Dealing with parents of friends

[nintendofan85]

So, ten years ago, I became friends with these twins that were in my grade because in August 2007, right at the start of the 2007-2008 school year when we started 2nd grade, they were in my class and it was in the middle of that previous school year, in January of 2007, when they had moved down from the Jackson area in Mississippi from Seattle. We've been friends since and we're still on good terms now, but their mother has started to dislike me.
I don't live in the Jackson area anymore, as I moved with my parents to the area around Huntsville, Alabama, just a couple of months ago, but their mother is mad at me because I added a guy that was also in our grade at my old school in Mississippi that she disliked because of an incident that took place in 2013 where he acted crazy at the twins' birthday party to a group chat. The problem is, I didn't really know about her dislike of this guy, and I added him because he literally had no friends now that I transferred to a high school in another state. She also only found out about this because she goes into their phones every night and reads every text they send and what they've been sent by others. As a result, she's enacted a "no contact" policy where she does not want them associating with me in any way period, and one of them had to secretly text me to tell me this. It's gotten so crazy that when I called their landline just this past Saturday after I got back from my family reunion and her husband picked up saying that he'd let them get on the phone, she came on and said that they "couldn't come on". She has been holding this grudge against me for over three weeks now and I doubt it's ever going away, at least not anytime soon. What do I do, and is this fair?

 

[ja2mine]

First of all, checking her children's texts and phone is just horrible. Kids should be given a right to some privacy and withholding privacy from them makes them not want to trust you when it comes time to tell important things. This is not fair at all. Considering you had no idea about her problems with this guy and it wasn't your fault, and you should try to explain this to her in a way she would understand and get (even though it may be difficult). She should also learn to forgive because 2013 was 4, almost 5 years ago and it's unhealthy to hold a pointless grudge for that long.. i'm not sure what the guy did, but i doubt he destroyed their whole home, so there's no reason to hold a grudge against you for befriending him. Their mother seems to be a very stubborn person, and she also seems to be very strict and controlling considering that whole phone issue. Regardless, I wish you luck and hope this all gets resolved because it sounds like it sucks...

 

[nintendofan85]

First of all, checking her children's texts and phone is just horrible. Kids should be given a right to some privacy and withholding privacy from them makes them not want to trust you when it comes time to tell important things. This is not fair at all. Considering you had no idea about her problems with this guy and it wasn't your fault, and you should try to explain this to her in a way she would understand and get (even though it may be difficult). She should also learn to forgive because 2013 was 4, almost 5 years ago and it's unhealthy to hold a pointless grudge for that long.. i'm not sure what the guy did, but i doubt he destroyed their whole home, so there's no reason to hold a grudge against you for befriending him. Their mother seems to be a very stubborn person, and she also seems to be very strict and controlling considering that whole phone issue. Regardless, I wish you luck and hope this all gets resolved because it sounds like it sucks...

Yeah, and we're all 17. This happened when were aged 12-13.

 

[Lackadaisy]

I'd say this isn't fair or even normal behavior - frankly the mother sounds incredibly immature and controlling. I'm not sure what to advise you, but I do hope for the sake of her daughters that they can eventually escape those circumstances. Growing up in a household like that is exactly the sort of bs that can really mess with your head longterm

 

[visibleghost]

lmao wtf is wrong w that mom

i dont think theres anything you can do. obviously you can try to keep talking to them but in the end their mom is .. like that and she will probably find out. your friends need to stand up against their mom, aren't they 17 as well since you were in the same grade? 17 year olds should have a Lot more privacy than that and it's not normal for parents to decide who you are allowed to be friends with, that's maybe understandable if you're like 5 or something but when you're 17 uhhhhhh ...
you could try to tell them thatyou think they should stand up to their mom but other than that i don't think there's a lot you can do

 

[zeoli]

Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything you can do. When I was much younger, my parents used to ban me from talking to certain people online. They started monitoring everything I did online and it was horrible. Hell, they almost tried to do it to me last year and I'm 22 now. I have now since completely moved to living with my grandparents and because they cannot control me, I am a much happier person.

They are your typical "we're your parents so we always know best and you should listen because we brought you into this world." More like you guys don't know anything and felt better about yourselves by controlling and bullying me.

 

[abc123wee]

Try to explain the situation to her calmly. I'm sure she'll understand. The hard part would be trying to contact her, though.

 

[nintendofan85]

I'd say this isn't fair or even normal behavior - frankly the mother sounds incredibly immature and controlling. I'm not sure what to advise you, but I do hope for the sake of her daughters that they can eventually escape those circumstances. Growing up in a household like that is exactly the sort of bs that can really mess with your head longterm

They're sons, but yeah, this is absolutely insane.

 

[Lackadaisy]

They're sons, but yeah, this is absolutely insane.

That was a strange assumption on my part - possibly because of the stereotype that daughters are more controlled by their parents (especially when it comes to whom they can or cannot associate with)

Again, sorry you all have to deal with the situation *nod*