MotownMurder
Senior Member
Dear Villagers of Trilton,
It is with my shallowest of apologies that I come before you today, not so much to say that I'm sorry for the wrongdoings that I've caused, but to acknowledge them. Yes, maybe I've been a little obsessed with earning bells. Yes, perhaps I've been a bit lax in planting flowers and trees. And yes, maybe I haven't been spending as much time as I should giving you public works projects and donating to your museum.
But you know what? This is all mostly YOUR fault in the end.
Sure, I spend almost every waking moment trying to earn money, but let's think about this. Public Works Projects cost a lot of money, right? And who do you think is going to finance those things in the first place? The money doesn't just fall out of the sky, and you guys certainly aren't paying for it. I've been trying to get you all to donate as best I can, but you all just won't budge. So the onus of paying for these mostly useless projects you love so much falls onto me. That's not very fair, is it? I mean, when the mayor of a normal town decides to build something, he doesn't just have to pay for it from his own personal finances, right? No, he collects tax and pays for it in that way. But because you greedy ******** decided that that's not "fair," I'm stuck footing the bill for all of these useless little things. And you know what? I'm sick of it. From now on, I'm just spending all my money on my house. And once that's done, I'll spend it on ANOTHER house. Or just save it and become incredibly wealthy. Don't like it? Well maybe that'll make you think twice the next time the donation gyroid rolls around.
You might also be kind of hurt that I don't talk to you as often as you want. In fact, when I hear that little "ching" above your head, I have the tendency to run AWAY. You know why that is? Because, 6 to 1, whenever I hear that ching, it means "I want to ask the mayor to do some pointless favor." As if I'm not busy enough already! Catch your own Brown Cicada please, I have actual important things to do. Seriously, what would you even DO with a Brown Cicada? They aren't even special. It seems like the only other times you want to talk to me are when you want to suggest that I build you something for the town. Like I said, I kind of resent that you want to have your cake and eat it too when it comes to financing Public Works Projects, but I could deal with it if you actually suggested useful ideas. No, we don't need any new bridges, right? Nah, what we REALLY need is a pile of pipes. Seriously, that's what you're giving me to work with, Rocco. A pile of ****ing pipes. Rocco, you're a god damned moron.
Come to think of it, I didn't even WANT this job in the first place. You all just sort of forced me to become your mayor when I arrived here. So, really, who's to blame when I don't perform to your standards? It's not like I have any political training, I don't know what the hell I'm doing! Poor little Isabelle is doing her best to make this all work for you, and you hardly ever even acknowledge her existence. Shameful.
As a matter of fact, here's something you might find interesting. The same day I arrived in this town, I got this letter in my mailbox:
"Congrats on your newfound mayorhood!
To be honest, I was supposed to become the mayor, but one thing led to another...
And now it's all up to you.
I'm rooting for you!
Keep it a secret!"
You know what this means, don't you?
The guy that was ACTUALLY supposed to be your mayor hated this town SO MUCH, he decided not to come
You all are a disgrace. You're a disgrace to Trilton, you're a disgrace to Animal Crossing, and more importantly, you're a disgrace to me. But today is a new day. I may not be the mayor that Trilton needs, but I'm certainly the one it deserves, and I'm gonna drag this town through Hell itself if I have to. Rest assured, things will get much worse before they get better. But together, if you can all decide to stop being greedy and unsympathetic, we may finally be able to reach the point where we can proudly call this town "not that bad of a place."
And then, maybe, I'll plant some flowers.
Sincerely,
Mayor Alan.
It is with my shallowest of apologies that I come before you today, not so much to say that I'm sorry for the wrongdoings that I've caused, but to acknowledge them. Yes, maybe I've been a little obsessed with earning bells. Yes, perhaps I've been a bit lax in planting flowers and trees. And yes, maybe I haven't been spending as much time as I should giving you public works projects and donating to your museum.
But you know what? This is all mostly YOUR fault in the end.
Sure, I spend almost every waking moment trying to earn money, but let's think about this. Public Works Projects cost a lot of money, right? And who do you think is going to finance those things in the first place? The money doesn't just fall out of the sky, and you guys certainly aren't paying for it. I've been trying to get you all to donate as best I can, but you all just won't budge. So the onus of paying for these mostly useless projects you love so much falls onto me. That's not very fair, is it? I mean, when the mayor of a normal town decides to build something, he doesn't just have to pay for it from his own personal finances, right? No, he collects tax and pays for it in that way. But because you greedy ******** decided that that's not "fair," I'm stuck footing the bill for all of these useless little things. And you know what? I'm sick of it. From now on, I'm just spending all my money on my house. And once that's done, I'll spend it on ANOTHER house. Or just save it and become incredibly wealthy. Don't like it? Well maybe that'll make you think twice the next time the donation gyroid rolls around.
You might also be kind of hurt that I don't talk to you as often as you want. In fact, when I hear that little "ching" above your head, I have the tendency to run AWAY. You know why that is? Because, 6 to 1, whenever I hear that ching, it means "I want to ask the mayor to do some pointless favor." As if I'm not busy enough already! Catch your own Brown Cicada please, I have actual important things to do. Seriously, what would you even DO with a Brown Cicada? They aren't even special. It seems like the only other times you want to talk to me are when you want to suggest that I build you something for the town. Like I said, I kind of resent that you want to have your cake and eat it too when it comes to financing Public Works Projects, but I could deal with it if you actually suggested useful ideas. No, we don't need any new bridges, right? Nah, what we REALLY need is a pile of pipes. Seriously, that's what you're giving me to work with, Rocco. A pile of ****ing pipes. Rocco, you're a god damned moron.
Come to think of it, I didn't even WANT this job in the first place. You all just sort of forced me to become your mayor when I arrived here. So, really, who's to blame when I don't perform to your standards? It's not like I have any political training, I don't know what the hell I'm doing! Poor little Isabelle is doing her best to make this all work for you, and you hardly ever even acknowledge her existence. Shameful.
As a matter of fact, here's something you might find interesting. The same day I arrived in this town, I got this letter in my mailbox:
"Congrats on your newfound mayorhood!
To be honest, I was supposed to become the mayor, but one thing led to another...
And now it's all up to you.
I'm rooting for you!
Keep it a secret!"
You know what this means, don't you?
The guy that was ACTUALLY supposed to be your mayor hated this town SO MUCH, he decided not to come
You all are a disgrace. You're a disgrace to Trilton, you're a disgrace to Animal Crossing, and more importantly, you're a disgrace to me. But today is a new day. I may not be the mayor that Trilton needs, but I'm certainly the one it deserves, and I'm gonna drag this town through Hell itself if I have to. Rest assured, things will get much worse before they get better. But together, if you can all decide to stop being greedy and unsympathetic, we may finally be able to reach the point where we can proudly call this town "not that bad of a place."
And then, maybe, I'll plant some flowers.
Sincerely,
Mayor Alan.
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