needed.  Going on meds was honestly a really scary decision for me (I'm severely allergic to a lot of medications), but the past few years have been substantially better large in part because of it.  

I agree that people need to do more than just read a list of symptoms and say "I have that!"  It has to be an extreme thing.  If you're feeling miserable every day to the point where you don't function, or are suicidal, or feel like everything is out of control, or you keep getting fired or failing classes, and it all feels like it's that way for no reason, then there probably is something going on.


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## Vida (Oct 30, 2015)

Justice, I read your opening post and want to say that I'm really sorry that you've been struggling so much for such a long time. How are you feeling now? Do you get professional help from a therapist? Are you still being abused? Do you still live with your parents? I hope you're OK!


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## Mayuu (Oct 30, 2015)

Serious mental illness runs in my family,so it's no surprise I ended up as ill as I am.I'm not going to go into personal details about what I've been through,how I feel or what's wrong with me.I've tried to share my feelings before and I either got shot down,told I was a liar or told I was a drama queen.All I can say is that you never know what someone else goes through unless you been there yourself,especially when it comes to losing someone to things like suicide.I hope you can all share your experiences and help eachother,even if it only means being a shoulder to cry on.


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## radical6 (Oct 30, 2015)

Vida said:


> Justice, I read your opening post and want to say that I'm really sorry that you've been struggling so much for such a long time. How are you feeling now? Do you get professional help from a therapist? Are you still being abused? Do you still live with your parents? I hope you're OK!



school started, i pretty much feel numb, nothing is really hurting me right now. besides from nightmares. i receive theraphy, but my mood and mental state has probably gotten worse than last time i posted. notbing big has really happened to me since last time i posted.

life just feels empty and useless. yeah i know this is depression, but that doesnt change the fact i honestly dont care about anything anymore


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## PeeBraiin (Oct 31, 2015)

I'm diagnosed with PTSD which is Post Traumatic Shock/Stress syndrome.
I'm also diagnosed with depression


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## Cherry Kisses (Nov 12, 2015)

My mum is booking an appointment to see if i have anxiety....


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## Mariah (Nov 12, 2015)

Cherry Kisses said:


> My mum is booking an appointment to see if i have anxiety....



No point because you have irreversible brain damage anyway.


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## Cailey (Nov 12, 2015)

Cherry Kisses said:


> My mum is booking an appointment to see if i have anxiety....



wait you're here??????? how are you doing? left me hanging on your thread. worried me to death.


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## AkiBear (Nov 12, 2015)

I've been extremely depressed for a long time and didn't realize until 2011, then for a while I tried to deny it because... I don't really know. I guess I didn't wanna accept that. I've had anxiety for literally my whole life and I didn't realize until again, 2011, and that explained so much. I got diagnosed this year with aspergers and some other learning problems which explains why I was such a failure in school and in general and dropped out 4 years ago. It would've been a lot better if I got diagnosed when I was younger because I could've gotten help when I _needed_ it. Some lady suggested that I might have mild OCD, too.


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## HungryForCereal (Nov 14, 2015)

i had depression a year ago and i still have it up till today.


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## piichinu (Nov 14, 2015)

kittycaffeine said:


> wait you're here??????? how are you doing? left me hanging on your thread. worried me to death.



She was faking for attention.


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## ashjaed (Nov 14, 2015)

I've been in recovery for a few things for years.

I'm doing very well now! I do definitely suggest getting a second opinion though. 

Because yes, doctors do get it wrong. 

Especially with Bipolar/BPD as they can overlap quite a bit.


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## radical6 (Nov 14, 2015)

Long update.

I still feel like ****, haha.

My doctors and psychs don't know how to help me anymore. Everything feels like ****.

I'm having dreams too. I miss someone a lot, but I have a feeling all I do is cause them pain. I don't mean to, but he can't take my depression. I talk too much about wanting to kill myself or harm myself, and he's never dealt with any of this. He doesn't know how.

I'm pretty sure all my dreams are trying to say something, but **** it.

I feel so empty and depressed. I look at the world and all I hear is sad horrific events. I lose people. But there's not a single thing I can do at all. 

Life is meaningless. I know these are all cognitive distortions, but whatever. Life is a distortion. 

Why can't the world just let me die. I've tried nearly four different ways to die, and I haven't ****ing died yet. Even nature is ****ing with me, are you kidding? I go tie a noose, only to find all the trees here can't support my weight, so I can't ****ing hang myself.

God dammnit.


