Can someone help me critique this? I've been sitting here for ten minutes writing it, and it's supposed to be based around a metaphor. Here it is:
I?m a fire, which is blazing from the depths of reality. As I put on my headphones, the bright pixels on the screen shows my opponent. Entering the stadium, I place my fingers on the right keys. Once my eyes spot the opponent, my bones ignite and I fire spells at them. I am there to light the stadium on fire and set the world ablaze. My fingers spark across the buttons, until the life essence of the opponent burns out. Their defeat fuels my fire as I flare across the battlefield. Trees catch onto the smoke, and some trees scorch. My finger nervously jolted on the keys and the new fighter shows up. They glow with anticipation while challenging my own light. Even with the many pixels I see a flicker of strength, and I know it?ll be a hard battle. I immediately throw a blade, watching it nearly slice their delicate skin. My inner fire goes out, but with the sudden contact with a fiery spirit it bursts into flames again. With more clicks of keys, the opponent falls into bleeding embers as I step on their flame with my scorched shoe. A fire without a spark burns out, like a blaze in a frozen wonderland. As I stumble into the ashes of reality, fire is kept inside my ribs like a cage. I close the screen and the light fizzles out into dull flames. The flame embraces its cage hoping to be released and sparked once more.
I?m a fire, which is blazing from the depths of reality. As I put on my headphones, the bright pixels on the screen shows my opponent. Entering the stadium, I place my fingers on the right keys. Once my eyes spot the opponent, my bones ignite and I fire spells at them. I am there to light the stadium on fire and set the world ablaze. My fingers spark across the buttons, until the life essence of the opponent burns out. Their defeat fuels my fire as I flare across the battlefield. Trees catch onto the smoke, and some trees scorch. My finger nervously jolted on the keys and the new fighter shows up. They glow with anticipation while challenging my own light. Even with the many pixels I see a flicker of strength, and I know it?ll be a hard battle. I immediately throw a blade, watching it nearly slice their delicate skin. My inner fire goes out, but with the sudden contact with a fiery spirit it bursts into flames again. With more clicks of keys, the opponent falls into bleeding embers as I step on their flame with my scorched shoe. A fire without a spark burns out, like a blaze in a frozen wonderland. As I stumble into the ashes of reality, fire is kept inside my ribs like a cage. I close the screen and the light fizzles out into dull flames. The flame embraces its cage hoping to be released and sparked once more.
