Judge my OC?

[Cherry Kisses]

//short description
Rex is fourteen years old, and has lived in a total of nine foster homes throughout her years. Her temporary parents keep discarding her as her lucid nightmares keep her screaming at night. She is bullied for her thick glasses as she has -8/20 vision, and because her parents are convicts, which has left her emotionally scarred.
//appearance
waist long, dark brown hair. Thick, round glasses. Glassy eyes that look oddly big behind her glasses. Feminine appearance, with heart shaped lips and porcelain skin. Her fashion sense is quite girly, pink ruffle dresses and pastel frocks. She is very slender.
//personality
Quite shy, gets neck cramp from looking down so much. Her bad traits are that she's a total neat freak and has severe anxiety. But her few friends know that she is loyal and trustworthy.

She's a work in progress and I haven't sorted out her backstory yet.

 

[kaitastrophe]

Well, I posted the same thread and my OC was similar to yours in a way.
So I will tell you what was wrong with mine, that you can fix in yours. (Does that make sense?)
First off, the 'lived in nine foster homes' part is a bit- too much.
Why?
Did the foster parents abandon her?
Did she get on their nerves?
Or did she run away to another foster home?
And the bullying part- I know people bully others for the smallest reason, but for the thickness of her glasses?
Also, I believe -8/20 is terribly low. Isnt that very near blindless?
I also think you should make her appearance a bit more... unique.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of her fashion sense, but that's your OC.
Also, her traits are a bit Mary-Sueish, so I think you should develop on them a bit more, especially the 'few friends' part.
It makes your OC seem very lonely, and very tragic.
Hope this helps!

 

[himeki]

Well, I posted the same thread and my OC was similar to yours in a way.
So I will tell you what was wrong with mine, that you can fix in yours. (Does that make sense?)
First off, the 'lived in nine foster homes' part is a bit- too much.
Why?
Did the foster parents abandon her?
Did she get on their nerves?
Or did she run away to another foster home?
And the bullying part- I know people bully others for the smallest reason, but for the thickness of her glasses?
Also, I believe -8/20 is terribly low. Isnt that very near blindless?
I also think you should make her appearance a bit more... unique.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of her fashion sense, but that's your OC.
Also, her traits are a bit Mary-Sueish, so I think you should develop on them a bit more, especially the 'few friends' part.
It makes your OC seem very lonely, and very tragic.
Hope this helps!

I would agree with this, and I have a few points to add.

She seems really common. Bullying has a huge affect on people, and I know that people get bullied for the smallest of things, but just for the thickness of he glasses is a bit odd. It also is quite difficult for someone to go through 9 foster homes in a year, as the government would make sure she stays. 12 months divided by 9 homes basically means she moves homes every month and one week. Also, wouldn't she move schools? In addition, people don't just switch foster homes-they go back in to care, and it would take a long time for them to be re-homed. I kinda think this should be edited. Also, with her appearance, she would get lots of comments on how she has good sense in style, and this would probably not make her bullied.
Hope this helps-good luck with developing her!

 

[CoobaCupcake]

I would agree with this, and I have a few points to add.

She seems really common. Bullying has a huge affect on people, and I know that people get bullied for the smallest of things, but just for the thickness of he glasses is a bit odd. It also is quite difficult for someone to go through 9 foster homes in a year, as the government would make sure she stays. 12 months divided by 9 homes basically means she moves homes every month and one week. Also, wouldn't she move schools? In addition, people don't just switch foster homes-they go back in to care, and it would take a long time for them to be re-homed. I kinda think this should be edited. Also, with her appearance, she would get lots of comments on how she has good sense in style, and this would probably not make her bullied.
Hope this helps-good luck with developing her!

I didn't say 9 foster homes in a year.

 

[pillow bunny]

dude she's a literal mary sue

Spoiler: don't open if you don't want critique, but like idk why you would make this thread if you didn't

Rex is fourteen years old

uncommon but ~*cool*~ name + (presumably) same age as creator

has lived in a total of nine foster homes throughout her years.

it can take years to adopt a kid
this is "bad" but actually good because kids that aren't babies have really low chances of being adopted

She is bullied for her thick glasses as she has -8/20 vision.

this is as ridiculous as a character being bullied for being too pretty or having a small birthmark
kids aren't monsters and generally are nice to ppl who are physically disabled. when i was like 7 a lot of ppl in my class wanted to have really bad vision for ~*sympathy points*~

waist long, dark brown hair. Thick, round glasses.

if everyone hates her glasses then why doesn't she just get new glasses
ppl with bad vision need to get new glasses every year or two so she would probably have gotten a new frame sometime in the last 14 years
also those are aesthetic rn so ?

Glassy eyes that look oddly big behind her glasses.

pretty eyes = good last time i checked

Feminine appearance, with heart shaped lips and porcelain skin.

