I don't know if anyone remembers me from 2020 but I'm back (yet again)

[VanitasFan26]

To better explain who I was and who I am now I will explain this in my past usernames and the painful story I had on this website. I am only doing this because I feel like nobody knows who I was before and nobody doesn't seem to recognize me, so here it is:

1. SoraFan23: That was the username that I first used back when I joined this site back in August 2020 also, I was the one who made those posts about Animal Crossing New Horizons where I talked about and expressed thoughts on it. I have to be real honest, I haven't had the best time on this site since 2020, I admit I was very sensitive, very overdramatic, and always had trouble trying to meet people because I suffer from Autism, Depression and I'm mostly and introvert. I quitted this site since around April 2021 when my mental health was really suffering. Felt like no matter what was happening in my life or whatever I say I knew I was going to get the bad results. It was on me because I made a bad thread which already was bad enough because it created "bad first impressions"

2. RoxasFan20: I came back around June 2021 and called my new username "RoxasFan20" since I went through a name change. Of course I tried to say it, but all I did was say it on my profile which nobody seemed to noticed. I have to be real I haven't been the best person to interact with. You may have saw me in forums where I sometimes got a little offended when someone disagrees with my viewpoint or opinion. I often get very tensed up and say things that I don't really mean which earned me warning points. It was then I was led to believe that I was started to become a burden to everyone. I know some people tried to cheer me up and told me that I haven't done anything wrong, but the truth is that no matter what I said or what I used to say I was afraid it would be used against me in the future, which was one of the reason why I deleted most of my posts. I can only cringe at myself for all the awful things I said, but I learned that it was in the past and it was time for me to move on. Then I made the WORST mistake around November 2021. I made a very sensitive thread and I wanted to come back more changed and not have to leave yet again. Right now I just don't have anymore feelings left. I sometimes say or do things that I don't normally do because I let the emotions get the better of me. Right now I am just going to post and say things that I mean and not let the "Fake Positivity" ruin me as a person. I had it for far too long.

And now here I am again with a new username change since the beginning of 2022 called "VanitasFan26" a few people may know who I was before but to may others they don't and I'm going to be frank this is who I really am. I am not faking positivity this is what I am really am. Just a broken, depression, shy and autistic person who has suffered too much in life. I feel lost in mind and not knowing how to feel anymore. Basically going through a mid life crisis. I have no one else to talk to in my life and now this loneliness has finally caught up with me. I don't know what to feel or what to think anymore.

Feel like I'm at war with myself of always leaving and coming back on this site. One I am starting to suffer from loneliness and Two its because this site has threads of topics that I can relate too so I feel the need to post here. Taking a break has helped, but then again the pain still comes back, because of all the attacks I've experienced. I just have to tell myself "Look just ignore those people and focus on the happy side" even so its hard for me to feel happy these days. I've had to hold off from this for so long but I finally got it out of my system, I am sorry if this is a long read, but I had to explain who I really am and who I used to be before on this site.

 

[TurnipBell20]

I read this whole thing. I don’t know anything about what happened and I‘ve only known you under your current username (I just joined this forum on Monday). I hope you’re able to get better at some point!

 

[S.J.]

Hey!

I think many of us remember and recognise you (and your previous usernames), but there’s really no reason for anyone to bring up your past names or experiences, which is probably good for you anyway! I hope you take care of yourself, take breaks as you need, and continue enjoying the forum. Hope your islands are going well too!

 

[VanitasFan26]

Thank you guys for understanding. I really do appreciate it. It means a lot to me.

 

[.: Meri :.]

Hi, I remember you as well, and welcome back! ^^ I also hope you're able to feel better, if not soon, then in the future, and that you can have some happier experiences on here.