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## Gregriii (Nov 14, 2015)

ADHD 4 the win


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## visibleghost (Nov 14, 2015)

the last few weeks have been really, really bad for me. i hate my mental illness stuff so much but at the same time if i didn't have this thing then who would i be lmao

also therapy is such a pain. it gives me so much anxiety but at the same time it's like the only thing in my life that's ok and that makes me feel safe-ish. lmao idk.

i told my therapist how suicidal i was and i didn't even tell her everything because i knew that she'd have to contact my parents if i told her too much because of laws and stuff, but apparently what i told her was enough to mess everything up and honestly my life is just a mess and i am so tired of everything. getting an appointmemt w a doctor who was there on my last appointment soon, we're going to discuss me going on meds i think??? honestly i regret telling my therapist about that stuff now.., whatever, i guess it doesn't really matter??? maybe it'll help lmao what do i know


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## Hermione Granger (Nov 14, 2015)

I've been diagnosed with: Social Anxiety, Depression, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and Agoraphobia. And although this is more of self diagnosed, I'm sure that I have depersonalisation/derealization disorder. I never talked to my psychiatrist or therapist about the latter, but I should soon to be sure since I've been feeling the symptoms of those for a while now. 

I take medications for my anxiety since it gets triggered when I go out mostly. It's been under control for a year now, but I still get uncomfortable and start fearing the worst when I go out some times. I stopped taking my depression pills since I got really tired and hungry, but that's also kind of in control? I only feel bouts of it at this point or when I feel rejection.


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## Celestefey (Nov 14, 2015)

Update for me: the past 2 weeks have literally been awful for me but today I woke up feeling much more positive and happy after a good nights sleep. I've been resting and relaxing and my mental health has improved. I went to see a doctor last week to finally sort out my depression. I have never officially been diagnosed but it feels like it is fairly obvious to me, my family, and also to the doctor that I do have depression, and it's something that has been with me for a long time, and something that unfortunately some other members of my family suffer with. Anyway, I'm going for a blood test on Monday to see if I have any sort of vitamin deficiencies as sometimes that can cause people to feel more down and tired and sad, but if not, I might be signed up to a counseling scheme which I am pretty happy about. I currently see a private counselor right now and it's unfortunately quite expensive but it's so worth it. I like being able to talk to her about everything that's on my mind and knowing that my feelings are valid and that everything will be okay and I can sort things out. It's just nice to have someone understand what's going on inside your head. Being depressed is difficult and it's a battle I have fought for quite some time now. It feels like it is never-ending but on days like today, it feels like it's a bit more bearable and it feels like I can get through this and I can be happy.


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## radioloves (Nov 14, 2015)

I hope you are feeling okay today! I'm not diagnosed with anything, though this is my assumption I haven't actually been to a doctor and got my scans done or anything. I think going through depression is hard for anyone especially getting older because everything is more tough and advanced and usually lies under survival. I think deep down inside we all have some kind of illness or problems whether we know it or not, just some people may hide it well, people don't know about it but suspect, we all aren't that perfect so deffinaetly have down falls for many things Dx


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## PastelPrincess (Nov 14, 2015)

As a diagnosed bipolar (frequent mania episodes, have never had a depressive episode) and schizophrenic I feel like people constantly make me feel like I'm crazy, which I'm honestly now. Those with depression have a huge community of help but if I even mention my bipolar or schizophrenia people will call me crazy or say "That's cool just don't kill me okay?" or "Don't come near ME IF YOU HAVEN"T TAKEN YOUR MEDS" and it's quite hurtful. Now, while I probably will never fully understand what a person with depression feels I am just very upset towards the hostility towards those with any other kind mental illnesses. I didn't ask to be like this and I'm most definitely faking it for attention. I feel like we need a better support group for people with mental illnesses other than just depression.


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## shunishu (Nov 14, 2015)

@pastelprincess so sad. there's so much stigma and uninformed preconceptions towards this. sorry you have to go through that on top of mental illness. its so important to keep conversation going on these topics and make it possible for people to be open about their experiences without judgement. it's so damaging and traumatising for people with mental illness to be considered or treated like a threat. 
hope you'll get all the love and support you deserve and don't silence yourself to make people comfortable around you. there are people that can understand.


