# Time to make this public.



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

Hello guys. So about a month ago, My best friend. Emily (yes there's where i also got Emi from.) died from cancer. I have been getting into depression ever since she died. I've been having sucidal thoughts and more. I have only shared this with Pocky. My friend's father commited suicide and My grades have been going down. I can't handle what's happening in my life. I don't want to commit suicide either as my family needs me. I just wanted to say what's happening in my life. When me and Sugarella broke up, That was when she died. I don't want to say how long she had cancer but, I miss her. I miss her very much.


----------



## Mariah (Nov 1, 2015)

See a counselor.


----------



## Nightmares (Nov 1, 2015)

You could try counselling? ^^

And don't die you're part of our gang dude

(Wait...Emi's not your real name...?)


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

L CocoaBean said:


> You could try counselling? ^^
> 
> And don't die you're part of our gang dude
> 
> (Wait...Emi's not your real name...?)



Nope.





Mariah said:


> See a counselor.



Thanks.


----------



## jiny (Nov 1, 2015)

i knew too.

but anyways, try to tell a therapist/counselor? they can absolutely help. even if they don't, we're here to help! ^^


----------



## Nightmares (Nov 1, 2015)

All this time....I'm so...idek

What's your name then??


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

Sugarella said:


> i knew too.
> 
> but anyways, try to tell a therapist/counselor? they can absolutely help. even if they don't, we're here to help! ^^



Thank you for all your support guys. 





L CocoaBean said:


> All this time....I'm so...idek
> 
> What's your name then??



Please stay on topic. I'm just Emi.


----------



## milkday (Nov 1, 2015)

Please see a counsellor. It'll help you so much. You can always PM me your troubles- I'm here for you


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

kisskissfall-inlove said:


> Please see a counsellor. It'll help you so much. You can always PM me your troubles- I'm here for you



<3


----------



## KarlaKGB (Nov 1, 2015)

im sorry for ur loss, but throwing away ur life is not the answer and im sure emily would be disappointed that someone who has the chance that she never did would waste it.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

KarlaKGB said:


> im sorry for ur loss, but throwing away ur life is not the answer and im sure emily would be disappointed that someone who has the chance that she never did would waste it.



You're right.


----------



## Nightmares (Nov 1, 2015)

;-; 

...good luck then


----------



## Dinosaurz (Nov 1, 2015)

Aww I hope your ok, cancer sucks.
My cat died from cancer and my uncle 
Hope you don't mind me saying, but 'broke up' aren't you 11/12?
Well I hope you feel better soon. I've been going through tough times. But just keep going through them, they will stop soon.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

Slammint said:


> Aww I hope your ok, cancer sucks.
> My cat died from cancer and my uncle
> Hope you don't mind me saying, but 'broke up' aren't you 11/12?
> Well I hope you feel better soon. I've been going through tough times. But just keep going through them, they will stop soon.



Fake marriage. 

Thanks.


----------



## Dinosaurz (Nov 1, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> Fake marriage.
> 
> Thanks.



Ohh ok


----------



## Soigne (Nov 1, 2015)

Over half of my family has died of cancer & several of my friends have committed or attempted suicide. Life sucks, but you'll find a way to keep your head up and keep surviving for their sake. Counseling helps immensely & having a group of friends who you can talk to is priceless.


----------



## jiny (Nov 1, 2015)

anyways.. sorry for your loss, and i hope you get better soon. c:

<3


----------



## MozzarellaSticks (Nov 1, 2015)

This is a lot to dump onto a this site. I know venting helps, but no one here is qualified to help you. You have to talk to someone about this. Start by telling your parents. If you're too scared to talk to them, tell your school counselor. Ask them to help you tell your parents. But your parents have to know. You need their help to help yourself. They, along with the counselor, can get you the help you need. This is something big you need to see a professional about. Everyone grieves, but when it starts affecting your mental health and gives you suicidal thoughts, it's time to seek help.

If you do need to just vent feel free to pm me at any time. I can aways listen. But I can't really give you advice.

