Overprotective parents

[nintendofan85]

I hope this thread isn't considered too controversial for TBT.
Basically, my mom has always been overprotective, but things really hit the fan when I was 12. My mom doesn't want me driving because she's afraid I'll get in accidents and in the past she didn't want me using electronics for more than an hour a day. It's hard to say whether or not that applies anymore, but it's a symptom of another issue: she dislikes all of my hobbies and interests and has even criticized my music taste. She's even gotten so overprotective at points that she didn't want me walking more than 20 yards away from my house because "I'd get hit by cars", and this was only a year ago.
What makes it worse though is that she is very homophobic, and in December she found out one of my friends IRL is gay and she didn't respond well at all, and was afraid that his "gayness" would spread to me. The thing is, I'm bisexual, and I just don't feel like I'd be accepted if I came out yet it still hurts very much when she criticizes my friend's sexuality as I do not see it as any of her business and being LGBT isn't "contagious". Even though I'm 17 and a half, I feel as if I'm stuck in the past and am significantly younger with this family I'm in.

 

[elo-chan]

I can very much relate. The only advice I can give is to hang tough. I don't really want to use stereotypes to label, but we (well at least my) asian families are so strict on the littlest things. Don't worry, I didn't get my license until this March (19 at the time, turning 20 in november) so I've only been driving for about 4 months or so. My mom was afraid of me getting into accidents too, but know that she can't drive you everywhere forever--like, who's going to drive you everyday to your classes if you go to college? Or when you have a full time job? Yeah no, you'll just have to be patient, and possibly egg her on a little more when you turn 18. I was in the exact position you are and I only recently got to soften my mom up a bit to give me the freedom to do more things. The thing with her was she was only overprotective of me because she felt like I wasn't responsible enough to take on certain things like driving, traveling by myself, etc. But finally getting my license opened up a lot of possibilities for me, and trust me when I say you'll have to get it sooner or later lol.

I'm sorry about the homophobic issue--hopefully she'll be able to change her mindset about it as you grow up and start taking on more responsibilities. Is your family very religious? There are some people who just won't budge due to their own beliefs, and that's okay, everyone's entitled to their own beliefs. It's something that you'll eventually have to compromise on/cope with, but stay strong!

 

[AnimalCrossingPerson]

Ultimately, you have to become more independent. Or just get out of there and live somewhere else as soon as possible, which fulfills the first point. I'm sure overprotectiveness is damaging - I'm fed up of hearing how I'm going to get electrocuted by switching out TV cables, burn down the house by leaving things on overnight (fortunately, my current laptop doesn't show any signs that it's on if it's not doing much and the lid is closed, so overnight uploads are back in business!) or get sick from anything more extreme than that 5MPH caterpillar ride.

As for homophobia, it runs in families. Doesn't matter to me as I'm straight. The way I look at it, either start dressing up like Princess Peach ("sorry, Mum, my friend has infected me and it's too late!" - isn't technically gay but it's good enough) or invite a girl around for tea. The latter might convince her you're straight for life and it can be completely staged if you like.

Look, I don't have any experience here, but she's clearly locked in a protective state of mind which will be very difficult to change. Stubborn but not stubborn, you know? Do what seems most rational.

- - - Post Merge - - -

To add, driving is a risk. You could get hit by a madman, or be one yourself, but there's also the risk of getting your throat slit whilst ambling about or cycling off a cliff. Life is full of risks and lowering some risks just increases others. Unless you've had any relatives die or be seriously injured by a car accident, it shouldn't be hard to convince her that it's safe enough. Also, nobody has any right to tell you what you can and can't do. You're legally an adult (if not, get a better country), so get a driving license, passport and go berserk if you please.

 

[carp]

my mum was very "tell me where ur going who ur with when you'll be home" and i just left home for a week lmao

taught her a lesson

 

[Weiland]

My grandmother is waaaaaay too domineering and I hate it SO much. My grandparents are incredibly homophobic and judgemental so I just keep my bisexuality and interests to myself. My mum is okay, though.
Really, though...you have to try and move out or threaten to move out if your mum doesn't back off a bit. Like, being too protective can be damaging and sometimes as much as traumatising. It's pretty bad. That's why some people have mental issues: overprotectiveness.

