What are your favourite coping strategies?

[pottercrossing]

Lots of us have been going through some rough patches in life lately, and I thought I would make this thread for us to share some coping strategies with each other.

What I like to do whenever crap things have happened, I like to list the positives and negatives of the situation. It helps me get a clearer vision of how the situation truly impacts me.

So here is what I do. I make a table or a t-chart, with one side being for the positives and one for the negatives, then I just go on in and list everything.

My girlfriend just broke up with me earlier, so I'm going to make a chart detailing the positives and negatives of that event:

Positives

Negatives

- I don't have to worry about her ditching me/cheating on me when she moves schools - Relationship anxiety is no more - I have something to write songs about - Don't have to worry about hiding our relationship from my mom (I'm not out yet, and I'm nowhere near ready, so that's why I never told her) - I can focus on my mental health without having to worry about negatively impacting our relationship - Still able to be friends - Can get back together if we so wish

- Many of my friends are also her friends, so my relationships with them could suffer - Higher risk of doing... not great things to myself, both physically and mentally, because she was the one thing stopping me from doing those things - Our friendship could be negatively impacted by the breakup - If we do get back together, it could go downhill very quickly and very easily - There are very few single girls who like girls at my school

Now that I can see how this situation impacts me both positively and negatively, going forward, I can embrace the positives and focus on working to improve the negatives. I did this when I was having mixed emotions about my dad remarrying, and it helped change my opinion of the whole thing significantly.

 

[Croconaw]

A piece of advice, which I’ve blurred if it’s not what you’re looking for: If her cheating is a constant worry, maybe the relationship ending is a blessing in disguise. From your table, it seems like you already acknowledged that this is for the best. Again, please don’t click the spoiler if you aren’t looking for advice, but it’s out there if you want it.

As for my coping strategies, I love stress balls. My favorite person gifted me a Croconaw plush as a means to cope, so that little plushie is my favorite stress ball. She’s been super comforting, so the plush is a great substitute for when she isn’t here. It makes me think of her, too.

 

[Kitsuragi]

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. I hope you take some time for yourself and recover from the stress.

I take baths, nap, or play games to cope with hard time. These are my IDEALS, anyways. My typical "coping" methods are not good for me, I.E "stress eating" or retail therapy. I have an eating and spending problem! Luckily i'm on track to fix this

When it gets really bad, I use fidget toys or things like slime, ASMR, cold sensations. When my anxiety is world-shattering, I get ice packs and hold them to my chest with a towel around it. It's not super cold with the towel blocking most of it, but its cold enough that the sensation "jolts" me back to life and can dispel the disassociation and flighty feeling of anxiety.

 

[Belle T]

So sorry to hear about your breakup. I hope you will be able to move on quickly.

Time is the only thing that can truly mend your wounds, but I can't emphasize enough the power that creativity has in the coping process. Write stories, play music, draw pictures, whatever it takes to express how you feel. Just make sure you're doing it in a healthy way (i.e. not torturing yourself to put something out). Importantly--since I know I've made this mistake in the past--don't create highly personal art with the expectation or hope that you will post it on the internet or otherwise release it to a wider audience. It simply creates more pressure in a creative exercise that is meant to be freeing and cathartic. If, after some time has passed, you look back on this work and think it's worth posting, then go ahead and do it. But it shouldn't be the end goal.

I also think that sometimes doing things that are outside your normal area of interest can help, as well. An often overlooked area of grieving is coping with being in situations that are familiar, but distinctly different as a result of the change in status quo. As a result, people tend to try to cope by locking themselves in with familiar creature comforts, which can sometimes just prolong the burden. So doing something different can be a good way to temporarily change your state of mind and mentally prepare you for returning to the familiar. It doesn't have to be anything major or life changing. Even playing games you normally wouldn't can be something that changes your mindset.

Of course, everyone is different, so if none of these things work for you, then obviously feel free to pursue a different strategy. It's important to remember, though, that any coping strategy you attempt will require an earnest input from you. You can't just put something on, and then immediately have all your problems temporarily vanish.