- - - Post Merge - - -



Sugarella said:


> okay so my grandma died from cancer and im also depressed (sort of)
> but my parents don't even care about me. like wtf.. basically they don't like me
> 
> (sorry to make this about me)


I am very sorry for your loss, and how your parents treat you, but this is not the time nor the place to vent about it. Make your own thread if you feel the need, but again TBT is not the greatest place to seek help or to vent. Perhaps talk to your counselor as well.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

hariolari said:


> This is a lot to dump onto a this site. I know venting helps, but no one here is qualified to help you. You have to talk to someone about this. Start by telling your parents. If you're too scared to talk to them, tell your school counselor. Ask them to help you tell your parents. But your parents have to know. You need their help to help yourself. They, along with the counselor, can get you the help you need. This is something big you need to see a professional about. Everyone grieves, but when it starts affecting your mental health and gives you suicidal thoughts, it's time to seek help.
> 
> If you do need to just vent feel free to pm me at any time. I can aways listen. But I can't really give you advice.
> 
> ...



Thank you, My parents do know Emily as i met her in Kindergarden.


----------



## Llust (Nov 1, 2015)

im so sorry about what youve been going through..although id like to point out that you should go to a legit counselor/therapist, not your school counselor. from personal experience, school counselors dont do sht to help and they dont even care. look for one that doesnt work at your school. i hope things get better


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

mimihime said:


> im so sorry about what youve been going through..although id like to point out that you should go to a legit counselor/therapist, not your school counselor. from personal experience, school counselors dont do sht to help and they dont even care. look for one that doesnt work at your school. i hope things get better



Okay thanks!


----------



## milkday (Nov 1, 2015)

I agree with Mimi about counselling. Also suicide is never an option. It's never ever a good choice. My boyfriend's friend got amnesia after an attempt and it made my boyfriend horribly upset.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

kisskissfall-inlove said:


> I agree with Mimi about counselling. Also suicide is never an option. It's never ever a good choice. My boyfriend's friend got amnesia after an attempt and it made my boyfriend horribly upset.



I'm sorry about your boyfriemds' friend. Does he remember him/her..?


----------



## himeki (Nov 1, 2015)

Sorry for your loss and what you're going though, but you gotta move on. Find other people that make you as happy as they did. I'm sure she would have wanted that.


----------



## milkday (Nov 1, 2015)

Well, it was a while ago and they were super close internet friends. She remembered me, even though the only interaction we had was me convincing her not to do it.

Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you. Honestly, PM me if you feel down. I'll do my very best to help


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 1, 2015)

MayorEvvie said:


> Sorry for your loss and what you're going though, but you gotta move on. Find other people that make you as happy as they did. I'm sure she would have wanted that.



Thank you.


----------



## Saylor (Nov 1, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I really agree that this is something you should tell your parents and seek out a counselor to talk to. Talking to friends or venting can help, and you're always welcome to PM me at any time if you ever need someone to talk to, but a counselor will be able to give you the professional help that you need if you're considering suicide. I hope you're able to seek out the support you need and feel better soon.


----------



## MozzarellaSticks (Nov 1, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> Thank you, My parents do know Emily as i met her in Kindergarden.


Then I'm sure they will understand and try and help.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

All the songs we listened together, All the games we played together. All the time we spent together was a hell of a rollecoaster. I wish it could of been longer.


----------



## Locket (Nov 2, 2015)

My friend lost her sister. Their family was very disapointed, and very sad.

Stay positive. If you are religious, maybe He needed her. 

But, go see a mental help person thingy of mobober. That helped my friend a lot. If you school counselor is decent, go see them and see a mental help. 

You shouldn;t be sad, she was suffering horribly. She probably wanted to go inside. Cancer sucks. But it happens. (omg i'm horrible at this DX)

Feel free to PM me. I'll help. 

Heck, if you need a break from school, take one! It'll help. Take time to relax. Lay on your bed, take a nap, do whatever you need to do.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

Bunny Bento said:


> My friend lost her sister. Their family was very disapointed, and very sad.
> 
> Stay positive. If you are religious, maybe He needed her.
> 
> ...



Why would god want a ****ing 10 year old!? Why? WHY WOULD HE ****ING NEED HER?


----------



## Locket (Nov 2, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> Why would god want a ****ing 10 year old!? Why? WHY WOULD HE ****ING NEED HER?



Hush

Be kind






























































It was what my friends paren't sblog said. But my friends sister had a cool backstory. I'm going to tell you via pm


----------



## Bloobloop (Nov 2, 2015)

Oh wow. I'm sorry I didn't know of this earlier. Honestly, if you are depressed, go and see a counselor. I know it seems super odd to get one (at least for me it did), but it helps. Maybe ask your parents if you can take a little bit of time off school. Or not. I know some people feel better with something to do so they don't really have to think about it. If you want to PM me to talk about it, go ahead


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

Bunny Bento said:


> Hush
> 
> Be kind
> 
> ...


