Do you feel like a late bloomer?

[Buttonsy]

A late bloomer is someone who feels that they either haven't reached the same milestones as people their age, or else that they have reached those milestones but at a much older age. It can be applied to pretty much any life milestone that is associated with a certain age: it could be physical things like feeling like you don't look your age, mental things like developmental milestones, or social/financial/etc, things like being able to drive or being married.

I'm developmentally disabled and I've overall missed a lot of standard milestones for people my age: I haven't graduated high school, haven't worked, don't drive, still live at home, and haven't dated, among other late bloomer things. (I'm 20) I am currently just focusing on finding ways to have a fulfilling life even as a disabled person, whether I eventually hit these milestones or not. I'm also transgender and haven't been able to start hormone therapy yet, and I often feel I look significantly younger than I am because of it (I present myself as male in my day-to-day life, but due to not having any facial hair or a deep voice and being relatively short, I think a lot of people probably think I'm 13, haha) Luckily though I have doctor who is working with me to get on hormone therapy so maybe that won't last too long.

I thought maybe having a thread about this would be good: allow people to open up, vent, and/or share late bloomer life advice.

I just wanted to let anyone reading this who maybe feels insecure about being a late bloomer know that there isn't anything wrong with having your own path, and often paths that don't follow the standard ones will teach you really rare life lessons that not everyone gets to learn and allow you to develop wisdom that not everyone will get to know. While there may be unhealthy reasons behind being a late bloomer in some cases, being a late bloomer isn't inherently unhealthy, and you shouldn't compare your journey to other peoples. Life isn't a race, you can take your time with things.

 

[ali.di.magix]

I just wanted to let anyone reading this who maybe feels insecure about being a late bloomer know that there isn't anything wrong with having your own path, and often paths that don't follow the standard ones will teach you really rare life lessons that not everyone gets to learn and allow you to develop wisdom that not everyone will get to know. While there may be unhealthy reasons behind being a late bloomer in some cases, being a late bloomer isn't inherently unhealthy, and you shouldn't compare your journey to other peoples. Life isn't a race, you can take your time with things.

This. This is very important and something I wish I had realised when I was younger.

I'm definitely a late bloomer in almost every aspect of my life lol. I look younger than I am, I think I sometimes act younger than I am, I only learnt to drive within the last year, I haven't dated, I still live at home, I'm not financially secure, I lacked social skills for a long time, I got my first job late compared to others...The list goes on really.

Since most of these milestones typically happen in high school, it made me feel really, really insecure due to comparing myself to my peers. Sometimes there would be pressure from my family as well. I hated it all really. Once you reach that end goal of getting a job, license etc. no one talks about you not getting there "on time" from my experience. I realised myself that I would eventually get there, but I just wished other people in my life had realised that too. I think I've learnt a lot from developing late and I'm happy to share my experiences with others to help them on their way too.

 

[Princess Mipha]

I feel like I'm more of a never-bloomer, lol.
I mean, yeah I guess I am a late bloomer, but I don't even have any goals in life, so I am not even sure if
I will ever bloom if I don't have any view of a future.

 

[cornimer]

I feel like I'm more of a never-bloomer, lol.
I mean, yeah I guess I am a late bloomer, but I don't even have any goals in life, so I am not even sure if
I will ever bloom if I don't have any view of a future.

Hey you'll get there eventually! People I knew four years ago who had absolutely ZERO hope for their life and thought they would never accomplish anything or have any goals are doing pretty good now. It just takes time

I think in some ways I am a late bloomer and in some ways not. Academically and job-wise I am at the same field as everyone else my age (maybe even ahead job-wise because I am lucky enough to have two jobs related to my field, which doesn't always happen when you are in music!) but socially I am behind. All of my interests would probably be considered "childish" (not that I think there should be an age cap on interests!) and I don't do any of the activities that my peers do. I am also very shy and nervous and I feel like I need a guiding hand constantly. I still look to adults for reassurance even though I myself am an adult, lol. My timid demeanor + my height and young face are what causes everyone to think I am 13 (or younger? When I was busing to work a month ago someone made a comment that implied they thought I was in elementary school....what even)

Another way I feel like I am behind that makes me anxious a lot is the fact that in my vocal program, EVERYONE except me has really powerful, adult sounding voices with a lot of vibrato and I still sound like a child. No matter how hard I try I can't get any vibrato in my voice. I'm always confused about why I got into the program, I feel like they accepted me with the assumption my voice would develop but it has been four years and it hasn't. I'm not sure if I am genuinely singing wrong or if my voice is just physically incapable of producing a more mature sound. Either way I always get really embarrassed when I have to sing in front of my peers.

