Ever since I hit the age of 12 or so, I've had a horrible relationship with my mom. But this past year or so, I'm slowly getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. My mom read one of my past suicide notes and was only offended when I called her a bad parent. Whenever I try to talk to her and tell her that I need help, she mocks me about it and says I'm just "immature." We get into fights almost daily. She always calls me selfish. She talks about how I shouldn't go to college and how lazy I am. She's toxic, and I'm at my breaking point. I've been considering doing horrible things. I just can't find the strength to love this woman. Nearly every day of break has just been fights between us. I can't take it anymore and I have no idea what to do.
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My mom is becoming unbearable.
- Thread starter koopasta
- Start date
EpicGamer12
Senior Member
Not sure how old you are or what your situation is, but there are a lot of programs to help people with emotionally abusive parents. Maybe you just need someone to talk to. I encourage you to go to your school's counsellors in hopes that you won't feel so alone in this.
Good luck in getting out of this bad situation.
Good luck in getting out of this bad situation.
Hey, I know we've only talked a little bit for trading purposes but if you want to vent or talk more in-depth about this don't hesitate to send a PM my way. I have toxic family members too and am receiving professional help for it; you're not alone and your feelings are valid. <3
RedTropicalPeachyFish
GMT+9
I'm assuming, this may just offend you and you might not take my words, but. I've read all your blog post bout this, and something has been on my mind since then.
I was brought up in clearly problematic abusive family. Abusive as in physically heavy violence and mental abuse, from both parents. And, on that base, still I have a feeling you're missing the view, that parents/mom/dad is also just an individual as same as you are. They have their life/wish/beliefs/etc. and they're not existing just for you but to live their own lives. I hope you get realization about it someday, so you can forgive and love them, like I was able to do.
And you can love yourself, regardless how your mom/dad is. By having a goal, like how you want to live life and putting actual efforts into it. Like it made me be current me.
Life is amazing seriously, and I wish you a good luck.
I was brought up in clearly problematic abusive family. Abusive as in physically heavy violence and mental abuse, from both parents. And, on that base, still I have a feeling you're missing the view, that parents/mom/dad is also just an individual as same as you are. They have their life/wish/beliefs/etc. and they're not existing just for you but to live their own lives. I hope you get realization about it someday, so you can forgive and love them, like I was able to do.
And you can love yourself, regardless how your mom/dad is. By having a goal, like how you want to live life and putting actual efforts into it. Like it made me be current me.
Life is amazing seriously, and I wish you a good luck.
Thanks for the advice, but it's not helping. I refuse to accept my mom is a human. She's a demon, she has to be. I'll never love or forgive her because I can't. I heard her talking about me behind my back today, and that just drove me over the edge. As much as I'd love to go to a school counselor, I go to a poor private school that can't afford a counselor and refuses to believe that any of their kids are anything but happy, zealous youths. My will to live is honestly at an all-time low and I've been sneaking knives into my room. I'm worried that I could snap at any moment.
AngelBunny
Tangled Fangirl
im sorry to hear about this! but please don't kill yourself, that's not the answer. you are a wonderful person and your mom should see that
Please don't resort to violence. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who, at 12 left me with my dad and ran away with her new husband. When I moved back in with her around 13.5 it was hell. My step dad was a drug addict and I had no control over my life. I also self harmed during that time but maintained a super happy and well-adjusted image. My advice, is to rely on friends and people you trust to talk about things for the time being. Until you are 18 and can truly distance yourself from the toxic family it is tough--but it WILL make you stronger and a more emotionally intelligent person.
I can't defend your mom, but I hope that you don't take to harming yourself or her. I found that during that tumultuous time I had to just put on a mask. I would write all my feelings in a private place and maintain distance between myself and the troublesome people in my life.
A difficulty family life sucks. I wouldn't go back in time to then for anything. I would say college or at least moving out at 18 will be a lot of freedom. I would recommend making solid plans for college and looking forward. I got no help going to college and went in state on scholarships and paid for my own housing, food, etc. I needed to get out and away. It really helped me grow and finally feel like my own person. It gets better, I promise!
I can't defend your mom, but I hope that you don't take to harming yourself or her. I found that during that tumultuous time I had to just put on a mask. I would write all my feelings in a private place and maintain distance between myself and the troublesome people in my life.