Be kind? MY ****ING FRIEND IS DEAD BECAUSE OF SOME DAMN DISEASE! Why couldn't god take somebody else instead of her? What about a isis member or gang member or drug member. INSTEAD OF A INNOCENT CHILD!?


----------



## Locket (Nov 2, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> Be kind? MY ****ING FRIEND IS DEAD BECAUSE OF SOME DAMN DISEASE! Why couldn't god take somebody else instead of her? What about a isis member or gang member or drug member. INSTEAD OF A INNOCENT CHILD!?



Still, calm down. She wouldn;t like you yelling over her.


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

Bunny Bento said:


> Still, calm down. She wouldn;t like you yelling over her.



I just miss her. I just want to talk to her. I *JUST* want to say to her. I love you.


----------



## Cailey (Nov 2, 2015)

hello, I wish I knew your pretty name so I could address you better...
but my name is cailey and I feel blessed to meet you.

I would like to start by sharing my deepest condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how traumatizing this could be for a 10 year old. I mean it would be at any age, but you being so young - it could cause a deeper wound in your heart. I understand you're hurt and I understand your anger and frustration. but please, when we're trying to help, please don't start yelling at us and directing your anger towards us. we just want to help. I've never met you, but I've seen you around. you're such a kind soul and there's so many adorable quirks about you. you are loved and wanted in this world. I know that. I know you are. and I think you do too....

there aren't answers for everything, unfortunately. I never understood cancer. I hate it. I've had a few family members pass from it and it upsets me more than anything..... it's a horrible disease.. I know. who knows why this happened, but I do know she's free of pain, and probably so happy now. maybe eating some yummy ice cream whilst watching over you - maybe she will be your guardian angel now? do not be angry. please, no anger. just pray for her. talk to her before bed, check on her. I did that when my grandpa passed away.... I talked to him everynight for awhile until I knew it was time to let him rest. but don't only talk to her, please talk to your family. they are there for you. maybe your school counselor so they know what's going on at school if you get upset in class..... but most importantly, try and look into therapy sessions, please. these saved me. at first I hated it, it was awkward..... but it helped more than you'll understand. it's helped me through everything I've gone through. 

please don't say things related to suicide, please don't think about that. I'm almost 20, and I've been there. I will not go over details. but your family loves you. we love you. _she_ loves you...... so much. she does. do you think she would like you being so angry and yelling about it? do you think she wants to be the cause of you ending your life? you are such a strong, beautiful beautiful girl. you're going to be an incredible woman in years to come. I know this is hard, I know it is. but you can do this. everyone is rooting for you. and so is _she_. she knows you loved her with every ounce you could, she knows you supported her and was always there for her. she knows you were her best friend.... you can still be that and love her just as much, you know. she can hear you. she need positivity now. tell her a joke every now and then. vent to her about boys and school some nights... she can hear you. so let her hear the positives. she will watch over you now. protect you, watch the silly clumsy moments you have, watch you ace your first college exam, watch you begin a career. get married.... have kids. she will always be there. and so should you..... you should always be there.. (here)

I believe in you. please pm me or add me if you want. 
I will gladly always respond and help you as I've been right where you are.

you're a beautiful, strong human being. you can do this.


----------



## Locket (Nov 2, 2015)

caileymichelle said:


> hello, I wish I knew your pretty name so I could address you better...
> but my name is cailey and I feel blessed to meet you.
> 
> I would like to start by sharing my deepest condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how traumatizing this could be for a 10 year old. I mean it would be at any age, but you being so young - it could cause a deeper wound in your heart. I understand you're hurt and I understand your anger and frustration. but please, when we're trying to help, please don't start yelling at us and directing your anger towards us. we just want to help. I've never met you, but I've seen you around. you're such a kind soul and there's so many adorable quirks about you. you are loved and wanted in this world. I know that. I know you are. and I think you do too....
> ...



Emi is a he btw 

This hit me so hard though


----------



## Cailey (Nov 2, 2015)

ohh no, editing. wow.
thanks bunny <3


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

caileymichelle said:


> hello, I wish I knew your pretty name so I could address you better...
> but my name is cailey and I feel blessed to meet you.
> 
> I would like to start by sharing my deepest condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how traumatizing this could be for a 10 year old. I mean it would be at any age, but you being so young - it could cause a deeper wound in your heart. I understand you're hurt and I understand your anger and frustration. but please, when we're trying to help, please don't start yelling at us and directing your anger towards us. we just want to help. I've never met you, but I've seen you around. you're such a kind soul and there's so many adorable quirks about you. you are loved and wanted in this world. I know that. I know you are. and I think you do too....
> ...


