'Magic Works' Harry Potter Fanfic. Please rate this chapter!

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Hey guys, right now I'm writing a Harry Potter FanFic, 'Magic Works'. Main Canon characters are the Weasley Twins (Duh!) and includes OCs. Please tell me how I can improve my writing (I already know that I'm not very good at keep in tense, e.g. Past and future.) The Prologue is really just an introduction of my OCs. The paragraph breaks haven't come through from Word unfortunately, so it's a huge wall of text and it goes over the character limit so it will be in the next few posts. I apologise beforehand for the mass of posts and my terrible writing!

My current OCs used: (Italics= Main OCs/ Will be seen in around all the chapters)
Harper Went- Gryffindor
Nicky Gallagher- Gryffindor

Casey Morgan- Gryffindor
Victoria Adams - Hufflepuff
Alex Hughes- Ravenclaw
Lucinda Went- Ravenclaw
 
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THIS IS THE PROLOGUE!

As I said there are no paragraph breaks and has been cut into three posts due to length. >.>
“This is all Percy’s fault.” I huffed, blowing my fringe out of my eyes.
“As you’ve been saying for the last hour and thirty minutes.” George replied, poking me in the ribs.
“Actually, it’s been an hour and thirty five minutes, get a watch George.” Fred laughed as I started poking George.
To be honest with you this whole situation was actually Percy’s fault, he didn’t want to be late for the train to Hogwarts, which leaves at eleven in the morning and we ended up at Kings Cross Station at about nine in the morning. Charlie and my older sister, Lucinda, had disappeared off somewhere, more than likely Charlie had been dragged into my sister’s hunt for Muggle sweets. I had no idea where Mrs Weasley or Percy was.
So I had been left with the twins, which isn’t too bad, considering I’ve known them for years; We were left sitting on our trunks by the entrance to the platform nine and three quarters, having already emptied two packets of Muggle Jelly Babies.
“Earth to Harper Went. Anyone home?” I blinked; Fred waved his hand in front of my face.
“Sorry, I was off in La-di-da land making cupcakes with unicorns.” I said; glancing over at George who was shaking a freshly opened bag of sweets in front of my owl, Brietta.
“We could tell-“Fred started.
“You were drooling.” George finished; I wiped my chin of non-existent drool then glared at the laughing twins; Okay, I admit it I can be gullible, sometimes. I snatched the bag of sweets out of George’s hands, and then promptly tossed them back; the bag was full of liquorice, I hate liquorice.

“I do not drool, unlike two people I know.” I retorted.
“And who would those two people be, Harper?” They both asked at the same time.
“Well, uh, they’re two people I know quite well. One is Luc-“I started.
“And what do I do then?” A voice mumbled in my ear.
“Ah. Uh. Hi Lucinda! How are you today?” I forced on a smile; let’s just say that Lucinda and I don’t really see eye to eye on most things.

