Having anxiety

[UglyMonsterFace]

It seems as though people don't truly understand what having anxiety actually means. It is not just being shy, or nervous, or making excuses about things. I won't go into details, but as a person with anxiety (especially social anxiety, but I experience general anxiety as well), I constantly feel as though the people around me belittle it. My boyfriend never recognises when I'm on the verge of a panic attack, and he still doesn't know my triggers. It's frustrating because we have been together for a long time, and I feel as though he should be familiar with those things. But because he isn't, he constantly sets me off and I hate it. He also does not know how to diffuse the situation or help me through the panic attack, meaning I'm always on my own once he sets it off. My family is no better. They act as though my anxiety is something that I can just fix with changing my attitude or perspective. They think my social anxiety is just me being an introvert, or being shy. They think that I'm always making excuses about things, when I am just explaining my fears and thought processes about things. They don't understand that although they seem irrational to them, it is very real to me. Now I'm not saying that I don't try to overcome these things, but it's hard to deal with it when people don't try to understand it and belittle what I am going through.

Does anybody else with anxiety feel this way? What kind of advice can you give about being in a relationship where one person has anxiety and the other does not?

PS: Please do not call my bf a jerk or any names. He is great in so many other ways. He just doesn't understand and isn't observant of my behavioural changes when the panic attacks happen, and he panics himself and ends up making it worse because he really doesn't know what to do to help. We have had conversations about this, and I always try to make it clear when he is setting off a trigger and I can feel an attack coming. But he normally continues, thinking I'm joking and that he can keep teasing me about things. He is not maliciously trying to set me off on purpose. He honestly is always surprised when it happens, even if I had warned him. He just doesn't understand because he doesn't really get how it feels in my head. I love him very much and this is something we need to work on, but it isn't something I will break up with him over, so please keep everything here positive!

Also, no arguing in here please! I want this to be an outlet for people with anxiety to connect and share their experiences and advice. Thanks!!

 

[visibleghost]

im not actually a person im just a bunch of anxiety disorders stacked on top of each other lmao

are you in therapy? seems like you could benefit from that. also have another talk with your boyfriend and try to make him understand that youre rly serious and that it is a big issue for u

something i personally hate is that other people think they know what your anxiety is like when they actually dont. everyone has anxiety as a feeling but not everyone has an anxiety disorder. it's frustrating when people are like "yeah i totally get what youre feeling" and they think about being a bit nervous and anxious on their first day of school and for me it's like im crushed by thirty elefants whenever i walk around in public. people dont have to understand what it feels like but they need to understand that you cant just decide to get over your anxiety and Bam it'll be gone. idk hhh

 

[Weiland]

Yeah, I have very severe social anxiety and mild GAD. I've been in a relationship with a very outgoing person and it seems she knew my triggers very well. She wouldn't force me to go out.

Also, like visibleghost said, try therapy. It helps so much and it seems hard at first, but it goes very far.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

im not actually a person im just a bunch of anxiety disorders stacked on top of each other lmao

are you in therapy? seems like you could benefit from that. also have another talk with your boyfriend and try to make him understand that youre rly serious and that it is a big issue for u

something i personally hate is that other people think they know what your anxiety is like when they actually dont. everyone has anxiety as a feeling but not everyone has an anxiety disorder. it's frustrating when people are like "yeah i totally get what youre feeling" and they think about being a bit nervous and anxious on their first day of school and for me it's like im crushed by thirty elefants whenever i walk around in public. people dont have to understand what it feels like but they need to understand that you cant just decide to get over your anxiety and Bam it'll be gone. idk hhh

Yes, exactly! People always seem to tell me how much they relate but I know they really don't. The feeling is different from the disorder. I can't just get over it. I've tried.. But it's this irrational voice in my head that makes me afraid of so much, especially talking to people. Believe me, if it is really as easy as they say to get over it, I would have by now, but it's been with me since childhood.

I also hate when people fake it to use it as an excuse to be lazy and not do anything in life (it happens, unfortunately). It is just such a slap to my face having to struggle with it daily and try to live a productive life, and here comes someone just pretending so they can have an excuse not to be productive people.

As for therapy, I have definitely thought about it. However, it isn't something I can afford at the moment. And also, I'm the type to start panicking once I'm opening up to strangers and I'm afraid of that happening. I hate having panic attacks in front of other people. I always feel humiliated. But it will probably help. Maybe when I can afford it.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Yeah, I have very severe social anxiety and mild GAD. I've been in a relationship with a very outgoing person and it seems she knew my triggers very well. She wouldn't force me to go out.

Also, like visibleghost said, try therapy. It helps so much and it seems hard at first, but it goes very far.

