Echos of Loneliness

[SkyKnight03]

I feel like the meaning of 'lonely' can take so many forms. As someone who is aromantic, I never feel this way in a sense of 'love', but in a sense of nobody being around causes me to feel that way.

Last year, I woke up to a heavy and dark realization that I had nobody to speak with. My siblings were on the other side of the country. I had no friends or a single soul to even text. I knew that I wasn't in a healthy situation.

(specific names aren't necessary) but I appreciate the staff of this forum for being a kind voice to chat with while I pieced myself together and improved my situation. I wasn't even part of this community at all, but nonetheless I was provided much needed warmth and friendship. Things did get better for me through time and effort.

So the simple question is: How do you pass or handle these feelings when they crop up? Because it certainly isn't easy. My heart goes out to those who struggle.

 

[Midoriya]

I have a ton of online friends that I get along well with, but not really any in real life friends that want to hangout with me. I have like, three in real life friends, and they're always busy.

Making friends as an adult is just more difficult (especially because I have autism). I have definitely had those bouts of loneliness, but sometimes I just got to push through or distract myself.

I do have a lot of good times as well though. There's been... a countless number of people who have supported me in my life, and I vow to always overcome any obstacle because of that.

 

[Goldi Locks]

Well personally, I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high, and then I scream from the top of my lungs "What's going on?" Other than that, I s'pose I pray. I pray every single day for revolution.

 

[Flyffel]

I was single for most of my life, and I wasn't looking for a relationship either because I was very happy as single. I had small friend group that I saw regularly.

Now I have been & lived together with my partner for almost four years. Core members of my old friend group have moved away and I can't see them anymore as often. Without my partner I might feel quite lost and lonely. But on the other hand I might have other friends now if it wasn't for them.

Now for an "easy" tip if you are feeling lonely. If you have social anxiety you are going to hate this tip, but I encourage you to try it anyway. Be brave.

I know that this is going to sound strange for a lot of you, and it's not a cure for loneliness. But I think that it helps a little bit. It makes you feel a little bit more connected to your community. Ok, what am I talking about?

What I think helps is, going outside and properly looking strangers in the eyes and gifting them a small smile. They might think that you are weird, and you might feel uncomfortable at first, but I encourage you to try it anyway.

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

Oops I thought it said Echos of Lionesses

 

[SkyKnight03]

Oops I thought it said Echos of Lionesses

Aha that's okay. I was trying to be a little more creative with the title.

 

[Dwayne Johnson]

you should try getting out more

 

[SkyKnight03]

I have a ton of online friends that I get along well with, but not really any in real life friends that want to hangout with me. I have like, three in real life friends, and they're always busy.

Making friends as an adult is just more difficult (especially because I have autism). I have definitely had those bouts of loneliness, but sometimes I just got to push through or distract myself.

I do have a lot of good times as well though. There's been... a countless number of people who have supported me in my life, and I vow to always overcome any obstacle because of that.

Yeah, it's hard to make that push sometimes from mutual relations into actually wanting to spend time together.

I have numbers from people on my campus. We've studied together and have helped each other with projects/presentations/homework.

It does take courage to ask for something beyond that. To make something grow out of 'friendship beyond school'.

also @Ichiban, yeah probably.

 

[Corrie]

It's not just you. It's very hard to make friends as an adult and honestly with social media being the main way anyone talks to anyone, it makes it even harder. Very few people seem to want to hangout in person and would rather sit there and text. If they are actually hanging out, they're not even present and instead scrolling on their phones. It's rough. If it wasn't for my partner and my family, I'd be insanely lonely. I've made friends through work but none really stuck and these people have just turned into friendly people to talk to during work hours, nothing more. It sucks. I miss having actual connections like I did while in school. I do have social anxiety so the idea of joining a club sounds frightening haha but I know putting myself out there is the way to break the curse. Nobody is gonna come find me at my house like anime may make me believe haha.

 

[-Blue-]

Nobody is gonna come find me at my house like anime may make me believe haha.

Knock knock. Hello it's the debt collectors.


Yeah the whole social-media and people being glued to their phones is really stupid and annoying. Like Corrie said, I've went out with people to restaurants or wherever and they'd just be in their own little world playing on their phone. What was even the point of us putting time aside and going out if that's what you're going to do. Phones are a blessing and a curse to society, I feel. Maybe I never got sucked into it because I still have a crap phone.

It comes down to what you want out of people and friendships. You can't rely on one person to fill all the needs you need for your social life. Maybe some person is your gaming buddy, but they're a flake when it comes to commitments and making plans.

I do find myself doing a lot of things I want to do alone. Mostly because getting others to want to be involved is like pulling teeth. And I'd rather enjoy my time alone than be miserable with company who would rather be elsewhere. Or maybe they're always miserable lol.

 

[Croconaw]

I think the most memorable moment in my life related to this was when I was in high school. I had this girl's number and she had no idea who I was when we were on a call. It was a tough realization that I'm maybe not as important to some people as I think. I used to always think that the people in friend groups now have been friends since high school and I failed to put myself out there during that time, so I screwed myself over. It's weird because the people I see now in friend groups are all teenagers or very young adults. I don't vibe with any of them because I'm not into partying, drinking, and hanging out every day spending every minute with each other. I overhear some of the conversations with some of my younger coworkers and I just don't get it. The things I hear, I just cannot relate to. A minor today was talking about how some guy she just met is ignoring her and she wants to know if he likes her. That was a conversation between her friend for over an hour. A few days ago, someone was talking about drama at the lunch table. These are conversations I cannot relate to on any level.