“I’ll ask you again, as you appear to be very thick. What do I do?” She glared at me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must be imagining things.” I laughed sheepishly; Fred and George were struggling to hold in their laughter. Lucinda sighed over dramatically.
“Whatever. You haven’t seen Charlie have you? I think I lost him in the newsagents.” She watched me suspiciously.
“Aw, has little Lucy lost her Charlie?” Fred teased, standing on his trunk and patting her on the head. Lucinda glared at us, flicking her dark brown hair out of her eyes; if you looked at me and Lucinda you would probably think that we’re not related, she has shoulder length, dark brown hair and grey eyes, while I have short, strawberry blonde hair and light blue eyes.
By now other students and their families were running or walking through the entrance to the hidden platform, but Mrs Weasley, Charlie and Percy weren’t here.
“Where are they? We have to be on the train in ten minutes!” Lucinda grumbled tapping her foot impatiently; her cat, Coco, had started hissing in his sleep, curled up on top of her trunk. She glanced around, she was starting to look worried and I guess she had a reason to: it was the twins and my first year.
-
The others turned up eventually, Charlie said it was because Percy was panicking that he had lost something and dragged him and Mrs Weasley round the whole of the station before he realised it was actually in his trunk, he wouldn’t tell us what it was though, much to the twins disappointment; but they soon occupied themselves with guessing what it was.
“Now you three behave, I don’t want any letters saying that you blew up your dorm rooms.” Mrs Weasley pulled Fred, George and I into a bone crushing hug.
“Thanks for the idea, mum.”
“We’ll be sure to try it.”
Charlie and Lucinda had wandered off to find their friends; they were in their fifth and third years respectively so they knew the whole routine of getting to Hogwarts. Percy was stuck with us, for the time being.
We piled on to the train just before it started to pull away from the platform and began our hunt for an empty compartment. Just as we found one and settled down, Percy sauntered off down the train apparently looking for his friends.
“I didn’t know he had any friends, with him being all bossy and stuff.” I whispered to George.
“Aw, is Percy too embarrassed to sit with his brothers.” Fred called after him, we all laughed but then I thumped him on the arm, “Grow up Fred.”
After a few minutes we were bored and more importantly out of sweets.
Suddenly a loud band reverberated through the train carriage, followed by a lot of shouting.
“I told you we should have tried a different compartment! Those guys were just looking for trouble!” One voice shouted, a girl with a soft Irish accent.
“Don’t blame it on me! It’s Victoria’s fault, she shouldn’t have tried to give them ‘hug therapy’ or whatever she calls it!” Another voice, a boy’s this time, called out.
Three people ran past our compartment, a girl, more than likely the Irish one, followed by a boy and another girl. The last girl skidded to a halt slid the compartment door open and all but dived on to Fred. The other girl and boy burst in after her. The whole time Fred and George were laughing hysterically, I was laughing too but just not as hysterically.
“Victoria, what are you doing?” The boy hissed at the girl, Victoria, who had dived in and nearly landed on Fred; she was now sitting across from me, breathing rather heavily.
“Practising my football dive, silly Alex. Just because we’ve changed schools doesn’t mean I have to stop practising for football.” She replied between breaths, twirling her wavy blonde hair between her fingers. The dark haired Irish girl stepped forward, glancing at the now reasonably calm twins.
“Sorry for barging in like this. I’m Nicky, Nicky Gallagher and this is Alex Hughes,” The tall, light haired boy nodded, “And that thing over there is Victoria Adams-”
“But you can just call me Tori!” Victoria cut in, a wide grin plastered on her face.
“Fred and George Weasley, at your service and that monstrosity in the corner is Harper Went.” The twins shook hands with Nicky, who blushed slightly.
“Oh you two, you really know how to complement a girl.” I smirked.
“You’re a girl, well I never!” Fred teased, poking me in the shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell us sooner!”
“Very funny Fred, my sides are splitting.” I said in the most serious voice I could ever handle.
“You should see a doctor about that.”
“Not funny, George.”
 
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PROLOGUE PART 2! UGH IT'S STILL TOO LONG!!

