Lujei
Fairy Queen from Majesty
I just finally realized why people don't like to stick around with me. Why they get annoyed with me and just end up casting me aside.
My negativity.
People hate other people who are so gloomy all the time. They get annoyed at anyone who keeps crying about their life and 'why this' and 'why that'. After hearing so much of these depressing thoughts, they just want nothing to do with that person. That is why i lose people i care about, and why my family always looks down on me. It's because of this that my life has been miserable. I MADE it miserable.
Now that I've realized this...I'm trying so hard to break this lifelong habit. I've been pushing myself, almost too hard, to fix this ultimate problem. My life will never be completely happy if i can't stop this neverending cycle. I'll just end up losing my lover again and driving all my friends away...all over again...
I'm pretty sure I might have to do this alone. All my life, people HAVE been trying to help me...but it never really worked. I'm always crying about people not listening to me but...it's really ME who has to listen more. I have to open my eyes and see all the good things around me. If i can't do that...I'll stay miserable forever.
To anyone who reads this, and feels as low as i do, please stay positive. My boyfriend has taught me that you can't keep worrying about the things you can't control. Open your eyes and ears, and find the positives in your life. No matter who you are, or what situation you are in, I guarentee you there is a positive in your life. You just haven't noticed yet. Even if you look hard and find nothing, remember that other people who listen and care are your positives. Just like me. Just like the amazing people on here at Bell Tree.
I get upset whenever people say 'what's the big deal' or 'so? I don't understand why'. Well maybe...that might be a good thing. Why make them worry? Why make my boyfriend lose sleep and focus because of me? I don't want that to happen. And maybe...it really might not be a big deal. Even if i feel differently.
My negativity.
People hate other people who are so gloomy all the time. They get annoyed at anyone who keeps crying about their life and 'why this' and 'why that'. After hearing so much of these depressing thoughts, they just want nothing to do with that person. That is why i lose people i care about, and why my family always looks down on me. It's because of this that my life has been miserable. I MADE it miserable.
Now that I've realized this...I'm trying so hard to break this lifelong habit. I've been pushing myself, almost too hard, to fix this ultimate problem. My life will never be completely happy if i can't stop this neverending cycle. I'll just end up losing my lover again and driving all my friends away...all over again...
I'm pretty sure I might have to do this alone. All my life, people HAVE been trying to help me...but it never really worked. I'm always crying about people not listening to me but...it's really ME who has to listen more. I have to open my eyes and see all the good things around me. If i can't do that...I'll stay miserable forever.
To anyone who reads this, and feels as low as i do, please stay positive. My boyfriend has taught me that you can't keep worrying about the things you can't control. Open your eyes and ears, and find the positives in your life. No matter who you are, or what situation you are in, I guarentee you there is a positive in your life. You just haven't noticed yet. Even if you look hard and find nothing, remember that other people who listen and care are your positives. Just like me. Just like the amazing people on here at Bell Tree.
I get upset whenever people say 'what's the big deal' or 'so? I don't understand why'. Well maybe...that might be a good thing. Why make them worry? Why make my boyfriend lose sleep and focus because of me? I don't want that to happen. And maybe...it really might not be a big deal. Even if i feel differently.