Yeah, it's really important in a relationship to understand those things. My boyfriend just doesn't handle negative emotion well and his instinct is always to run when I get a panic attack, because to him it just looks like I'm being crazy. He always tells me to calm down, which frustrates me more because if I had the ability to just calm down in a second, I wouldn't be crying and screaming and shaking (worst case scenario). I do think that maybe hearing a therapist explain it to him in couples counciling might make it clearer for him, because for some reason he just can't quite grasp my triggers and thinks my warnings are just me playing around.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

As someone with anxiety and PTSD I feel like a lot of people don't understand it fully. And I hate when people say things like "OMG TRIGGERED" or "oh wow this gif gives me anxiety" cause it feels like they're diminishing that very real thing it is and boiling it down to "a feeling" when really it's a disorder. My heart races and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack when something triggers my anxiety. My boyfriend is thankfully respective of my triggers because I've shared them with him and he knows why they're my triggers.
My mom doesn't think I really have anxiety, because I'm not medicated for it. I had a friend who told my mom she doesn't drive due to anxiety (the same reason I don't drive) and my mom was all like "Omg you poor thing, that's awful" but when I tell her I have debilitating anxiety she's just like "No you don't, don't be silly" like I've told her I have social anxiety. and she brings up how I work with people, like yes, I can suffer through it because I need to survive, to make money. And that's why I sleep all day because I am basically ABUSING myself and I'm so exhausted and wasted by the time I get off from working with people. But I don't really have options. What job can you do where you don't work with people ya know? But I totally understand, it sucks that people don't understand or think because it's not outwardly apparent that it's not a real disability and it really sucks.

 

[carp]

as a healthy person this sounds maddeningly hard

 

[Jesusrey91]

I have a friend with anxiety, although hers is not social and her boyfriend usually triggers her too. Unfortunately his boyfriend has some issues that causes her attacks too. What she does is... she steers clear of everyone who she knows is going to trigger her. She avoids them. Minimal contact.
As both a past medical student and friend of someone with anxiety, my recommendation is that too. People who unfortunately won't understand the gravity of having anxiety, how crippling it sometimes can be, will not change their minds soon. (For example, I have ADHD and my father still teases me with it, calling me "crazy" for going with the psych)
And with your boyfriend it would be to sit with him and talk to him about it to clear everything. Be 100% honest about it, your triggers and how he can help you defuse it. It may be hard, but it is your best shot to try to make him understand, and help you.

Hope this words helped you a little bit
Take care

 

[Rizies]

For about a year and a half I was battling generalized anxiety and depression. Just from my own experiences, I realized that many people who have not experienced mental health disorders never really understand.

I was lucky. Both my brothers deal with anxiety and my parents are very understanding​. I used Ativan for panic attacks, and I went to group therapy, as well as single therapy. I found the group therapy to be a lot more useful.

What I also realized is with my friends and husband is I need to stand up to myself and tell them what's wrong. I needed to say like, I need to go for a walk right now, I'm going to start having a panic attack.

 

[visibleghost]

on the topic of medication lmao im on anxiety meds but a really low dose because when i took a higher dose i got zombie tired and knocked out for 10+ hours. i Suspect that whoever made that medicine thought "hmm.. you cant have rly bad anxiety if you are asleep . im a Genius" bc thats all it did for me... i havent rly had meds that have worked for me tbh and thats Sad. i wish i could take something that works but idk the doctors that handle my medication are busy and messy so Rip

For about a year and a half I was battling generalized anxiety and depression. Just from my own experiences, I realized that many people who have not experienced mental health disorders never really understand.

I was lucky. Both my brothers deal with anxiety and my parents are very understanding​. I used Ativan for panic attacks, and I went to group therapy, as well as single therapy. I found the group therapy to be a lot more useful.

What I also realized is with my friends and husband is I need to stand up to myself and tell them what's wrong. I needed to say like, I need to go for a walk right now, I'm going to start having a panic attack.

that's great that you have ways to deal with it abd supportive/understanding people around u!! what sbout group therapy do u think made it more useful to you? ive never been in group therapy but im going to go to a support group for ppl with a disorder i have and it will be kinda similar to group therapy.. idk i feel very awkward and scared about it but maybe it'll be fine

 

[Bowie]

I'm not diagnosed, but for a period in 2013 I felt really sick with my anxiety. It was taking over my life, and I actually can't recall anything from 2013 other than feeling scared and paranoid about absolutely everything. The worst scenarios running riot in my head at all times. It was so tiring.

Then it gradually passed on, and then I joined this site to try and interact a bit more with people, something I feel could have possibly contributed to my problem. I don't get it nearly as often, but it does happen, and it's really scary, and for me it's a physical thing just as much as a mental thing.

