VanitasFan26
I'm just a ghost.
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- Thread starter VanitasFan26
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The way I handle unsolicited advice is very situational. I like to assume that people say things with good intentions (this doesn't mean they do, though, it's just healthier for me to assume this), but that I don't have to accept their criticisms and advice if it's not applicable to me.
My natural response is to feel annoyed with it, but I've gotten better at just being politely agreeing (because arguing is exhausting for me and it doesn't help either side, so why put myself through that? It's healthier for me to not engage.) If I'm able to shrug it off and ignore it, I will, but if it's frustrating enough then I just try to think it through and get closure on the matter on my own. I'm the type of person who dwells on things, so to get over it, I usually have to try to rationalize things on both my part and theirs to understand what they were getting at, why they said what they did, and whether it has any real merit or not for me (again, I like to assume they meant well -- it's easier to assume malice, but I have my own reasons for why I don't)
Nothing changes on their part because I don't engage, and they'll probably keep giving unsolicited 'advice'! But it becomes easier for me to accept things and move on with my life.
It also helped me to recognize what actual constructive advice/feedback is like, and what isn't. The people that will actually give you proper constructive feedback are usually those that have thought it through and given you more consideration, and who would also accept that that feedback doesn't have to be accepted.
(Sorry about the small text bits -- those parts have a little more nuance to them, but I also didn't want to get sidetracked. Leaving it out read too much like "oh, you should assume people mean well and just accept it" which is not where I'm coming from, so I wanted to make the distinction that it's a personal preference of mine that was made entirely for my own mental health.)
My natural response is to feel annoyed with it, but I've gotten better at just being politely agreeing (because arguing is exhausting for me and it doesn't help either side, so why put myself through that? It's healthier for me to not engage.) If I'm able to shrug it off and ignore it, I will, but if it's frustrating enough then I just try to think it through and get closure on the matter on my own. I'm the type of person who dwells on things, so to get over it, I usually have to try to rationalize things on both my part and theirs to understand what they were getting at, why they said what they did, and whether it has any real merit or not for me (again, I like to assume they meant well -- it's easier to assume malice, but I have my own reasons for why I don't)
Nothing changes on their part because I don't engage, and they'll probably keep giving unsolicited 'advice'! But it becomes easier for me to accept things and move on with my life.
It also helped me to recognize what actual constructive advice/feedback is like, and what isn't. The people that will actually give you proper constructive feedback are usually those that have thought it through and given you more consideration, and who would also accept that that feedback doesn't have to be accepted.
(Sorry about the small text bits -- those parts have a little more nuance to them, but I also didn't want to get sidetracked. Leaving it out read too much like "oh, you should assume people mean well and just accept it" which is not where I'm coming from, so I wanted to make the distinction that it's a personal preference of mine that was made entirely for my own mental health.)
Millysaurusrexjr
yeah
You can be passive aggressive and say nothing more than "Neat!!" or "Wow very cool!!"
It's probably not the most mature way of dealing with things but at the same time it's pretty rude to give out unsolicited advice so that's on them
It's probably not the most mature way of dealing with things but at the same time it's pretty rude to give out unsolicited advice so that's on them
I’m honestly very sensitive, so I tend to take any advice or comments to heart. This isn’t healthy in the slightest, and it’s gotten to the point where I would overthink many decisions if someone says one thing that advises against it. I believe there is constructive advice, and there is being an ***. It’s one thing if you’re saying “Great, but I’d go about it a different way” than if you are saying “Bad idea, you can’t do it, you won’t accomplish anything, etc.”
I don’t think anyone should deter you from accomplishing your goals. I’m definitely not against advice if you are asking for it, but even if someone is asking for it, you can give helpful and constructive advice without being rude about it. What I’m trying my best to learn is that feedback doesn’t necessarily have to be accepted. You can do your own thing, and if you’re receiving negative feedback in regards to a goal you’re trying to accomplish, do not accept their negativity. People will try to deter you from a life they wish they had. They will look at their experiences and think you’ll have the same outcome. Positivity is a mindset.
I don’t think anyone should deter you from accomplishing your goals. I’m definitely not against advice if you are asking for it, but even if someone is asking for it, you can give helpful and constructive advice without being rude about it. What I’m trying my best to learn is that feedback doesn’t necessarily have to be accepted. You can do your own thing, and if you’re receiving negative feedback in regards to a goal you’re trying to accomplish, do not accept their negativity. People will try to deter you from a life they wish they had. They will look at their experiences and think you’ll have the same outcome. Positivity is a mindset.
I keep an open mind to be honest. If someone has advice for me, I will do my best to find out if it’s good advice or not. That being said, if they’re just being an *** then I ignore them. I think there’s two ways in which you can err when given advice. If you take everything to heart then you’re opening yourself up to following bad advice. On the contrary, if you don’t take any advice at all to heart then you’ll never improve at those things. I do my best not to fall into either of those traps.
I've found that people give unsolicited advice for different reasons. Some people are honestly trying to be helpful and they think that because something worked for them that it may work for you too. Other people are more controlling and expect people to do things their way all the time. There are probably other reasons too, but those are the main two that I've encountered.
Regardless of the reason the person is giving me advice, I treat them all the same way. I don't like conflict so I tell them I'll consider it. Then, I actually do take it into consideration. I think about what they're suggesting and if I think it's something that I think might work for me or not. I make the final decision on whether or not to take their advice, but even if I don't do what they suggested, I don't tell them. I just go on about my business and do things my way.
When the same people constantly give me bad advice or tell me to do things that I know won't benefit me, I just start tuning them out. I'll smile and nod, but I won't pay a bit of attention or let it bother me. They can say whatever they want, but it's my life.
Regardless of the reason the person is giving me advice, I treat them all the same way. I don't like conflict so I tell them I'll consider it. Then, I actually do take it into consideration. I think about what they're suggesting and if I think it's something that I think might work for me or not. I make the final decision on whether or not to take their advice, but even if I don't do what they suggested, I don't tell them. I just go on about my business and do things my way.
When the same people constantly give me bad advice or tell me to do things that I know won't benefit me, I just start tuning them out. I'll smile and nod, but I won't pay a bit of attention or let it bother me. They can say whatever they want, but it's my life.
Usually I just fakely agree or ignore them depending on who it actually is doing if it's parents it's easier just ignoring and walking away. If it's someone like a friend/co-worker or stuff I usually just smile and roll along unless they're obviously offensive or stuff then I tell them off no matter who it is. But yeah parents definitely suck at shutting their bread boxes over it like... Not everyone works the same.