 

[Alienfish]

I feel like I'm more of a never-bloomer, lol.
I mean, yeah I guess I am a late bloomer, but I don't even have any goals in life, so I am not even sure if
I will ever bloom if I don't have any view of a future.

Same, doesn't help I got a bad childhood and my parents were really crappy at parenting and never supported my ideas/wants, just "lol study to become something or get a job lol" yeah sorry i have asperger i dont work that way.

 

[Tao]

I feel like I'm more of a never-bloomer, lol.
I mean, yeah I guess I am a late bloomer, but I don't even have any goals in life, so I am not even sure if
I will ever bloom if I don't have any view of a future.

I'm 28 and still don't really have any goals in life. Lots of hobbies and interests, but nothing where I'm like "I want to be 'this' in future" or "I want to be 'there' in 5 years".

I spent a lot of time struggling to find employment with no real idea what I wanted to do. I took music in collage (the most useless of qualifications) because I didn't really have any idea where I wanted to end up thus didn't know what other qualification would be more useful. Kinda just fell into the role I've got now which is a ridiculously good position to be in, but I also don't really want to be doing it forever, yet I still don't know what I would rather be doing.

Most people seem to know what they want to do from a young age, some of us seemingly will never know. It's not like schools do anything to help there either, at least when I was there.

Same, doesn't help I got a bad childhood and my parents were really crappy at parenting and never supported my ideas/wants, just "lol study to become something or get a job lol" yeah sorry i have asperger i dont work that way.

Yea, probably didn't help that my mum and stepdad were both unemployed pretty much as far as I can remember, had no interests outside of TV and seemed hell bent on snuffing out any of my interests. It's probably not going to help your kid have much idea of what to do with their life when the people they spend the most time with do pretty much nothing themselves.

Thankfully my dad did work and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents who were pretty active and did things, so I had at least some work ethic and aspiration.

 

[KnoxUK]

To anyone reading this who struggles with worrying too much. Here is a very helpful exercise which would help you have a better perspective/ structure on life.

Start by drawing a circle with 3 layers within the diameter of circle.

The first circle. Label it ( What is in my control? )

Second circle, label it ( What can I influence? )

Third circle ( What is not in my control? )

Here is an example:


Now break it down and think about what can go in each area.

For example:

(What is in my control?)

The present. - I can control my actions in the present time.

My attitude and action. - I have control on how I react and respond to situations.

Plan- I have control on making plans for the future. - No matter how small or grand the milestone will be.

(What can i influence?)
The future. - I don't have control of my future, but I can help influence it.

Habit. - I can influence positive habits to others and how they perceive me.

Adaptability - I can influence my future by reflecting on my plans.

(What is not in my control?)

The past. - No matter what I do I can not change the past, however I can control the present to help influence the future.

Perception. - I can't control how people with perceive me. - However I can help influence the people around me.

Outcome of plans. - No matter my plan, it may not always go as planed. However that should not stop me from learning and making more plans.

Try this exercise out for yourselves. I hope my actions can help you guys out with your struggles

 

[Alienfish]

@Tao, yeah especially my dad was the worst in my childhood and still are for some damn reason and he wonder why i dont wanna have contact lol...

i hope i could maybe be some even later bloomer but honestly i probably have to be even more firmer with him not being in my life and get out of here to succeed

 

[Midoriya]

I’m a late bloomer in a lot of areas and I have Aspergers, but because I choose to be late on a lot of things. I don’t drive, I’ve never dated a girl, and I don’t have a lot of life skills I’m still looking to acquire.

Despite those things, I’m 22 and I’m a senior in university with Aspergers, where some statistics have said that at least half, if not more than half, of all people with Aspergers and similar things on the autistic spectrum drop out of college halfway through. I also already have in mind the three careers I’m working towards and plan on having in the future, so I already know what my goals in life are. I don’t drink or smoke or anything because I choose to. I also don’t drive or have a girlfriend both for good reasons and honestly, I don’t need either of those things in my life right now. Maybe in the future, but definitely not at the moment.