I didn't feel shy or nervous. I felt dread. Constant dread.

 

[Rizies]

on the topic of medication lmao im on anxiety meds but a really low dose because when i took a higher dose i got zombie tired and knocked out for 10+ hours. i Suspect that whoever made that medicine thought "hmm.. you cant have rly bad anxiety if you are asleep . im a Genius" bc thats all it did for me... i havent rly had meds that have worked for me tbh and thats Sad. i wish i could take something that works but idk the doctors that handle my medication are busy and messy so Rip




that's great that you have ways to deal with it abd supportive/understanding people around u!! what sbout group therapy do u think made it more useful to you? ive never been in group therapy but im going to go to a support group for ppl with a disorder i have and it will be kinda similar to group therapy.. idk i feel very awkward and scared about it but maybe it'll be fine

It was an interesting experience. I was one of the youngest people in the group by like 15 years. I didn't speak much during the sessions, but if I had any questions the therapist was really good and I could email her. The way it was designed was like a learning session about what happens physically to your body with anxiety, ways to prevent attacks, and even dealing with types of people.

For one, I already knew most of the information. I took many psychology classes in my undergrad. But it was reassuring. The biggest impact is that she did like actual meditation sessions too. I actually felt at peace.

I also enjoyed hearing everyone's story. It sounds really bad but it made me feel good that I have a good self awareness, where I can fix my problems now, versus 15 years from now.

 

[hamster]

I didn't feel shy or nervous. I felt dread. Constant dread.

i still feel dread, unfortunately. it's a horrible feeling that does make me feel very nervous at times and gives me pains. glad to see you've improved

 

[visibleghost]

I'm not diagnosed, but for a period in 2013 I felt really sick with my anxiety. It was taking over my life, and I actually can't recall anything from 2013 other than feeling scared and paranoid about absolutely everything. The worst scenarios running riot in my head at all times. It was so tiring.

Then it gradually passed on, and then I joined this site to try and interact a bit more with people, something I feel could have possibly contributed to my problem. I don't get it nearly as often, but it does happen, and it's really scary, and for me it's a physical thing just as much as a mental thing.

I didn't feel shy or nervous. I felt dread. Constant dread.

honestly getting diagnosed with an anxiety disorder is pretty much you go to a therapist abd they ask what your problem is and you say you feel anxious a lot and theyre like "oh ok you have anxiety" like?? it's a joke and as long as you know what anxiety is you can probably tell if you have it. thats just my opinion but rly i dont think having a formal diagnosis makes you more Valid and Real because getting a diagnosis takes 0.3 seconds once you tell them your symptoms...,

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

honestly getting diagnosed with an anxiety disorder is pretty much you go to a therapist abd they ask what your problem is and you say you feel anxious a lot and theyre like "oh ok you have anxiety" like?? it's a joke and as long as you know what anxiety is you can probably tell if you have it. thats just my opinion but rly i dont think having a formal diagnosis makes you more Valid and Real because getting a diagnosis takes 0.3 seconds once you tell them your symptoms...,

I agree. I haven't been formally diagnosed but I have always felt abnormal since I was a child. I didn't like participating in class or sports because I felt panicked by the thought that people would be looking at me. If I had to be called upon, I actually wanted to die and wished for it instead of having to talk. I had a hard time making friends and I would avoid everything that would involve me being seen. I also would just start crying or feeling frustrated over little things, and I didn't know what was wrong with me. Only a few years ago did I find out what anxiety and social anxiety was and suddenly it all made sense. It's easy to know what it is without a doctor telling you, as long as you are honest with yourself.

 

[nostalgibra]

I completely understand. One therapist I saw for almost 2 years said my anxiety was only the second worst he'd ever seen, right behind a man who could only drive one way to work and back and if there was a road block he had to come back home, and would never go outside other than that. So yeah, it's not that bad for me at least, but it's still very, very bad.

It's even more frustrating when people and therapists even recommend calming music and meditation. I mean I've heard it helps other people a lot, but mine is so severe it actually makes me MORE anxious. I've been through that so many times where the counselor puts on some relaxing music like beach and ocean sounds with a flute, and tells me to close my eyes and relax my feet, then relax my legs, then relax my arms, etc. It makes me want to pull my hair out because that does not do anything! It just makes me more aware of my breathing and how tense my body is.
And I totally relate how healthy people just can't understand anxiety and give you advice that just plain doesn't work. Like stop eating gluten or something silly.

Have you tried any sort of anxiety medication for it? And honestly, I think marijuana could be helpful if you try the right strain. I'm not very knowledgeable about the different types of marijuana but in my opinion, just because it's illegal doesn't mean it shouldn't be an option in medicating yourself, as long as you're informed and aware.