The rest of the train journey dissolved into aimless chatter, Alex was trying to impress us with his knowledge of Hogwarts, ?I?ve been reading about it all summer, I had nothing else to do.? To which the twins responded that they thought he was just like Percy. Victoria pulled out a football from her bag, declaring that she was the best football player on her old muggle schools team, she almost broke the window.
Meanwhile Nicky joined in with twins and my discussions about prank ideas, though she disagreed with a lot of them, like putting hair-loss potion in the teachers? drinks.
?It?s a stupid idea!? She grumbled, leaning back in her seat.
?It?s not stupid!? George started.
?Like you could come up with something better!? Fred finished, I nodded in agreement.
?I?d rather not; I don?t want to be expelled on my first year or any year.? Nicky huffed, turning away from us.
?I?m going to get that girl to prank someone and enjoy it this year!? I whispered to the twins.
?What if you fail?? Fred whispered back.
?She could be our slave for a day.? George suggested with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
?That is a good idea, George.? Fred smirked, his eyes mirroring the mischievous glint. I shook my head rapidly, ?No way, last time I was your slave my hair was blonde for a month, never again.? I shuddered.
Victoria had fallen asleep now, curled up next to Alex; who was playing a game of muggle chess against Nicky.
?Why aren?t the pieces moving?? Fred asked, poking the king who just sat there unmoving.
?Chess pieces aren?t meant to move.? Alex replied, his face full of disbelief.
?Yes they are-? Fred and George both grumbled, glaring at Alex who glared back at them.
?In muggle chess the pieces don?t move, but in wizards? chess they do. Communication problem solved!? I shouted; the whole time Victoria snoozed on.
?Well that?s stupid.? Fred muttered, ?Your parents must be muggles then, if you?ve never heard of wizards? chess.?
Alex nodded, ?Yep, so are Victoria?s.?
?My dad?s a muggle.? Nicky chipped in, pushing her knight across the board, ?Check.?
Alex glanced down at the chess board and swiftly moved his king, ?I?m guessing you three are ?pure-bloods? then.?
?Alex, are you telepathic?? Victoria mumbled, slightly dazed as she woke up. We all started laughing, Victoria just sat there, watching us a confused look plastered on to her face; she then grabbed her football and hugged it tightly.
?What?s so funny?? We all turned to face Charlie, who was leaning against the compartment door.
?Nothing.? We all replied, and then started laughing again.
?So, what do you need oh dearest older brother?? Fred asked, still laughing.
?Well, we?re nearly at the station and you?re still not in your robes.? And with that Charlie ushered us out of the compartment and we split up to go and change into our robes.
*Time skip*
We all stood outside of the Great Hall, chattering quietly, waiting for the sorting ceremony to begin, a small huddle were bragging about how they were going to be placed in Slytherin as ?everyone in my family has been sorted there.?
?Where do you think I?ll be sorted?? Victoria squeaked, staring around the wide entrance way in amazement.
?I don?t know, but hopefully we?ll all be in the same house.? Alex replied, holding her hand gently.
?We?ll be in Gryffindor for sure.? Fred said; George nodded in agreement.
?My mum said I should be in Ravenclaw.? I muttered.
?Why?s that?? Nicky asked, walking over to stand next to me. I sighed, ?Everyone in my family has been in Ravenclaw, but then again I don?t act anything like anyone in my family??
The doors to the Great Hall suddenly burst open, Professor McGonagall stood before us again before beckoning us into the Hall. We followed her in, right up to the platform where an old, ratty hat sat on a stool; the older students watched us, some looked curious but the Slytherin?s appeared to be judging everyone. We stood before the hat and all gasped in amazement as it twitched slightly, finally bursting into song*.
?A thousand years or more ago,
When I was newly sewn,
There lived four wizards of renown,
Whose names are still well known:
Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,
Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,
Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,
Shrewd Slytherin, from fen.
They shared a wish, a hope, a dream;
they hatched a daring plan
to educate young sorcerers
Thus Hogwarts School began.
Now each of these four founders
formed their own house, for each
did value different virtues
in the ones they had to teach.
By Gryffindor, the bravest were
prized far beyond the rest;
For Ravenclaw, the cleverest
would always be the best;
For Hufflepuff, hard workers were
Most worthy of admission;
and power-hungry Slytherin
loved those of great ambition.
While still alive they did divide
their favourites from the throng,
yet how to pick the worthy ones
when they were dead and gone?
'Twas Gryffindor who found the way,
He whipped me off his head
the founders put some brains in me
so I could choose instead!
Now slip me snug about your ears,
I've never yet been wrong,
I'll have a look inside your mind
and tell where you belong!?
The hall burst into a ripple of applause as Professor McGonagall stepped forward, holding a long roll of parchment.
?When I call your name please step forward, put on the hat and once you have been sorted please sit at your respective table.? She paused, her eyes glancing over us. ?Davies, Roger.?
A tall boy with dark hair stepped up to the stool, placing the sorting hat on his head.
?RAVENCLAW? The hat bellowed, Roger removed the hat from his head and walked calmly over to the table of cheering Ravenclaws.
 
PROLOGUE PART 3! I Apologise for the quadruple posts!