To be honest, I’ve just always thought that people who aren’t late bloomers and are ahead of me on some things are rushing their lives and their selves to early graves. Why do I need to do that when I can be mature for my age and still be carefree and enjoy every minute of my life? ^^

 

[MarzipanDragyn]

I guess you could say I am, even if most of my problems stem from my poor mental health ': D

People see my face and think I'm 14 or 15 (even though I turn 21 at the end of the month, I'm still kind of terrified of getting in trouble with a truancy officer thinking I'm skipping), while at the same time, being considered an adult puts me into a tizzy. I act a lot younger than I am, something that doesn't bother me but seems to confuse others, and my interests differ greatly from those my age. I haven't gone to college, but that's because I told myself I'm not using that much money if I don't know what I'm doing first (that, and the thought of asking my parents for help with that mortifies me). I can't drive, and the concept freaks me out (that's a whole other story for my mental health, as I almost lost both of my parents in bad car accidents, one of which had happened on my 19th birthday). Things that are easy for others, mainly social interactions, are very difficult for me, even though I'm trying to improve. I have goals I want to reach, but I bounce back and forth between them all like a pinball machine. I guess you could say part of my mind is still childlike, while the other is a nervous wreck. I'm actually kinda glad I have that childlike half, because it helps keep the other in check, especially helpful whenever I have a meltdown. I just wish it meant i could spare my mother's worrying. She thinks my problems are her fault, and refuses to believe otherwise no matter how many times I tell her. I understand why, she's worried about how I'll be if I'm alone, I just wish I could get her to realize it's not her fault that I turned out like this. I just wanna be happy despite my problems.

Maybe we didn't bloom late. Maybe we just bloomed differently. After all, not all flowers open during the day.

 

[glasspandabear]

I feel like a late bloomer in many ways. To list off a few, I look pretty young without makeup, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life after having just graduated high school, I have no goals or anything to look forward to, I am obsessed with cartoons, and my chest area is pretty small to say the least. I also hate driving so I don't have my license yet, though I'm still working on it.

 

[MelloDimensions]

I'm a late bloomer in terms of my age, and relationships. I know friends that are already married, yet here I've been single since February from a relationship that was no where near that as is. Funny enough the last time I was single for a long period I owned a cat like I do now, so there seems to be a sort of pattern. It allows me to be a bond villian however, so I don't mind.

 

[cIementine]

i'm constantly torn between periods of feeling like i'm falling behind and, in contrast, being able to keep myself in check and feel comfortable and confident with who i am, and being able to temporarily accept it. i'm 17, almost 18, so i know everyone around me is constantly growing and changing, particularly in the strange limbo between childhood/adulthood, high school/university, and that realistically it's unfair to compare myself to people whose lives are so different. after all, everyone is developing and living at their own pace. but i find it hard not to compare myself to people who i see as having it 'together', whether it be friendships, work, hobbies or driving. i don't have very active/social friendships, i don't have part-time work like most of my peers, i look sort of young and i can't drive (i am/was learning but it stresses me out too much) and with anxiety i often feel disadvantaged in the sense that people can handle things without struggle that i find terrifying or draining. i have it together academically but thinking far ahead in my life and realising that i won't be in education forever and the excruciatingly narrow academic skillset i've prioritised all my life isn't applicable in the wider, practical side of life is hard to reconcile. it's hard to tell if the confidence i have in my identity is genuine or just denial, but sometimes i'm able to shake those negative, irrational thoughts and remember that nobody's life is perfect and the people i see as an example of where i should be are probably comparing themselves to other people too. people who work probably wish they didn't, and the people i see as the pinnacle of independence could be struggling with planning their future. it's normal to feel behind or wish you were different/had different circumstances. the grass is always greener on the other side !

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Oh I definitely am. I constantly feel myself going through phases that I know I should've gone through years earlier, and it often takes me longer to understand things that are perceived a certain way at a certain age, if that makes any sense (like for instance, when kids graduate HS they expect to start acting more like adults, but I'm in college now and I'm still just as dorky as I was in 8th grade. Or when kids start being super social from the time they're young, and only now am I beginning to experience that in a true way).

