Seeking advice from you outgoing non-socially awkward people!

[UglyMonsterFace]

So I started a new job and discovered that one of my classmates from high school works there. Yay. Now, if you don't know, I had a really tough time in high school. I was bullied and made fun of and there were so many untrue rumours spread about me. A guy in the popular group even really liked me but then asked me not to tell anyone that we were kind of starting out.. So that sucked since I liked him a lot too. Not after that though. Anyway, my point is, this girl was in the popular group. She didn't do anything to my face (that I remember), but she was really close friends with all the people who did and so she probably shared the same thoughts about me as they did. I feel absolutely scared about that. High school is not a time I like to remember, and I want to shed that part of my life, and now I can't. She is the one training me tomorrow and I don't know how to talk to her cuz all I remember is being bullied in school whenever she is around. I know this all sounds stupid and foolish, but how am I supposed to befriend her and not be so awkward and afraid? Any advice on what to talk about? Yes, I know I'm there to work, but with my social anxiety, I will not be able to focus on anything else unless I can find a way to be comfortable and friendly with her. I just don't want my past following me around where I don't want it to be, and I'm afraid that those rumours would be spread again..Anyway, any help from those who know how to be outgoing and ignore these types of things would be so so helpful! Thanks!

 

[tybalt_cake]

Just talk about work stuff. If she wasn't your friend then whatever.
And if rumours get to you , just shake them off and don't care of them. Im sure you are better than that people ,

 

[tumut]

You just don't bring up the bullying and ask her how she's been and talk about work stuff or whatever.

Also you don't need to become friends with her lol, it doesn't seem like you're sure if you even like her. Just do what you need to do for your job and focus on that. Your past is only gonna follow you around if you let it, if it does come up (which it probably won't lol) just make a brief comment and segway to another topic. Just be nice and she'll be nice back.

 

[seliph]

I'm assuming you're both adults or at least older now so believe me, it's best to just move past highschool nonsense. She's probably over it and so your best bet is to put it behind you as well, at least for that time being. It's also worth taking into account that your paranoia here is completely based on speculation, and you don't know for sure if she's said anything about you at all.

Aside from that, you have to remember she's there to work. You're in a completely professional situation so past school happenings is 100% irrelevant. If you feel the need to talk to her at all just make small talk.

 

[cIementine]

just keep your chin up and focus on you! you're there for your job for your benefit and you can't let one irrelevant girl get in the way of that. besides, people tend to be really immature during high school and then grow out of it. i don't know how much time has passed since you were in high school but she's probably changed for the better. she didn't seem to be directly involved, so maybe your assumption is more cynical and she wasn't as bad after all. i think the fact that she never said much to you even when her peers did shows she can't have been that cruel.
you've got to remember she's there for the same reasons you are, and she probably won't care, or even remember you. she just wants to get work done in a professional environment, just like you.

 

[Ghost Soda]

Like others have said, you don't have to be friends with this person if you don't want to! Just treat her like a normal person and don't bring up past stuff.

 

[Mr. Cat]

Well... if the rumors spread were false and she didn't directly bully you, you can very likely change her impression of you because it's just you and her. The others are no longer there. She will begin to see things from your point of view rather than the ones of those who have bullied you. Just be yourself. I would honestly have the same problem as you without a doubt, I always feel the same way, but I know from experience that the views people held in high school change and they no longer matter.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. Being shy, having social anxiety, the false rumors, the bullying. I even had a popular guy like me (more than once) but they had to keep it secret and eventually broke it off because people found out and started calling me weird and making fun of me for it. I've talked to many of these people later on after high school and mostly everyone started to think I was actually really cool for being different and just being myself.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

I guess I should clarify I don't mean that I want to be friends with her - I want to be friendly with her. Meaning just have a good relationship as coworkers so that we can keep it professional. I also don't think she'll absolutely bully me, but perhaps she would have preconceived notions about me that are untrue, based off of her opinions of me in high school and the things that she might have heard that she might think are true. Maybe she might say to her friends there, "Oh she used to be like this, and she did that." She does recognise me, since she now keeps bringing up that we went to high school together. Of course, everyone else is already her friend and might ask, "Oh how was she like? Etc." It's just a natural question to ask when you find out the new hire is your friend's old classmate. I don't want that to taint anyone's idea of me before they've gotten to know me. I guess my true question was how do I deal with that situation if it occurs. But it doesn't really matter, I'm just going to do my thing

- - - Post Merge - - -

Well... if the rumors spread were false and she didn't directly bully you, you can very likely change her impression of you because it's just you and her. The others are no longer there. She will begin to see things from your point of view rather than the ones of those who have bullied you. Just be yourself. I would honestly have the same problem as you without a doubt, I always feel the same way, but I know from experience that the views people held in high school change and they no longer matter.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. Being shy, having social anxiety, the false rumors, the bullying. I even had a popular guy like me (more than once) but they had to keep it secret and eventually broke it off because people found out and started calling me weird and making fun of me for it. I've talked to many of these people later on after high school and mostly everyone started to think I was actually really cool for being different and just being myself.

