Okay, I'm just gonna start with, please never, NEVER, waste your money on a "how to draw manga" book.
I hate those things. They are just ugh. Take an art class. You'll learn a lot more. Even if it is just a junior high/high school class.
First, I think the art is pretty good! I do think the hair needs to be smaller. Unfortunately, story is the most important thing in a comic/manga, and I think the big hair will distract from that. I actually really like the way you color eyes.
First, I would work on your outlines, before you get to work, try making sure your outlines are soft, like manga.
A good lining program is Easy Paint Tool Sai. This program doesn't work on Apple products, so you couldn't use an iPad (sorry, went to you DA to see what you use). Try a computer, and get a tablet- Wacom is my favorite. I use a Bamboo Fun, but it went out of style, apparently. Find one on Amazon. It's roughly $170. Though a cordless mouse works fine, too. I have done a lot of pictures with one. I'm serious, though, try Sai before you even go to Photoshop. I can barely use Photoshop to paint. So, first things first, use a computer, and use a tablet/cordless mouse. For the time being though, there are some good programs for the iPad, but since my iPad is at my mom's at the moment, I can't tell you which ones they are. >.>.
Also, try Manga Studio for the screen tones. It's an easy to use program, with a nice user interface.
For fonts, go online! You can find THOUSANDS of fonts for manga/comics online for free! Just download them, it'll ask to install, and install. Then start up your program! This will only work if you are using something like Photoshop, Illustrator, or Manga Studio to put in the font. Otherwise, try using one that is easily readable, not so girly(? I don't know how to describe it.)
try something like this fontor
like this font. Try to stay away from
anything like this font. It needs to be easy to read, and not at all distracting.
Smooth out the frames. Try Illustrator for frame making, or again, Manga Studio. Illustrator has a nice smart guide, that will make sure everything is nice and straight. Manga Studio actually gives you a couple of page templets to work off of.
Don't just write the sound effects, use text. Also, notice that they artist in this example wasn't afraid to bring the sound effect out of the panel.
[x]
Also, try drawing everything on paper, to give yourself an idea, then scan it in! If you don't have a scanner, a camera works, too. Just make sure that if you're going digital, everything is digital. So, even if you scan it in, you will need to line it again.
With your lines, try giving the lines variation of width and dark/light. Like so
[x]
Don't be scared of color! I was for a long time, and couldn't color worth a dang, try adding in colors that aren't just on a gradient. So, say yellow can be shaded with orange. Blue can go into skin tones! Play with it. Don't confine yourself to light brown to dark brown. try throwing in yellows, blues, and purples! Also, don't just slap it ont here and call it good. Blend everything together and make it look soft.
That said though, the background should be softer and less noticeable then the actual people. Using bright pink is too much, try a softer, more delicate pink. Like the pink you used in the "school starts in 10 minutes" panel.
User references for anatomy. Real people, not other drawings.
http://www.senshistock.deviantart.com/ is a good resource. I use it all the time.
She has hundreds of pictures online to help. Honestly, try to get as close as you can to the picture, and if it's a little off, don't worry too much. After awhile, you'll have no problem moving arms and limbs around.
The last thing I'm gonna mention about the art, er re-mention is the hair. It distracts too much from the story and it's hard to look past.
Anyway, I think you're doing great so far! I think the story is fine.
However, make sure you flesh out that character. Do NOT make her a cliche. Nobody will care about her. This is a little resource I like to use when making characters.
[x] Trust me, you have the best story ever, and it will be completely ignored and awful if the characters aren't good.
Get to know your characters. Make sure they're their own person, and separate from yourself (while still maintaining a part of who you are in them.) This is probably gonna sound crazy, but, try to let your characters talk to you. Let them make decisions for themselves and you just write it down, k?
Make sure your characters have in-depth backstories, and personalities and form relationships with each other.
Here's a good resource on relationships
[x]
Also, there's more than just romantic relationships, by the way.
Also focus on friendships, parent-child relationships, enemies, casual acquaintances, and other.
I promise that writing strong relationships will make the story.
Try to not be to cliche with the amnesia/ghost seeing part. It's used a lot, but it can be done right. I personally have never written any of these types of stories, so I'm not at part to speak. Just make sure it's original.
Oh! Plot twists! Everyone loves a good plot twist. But only put on in if you feel like it's needed.
DOn't be afraid to make up the story as you go, and don't be afraid to change things. Chances are, the more you work on this, the less it will become what you originally wanted. And that's okay. One of my stories started out about an airforce pilot with lots of aliens, and now it's a slice of life about a college kid and him dealing with his problems and being a single dad. Things change. It's okay. Let it happen.
I know I sound crazy! But I do know what I'm talking about! I teach character creation and story making classes!
Okay, that's enough for right now.
Again, in think this has a lot of potential and I'm looking forward to chapter 2!
xD just for fun tho~ Let's work hard together~ ^^ ouob