 

[Mr_Keroppi]

You have already heard it from me but I hope everything gets better. I am really sorry for trying to in a way seem as if I am forcing happiness on you I just feel sad when I see people sad so I wanted to say something to make you feel better. Its okay if you dont like happy though sometimes we just need to take a step back and sort it out ourselves. I hope that when you are ready you can be happy though

 

[_Rainy_]

I’ve been tempted to reply to you in the past, but I will give my input now. Both advice and opinions should always be taken with a grain of salt. We have all lived our lives and have had different experiences made different choices, had unexpected things happen to us. We have been born in different cultures, religions, genetics, young, and old. People are all biased towards their view points. What’s true for someone isn’t always true for someone else. Everything we hear is an opinion and everything we see is a perspective. This doesn’t make it all bad or necessarily right or wrong because Talking to vastly different people will expand your mind and shed light on things you never even considered. In the end it’s your life and your decisions. People don’t need to understand you to feel empathy towards you, people don’t have to agree with you and you don’t have to agree with them, but we should always keep an open mind with others and personally I think that different perspectives even seemingly negative ones are valuable because if we get stuck in just one way of thinking nothing would ever change. With all that being said we should all choose our words carefully because we all get defensive. When I get defensive over something I always wait before replying I go off, consider what was said and wait until I’m a little less heated and a lot of the time I end up just liking their comment and try to move on because I know my opinion and I know why I think that way and that is enough for me. I also think that people feel safer when they know others agree with them and everyone want to be heard and put in their ten cents, and yet don’t realize that they’re making the person on the receiving end feel backed into a corner.

I’d also like to say that I’ve seen you change your username and saw you try to have a fresh start and tried to respect that and I’m sure many others have too. We all make mistakes and try to move on from them. You should be allowed to move on and you should forgive yourself just my opinion.

 

[VanitasFan26]

I got a bit teary eyed when reading the replies, again thank you all for understanding. This was such a painful thing to get out of my system.

 

[Shizaho]

Welcome back!! I hope you have a great time here from now on :3

 

[Shawna]

Just want to stop by and say, I’ve known you pretty much since you first arrived, and I think you are very relatable <333

 

[VanitasFan26]

Looking back at this 3 months later, I am grateful to have some people on this site who understands where I'm coming from.

 

[Dunquixote]

Hi! I hope you’re feeling much better now. I needed a break from here too and there were a couple of times I considered leaving so I can understand to a degree. If the break helped you, maybe next time stepping away from the site sooner would be a good idea rather than wait and take not just a few days away but maybe a couple months. I noticed that a lot of times you said you would quit but you came back a few days later or a week. Nothing wrong with taking a few days off, though if that doesn’t help, you should maybe try a long break since forcing yourself to be somewhere where you’re feeling uncomfortable and upset a lot times probably does more harm than good.

Ofc this is just my opinion and advice and you know yourself better. Just wanted to share that for awhile coming on here was difficult for me too and taking small breaks didn’t really help, but taking a couple months away did; it gave me time to focus on my mental health and self-healing since being upset a lot wasn’t doing me any good and had I not left, who knows if I would have said something regrettable or started some fights with me feeling that bad.

I hope you can enjoy yourself here again .

 

[VanitasFan26]

Hi! I hope you’re feeling much better now. I needed a break from here too and there were a couple of times I considered leaving so I can understand to a degree. If the break helped you, maybe next time stepping away from the site sooner would be a good idea rather than wait and take not just a few days away but maybe a couple months. I noticed that a lot of times you said you would quit but you came back a few days later or a week. Nothing wrong with taking a few days off, though if that doesn’t help, you should maybe try a long break since forcing yourself to be somewhere where you’re feeling uncomfortable and upset a lot times probably does more harm than good.

Ofc this is just my opinion and advice and you know yourself better. Just wanted to share that for awhile coming on here was difficult for me too and taking small breaks didn’t really help, but taking a couple months away did; it gave me time to focus on my mental health and self-healing since being upset a lot wasn’t doing me any good and had I not left, who knows if I would have said something regrettable or started some fights with me feeling that bad.

I hope you can enjoy yourself here again .

Thank you for the support.

 

[pottercrossing]

Hey! I've seen you around the forum a lot, and you seem like a great person. I've taken long breaks from this site before, and they seem to help. You also seem to be a lot like me as well. People IRL have relentlessly bullied me, triggered me, etc, for my entire life. Please feel free to talk to me whenever you need

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

I think I remember you