KawaiiSushi
Otaku
So, everyday I think to myself that I'm terrible at everything, that i'm ugly, that I have no friends, everyone hates me, I shouldn't live, and that happiness is a lie. I always feel in pain. I really can't tell if it's just some random depression or if something is causing me to feel like this. Last year, I even went to the guidance counselor every Thursday for some sappy self-confidence stuff, it didn't help. Usually, people can't tell I'm serious about this depression stuff because I talk about it in such a joking way like, "Ha, I'm terrible at everything and life is worthless!" and "On a scale of 1-10 of how much I care about myself? Hmm...-1000!" They think nothing of it. I have pretty long nails, so if something angers me, upsets me, or I remember any embarrassing moments for the past, I just scratch my arm, but I never seem to get hurt.
Ok! So, my 2nd day of school was worse because I had to carry 2 more heavy textbooks without ever going to my locker. I have gym 1st period so we were assigned gym lockers. I was the last one out of the locker room cuz I couldn't open my locker, so I gave up. My 2nd period teacher scolded me and told me how I'm always late 2 days in a row, but he was cool with it..i think, it was only the 2nd day. I definitely didn't leave a good impression. Then, I was late to orchestra, at least I wasn't the last one to come. Lunch came at 4th period. I got so lost, I ended up on the other side of school. I collapsed on the ground several times because on my aching arms causing me to drop my supplies, and the heat swarming around my body from the overwhelming confusion and nervousness. Tears swelled up in my eyes, i wanted to cry so much, which is unlike me, i usually don't care about things so i brush it off. It turns out, that stress is one of my few weaknesses. When I FINALLY found the cafeteria, lunch was almost over. I just sloppily sat down at my table immediately dropping my books everywhere. The day before, I chose a table in the corner that was completely empty. My sister and her friend joined me, even if i wanted to be all alone. I just slammed my head on the table weeping. My long hair covered my face so nobody saw, until I lifted my head and cried into my hands. i don't know why i did that. I might subconsciously wanted my crush to notice me crying. How stupid. I also forgot to eat my lunch because of all of the distractions. I managed to get by the rest of the day by secretly eating my granola bar that was in my pocket in class.
I can't wait to see the torture that awaits me. Sorry, I've been through a lot, I won't make my entries this long. please bear with me.
Ok! So, my 2nd day of school was worse because I had to carry 2 more heavy textbooks without ever going to my locker. I have gym 1st period so we were assigned gym lockers. I was the last one out of the locker room cuz I couldn't open my locker, so I gave up. My 2nd period teacher scolded me and told me how I'm always late 2 days in a row, but he was cool with it..i think, it was only the 2nd day. I definitely didn't leave a good impression. Then, I was late to orchestra, at least I wasn't the last one to come. Lunch came at 4th period. I got so lost, I ended up on the other side of school. I collapsed on the ground several times because on my aching arms causing me to drop my supplies, and the heat swarming around my body from the overwhelming confusion and nervousness. Tears swelled up in my eyes, i wanted to cry so much, which is unlike me, i usually don't care about things so i brush it off. It turns out, that stress is one of my few weaknesses. When I FINALLY found the cafeteria, lunch was almost over. I just sloppily sat down at my table immediately dropping my books everywhere. The day before, I chose a table in the corner that was completely empty. My sister and her friend joined me, even if i wanted to be all alone. I just slammed my head on the table weeping. My long hair covered my face so nobody saw, until I lifted my head and cried into my hands. i don't know why i did that. I might subconsciously wanted my crush to notice me crying. How stupid. I also forgot to eat my lunch because of all of the distractions. I managed to get by the rest of the day by secretly eating my granola bar that was in my pocket in class.
I can't wait to see the torture that awaits me. Sorry, I've been through a lot, I won't make my entries this long. please bear with me.