You're killing me right now. Thank you for these strong words.


----------



## Cailey (Nov 2, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> You're killing me right now. Thank you for these strong words.



youre a beautiful, strong soul. you are so very loved. 
for now, go try and make some hot tea? curl up with some blankets and have a chat with her!

after that, you'll feel a little better. maybe shower, relax, watch a silly movie. 
we're here for you. I can stay on as long as you want and need if you need to talk.

we love you very much - everything will be okay <3 


- - - Post Merge - - -

I admire you so much. you inspire me. 
take a deep breath, it'll all be okay. I'll pray everynight for you, and her and her family. 

I'm always here ~


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

caileymichelle said:


> youre a beautiful, strong soul. you are so very loved.
> for now, go try and make some hot tea? curl up with some blankets and have a chat with her!
> 
> after that, you'll feel a little better. maybe shower, relax, watch a silly movie.
> ...


I would hug you right now. Thank you so much.


----------



## Cailey (Nov 2, 2015)

emisenpai12 said:


> I would hug you right now. Thank you so much.



and I would hug you right back!
oh, did you just feel that warmth?????? I just sent a few hugs your way <3

of course, don't even thank me. I'm glad to be here and to know you. 
you're such beautiful person, I feel honored.


----------



## DarkDesertFox (Nov 2, 2015)

I'm very sorry for your loss. This is a difficult time for you, but you will get through it even though the pain may feel like it will last forever. You've already taken a big step rejecting your suicidal thoughts. I hope you feel better soon and stay strong!


----------



## Wrathie83 (Nov 2, 2015)

Sending big hugs, when i lost my mum (it's kind of the same as she was my best friend), i felt like my whole world had gone t*ts upwards (no pun intended as my mum died of breast cancer). But what got me through the tough times was my boyfriend and my dad (some other family members too). I wished i had gone to see a bereavement councillor back then, as i think that having that extra support would have done me good. 

   But please, please, please promise me you won't self harm or attempt suicide, believe me when i say that it's not the answer....pinky swear? *holds out her pinky finger*. Trust me, your friend would be pissed at you if you did anything suicidal/self harm related, she'd want you (her bff) to live a happy life and die in old age *hugs* x

p.s Hope my post doesn't come across harsh as that wasn't what i intended it to be


----------



## Celestefey (Nov 2, 2015)

Some of the posts on this thread are so insensitive. I really hoped that at least on a thread like this people could be a bit more understanding... Anyway, it's the internet. :\ And really, you shouldn't seek help from a place like this. We aren't professionals. We might give good advice, but... It's better to seek help and support from a counselor, someone who knows what they are talking about and will know how to help you cope. It's not easy, dealing with the loss of someone you loved, but let me tell you the truth - this is the worst part. It may seem like things will never get better, but trust me, it does. Even though you miss your friend very much, there will come a day when you don't get so upset when you think about her, instead you'll think of the happy memories and you'll be grateful for everything she has done for you, and all of the times you've spent together. It isn't easy, and it's hard to deal with so much grief, especially at such a young age! But speak to a counselor, it will really help you out. What I like about counselors is that you can talk about your problems, write about your problems, even draw your problems, and they will listen and observe and they'll find a way to approach you in a way that makes you happy.  

And remember, time heals all wounds. It will take you some time to get over it. It's not going to be easy, but you will become such a strong person at the end of it. Your friend would be so proud of you. You can get through this. You just have to believe in yourself.

Also, I don't agree with the people who are saying you should take time off of school... It's not going to help. You're going to end up being so behind on your work and your grades could suffer as a result, and... Even though your friend was clearly very important to you and still is, you still need to put yourself first and you still need to carry on doing your best. I know it's tough, but sometimes going out and doing stuff actually helps. Sitting indoors doing nothing all day will only make you feel worse. Your mind will just be consumed by sad thoughts and it'll only make you feel worse. But going to school, going out with family and friends, taking up a hobby, etc etc, it will really help you. Your mind will be preoccupied with other things, so it'll make the pain much more bearable. Why don't you take up a hobby like drawing or painting, something like that? Even if you don't feel like you are any good at it, creating and making things is very therapeutic and can help calm you and help you relax. 