She is very slender.

conventionally beautiful but people don't care because they're evil and hate her for having a physical disability?

Her fashion sense is quite girly, pink ruffle dresses and pastel frocks.

dude she would be WAY more likely to get bullied for wearing pink ruffly dresses to high school than having glasses.
special snowflake clothing attire

Quite shy, gets neck cramp from looking down so much.

this is a pretty standard uwu so nice but so bullied uwu trait
just neck cramps but nothing worse, no risk of scoliosis or anything

Her bad traits are that she's a total neat freak and has severe anxiety.

literal positive trait, unless she had ocd (as in real ocd not idealized tumblr ocd)
sympathy trait

But her few friends know that she is loyal and trustworthy.

self explanatory
isn't nice to only the ppl she likes, but is nice to everyone but the evil cruel world will never realize it uwu

- - - Post Merge - - -

why is she treated the same way (read: terribly) no matter where she is? like every kid at school hates her (for the same reason), every foster parent hates her becasue ?\_(ツ)_/?

 

[kaitastrophe]

I didn't say 9 foster homes in a year.

Yeah, because shes not your oc...
Are you Teacakes???

- - - Post Merge - - -

dude she's a literal mary sue

Spoiler: don't open if you don't want critique, but like idk why you would make this thread if you didn't

uncommon but ~*cool*~ name + (presumably) same age as creator


it can take years to adopt a kid
this is "bad" but actually good because kids that aren't babies have really low chances of being adopted


this is as ridiculous as a character being bullied for being too pretty or having a small birthmark
kids aren't monsters and generally are nice to ppl who are physically disabled. when i was like 7 a lot of ppl in my class wanted to have really bad vision for ~*sympathy points*~


if everyone hates her glasses then why doesn't she just get new glasses
ppl with bad vision need to get new glasses every year or two so she would probably have gotten a new frame sometime in the last 14 years
also those are aesthetic rn so ?


pretty eyes = good last time i checked



conventionally beautiful but people don't care because they're evil and hate her for having a physical disability?


dude she would be WAY more likely to get bullied for wearing pink ruffly dresses to high school than having glasses.
special snowflake clothing attire


this is a pretty standard uwu so nice but so bullied uwu trait
just neck cramps but nothing worse, no risk of scoliosis or anything


literal positive trait, unless she had ocd (as in real ocd not idealized tumblr ocd)
sympathy trait


self explanatory
isn't nice to only the ppl she likes, but is nice to everyone but the evil cruel world will never realize it uwu

- - - Post Merge - - -

why is she treated the same way (read: terribly) no matter where she is? like every kid at school hates her (for the same reason), every foster parent hates her becasue ?\_(ツ)_/?

THIS. So true.

 

[pillow bunny]

Yeah, because shes not your oc...
Are you Teacakes???

lol

 

[kaitastrophe]

lol

What?
I mean, its NOT their oc...
Right??

 

[Hettie]

[size=-2]I think what's missing is the realism. Let me see if I can help out a bit.

The name is fine. From it we can either assume that she has chosen to call herself this either because she A) Resents the name her biological parents gave her, since she's been essentially given up by them or B) the name she was given (either by the "system" if she wasn't named, or by her parents) is not one she wants to be called by, period. As for age, it's great to play your age if that's how old you are--You know more as a 14 year old, playing a 14 year old as compared to say..A 14 year old playing a 30 year old. I would elaborate on why her name is Rex, since it is indeed a pretty interesting/non-conventional name.

True, adoption can take years to happen, and sometimes foster homes do get switched around--But find your reasoning why. Is she a troubled child? Are the people she's been with unable to care for her either financially or emotionally? Kids aren't toys. You can't easily just foster them and then get rid of them if you don't like them. I would re-evaluate this part.

The thickness of her glasses could be a bullying point--But couple it with the fact that she also wears non-conventional clothing for her age/time, and her eyes are larger than normal. While this can be considered a "pretty" trait, to other kids she could just look weird. So embrace the weirdness. If being harrassed is a point you want people to know, don't go the "Bella in Twilight" way.

She looks weird compared to other kids, so say so. She's deathly pale, her eyes are big, she's got long, (presumably evenly cut) hair that realistically probably clings and sticks and statics and tangles and sheds because of its length. Don't, like pillow bunny suggests, make her a misunderstood beauty.

People use the term 20/20 vision because it literally means perfect eyesight. You see clearly what you're supposed to see at 20 feet, compared to other people and what they're supposed to see at 20 feet. Your character is EXTREMELY near-sighted. I would imagine that if she were to ever lose her glasses, she would be clumsy as well.

If you're going to use anxiety as a trait, then just how bad is it? Anxiety itself can be cripling. Maybe she could be introverted, instead.

