friend issues

[gumii]

hi, ok, so, sorry if this is in the wrong place or something, i'm not really used to posting threads here yet. also, half of this probably isn't going to make sense.


so here is the deal, i'm "friends" with this group of people, and i say "friends" because i really don't like half of them but i'll get into why i don't like them later, we play games online together, text and voice-chat and usually everything goes pretty okay.

The problem is when things don't go okay. See, this circle of "friends" i'm in has a tendency to get over-dramatic and edgy bout anything that happens to them. They have the worst attitudes when they're upset and I swear that they're lunatics. I actually try to be nice to them even when they're cussing me out because I don't agree with them but it gets pretty hard. The only reason I tolerate these people are because I'm "close" to one of them, a guy I used to have a crush on, and I still probably do have a crush on him. The worst part about their attitudes is that when I say they're lunatics, I legit mean they act like psychopaths. Even if one of them has the most screwed up opinion ever, they all agree with each other. And then when I tell them that what they're saying and thinking and doing is crazy, hurtful, and selfish... do you know what they say?

They say "Everyone deals with things differently" "leave well enough alone" "well that's how I do things"

It's honestly draining, and this came out of more a rant than I intended, sorry. I've ignored our groupchat for a while to get some space but I'm at a loss of what I should do. If I leave them I won't have any other friends both in real life and online. I truly believe there's some good in them, but I don't how to deal with the bad in them.

 

[Soda Fox]

hi, ok, so, sorry if this is in the wrong place or something, i'm not really used to posting threads here yet. also, half of this probably isn't going to make sense.


so here is the deal, i'm "friends" with this group of people, and i say "friends" because i really don't like half of them but i'll get into why i don't like them later, we play games online together, text and voice-chat and usually everything goes pretty okay.

The problem is when things don't go okay. See, this circle of "friends" i'm in has a tendency to get over-dramatic and edgy bout anything that happens to them. They have the worst attitudes when they're upset and I swear that they're lunatics. I actually try to be nice to them even when they're cussing me out because I don't agree with them but it gets pretty hard. The only reason I tolerate these people are because I'm "close" to one of them, a guy I used to have a crush on, and I still probably do have a crush on him. The worst part about their attitudes is that when I say they're lunatics, I legit mean they act like psychopaths. Even if one of them has the most screwed up opinion ever, they all agree with each other. And then when I tell them that what they're saying and thinking and doing is crazy, hurtful, and selfish... do you know what they say?

They say "Everyone deals with things differently" "leave well enough alone" "well that's how I do things"

It's honestly draining, and this came out of more a rant than I intended, sorry. I've ignored our groupchat for a while to get some space but I'm at a loss of what I should do. If I leave them I won't have any other friends both in real life and online. I truly believe there's some good in them, but I don't how to deal with the bad in them.

I've been there. I broke away from my toxic friend group in my early 20s. I don't regret it at all. New people will come into your life and be less crazy or crazy in a way that jives with you better.

 

[Haskell]

From what I can understand, this group of people don't fit well with you so you call them psychopaths. "Everyone deals with things differently" , "leave well enough alone" "well that's how I do things" is quite reasonable... and truthful... Hate to say it, but you sound like you're edgy and dramatic. No disrespect meant.

 

[gumii]

From what I can understand, this group of people don't fit well with you so you call them psychopaths. "Everyone deals with things differently" , "leave well enough alone" "well that's how I do things" is quite reasonable... and truthful... Hate to say it, but you sound like you're edgy and dramatic. No disrespect meant.

I call them psychopaths because they talk about how they cut themselves and inflict harm on themselves, how they're going to tell people they're gonna kill themselves just to see people cry and be upset by it, and how they say that they want to kill their family members. :v

 

[Bcat]

As a rule of thumb, if spending time with someone drains you or makes you feel bad then you should cut them out of your life. You don't owe any of your time to someone who treats you badly. Think of it this way, you wouldn't treat anyone like that, so why would you let someone treat you that way?

I know it can be scary to let people go,(I'm struggling to let someone go right now) but friends come and go all the time. You may not be friends with someone forever and you may need to find new people to be friends with. People who treat you kindly, like you are valued and appreciated. People who don't flip out when you have a difference of opinion.

Anyways that's my two cents

 

[Haskell]

I call them psychopaths because they talk about how they cut themselves and inflict harm on themselves, how they're going to tell people they're gonna kill themselves just to see people cry and be upset by it, and how they say that they want to kill their family members. :v

Most people who cut themselves and inflict harm on themselves are not psychopaths.

I suggest you stop being ignorant by looking up the definition of psychopath.

... Understand and try helping instead of judging.

...