?Diggory, Cedric.?
Another tall boy walked up to the hat and placed it on his head.
?Isn?t he the guy who lives over the hill?? I muttered to George, who nodded in response.
?HUFFLEPUFF? Cedric, like Roger, removed the hat from his head and walked over to the Hufflepuffs, who greeted him with handshakes and pats on the back.
Slowly the crowd of first years dwindled until it was just the twins and I left; Fred and George would be sorted before me, so I was worried about being left alone. Nicky, Alex and Victoria had already been sorted into Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff respectively; Victoria had been entered into Hogwarts under her mother?s surname of Price, so she wasn?t the first to be sorted.
?Weasley, Fred.? Professor McGonagall called out.
?Good luck!? I whispered to him, giving him a quick thumbs up.
The hat barely brushed his head before calling out, ?GRYFFINDOR? and the Gryffindor table burst into applause as Fred sat down at the table.
?Weasley, George.? Whispers could be heard throughout the hall, ?wow, twins. Do you think they?ll be in the same house?? George gave me a warm smile before walking up to the sorting hat. I was starting to panic now, what if my name wasn?t called out? Would I have to go back to the Burrow alone? Again the hat barely brushed George?s head before bellowing ?GRYFFINDOR?, the table was again full of cheers of celebration.
There was a long pause, all eyes rested on me, the last to be sorted. I could almost feel my sister?s expectant glare against the back of my head.
?Went, Harper.? My name was finally called out; I let out a sigh of relief as I stepped up to the sorting hat. The sorting hat was placed on my head; it slipped down over my ears. Then I heard a small voice, ?Ah, a young Went. It?s been a long time since I?ve seen one of you; it seems like yesterday that I sorted your mother and your father. Both of them were in Ravenclaw, you could do so well there. But wait so much courage, very different from your parents it seems. You will have to be in-?
?GRYFFINDOR?
For the final time in this year?s sorting ceremony; the Gryffindor table was again thrown in to cheers of celebration as the sorting hat was removed from my head and I almost ran to the table. I slid onto the seat next George, all I could do was smile; I was completely speechless.
The rest of the feast went by in a blur, the headmaster; Professor Dumbledore welcomed us back to Hogwarts and list out a few rules, like ?No going into the Forbidden Forest.? And ?No magic in the corridors.? Then there was the actual feast itself. I sighed melodramatically as the twins piled there plates with food, Nicky gave me a sympathetic smile from across the table as she too began selecting foods from the platters laid out in front of us.
Then we were sent up to our dorms for the night, now that we had seen the professors who would be teaching us this year, Fred and George were coming up with more prank ideas; when it came to pranking the twins are by far the best, with me coming a close second. We were still going to go ahead with the hair-loss potion prank; we just needed to brew up a batch which wouldn?t take too long. Nicky was shaking her head disapprovingly, muttering something about ?idiots who don?t care about their futures.? As we walked into the common room we all gasped in amazement, the room was filled with tapestries hanging down the walls, a huge fireplace sat on one side of the room and it was surrounded by two large sofas and a few armchairs. The bookcases were stacked with fiction and non-fiction books, tables and chairs were dotted around the room. Finally there was a large spiral staircase which led up to a landing with two doors and led down to the bathrooms.
We all filed into our respective doorways, people were calling out ?good night?s and telling their friends to ?wait for them before going to breakfast.? Behind the girls door was another spiral staircase which led up to each year?s respective dorm room and another bathroom.
We had already been allocated our beds in our first year dorm room, on my left was a girl called Alicia Spinnet and my left was Angelina Johnson.
?Have any of you seen my owl?? I asked searching through my trunk and under my bed for Brietta.
?It?s probably in the owlery. That?s where the owls are meant to go.? Angelina replied laying down on her bed.
?Oh, that?s?good.? I muttered, fumbling with the catch on my trunk.
?Let me guess, the owl was a present from your ill mother?? Another girl, Casey Morgan, asked.
?Brietta was a present, but not from an ill family member. My parents work abroad, some international representative thing for the Ministry or something.? I replied as I sat down on my bed, ?Why?d you think my mum was ill??
?My mum got her owl from my Gran when she was ill.? Casey shrugged slipping under the covers of her bed.
?Well, now we?ve had that cheerful conversation can we go to sleep now?? Nicky mumbled; her voice could be barely heard as her face was smooshed into a pillow.
?Yeah we should get a little bit of sleep.? Alicia said sleepily, fidgeting under the covers of her bed.
We all blew out the candles on our bedside tables, but it took us all awhile to get to sleep, we were all so excited about starting at Hogwarts.

I apologise for the ammount of posts but my prologue appears to be very long.
 
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