The Bomb Plot

[MrCrazyDavis]

A cold wind blew across the field. Gentle flakes of crisp white snow helped thicken the blanket already coating everything in the open. Kyle walked across the field, leaving behind nothing but a footprint with the Nike logo. There was no going back. Even at the cost of his life, he would stop his father. Kyle

 

[Placebo]

Stopped at murky drizzle, drizzles aren't ever murky!

A quick scan also makes me suspicious that this is a paid advertisement for Nike, Timberland, and Land Rover.

 

[MrCrazyDavis]

very helpful ;D

 

[Pear]

I lold when it got to the bomb part. I wasn't expecting that. XD
And btw, the bottom of your shoe doesn't show up in footprints.

 

[MrCrazyDavis]

I lold when it got to the bomb part. I wasn't expecting that. XD
And btw, the bottom of your shoe doesn't show up in footprints.

It's a magic shoe

 

[Box-monkey]

That's a good story. Are you a high level in English?

 

[MrCrazyDavis]

That's a good story. Are you a high level in English?

Highest in year 8

 

[Box-monkey]

That's a good story. Are you a high level in English?

Highest in year 8

Year 8? We're the same age, but I'm year 9.

Edit: Oh, I remember now.

 

[Gnome]

needs moar cowbell.

 

[Nic]

Is this supposed to be The July Bomb Plot of 1944 ripoff? If so then this failed.

 

[MrCrazyDavis]

@Gnome - k
@Mr_Hobo - no

 

[Niall]

Good story.

 

[MrCrazyDavis]

@Niall - Thanks =)

 

[Neko Yuki Pyrozanryu]

Errrrrrrrrrrrrm.....
Its Alright.
The Fight scene imo was kinda...lacking something....Idk what though, and if you wanna know a nuclear bomb is average the size of a trailer (off a Lorry/truck) 2 of them would take up fair bitta space, Unless your portraying it like a small bomb. Nuclear bombs are pretty much the Warheads FYI. Plus the 'beeping' would be a timer, so yea.
I think you just need to go through it a Little more with a comb, Things like the Describtion could be a little better, the Fight could be ALOT more dramatic, Its better than Fanfics, but not by alot.