When it gets really bad, I use fidget toys or things like slime, ASMR, cold sensations. When my anxiety is world-shattering, I get ice packs and hold them to my chest with a towel around it. It's not super cold with the towel blocking most of it, but its cold enough that the sensation "jolts" me back to life and can dispel the disassociation and flighty feeling of anxiety.

I've never heard of the ice method. That's really interesting.

Yesterday, I heard something about standing in the shower with water as hot as you can stand it (SAFELY WITHOUT SCALDING YOURSELF) for 30 seconds, then switching to as cold as you can tolerate for another 30 seconds, and then back to hot a few times. I don't know if that works, and it seems like a waste of water to me. But supposedly it does work. I'm not sure if I'm brave enough or have the time to actually try it for myself, though.

 

[Violet Witch]

I'm so sorry about your break up, it's never easy having a relationship come to an end. Looking at your table though, it looks like what's happened is a blessing in disguise, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

My coping mechanisms for tough times are listening to music, losing myself in my own storytelling, watching TV and films and of course playing video games. I find escapism helps a lot whilst acknowledging the situation and coming to terms with it mentally. It's helped me a lot recently after going through a friendship break up. It still stings from time to time but I know I'm a lot happier without them and their toxic behaviour in my life. I feel like I can finally breathe and fully embrace being me.

 

[LuchaSloth]

I don't really like to encourage coping strategies in myself, because I don't think they're beneficial in the long run. I tend to sit with hard feelings for a really long time. Something that takes most people a month or two to get over will take me like an entire year...but, I'm okay with that.

Been dealing with some really hard things for the past 6 or 7 months, honestly...just doing my best to keep going. - I do have some "comfort shows" that I can always count on to make me laugh or improve my spirits...as well as just getting outside for hikes, or even occupying my time with yardwork. Listening to music is also a big one. I've always loved music.

Otherwise, I'm just constantly reminding myself that I did everything I could have done, and I don't really have anything to feel down on myself for. - It's hard...because, I want to still love the person who hurt me...but, I find solace in knowing that I wasn't the person who hurt them. I think that's the most important thing for me. I was true to myself through everything. Knowing that helps me cope more than anything else. It's easy for them to recover from the break and move on without me because I took care of them. It would have been nice if they did the same for me...but, I can still feel good about myself for what I did.

 

[Corrie]

I can sit and do all the comfort things I can but in the long run, they're only temp solutions. Time is what it takes to get past hurtful situations, which sucks because you can't do anything but just wait and do your best to manage your feelings during that pain period.

 

[kikotoot]

For me it's almost always music. Sometimes I rationalize my way out of funks in a CBT fashion, but usually I go to my list of songs, find the one(s) that would help for that moment, let their euphoria come in and start to move forward.

Hurricanes by Rina Sawayama has been my go-to cure-all as of late. It's like a great reset button when it's applicable.

I can also be prone to analysis paralysis a bit, but for that I have songs like Try Everything by Shakira

 

[danmokun]

I use humor as a mechanism for practically every emotion. I'm very nonchalant, so I'd rather have fun than mope around. Art is another way I deal with personal conflicts: I express those woes into something meaningful and keep something physical/digital to reflect on those emotions with in the future.

 

[nightglow]

Sometimes taking a nap can allow you to wake up with a clearer mind. I sometimes I do that or play an immersive game for a bit. I also pray, but I know people have mixed thoughts on that.. but that's usually done outside, when I'm in the bathroom, or when I'm doing something like dishes. Cleaning is something great to do actually. You can tire yourself out cleaning a bunch of stuff and still feel like you got something done later when resting.

 

[Autumn247]

My biggest coping skill is music, playing the violin, playing ukulele, and also listening to music of course. But playing the violin is number 1 for me. I played it as a kid in orchestra class then I stopped playing after several years of it, then I picked it back up again at 29 years old in this August of 2023 and started taking lessons with a private instructor over video chat. So I love it. It's just always been my favorite instrument. And it calms me down playing. It also gives me a huge sense of achievement as I learn more and progress more with it. You're not limited to classical music with violin either, even though that's fun to play as well. You can play covers of any songs, rock songs, anime songs, etc anything pretty much can be translated to the violin.

