The Redeemer From Kain
- Thread starter Bulerias
- Start date
Propaganda Man
Senior Member
I would put a little more about the setting and describe the characters that talk. Otherwise fantastic
Why not call it Redeemer
Why not call it Redeemer
Thank you!Minority said:I would put a little more about the setting and describe the characters that talk. Otherwise fantastic
Why not call it Redeemer
^_^
Hey, great idea, I'll use the term Redeemer in the name...
Chapter 1 - Jericho
"Hurry it up, you don't have all day!"
Jericho was truly tired. He had been hammering for days, and still the structure wasn't taking definite form. His master had been yelling in his ear for the past hour, since Jericho was the one slowing everyone else down; this temple had to be built, and better sooner than later.
Jericho was so preoccupied with his work that he didn't notice the king of Kain himself had stood next to his master. The king of Kain looked distastefully at Jericho, and said to the Jericho's master, "Dalben, maybe you should consider giving them a break...?" Dalben groaned, and allowed the crew to disband and take a ten minute break. The workers quickly ran in different directions, all but Jericho... He had lost his footing, and fell right at the king's feet.
"So, you say this is your finest apprentice, Dalben?" The king inquired.
"Hmm... he shows potential, yes." Dalben said, as if to himself.
Jericho quickly got back on his feet, bowed to the king, and ran off to the local pub. He hadn't had a drink in some time, and the weather was dreadfully hot. Inside, he found all of the workers merrily drinking, singing ballads that originated from the land of Durbain. Jericho sat at the nearest barstool, and took a deep breath; it wasn't easy being the apprentice of the best architect in the land.
"So, Jericho, will you have the usual?"
Jericho hadn't noticed the bartender at first, and merely nodded at his question. He had many things to ponder over, and he had no time to talk. Perhaps if he hadn't recieved a mysterious letter a couple of days ago, he would be in a better mood... He was working on building the temple, as he had been for a week now, and suddenly, an eagle sat on his shoulder, a letter in her beak. The letter had but two lines.
"You, the Redeemer, will come to us after many personal toils and hardships - Only then would you abandon the world of Monokai for a higher realm."
Jericho sighed, and thought about the land on which he was standing. What exactly was Monokai, and how did it affect the rest of the world? He remembered reading about his own world in a book of his, and remembered a notable paragraph...
'The world of Monokai has three continents: Kain, Durbain, and Zerdai, and each has its own distinctive theme. Kain is known for its craftsmen and architecture, and many a visitor marvel at the sights in the continent. Durbain is known for its scholars, musicians, and scientists; a lot of discoveries pertraining to the supernatural were made in this continent, as well. Zerdai is infamous for its rough setting near the Forbidden Sea; a lot of the residents in this continent are unhappy, for there are many plunderers and thieves in the continent.'
Jericho frowned, lost in his thoughts; surely, the higher realm mentioned in the letter meant the world of Gantri, which was only spoken of in whisper...? He tried to remember all he knew about Gantri. He had only heard about it from elders in his town, or when he read certain books... He vividly pictured a paragraph from one of his books...
'The world of Gantri is located in the sky, and rules over all of the other worlds, most notably Monokai. However, the king of Gantri is not the most powerful diety, and he is merely a pawn when compared to the gods, who command all and decide the fate of the universe and everything beyond.'
"Lad, you've overworked yourself."
The bartender tapped Jericho on the shoulder, giving him his usual drink. Jericho sighed again. He still had trouble understanding why he got the letter, and who it was for. Perhaps the letter was meant to be delivered to someone else, but he got it by mistake? The possibilities were endless, but Jericho had always cancelled out the possiblity of the letter being meant for him; after all, he surely wasn't the Redeemer, about whom many legends were written.
He suddenly realized that he had only been given a ten minute break, and that surely more than half an hour had passed. He quickly gulped down his drink, and ran out of the bar, to see that his master was in rage.
"This temple we're building is a present for the higher realm; it MUST be finished in the next week!"
Jericho sighed, and he still didn't know why the temple was being built for sure. He only knew it was a present for the king of Gantri, but why was it needed...? He shrugged, and returned to his work, hammering away.
"Hurry it up, you don't have all day!"
Jericho was truly tired. He had been hammering for days, and still the structure wasn't taking definite form. His master had been yelling in his ear for the past hour, since Jericho was the one slowing everyone else down; this temple had to be built, and better sooner than later.