No matter what, just keep working on her until she fits your image of what you want her to be. No matter what, she's still your character and no matter what we say, it all depends on how you want her to be. [/size]

 

[pillow bunny]

What?
I mean, its NOT their oc...
Right??

yeah I just think it's funny, hence the lol

- - - Post Merge - - -

further reading

 

[himeki]

I didn't say 9 foster homes in a year.

Sorry, misread. Even so, 9 homes is a lot
EDIT: Agreeing with the others about being bullied for frilly dresses.
No offense to anyone named Rex who wears frilly dresses, but when making a character Rex sounds like someone who is less of a girly girl, more rather a gothic style, or edging towards that. If its short for something like Rexie or something, then that's fine, but its unlikely.

 

[Sanaki]

I can see the critique on everything else, but the name? lol

 

[Cherry Kisses]

Thanks everyone for the constructive criticism! I can she's a bit unrealistic. In reply to MayorEvvie, her full name is Rexillia Smithson. I agree with a lot of you that she's a bit of a Mary Sue, and I'm improving that. Maybe now we could have some good points?

 

[Alice]

I would agree with this, and I have a few points to add.

She seems really common. Bullying has a huge affect on people, and I know that people get bullied for the smallest of things, but just for the thickness of he glasses is a bit odd. It also is quite difficult for someone to go through 9 foster homes in a year, as the government would make sure she stays. 12 months divided by 9 homes basically means she moves homes every month and one week. Also, wouldn't she move schools? In addition, people don't just switch foster homes-they go back in to care, and it would take a long time for them to be re-homed. I kinda think this should be edited. Also, with her appearance, she would get lots of comments on how she has good sense in style, and this would probably not make her bullied.
Hope this helps-good luck with developing her!

Did you just say you had a few points to add only to rephrase what they said. Oh, deary.

 

[Money Hunter]

Listen, one of the main points that you're missing is that every character trait needs to have a reason.

If she's shy, why? What sort of influences have made her shy? Why is she a neat freak? Why does she have anxiety? You need to address all these questions with a decent backstory.

NeXt, About the foster home thing. First of all, when your parents die you're usually placed in the care of relatives. So why is she even in a foster home??? Maybe you can elaborate on this.

Another thing is that it's not common for 14-y/o to wear stuff like frocks n frills. So why does she wear them, even when she's getting bullied for it? Use this as an opportunity to have an unexpected character trait, like arrogance. Maybe she wears frocks n frills even though she's getting bullied for it because she's too stubborn to change.

Shyness and arrogance are (somewhat) contradicting traits, but contradicting traits aren't bad unless they don't produce conflict. Contradicting traits produce a lot of moral questions and complications and make for a very interesting and flawed character. However, if her contradicting traits never cause any conflict, then you have an unrealistic character.

Of course, you can just ignore what I said and forget about the arrogance bit, this is your OC after all

One last thing, as a (previously) lonely bullied kid myself, I have something to say: Lonely bullied kids are boring. Do something fresh and exciting with your character other than a 'Misunderstood beauty' as Pillow Bunny said.

 

[CoobaCupcake]

yeah I just think it's funny, hence the lol

- - - Post Merge - - -

further reading

Dur hur hur. I meant she.

 

[Cherry Kisses]

Bump!

 

[CreakySilver]

Well, you don't have much about the character written down, so I'd love to see her fleshed out a bit. (Also, I love her aesthetic.)

I agree with a lot of the other things said on this thread, and also the fact that her foster parents kicked her out because she screamed when she was having a nightmare. I've actually had night terrors before (which are basically what that's describing) and I can tell you that it's not that big of a deal - a bit stressing, but mostly for the child. Any foster parent qualified to be a foster parent would not discard their child because they screamed in the middle of the night.

Going into suggestion territory:

Perhaps the parents discard her because of a bigger issue? Maybe she could have severe anger issues, or even be on the autism spectrum. Perhaps she's unhappy that she keeps having to change houses and hasn't really ever had a home before, and because of this she snaps at her foster parents, and once her unhappiness has culminated enough she breaks and goes ballistic in a fit of anger.

You could even have her hide this unhappiness - when she goes to school, she tucks it all away and never talks to her friends about it. Maybe you could have it simmer inside her, and then that could be one of her faults, that she never talks about her issues and just lets them eat away at her like maggots?

End suggestion territory.

Also, another thing that I don't think you really got... wrong, but you were more... Kind of vague about, which ended up making it less meaningful. You talked about how she's emotionally scarred because her parents are convicts, which could make sense if she loved them but then they were torn away from them, or if they actually did do something horrible in front of her, but you never specify, so we're left to wonder...

Whether you take my suggestions or not, please flesh her out a little more! You have a skeleton here that could really do with some meat.