Struggling with a writing thing

[Stella-Io]

I'm finally taking up writing again, but I'm struggling with this one huge thing. What to refer my characters gender identify as.

My characters name is Kai, which they chose as a unisex/gender neutral name. In their head they refer to themselves as Kai, sometimes they/them. However, Kai will respond to being called a boy or girl. If someone said 'Kai is a boy', Kai wouldn't say anythin, and visit versa with girl.

Kai is technically born a girl and has no intention of changing anythin. Then again, they don't live in a normal society that tells them they have to conform or change.

Kai will dress in 'feminine' and 'masculine' clothes, their haircut can be considered gender neutral, and sometimes inter changeably will use gender specific terms like mom or dad, usually for lack of better words, or what they THINK a dad or mom does. Again, Kai's version of 'society' is different from ours.

I'm really stuck on what gender identify Kai would be. Gender fluid? Pan gender? Neither? I feel like some of the stuff I typed above may contradict itself. I looked both up, and I still can't decide what really fits Kai best.

Kai's version of society
***CAN SKIP, THIS IS JUST A BIT MORE BACK INFO***
Kai's version of society is different because they never really experienced it. Kai lives with 3 other people and doesn't have alot of experience outside the mansion they live in. One person will call Kai a girl, another will call them a boy and the other will avoid gender specific terms. However the one calls them a boy because she can't understand Kai's behaviour and does this to 'insult' them. Kai however doesn't realize this is an insult and responses to male pronouns.

Because Kai has no experience with our society, they sometimes mis interpret stuff like mom or dad. They think mom provides for the family in comfort or emotion, and protects the children, while dad protects the house and everyone else. Kai doesn't realize mom and dad are typically used as gender specific terms. At one point the house where Kai lives is being attacked, so Kai refers to themselves as dad. Kai thinks mom and dad are roles, not gender roles.
***END OF BACK INFO***

- - - Post Merge - - -

I feel I have to add, if I have typed anythin insensitive or offensive, please let me know and I will take it out. I do not want to offend anyone in anyway.

 

[rianne]

Hmm sounds like nonbinary or genderfluid to me based on my knowledge and people I've known who identify as such. They're both nuanced so I can understand your confusion. :3 But the character wouldn't be aware of the terms for their gender identity, I'm guessing?

There are nonbinary/genderfluid people onsite who will surely chime in on this thread methinks.

 

[Stella-Io]

True, the way Kai lives, they aren't entirely aware of gender roles, gender specific terms or stuff like that.

 

[rianne]

True, the way Kai lives, they aren't entirely aware of gender roles, gender specific terms or stuff like that.

Sounds like a really interesting story regardless. At one point would there be a part of the story where such knowledge is revealed to Kai somehow (i.e. by another character informing/mentoring them, stumbling upon books or other documents, etc.)? I'm intrigued. Because in "our world" there's typically easy access to that knowledge and it can reaffirm the self discovery a person undergoes in their life.

 

[Stella-Io]

There most likely will, cause Kai does have books at the house, but it's not like they say all that stuff. It's mostly magic and fairytale stuff But such encounter will most likely be from an outsider, not someone who lives with Kai.

The times Kai does go out and is in a place like our society, it's for short times, and they dont talk to the people there. Kai is usually under the supervision of Cyril when they go out, one of the people Kai lives with, and the one that calls Kai a girl (mentioned in the first post in the skip part).

 

[rianne]

Ah okay so is Cyril older than Kai? The world- and character building you're delving into seems like a really complex task indeed.

 

[Stella-Io]

Yes, Cyril is mid 30s, Kai is 19, and the 2 other people Kai lives with are older than Kai. So that makes Kai the youngest.