 

[AnimalCrossingPerson]

my mum was very "tell me where ur going who ur with when you'll be home" and i just left home for a week lmao

taught her a lesson

Where did you go? This can be dodgy if you're deemed missing and a big search operation is set out.

 

[Tao]

my mum was very "tell me where ur going who ur with when you'll be home" and i just left home for a week lmao

taught her a lesson

Letting your parents know where you're going, who you'll be with and when you'll be home is pretty much common decency if you live in their house.

Them wanting to know that is basically them asking "when should we assume something's wrong, who should we try to contact if we can't get you and where should we look?". In the event that something did happen, how do you think your mum would feel if you were rotting in a ditch for two weeks whilst she carried on blissfully ignorant to that fact because she didn't know you were supposed to be home a week ago?



But yea, you taught her a valuable lesson that...I dunno, but you taught it her!

 

[carp]

Where did you go? This can be dodgy if you're deemed missing and a big search operation is set out.

Letting your parents know where you're going, who you'll be with and when you'll be home is pretty much common decency if you live in their house.

Them wanting to know that is basically them asking "when should we assume something's wrong, who should we try to contact if we can't get you and where should we look?". In the event that something did happen, how do you think your mum would feel if you were rotting in a ditch for two weeks whilst she carried on blissfully ignorant to that fact because she didn't know you were supposed to be home a week ago?



But yea, you taught her a valuable lesson that...I dunno, but you taught it her!

oh i just went to my boyfriend's for the week, my mum knew i was gone because she had been controlling..

as much as it sounds bad that i up and left, i have 7 siblings, all of which do the same sort of thing

 

[nintendofan85]

My grandmother is waaaaaay too domineering and I hate it SO much. My grandparents are incredibly homophobic and judgemental so I just keep my bisexuality and interests to myself. My mum is okay, though.
Really, though...you have to try and move out or threaten to move out if your mum doesn't back off a bit. Like, being too protective can be damaging and sometimes as much as traumatising. It's pretty bad. That's why some people have mental issues: overprotectiveness.

Yeah, that's why when I was 12 I started suffering from depression, and then OCD around that time or when I was 13...

- - - Post Merge - - -

I also appreciate all of the support, guys. And I certainly agree about this being damaging-and what makes it worse is that I have a father who constantly abuses me verbally and emotionally, cussing me out and yelling at me and screaming at me, doing anything he can to make me angry or upset. That only makes it worse...

 

[AnimalCrossingPerson]

I have a father who constantly abuses me verbally and emotionally, cussing me out and yelling at me and screaming at me, doing anything he can to make me angry or upset. That only makes it worse...

You need to avoid him. But hey, at least you've experienced both overprotectiveness and the complete opposite.

 

[unravel]

my mum was very "tell me where ur going who ur with when you'll be home" and i just left home for a week lmao

taught her a lesson

And typical filipino parents be like its already 10 pm where are you? ������

 

[~Unicorn~]

I'm very sorry for the abuse some of you get, it must make life hard for you my parents are very nice people, they barely ever lay a finger on me

The only "overprotectiveness" I dislike is my mom trying to keep me off websites like this.

 

[AnimalCrossingPerson]

The only "overprotectiveness" I dislike is my mom trying to keep me off websites like this.

You don't know who you're talking to on the internet. Russians could kidnap you!

(seriously, stay off the internet and never tell Amazon your credit card info - only Argos can be trusted)

- - - Post Merge - - -

(this post uses wacky mother logic)

 

[nintendofan85]

You need to avoid him. But hey, at least you've experienced both overprotectiveness and the complete opposite.

Yeah, it seems insane how opposite my parents are from each other. That is also why they're prone to fighting each other a lot, with most of their fights caused by my dad...
Yeah, once I go off to college next year, my parents won't be seeing much of me in person for a while, especially not my dad.