Finally... If you ever need to talk to someone, you can always feel free to PM me. I'm always here to listen, to anyone really. But please, first and foremost, see a counselor, they will know how to help best. <3


----------



## Wrathie83 (Nov 2, 2015)

Celestefey said:


> And remember, time heals all wounds. It will take you some time to get over it. It's not going to be easy, but you will become such a strong person at the end of it. Your friend would be so proud of you. You can get through this. You just have to believe in yourself.


 Yup i agree, it's been 3 yrs since i lost my mum and there are still things out there that make me bawl like a baby .


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 2, 2015)

Thank you all. I feel like making a song about her


----------



## tsantsa (Nov 3, 2015)




----------



## milkday (Nov 3, 2015)

another thing: sometimes the grief will hit you like a train. don't worry. drink a warm drink, watch your favourite anime, do what makes YOU happy. grief doesn't totally fade but it becomes manageable. surround yourself with friends who care and understand. it will be okay.


----------



## Beardo (Nov 3, 2015)

After a tough experience when I was younger, I started going to a therapist. I still do today. Even if you didn't have something tragic like this happen in your life, I would still suggest it. What happened to me was 7 years ago, but with my growing up, developing depression and anxiety, and just any stress in my life, I like to talk to someone. It's healthy to share your emotions and feelings with someone who can help you through it. As nice as some people online are, you need someone who can get to know you in real life, and can know about everything that's happening.

Stay strong, and always remember all the nice times you've had with Emily


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 3, 2015)

This is just my own version of Amnesia by 5SOS. 

I drove by all our schools, where we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last moment, how it felt, how you hugged me.
And even though my friends tell me you're gonna be fine, forget about the past then you'll be fine.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me that you had it..
I remember the tears running down our faces.
And the days you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the about the torture and bullying.
The way it felt to hug you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures of me and you they're still living in my computer
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm so depressed

It hurts to know your gone, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you were sent to the hospital
I remember the prayings, but they didn't go through
And the days i remembered, they were fading
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the names: "Cancer Girl" and "Idiot"
Like the way it felt to kiss you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you loved me
I remember you hugged me tightly
And the tears that was shed
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the torture and pain.
Like the way it felt to love you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 6, 2015)

ems said:


>



Why didn't I listen to this? It sounds like she's singing it to me ;;


----------



## laura_jean (Nov 7, 2015)

You'll be okay, trust me. Life gets hard before it gets enormously better. My best tips are to be lazy and not feel guilty, spend time alone doing things you sincerely love, and let yourself heal. Let death also remind you how valuable life is. Start making big-picture plans for your life-long goals. Don't feel sorry for those you have lost. You'll be okay. <3


----------



## MissLily123 (Nov 7, 2015)

If you need anyone to talk to about this please PM me! Last year, my friend was accidentally shot. Its been a year and a week now. The 4th was his birthday. I understand how this affects your emotions.. I am still hurting, but I promised him I would remember him with fondness and happiness. I still cry, but I try my hardest to push through for him. Things will get better; not like they were, but they will get better <3


----------



## Kenziegirl1229 (Nov 7, 2015)

I know that you've probably heard this all before, but PM me anytime when you want to talk. I'm not always active due to school, but I'll try to respond as soon as I can. And please Emi, when you read this, promise yourself, promise me, promise Emily, that you won't think about dying today, or hurt yourself. Now go back and read this everyday and make the same promises. Please PM me, Emi, I really do care and I'm only a click away.


----------



## uwuzumakii (Nov 7, 2015)

Please don't go...


----------



## ApolloJusticeAC (Nov 8, 2015)

-Thank you all!


----------



## Cailey (Nov 9, 2015)

hope you're feeling a little better, lovebug <3


----------



## Montavely (Nov 10, 2015)

Hey pal, I'm really sorry I couldn't get on this sooner. 

I know this has to be really rough right now. What has happened is absolutely horrible, and no one should have to go through this.
I glad everyone on the forums has been supportive and shout out to kittycaffeine for the great words.
I may not be the best person to talk to, but I'm glad you at least spoke out about it. Though you've probably heard it plenty of times, the best thing for you to do would probably be to talk about it to someone you personally know (parents friends ect.) If you're like me I know it's very hard to speak out to people ( I haven't been able for over a year! ) but I'm sure it's really what's best. I'm really not sure about therapists, I've always been to scared myself to visit one myself but they've always been recommended to me over and over and I'm sure they're really not as bad as they seem. 
I hope this was helpful, I've always been kind of awkward in these situations, but *PLEASE* if there's an emergency or if you need someone to talk to send a msg on skype or kik. I know the last thing you want to hear about is other peoples problems but hopefully we can relate well on this.  You're not alone, and know Emily is always by your side watching over.