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## shunishu (Nov 14, 2015)

justice said:


> Life is meaningless. I know these are all cognitive distortions, but whatever. Life is a distortion.



if life seems meangless and you can't function in it as things are, you need to pause and ignore everything and focus on yourself. there's no point investing energy and wasting time in trying to make things work and worry about others and feeling immeasureable guilt.  breathe in and meditate (i know it sounds silly, but it really helps finding your center and your calm spot if everything else is spinning endlessly. meditating helped me a LOT trying not to lose myself.). you can't change everything and you don't have to. there's lots of people who you can probably help in the future by just being around and understanding, after all you've been through. use your empathy for good and don't forget investing in yourself. i know this world is very messy, but there's so much beauty and hope everywhere you just need to open your heart, don't miss out. you can too change the world with the tiniest things, one hug and smile at a time. we can only do something about this world if we don't give up. <3
take breaks from people that make you feel guilty about expressing yourself fully, even if they don't intend it. if tumblr or a social media makes you anxious and feel bad, delete or disable these things for a while till you can catch yourself again. change the music you listen to,  to something that doesnt make you more anxious. there's lots of beautiful calming music around (some of my favorites being The New Spring, Kumisolo and Rue Royale, but there are a lot of musicians in underground music dealing with mental illness topics in their lyrics and melodies)

hope this helps and don't give up hope, there's no point. if you can't change it anyway you might as well have fun! ^^

- - - Post Merge - - -



ashjaed said:


> I've been in recovery for a few things for years.
> 
> I'm doing very well now! I do definitely suggest getting a second opinion though.
> 
> ...



true.
i'm happy for you! stay strong and dazzling


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## Magicath (Nov 14, 2015)

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and Severe-Emetophobia, I stopped going to Public school because of it. I became depressed and suicidal. I tried keeping it a secret from everyone except for my mom, she took me to therapy and tried curing my depression and anxiety. I'm glad not to be depressed anymore but occasionally I won't want anyone to talk to me and I just want to cry. 

Alot of people will say "I wish I was online-schooled like you!" and I get defensive because I don't like being online-schooled, I want social interaction and to see the people in real life. Not over Skype or the Internet. That's my story.


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## ashjaed (Nov 14, 2015)

shunishu said:


> true.
> i'm happy for you! stay strong and dazzling



Aw thank you so much!


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## Blueskyy (Nov 14, 2015)

Honestly I'm in my mid 20s and am less pleased with life than in high school.  High school was fine.  Big kid jobs make life blah.


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## emolga (Nov 14, 2015)

i suffer from depression (started maybe in fourth or fifth grade). i almost always feel my life has no meaning and there's nothing to live for, but antidepressants have actually helped a lot. i still always have that thought in my head, though, no matter how happy i am.

i've never attempted to take my own life because i always think about how devastated my parents would be, but i do remember considering killing myself. i used to cut myself back in sixth grade or so.


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## nerdatheart9490 (Nov 14, 2015)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Although I didn't suffer abuse, I also have mental illness. I started showing symptoms of depression at age 12 or so, and went numb for years. To the point where my therapists have had to reteach me how to feel and express emotions. My 7th grade history teacher recommended me to the school counselor, which got me into the therapy system. I've had 3 therapist, but unfortunately I keep having to quit because my medical coverage doesn't cover the sessions. 

I go through periods where I get worse and want to kill myself. I'm going through one of those times right now. Where there is nothing worth living for. Where I am worthless and my family would be better off without me. Where I can't  handle stress and I wish I could go numb again. But I know that if I power through it, I'll get to another period where I'm happy to be alive again.

I would suggest talking to someone ASAP. A therapist. Your physician, a family member, a friend. You can also talk to people online like you are now. Many people are willing to help others, because they know what it's like to be a teenager with mental illness. Just make sure you're talking to the right people. There are some forums that encourage negative behaviors, like self-harm and suicide. But there are many, many websites where people will help you. 

Good luck. Remember, there are people in the world who want you to live and be happy.


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## visibleghost (Mar 1, 2016)

lmao bumping this thread because why not

i've recently gotten two different medications that are supposed to help w my anxiety  but they dont really work :< they only make me tired af. the first one tasted horrible and after i took it i slept for 12 hours and the entire next day was a blur and i couldnt really do anything. the other one wasnt as bad but i slept for 10 hours or so and then i didnt have any energy the next day. neither helped with my anxiety but my doctor says that i should keep taking them because she thinks it's better to be tired than to be feeling awful .. idk how i feel about that but whatevr

also swimming is coming up in school in a few weeks and idk how i will handle it.... if you dont participate you get an f in gym class but i cant really wear swimwear due to scars so i dont really know what to do about that thing.., does anyone have any suggestions or anything??
 i'm thinking about maybe swimming w clothes that cover my arms and legs but ..... thats kind of weird..... but maybe it's better than failing gym class i dunno..,,,


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