Forming friendships with people much younger than you is a slippery slope in and of itself. I just see these friendships so young and I wonder if these friendships are going to last beyond their high school years. Are these friendships only situational and they'll all move on from each other after graduation? I wouldn't know since I went through all of high school without any friends. I wish that was a lie, but it isn't. I even ate lunch in the library and minded my own business. I wasn't being the one weird kid who sat by themselves when all of the tables were already occupied. I also wasn't going to be invited to sit with people who only felt bad for me. I just wanted genuine friendships, but I guess that was asking for too much.

Fast forward to adulthood, and things have gotten better. I have more confidence in myself now and actually have people I consider my friends. I sometimes feel emptiness because of my BPD, but I remind myself that I have people who genuinely enjoy my company. I haven't vibed so well with a group of people, well, ever. It feels amazing. I used to think I wasn't worthy of those deep connections with people, but I soon learned I just had to meet the right people.

 

[Drawdler]

I found this topic early today and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The timing is uncanny. I had to cut out someone I knew for 8 years (albeit, with a large gap) just yesterday.

I cut them out because of my own sensitivity. They didn’t mean to hurt me but I felt horribly disrespected by certain things they did. I won’t go over it all and I don’t want this to just be a journal post but…
I think cutting them out is actually for the best. The expectations I had for them stressed me immensely, and we stopped being able to communicate. They’d say they did their best, I disagree, it hurt me uncontrollably and they spoke down to me in response to my outbursts.

And right now? It’s not something I want to face. I don’t think I will again. This person bought out both the best and worst in me, but I couldn’t accept how the friendship changed. I just see most people as acquaintances, so when I cut out a genuine friend like that, I’ve lost part of myself.

My point is, you know that saying, it’s better being alone than in bad company? However it goes, that gist, is how I feel about it. You know when I’m around someone and I feel worse from them, the loneliness stings even more. I feel like something is wrong with me. I start to hate myself. I get bad and I have to live that.

Anyway, this is kind of becoming a journal no matter what I do huh? You know what else makes me lonely? When I feel like people don’t see my effort, when people don’t even say hello (I don’t mean all the time or every day or something, but I can’t even count the number of Discord servers I’d been in where nobody would greet me even if I’d been active- genuinely, how are you supposed to make friends other than stumbling into the right places like TBT), when people give me plans and leave me hanging for hours, when people only bring up their own interests and never accomodate for mine, double standards for peoples’ shortcomings and anxiety, hell hanging in for hours to speak with people because of my timezone, the list could go on and on. I’m excessively sensitive but these are some of the top on the list.

My brain by default seems to be pessimistic and I’m fighting it every day. That’s why I had to cut out that friend- I had to fight too much of my brain’s inclinations, they didn’t understand what I need and I was too aggravated to communicate, it was that way for almost two months and why keep making it so much harder? I already feel more sane.

So… yeah my overall point is, my brain tricks me into loneliness. There’s only so much I can do to change it though. Antidepressants don’t do heck for that, I have too much in my life to talk about in therapy, people have limited time for me, I’m picky altogether. This is why I’m selective with who I call a genuine friend. Quality over quantity. Spending time with people I don’t actually care about is agonising and lonesome to me.

Of course, it’s a catch-22 because to a degree you have to sift through people to find close friends, but obviously would vibe much more easily with some than others. So I guess I try the path of least resistance. As far as I’m concerned, finding good friends is a bit of a crapshoot anyway.

Thank god for this forum because I genuinely care about most of the regulars here even when we don’t directly interact. Lifeline. Without one of my old servers and this place, I might have given up on friendship. I love how people contribute here and the overall vibe. I have been largely inactive but if I can help it I don’t think I’d ever want to leave. I feel like even this post is adding something and I like that, I like being part of this place, THAT definitely helps. Provided I’m not beating myself up about my energy or something.

Also, normally I’d pick up some solo hobbies like reading or something… and I should draw again for this reason… but I’m also sensitive about drawing, and I got anhedonic toward a lot of my solo hobbies because I’m so starved. These days I kind of find my entertainment in analytical writing and the few games and people that can hold my attention. I’m starting to get back into music. It’s just hard when I randomly feel my loneliness again.

I think a lot of it comes down to feeling misunderstood. It seems like a common thread. Longing to do things with someone who understands. I’ve said enough though.

 

[Khaoticnoize187]

Forums can feel pretty lonely these days ngl, i remember back then they were lot more for so multi dimensional conversation these days it just feels more so like reddit and i pretty much just keep to myself online or offline cause i just keep getting grim feelings of how anything bad could happen at any given moment.

 

[Neb]

I felt overwhelmingly lonely every day for years. I used to get ghosted a lot by online friends since I either accidentally ghosted them first or I messaged someone too much and they cut me off. All of my irl friends lived hours away from me and I didn’t know their numbers until recently. I was very afraid of leaving the house because of social anxiety.

Last year I got active in a Discord server for a local anime convention that occasionally does irl meetups both at conventions and at places like restaurants or parks. Being called Neb in person was very strange at first and my social anxiety was through the roof, but now I love it. After the meetup ended I added the people I liked the most an started messaging them. I’ve hung out with them separately at the meetup and now I feel close to them. I had to move away to a different part of the state from all three of them, but keeping in contact has helped wonders for my loneliness.

Getting out every day helps too. I have multiple third places that I walk to now and being around other people makes me feel less lonely.