This is actually really helpful ^_^ Thanks! I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad that you were able to prove those people wrong about you

 

[Ghost Soda]

I would say just be you and don't get involved in any needless gossip that might happen. Really, anyone with a sound mind should know not to judge a person based on what they were like presumably years ago. (I might, unless they were supremely terrible but it doesn't sound like you were like that. q

 

[seliph]

Unless your coworkers are highschoolers themselves they probably won't care and, again, since you're in a professional setting they should be able to toss it aside and work with you regardless of anything they've heard.

Just be friendly when asking for anything or when talking about work in general and they'll perceive you as a friendly person.

 

[Miii]

As someone that used to have the worst social anxiety, zero social skills, no friends, and who would say maybe 3 sentences to the people I went to school with in the course of a year, I can honestly say that the key to getting past it is putting yourself outside your comfort zone. It's certainly not easy, especially at first, and you'll probably feel like you're just making your anxiety worse, but overcoming the things that stress you out will boost your confidence and it'll only get easier the more you do it.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

As someone that used to have the worst social anxiety, zero social skills, no friends, and who would say maybe 3 sentences to the people I went to school with in the course of a year, I can honestly say that they key to getting past it is putting yourself outside your comfort zone. It's certainly not easy, especially at first, and you'll probably feel like you're just making your anxiety worse, but overcoming the things that stress you out will boost your confidence and it'll only get easier the more you do it.

Very very true! Which is why I chose a serving job, which relies very heavily on social interaction. It has actually really helped me through my social anxiety by forcing me to talk to people and learn to get better at it. It just threw me off since I hate running into people who knew me from before. But I think I'll be fine. Thank you for your advice! It's helpful to hear from people with social anxiety too ^_^

 

[King Dorado]

I found after high school that everybody kinda evened out. the people that were good students but maybe shy or deemed nerdy all became more comfortable socially, the people who seemed very social but maybe dumb or shallow all seemed to have matured. i'm sure everybody from all circles had some social anxiety, and had rumors about themselves out there that they didnt like. as others have said, i wouldnt worry about it at all.

 

[Soda Fox]

Sorry I'm getting in here late. I'm sure you've already done your training with her. How did it go by the way? I wanted to share my story too although mine was when I was in school.

I was in a similar boat to you. I was bullied a lot in grade school and middle school by the "popular" kids (although they stopped in high school because they couldn't get a rise out of me). There was one girl in the popular group that never directly picked on me. One day in freshman year of high school, I was in the nurse's office and that girl happened to be there too. Since it was just the two of us she started up a conversation with me. She apologized for the things her friends had done, because while she was in their group, she thought I was nice and didn't like the way her friends treated people sometimes.

That might be the case with this girl, too. I hope everything went well on your training with her! I hope you don't fret too much. You're all professional adults now so I hope, even if she did have a negative attitude toward you in high school, that she has gotten over it and won't spread rumors.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Sorry I'm getting in here late. I'm sure you've already done your training with her. How did it go by the way? I wanted to share my story too although mine was when I was in school.

I was in a similar boat to you. I was bullied a lot in grade school and middle school by the "popular" kids (although they stopped in high school because they couldn't get a rise out of me). There was one girl in the popular group that never directly picked on me. One day in freshman year of high school, I was in the nurse's office and that girl happened to be there too. Since it was just the two of us she started up a conversation with me. She apologized for the things her friends had done, because while she was in their group, she thought I was nice and didn't like the way her friends treated people sometimes.

That might be the case with this girl, too. I hope everything went well on your training with her! I hope you don't fret too much. You're all professional adults now so I hope, even if she did have a negative attitude toward you in high school, that she has gotten over it and won't spread rumors.

Hi! Actually, I didn't end up having to train under her as she was late the first time, and then the second time, we just didn't start at the same time so it made more sense for another person to train me. I'm actually feeling much less apprehensive about the whole situation though ^_^ I'm still nervous, but I'm trying to stay positive!

Thank you so much for your input. You always seem to have something helpful to add to my threads

 

[Dogemon]

Even if she did dislike you, which it doesn't sound like she would let it show if she did since it work, the best way to get back at people who hate you is to live a happy, unbothered life. Definitely be sure to stay confident and keep your head high, even when you are not around her.

I'm sure she probably doesn't have any ill-will towards you now, most likely. A lot of girls who tried to mess with me back in highschool are way better people now and apologize for trying cover their own issues and lack of confidence by taking it out on others.

 

[piichinu]

Pretend you don't remember her
???