A Bunny? For What Purpose?
Bunnies are cute and adorable creatures. I'm sure you all know or believe that. I'd actually be genuinely shocked if you thought they were ugly, but that's besides the point. Bunnies are charming and would actually be a wonderful mascot for so many things, but for Easter? Puh-lease.
Now I'm sure there's a long, meaningless meaning behind the whole bunny concept - probably involving some drunken fool and a less-than-fortunate bunny on a rainy day - but why wouldn't you pick something that actually lays eggs, like an alligator? Well, I guess the Easter Alligator probably won't be appearing in malls, lining up for photo shoots with children, but rather be found in some shady bar with a bunch of rough and tough bad boys. I suppose the mascot really defines the holiday.
Seriously, the Easter Chicken wouldn't have been a bad choice.
First and foremost, it actually lays eggs. The only way I can see a bunny obtaining enough eggs was through robbery of the highest caliber; robbing the dairy section of your local Costco. Though if he were a sinister bunny, he'd use them for egging houses instead of bringing joy to children. A theft's a theft, no matter how small (Thanks Dr. Seuss, I knew reading your work would come in handy). Although I suppose a chicken using its own potential offspring for a children's game of hide and seek, to which the finders-keepers rule is incredibly accurate in this case - And we never saw Clyde McCluck again -, isn't exactly the most mind-easing thought.
Secondly, the common Easter rituals wouldn't be any different. I assume if you're celebrating Easter that you are indeed Catholic, or Christian. To be honest I never fully understood the difference. Anyway, what you would normally do wouldn't be any different, meaning going to the Easter mass - which is always the same. Exact. Thing - and seeing any family you normally would. The only thing you would have to do is change the lie you tell your children, to which they can hold over your head for a long while - yes, I've used the "You lied to me about Santa Claus" card with my parents and no it normally doesn't work. Then I guess everyone would have to change the story, and I guess other people telling their children they messed up an already fake story... won't end well with them at the end-game.
Third(ly?), chickens are much more believable mascots. Now whether you're pro-chicken or pro-bunny, you can't exactly disagree with this statement. You might be thinking to yourself "Children won't even care about trivial facts such as those!" to which I say, wrong. So wrong. I was one of them: The non-believers. From the start, I knew bunnies didn't lay eggs so they certainly couldn't be hiding so many of them. What a preposterous idea, who would even believe such pure garbage? The answer is a lot of people. What you should've been thinking before was "most children," but don't clump all of one group of people together under a labeled umbrella. C'mon, you're better than that. It only takes one brilliant, youthful mind to change the minds of the others. Don't give them bait by using obsolete mascots that don't even make any sense. Had the mascot been a chicken, I might have still believed in him today. Although how could one chicken lay so many eggs in a day? Laxatives. Well how does he get from place to place so fast? ... Stop, stop ruining my moment.
Finally, bunnies are overused. Who's the face of Looney Toons? Bugs Bunny. When you associate an animal with a magician, you think of a bunny and their ridiculous bunny in the hat trick. And of course we have Easter, the time that is used to praise the Day of the Bunny. Take the limelight away from the bunny, and shed some of it on the chicken! They need to be glorified, for all their wondrous abilities like laying eggs, and...
You know what? Forget the chicken. They are God-awful and useless. Let's make it the Easter Pigeon and call it a day.