A difficulty family life sucks. I wouldn't go back in time to then for anything. I would say college or at least moving out at 18 will be a lot of freedom. I would recommend making solid plans for college and looking forward. I got no help going to college and went in state on scholarships and paid for my own housing, food, etc. I needed to get out and away. It really helped me grow and finally feel like my own person. It gets better, I promise!
GoldenKaraSus
Senior Member
I wish I knnew what to say to you. I keep typing stuff and deleting it because it doesn't make sense. You don't have to do any of these things but I will list things that you could do to help. I will number them for the sake of distinction.
1. Learn to drive.
Study your state's driving book and get that permit! I should have done this YEARS ago but i still haven't and it's one reason why I am miserabe today. If she doesn't want to teach you, reach out to friends and other family members, or other TRUSTWORTHY adults that will help you.
2. Ace those Academics.
Another thing I didn't do. Stay on your game in school, get into programs, study for exams,but don't do more than you can handle and remember to be honest with yourself.
3. Develop a plan.
I just did this with some one else, I am still struggling with the plan I made, but that's because i am a total idiot.
3.2-List your goals.
They can be as simple as 'Make a smoothie' or as grand as 'Make the World's First Flying Train". But be careful, if you your goals specificit helps you plan better. One of my goals was(now I'm rambling) Make a Cucumber Honeydew smoothie.(hence the example) That's easy! Get a blender, sugar, ice, and the two eatables in question and that's it! I have fulfilled that goal already. But another goal was 'Be happier'....that's not so easy...on that one i am still stuck, i have no idea where to start on that on anymore. Because even when i bought ACNL, i was miserable.
3.3-Plan for the goals.
Let's say you said 'Move out of the house' as a goal. Ok, what steps do you have to take to get there that are in your control? Do you want a Condo, Apartment, TownHouse or House? How will you pay for it? Do you need to get a job first? Do you need too go to school for the job? Break each part of the plan down to better understand what to do.
3.4-Get the plan in motion.
Let's say your old enough to move. Do you need a job? Start applying. Have to go to school first? Start looking for schools now register at the school you want to apply to take the nessecary entrance exams, orientation, and register of those classes you need. The college i am planing to go to and i few i wanted to go to are allowing high schoolers to attend classes to get ahead. Need funds? DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK!!!! I am a Christian. One thing that we say (a bit out of context) is "You have not, because you ask not." Do not be afraid to ask people for what you need. I get it, no body wants to be a beggar, but how do you know what you can get if you never ask? Set up a GoFundMe account. I have seen a few fundraisers up there of people asking for help paying for school. Showcase your skills and let them know who you are and you just might get the help you need.
3.5-Stick with the plan.
If you need to set a date for something, set that date and do it on that date. If something comes up? Reschedule it and try again. Do not waste time. If you have to study for something? Study. If you have to finish a certain task? Finish it.
4. Do not Be afraid to tell your story.
If you had traveled through a desert, thirsty and hungry with no money, and came upon rich person with lots of food and water,how would they know that you needed water food and money if you never told them? One reason why i'm not telling my mother certain things anymore is because, when i did tell her about them she didn't care. But she is just one person out of the entire world. There are people who care about you. Younot seeing them does not mean they don't exist. Share your story, but share it wisely. Certain people seek to take advantage of others. Be creative in sharing your story. Make an New Leaf town about it, a clay creation, or a web comic. If you don't want to you don't have to keep it literal. you can turn it into a fantasy type story where you mom is a Wyrm that flows a river of acid lava from her mouth, and the lava surrounds an isolated island that only you live on. Someting like that. When you share your side of the story, you let other people know that they aren't alone. In church we have a moment where people share and tell what God has done for them and what he has helped them through. One lady got up and said she hadn't been there becuase she had been depressed, and that encourage me. not because she was depressed, but because i wasn't the only one. There is something about knowing that someone esle is experienceing that same thing you're going through that make me feel less alone. I had seen your posts before, i never would have guessed that you were in such a terrible time in your life. From what i have seen here on TBT you are a kind, polite, and respectful person, and you are very well known!