Jericho was so preoccupied with his work that he didn't notice the king of Kain himself had stood next to his master. The king of Kain looked distastefully at Jericho, and said to the Jericho's master, "Dalben, maybe you should consider giving them a break...?" Dalben groaned, and allowed the crew to disband and take a ten minute break. The workers quickly ran in different directions, all but Jericho... He had lost his footing, and fell right at the king's feet.
"So, you say this is your finest apprentice, Dalben?" The king inquired.
"Hmm... he shows potential, yes." Dalben said, as if to himself.
Jericho quickly got back on his feet, bowed to the king, and ran off to the local pub. He hadn't had a drink in some time, and the weather was dreadfully hot. Inside, he found all of the workers merrily drinking, singing ballads that originated from the land of Durbain. Jericho sat at the nearest barstool, and took a deep breath; it wasn't easy being the apprentice of the best architect in the land.
"So, Jericho, will you have the usual?"
Jericho hadn't noticed the bartender at first, and merely nodded at his question. He had many things to ponder over, and he had no time to talk. Perhaps if he hadn't recieved a mysterious letter a couple of days ago, he would be in a better mood... He was working on building the temple, as he had been for a week now, and suddenly, an eagle sat on his shoulder, a letter in her beak. The letter had but two lines.
"You, the Redeemer, will come to us after many personal toils and hardships - Only then would you abandon the world of Monokai for a higher realm."
Jericho sighed, and thought about the land on which he was standing. What exactly was Monokai, and how did it affect the rest of the world? He remembered reading about his own world in a book of his, and remembered a notable paragraph...
'The world of Monokai has three continents: Kain, Durbain, and Zerdai, and each has its own distinctive theme. Kain is known for its craftsmen and architecture, and many a visitor marvel at the sights in the continent. Durbain is known for its scholars, musicians, and scientists; a lot of discoveries pertraining to the supernatural were made in this continent, as well. Zerdai is infamous for its rough setting near the Forbidden Sea; a lot of the residents in this continent are unhappy, for there are many plunderers and thieves in the continent.'
Jericho frowned, lost in his thoughts; surely, the higher realm mentioned in the letter meant the world of Gantri, which was only spoken of in whisper...? He tried to remember all he knew about Gantri. He had only heard about it from elders in his town, or when he read certain books... He vividly pictured a paragraph from one of his books...
'The world of Gantri is located in the sky, and rules over all of the other worlds, most notably Monokai. However, the king of Gantri is not the most powerful diety, and he is merely a pawn when compared to the gods, who command all and decide the fate of the universe and everything beyond.'
"Lad, you've overworked yourself."
The bartender tapped Jericho on the shoulder, giving him his usual drink. Jericho sighed again. He still had trouble understanding why he got the letter, and who it was for. Perhaps the letter was meant to be delivered to someone else, but he got it by mistake? The possibilities were endless, but Jericho had always cancelled out the possiblity of the letter being meant for him; after all, he surely wasn't the Redeemer, about whom many legends were written.
He suddenly realized that he had only been given a ten minute break, and that surely more than half an hour had passed. He quickly gulped down his drink, and ran out of the bar, to see that his master was in rage.
"This temple we're building is a present for the higher realm; it MUST be finished in the next week!"
Jericho sighed, and he still didn't know why the temple was being built for sure. He only knew it was a present for the king of Gantri, but why was it needed...? He shrugged, and returned to his work, hammering away.
Propaganda Man
Senior Member
Nice. You put a lot of information in an easy to understand way. It is really good but I would describe the characters a bit, physicaly if nothing else.
Thanks!Minority said:
^_^
I'm currently doing the introductory chapters which will showcase the main characters, each of them in a different territory. Jericho is in Kain, another is in Durbain, and another is in Zerdai. They'll meet up eventually, so for now, I'm sparing the readers of very specific detail of the characters and just showcasing the main characters. Once they meet up, the appearance and personality of the characters will be better defined.
@ Everyone else - Thanks for the comments!
^_^
Propaganda Man
Senior Member
That is a wonderful idea. I was just trying to find a book like that the book fair today.Bulerias said:
Smart_Tech_Dragon_15
Retired Staff
Well done Bul, very creative. I like the outlay of the story, and the story seems to focus around Jericho a little, if not the prophecy. By any chance, is he the protagonist?
Fabioisonfire
total a-hole
Good work. I want to see a huge monkey battle scene, though.
If there are no monkies in the third chapter, I'm done reading.
If there are no monkies in the third chapter, I'm done reading.
Fabioisonfire
total a-hole
Would I lie? Fighting monkeys, or readers -1.
Fabioisonfire
total a-hole
Because I like fighting mokeys? What has the world come to?!
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