Alone

[Lujei]

Well, I'm stuck here alone...again. Boyfriend says he wants to play with friends and relax before taking an exam and all my other friends are either working or hanging with other friends. Even if they had nothing to do, I'm the last person they ever think of to hang out with. Day after day, week after week, I'm always here in my room, by myself. Sure, alone time is good and all, but it gets so agonizing when it happens too often for too long. I'm always left behind.

I try so hard to reach out and connect with people, but all they really do is brush me off and tell me their too busy. My boyfriend doesn't even seem to care whenever I'm all alone. It just seems like his top priority is friends and video games, nothing more. If I'm sad, so what? "It's no big deal" he says. Forget to text me when he said he would? No big deal. Forgot an important conversation? No big deal. Forgetting the anniversary? NO BIG DEAL. I'm thinking: "Are you serious? Is anything ever a big deal to you? The only thing seems to be amiibos right now. Not my feelings or my conserns, nothing. Only when the stupid blue yarn yoshi is gonna come out." The only reason you want to keep your grades up is to keep your stupid games. I'm of no consern here.

People just don't ever need me. Ever. All I do is anger people and get in the way. No going to the movies or sleepovers for me. All I get is the silent treatment alone in my room, when others are out there partying and laughing the day away. Whenever I express how I feel, no one seems to care, or just want to tell me all the ways that I'm wrong and shove their own ideas down my throat and expect me to swallow.

Where is MY best friend? Do I just not deserve one? I'm just so different from everyone else that there is no one on Earth who seems to understand me? Billions of human beings...and theres not even one. It's just me, and only me.

 

[Azy]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear all of this is happening to you, I know how you feel from similar past experience.. If you ever need anyone at all to vent to or just talk, remember I'm here for you. Honestly, send me a message whenever you want and I promise I'll be there. 0o0

 

[Lujei]

Aw thank you so much

 

[behth]

Normally I don't get involved with people who post like this because I don't have anything to contribute, but I have to say I can relate to most of what you're feeling. I don't have many friends my age which gets very lonely at times, and it is very, very hard to find that one special friend who prioritizes you, because it seems like everyone out there already HAS friends. Everyone's already in their own established little groups and they don't need anyone else. The right kind of friend is someone who needs you as much as you need them, and that's so hard to find. And it seems like whenever I do get a friend like that, something happens like they move or something. SO I've resorted to enjoying my own company as much as I can and doing things that I enjoy, and I just consider it a friendly bonus whenever there's someone else to share them with.

Sorry that ended up being sort of a windy rant of my own, haha. But I hope it helped.

 

[Lujei]

Thats exactly what it's like. I used to be like that, but after having someone by me so often to lift me up and make me feel special, i got so addicted to that feeling. Then after being betrayed and left behind by that special someone, i never was the same again. So now being alone sometimes is so painful cuz i remember what that feeling was like.

Hearing your input did help me. thank you