Don't let this time in your life beat you down. Don't let this be the way you go. I think about killing myself everyday, because i just don't see myself worth God's time. Worth anyone's time. But someday's i'll do something i'm proud of, and it's only now that i'm thinking, 'if i had killed myself, i never would have accomplished this.' Live for those moments. Because as small as those moment maybe in the ocean of depression. Those are your moments. That means they matter. Because you matter. I am sorry for rambling so much. but i felt obligated to say something.
1. Learn to drive.
Study your state's driving book and get that permit! I should have done this YEARS ago but i still haven't and it's one reason why I am miserabe today. If she doesn't want to teach you, reach out to friends and other family members, or other TRUSTWORTHY adults that will help you.
2. Ace those Academics.
Another thing I didn't do. Stay on your game in school, get into programs, study for exams,but don't do more than you can handle and remember to be honest with yourself.
3. Develop a plan.
I just did this with some one else, I am still struggling with the plan I made, but that's because i am a total idiot.
3.2-List your goals.
They can be as simple as 'Make a smoothie' or as grand as 'Make the World's First Flying Train". But be careful, if you your goals specificit helps you plan better. One of my goals was(now I'm rambling) Make a Cucumber Honeydew smoothie.(hence the example) That's easy! Get a blender, sugar, ice, and the two eatables in question and that's it! I have fulfilled that goal already. But another goal was 'Be happier'....that's not so easy...on that one i am still stuck, i have no idea where to start on that on anymore. Because even when i bought ACNL, i was miserable.
3.3-Plan for the goals.
Let's say you said 'Move out of the house' as a goal. Ok, what steps do you have to take to get there that are in your control? Do you want a Condo, Apartment, TownHouse or House? How will you pay for it? Do you need to get a job first? Do you need too go to school for the job? Break each part of the plan down to better understand what to do.
3.4-Get the plan in motion.
Let's say your old enough to move. Do you need a job? Start applying. Have to go to school first? Start looking for schools now register at the school you want to apply to take the nessecary entrance exams, orientation, and register of those classes you need. The college i am planing to go to and i few i wanted to go to are allowing high schoolers to attend classes to get ahead. Need funds? DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK!!!! I am a Christian. One thing that we say (a bit out of context) is "You have not, because you ask not." Do not be afraid to ask people for what you need. I get it, no body wants to be a beggar, but how do you know what you can get if you never ask? Set up a GoFundMe account. I have seen a few fundraisers up there of people asking for help paying for school. Showcase your skills and let them know who you are and you just might get the help you need.
3.5-Stick with the plan.
If you need to set a date for something, set that date and do it on that date. If something comes up? Reschedule it and try again. Do not waste time. If you have to study for something? Study. If you have to finish a certain task? Finish it.
4. Do not Be afraid to tell your story.
If you had traveled through a desert, thirsty and hungry with no money, and came upon rich person with lots of food and water,how would they know that you needed water food and money if you never told them? One reason why i'm not telling my mother certain things anymore is because, when i did tell her about them she didn't care. But she is just one person out of the entire world. There are people who care about you. Younot seeing them does not mean they don't exist. Share your story, but share it wisely. Certain people seek to take advantage of others. Be creative in sharing your story. Make an New Leaf town about it, a clay creation, or a web comic. If you don't want to you don't have to keep it literal. you can turn it into a fantasy type story where you mom is a Wyrm that flows a river of acid lava from her mouth, and the lava surrounds an isolated island that only you live on. Someting like that. When you share your side of the story, you let other people know that they aren't alone. In church we have a moment where people share and tell what God has done for them and what he has helped them through. One lady got up and said she hadn't been there becuase she had been depressed, and that encourage me. not because she was depressed, but because i wasn't the only one. There is something about knowing that someone esle is experienceing that same thing you're going through that make me feel less alone. I had seen your posts before, i never would have guessed that you were in such a terrible time in your life. From what i have seen here on TBT you are a kind, polite, and respectful person, and you are very well known!
Don't let this time in your life beat you down. Don't let this be the way you go. I think about killing myself everyday, because i just don't see myself worth God's time. Worth anyone's time. But someday's i'll do something i'm proud of, and it's only now that i'm thinking, 'if i had killed myself, i never would have accomplished this.' Live for those moments. Because as small as those moment maybe in the ocean of depression. Those are your moments. That means they matter. Because you matter. I am sorry for rambling so much. but i felt obligated to say something.
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