Don't hesitate to message me okay? I'm here for you !! c: -Your friend Monty


----------



## KiloPatches (Nov 11, 2015)

Hey, Emi, I am very sorry for your loss(es). 

Likewise, I have suffered uite a few also, and can relate. Suicides, I watched my mother bleed to death in 2010, my cousin died last January, and a close friend of mine, Josh (you can follow him, he decided to write a book, "The Funny Thing About Cancer", and make a youtube channel, www.joshhaddon.com, I mean he isn't as young as your friend, but he will likely be dead by Spring. There is nothing they can do. He was diagnosed at Stage 3. I understand your frustration..... Josh is an all-aroundgood guy. I made a thread about it. A mod took it down, because it "advertised the book", (I guess), no, simply, I was ranting about the fact that I was losing a friend to cancer and his inspirational story. 

I am also CPI/ASSIST (Crisis Intervntion/Suicide Intervention) trained. I am a post-secondary student of psychology pursuing graduate work, with experience and training in Mood Disorders, Anxiety, Trauma/PTSD, Grief Counselling and a specialization (with the clients I work with for my practicum) in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. To my knowledge, I am the closest you will find on TBT to someone who has their PhD in Clinical Psychology, with research and background interests in Personality Theory (my thesis), Neuro-Behavioural Psychology and Psychopharmacholoy. That is why I made my Advice Column in my signature, linked below. Throigh the pages you can see rsources of other uers I have heped. And naturally, my PM inbox is always open for one-on-one counselling. Naturally, in my field I am bound by confidentiality as well (aside from 3 conditions, but since I don't know you in person, as a client it practically makes those irrelevent or impractical, things lke if I suspect child abuse, etc, and naturally, I would have to act within the juristiction of the laws of my country - and besides I am not even licensed as a pracitioner anyway, so these don't really apply either, in practice, but in theory, they do, as I do my best to maintain what is best for everyone invololved.) I also am able to meet for Skype chats etc, and you have every right to disclose as much or as little detail as you like, as with any therapist. 

However, my health has taken a major downturn, and as much as I would like to make myself available to you in your time of need, I am arranged for hospital admission come Monday. I don't know for how many weeks. For this particular condition, the minimm was 3, the maximum was 7, in the past. I unfortunately cannot make myself available as I would like to, as I have much to prepare in terms of arranging with my profs how I am going to complete my semester successfully and such with missing so much school this term, etc, arrange my internship, arrange with my landlord and common-law rent payments so that we are still sustained in my absence, no matter how long I am away. 

I do urge you to take the following steps: 
1. Contact the Community Crisis Unit or Distress Centrre (Phone Number) in your area. Sometimes they have a Mobile Crisis team that will meet with you, in a public place, or at your home, wherever you like. Phone them, if you have trouble explaining or voicing what is going on, that is okay, they understand it is hard to do that, they are very patient. Do not be afraid, they will not try to manipulate you or trick you into hospitalization. Rather, direct you to long-term community resources, such as counsellors, social workers, psychologists, psychistrists, that can aid you, and have availablitites to meet with you on a regular basis, and are either publically funded, or fit your insurance, or whatnot. Hospitalization is a last resort if they feel you need to a safe place, or that you are a danger to yourself or others. I can reassure you it is okay. Hospitals with more funding towards their psych units provide programming, occupational therapy, sometimes have exersize rooms, lots of art and activities, to promote wellness. They are not sanitariums or institutions of the 1960s. Far, far more ethical, moral treatment. If they have an adolescent unit, that is where you would be placed, and you would meet young people like you struggling with similar issues - even make friends. There you would receive round the clock treatment of a psychologist, psychiatrist and social worker to meet your needs on a daily basis. And come up with a discharge plan to improve your life and perhaps give you outpatient programs in the community for you to attend so you can stay well. It all dpends. 

I am very concerned for you, and I truly regret that I cannot reach out to you due to my own health concerns. 
Know that my thoughts are with you. And you are not alone. You are most certainly not alone. <3 
*hugs*

- - - Post Merge - - -

On the topic of Josh, and the song I think of when I think of losing someone too early, I think of this song: 

O Death - the Until Dawn cover:
http://youtu.be/uwNTQO50bQE


----------