 

[gumii]

i realize i should really cut off my connections to these people, but for some reason i just can't. making friends (and even talking to people in general) has always been really hard for me. I can't stand the thought that I'll get to know someone and they'll just be like everyone else i've been "friends" with and treat me like garbage.

 

[Haskell]

i realize i should really cut off my connections to these people, but for some reason i just can't. making friends (and even talking to people in general) has always been really hard for me. I can't stand the thought that I'll get to know someone and they'll just be like everyone else i've been "friends" with and treat me like garbage.

Think about how you're treating these people. You're basically talking behind their back.

"treat me like garbage" Treat people the way you want to be treated.

 

[gumii]

Most people who cut themselves and inflict harm on themselves are not psychopaths.

I suggest you stop being ignorant by looking up the definition of psychopath.

... Understand and try helping instead of judging.

...

I've tried to help and continue to help them, but they don't care and never listen to me, you can't blame me if I get tired of reaching out to someone who never listens.

Edit: also, the definition of psychopath is "a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior." I don't think that I'm being ignorant by calling them a psychopath because that is how they honestly act, I wouldn't say it if I didn't know what it means.

 

[Haskell]

I've tried to help and continue to help them, but they don't care and never listen to me, you can't blame me if I get tired of reaching out to someone who never listens.

Though I can blame you for not understanding their situation and calling them psychopaths when they just seem like troubled kids.

 

[gumii]

Think about how you're treating these people. You're basically talking behind their back.

"treat me like garbage" Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Okay, sure I am talking behind their back, but how have I said anything about them that could be considered treating them like garbage? I could have said a lot worse about them, considering how I feel about them, this post is pretty tame.

 

[zeoli]

i realize i should really cut off my connections to these people, but for some reason i just can't. making friends (and even talking to people in general) has always been really hard for me. I can't stand the thought that I'll get to know someone and they'll just be like everyone else i've been "friends" with and treat me like garbage.

Honestly, I'm going to give you some hard advice. I always had trouble making friends growing up. I had similar friends to what you describe. I always attracted these types around me and I never understood why. It took me around 7-8 years to figure it out.

It was because of how I was acting.

The only people who wanted to be around me were equally troubled people. While I never had the intent to cause trouble or be negative, it was still how I came off to others. If it wasn't for the people I met two years ago who are still my friends today? I might still be questioning the above. Granted, I'm still not perfect. I still have a long way to go but I've made improvements on my attitude and actions.

If you truly believe that you shouldn't be friends with them, then don't force yourself. All you're going to do is make yourself more and more angry. Remember, this is your choice. If you keep with them and continue to think of them negatively/hate them then you have no one to blame but yourself. No one is holding a weapon to your head and forcing you to be there.

Who knows, maybe you'll be able to meet some new people after removing them from your life.

 

[Pyoopi]

It seems like this group of people are stuck in their ways. A bit hive mind going on. It works for them because they like to hear what they want to hear. Clearly, you're not into that.

Of course they'll resist if you try to change or give an opposing opinion​. Let me ask you this, is your 'crush' also acting like the rest? If he has some guy friends in there, chances is he won't leave. He could honestly be a bystander.

I know it's scary to leave a group of 'friends', but do they make you happy? If the answer is no, then you need to ditch them. I don't know what grade you're in, I'm sure you have acquaintances in other classes. You can always join a school club. There is tons of people on this forum looking for acnl buddies.

 

[Ghost Soda]

Well, I got two things of advice for you, my friend:

1. Is there any chance you could try to just avoid them when they act like that? Even if you want to extend a helping hand, not everybody wants advice. Some people just want to vent when things get them down and would rather not be told how to fix it and just have their feelings acknowledged. Of course, if they're verbally abusing you and bringing you down, then...

2. Drop them. I know you don't want to have no friends, and nobody here can force you to drop these guys, but you need to consider weather you'd rather be stuck with these people, who you don't seem to be that happy with, or just take the time to make new friends. There's people all over, it might not be that easy making new friends, but if you're determined to get yourself out there then that's a start!

 

[Bunny D.va]

This friend you're close with because you had a crush is not worth the toxic people. I'm sure they're not bad people, but that doesn't mean they're right for YOU. You see what I mean? You would be best distancing yourself before you become just as toxic. I wouldn't really say you're talking behind their back because you need to vent and get some advice. But I've watched a good friend become consumed by the toxic people in her life over and over again...it sucks. So save yourself the heartache and leave. High school is not forever and you will find new, better friends. However, no amount of advice can force you to make a decision, you need to decide that for yourself. Is this all worth to you to hear and be bummed out all the time? I think you know the answer but just too scared to venture out into the unknown. But it'll be okay, college will be much better if you decide to go.