 

[Bcat]

Oh definitely. I've always felt left out and like I'm behind everybody else.

But I'm feeling better about it lately. Everybody has a different path in life and there's no shame in doing things at your own pace.

 

[AlyssaAC]

Yep, I feel that way a lot. For my age, I look like I'm 16 and not 23. I have horrible face acne that should be gone by now, but I just have a horrible habit of picking at it. I'm trying my best to stop, but it's been difficult. Other people my age know what they want to do, but I don't. I feel so bad, but I am trying to look on the positive side of things and just be happy with the way I am. I may be slow at stuff, but I don't mind at all.

 

[Stella-Io]

Yo adult acne is for real and no joke. You don't 'out grow' acne, it's a skin condition.

I was and still am behind on aspects of life; adult life, mentality, mind set, I physically look and act younger then I am. I didn't get a job till I was 19; I wasn't allowed to have a job while I was in high school even thou nothing was taking up my time like clubs or sports. I didn't get my learners permit till I was 20, and I don't have my full license. I still don't know how to drive, I can go around the block but that's cause there's no traffic signals. Despite owning a car I don't have insurance for it because I can't afford it with my cruddy job hours (before anyone says anythin, it was a STEAL, way too good of a deal to pass up. Plus I could afford it cause I have no down payments, it's a used car). Because of my cruddy job hours I can't afford to do much. I don't have a credit card or bank account (so no debit card).

Career-wise, I don't have some ultimate goal that I want to achieve. The first thing I'd like to achieve is full time constantly, NOT when I'm just covering a shift of someone who actually gets full time. Weather I do that by front service or moving in the back as a baker, in some way shape or form I'd like to get near 40 hours a week as a constant. I have the job I do now because I wanted to be a pastry chef and a cake decorator. After seeing real baking and cake decorating, it's hard. It's really hard. I still can't write on a cake properly, which is supposed to be a very basic skill everyone needs to know in the department. After seeing that I was in a point of my life where I just thought that I have no 'place' I want to go to, I have no greater aspiration. For now I'm just trying to work my way up the system.

Not only do I view myself behind in my adult life, but mentally I'm slow as well. It seems like the other people at work get a grasp at how to do tasks much quicker than me, they don't seem to mess up as often as I did doing the same tasks. In my department I feel as if I'm the slowest mental-wise, I just don't catch on quickly. At this point the bakers know that I need repetition to solidly grasp how to do somethin, which makes me feel stupid, but I can't really do anythin about it. I'm just like this.

 

[Alienfish]

yeah I have adult acne (dry fat skin here) and yeah I def look like I'm still in high school lmao if anything which is pretty fun.

And yeah I don't really have any career goals and I don't think I'm gonna have as long as I'm stuck here, this environment is so bad u_u

 

[Alyx]

I am definitely a late bloomer. I'm 25 now, and I have not even begun the process of learning how to drive/getting my learner's permit. I look and sound younger than I am. I'm mentally a teenager. I am autistic and have many communication problems and I have big emotions that make me feel a lot younger than I am. I'm not married, I don't have any children, and whenever I'm in a relationship, it doesn't feel right. My current boyfriend used to live in my town but now he lives a thousand miles away.

I don't understand romance. I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm still with my mom and dad. The only things I do that are typical for my age would be working & paying bills, and doing my taxes every year. I was in college from 2012-this year and don't have a degree to show for it. I feel I am very, very far behind everyone else my age but I haven't met anyone else my age that is physically disabled as well as autistic and too anxious to venture out in the world on their own. My parents mostly take care of me because I don't have the physical strength to do most things myself. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I'm so tired from working and having chronic fatigue syndrome that I physically can't. I try not to beat myself up over it, but some days, it's hard. I just want to be normal and experience things the way others my age would.

 

[CasualWheezer]

I kind of feel like a late bloomer. I really have no idea what I want to do after high school, especially what colleges I want to go to. I just don't feel like growing up at all, in less than 2 years I'll legally be considered an adult. I just want to relish the time of childhood I have left, I mean these should be the most precious, laid back, and best years of my life.