Next biggest coping skill for me would be art, I love to draw. It's another thing I did a ton of as a kid but recently got back into. I draw, paint miniatures, paint, etc It's another thing that's a really good mindful activity and brings a huge sense of fullfillment and achievement.

Also reading books is very stress reducing, I read a lot

My other coping skills are watching shows, watching movies, and playing videogames. But I like to put an emphasis on making time for music and art the most because they bring the biggest sense of accomplishment for me and are always motivating me and bringing me inspiration.

 

[.: Meri :.]

I'll start with my coping strategy that I find a little questionable, which is retail therapy. I do my best to keep myself in check on this one, but whenever I'm really sad or stressed or need a break, and especially if I'm feeling helpless and am trying to distract myself from that, the urge to shop around online or buy new stuff hits me pretty hard. ;w; I think it's fairly harmless in small doses, but I'm aware it's a vice, and I don't want to ever let it get out of hand or put me in a bad financial situation, which I've thankfully avoided so far.
I try to stick to a monthly budget for superfluous stuff, with an exception for spending money received as a gift. Sometimes I'll also give myself a bit more leeway if I'm shopping for something that would be legitimately beneficial in my daily life (so, not new games or books or merch that I'm going to put on my wall/shelf/etc.).

On the less vice-y, healthier side of retail therapy, buying imaginary things with imaginary money also sometimes works for me! Splurging all my play currency on cosmetics or upgrades in games, or buying things like collectibles on here gives me pretty much the same satisfaction as real-life shopping, without the potential for me to feel guilty about it later. Okay, maybe a smidge guilty in the case of the latter, because tbt ain't easy to come by
Also since I already enjoy art, pretty things, and writing up profiles, another thing I've been trying is to browse for free adoptable characters! It feels close enough to shopping that it kind of scratches that same itch, although I can be picky and I don't always find something I want.

Probably the biggest way I cope with things is through my comfort characters! I've gotta be doing really, really bad for them not to make me feel better, and pretty much anything to do with them works—talking about them, looking at art of them, engaging with any media they're in, etc. Imagining them comforting me can also do wonders.

Otherwise, my coping mechanisms are pretty general stuff like playing video games I like, watching lighthearted stuff on Youtube (I love let's play type content, and things like Minecraft, chill/cozy games, or people screaming at horror games are all go-tos of mine), creating something either via arts or crafts, coloring in coloring books, or any other creative pursuits I may feel like at the time. Oftentimes I'll double up and watch Youtube while doing something else to keep myself from dwelling on things too much.
Sometimes doing some light housework helps too; it makes the space feel better, provides a small distraction, and takes a few little to-dos off my mind, which can mean a lot if I'm feeling overwhelmed.

 

[Gabby]

My favorite coping strategy? Avoidance of the issue entirely. But I don't think this was the intent of the thread...

But for real, healthy coping is a journey. I journal it out, listen to music/dance/sing, talk with a friend to get a new perspective, or buy myself a little treat. I like to cope by taking my mind off of the issue for a bit, zooming out, so when I re-visit it later I can look at it with fresh eyes.

 

[Bethboj]

I have different coping strategies for different situations.
Sometimes listening to music while playing a cosy game really helps, ACNH really helped me during 2021 when I was struggling.
Other times I like to get lost in cleaning my flat because I feel refreshed afterwards, then I can settle down and relax. Or (I know this will sound weird to some) ironing, with some music on. I find that quite therapeutic

 

[axaniao]

usually i cope with shipping characters from media / shipping myself with characters from media.. or just escapism with games / shows in general

sometimes I'll do vent art though which also helps a bit sometimes

 

[SkyKnight03]

I like taking walks. We have a good trail and neighborhood for it.

I get severe panic attacks (not so much anymore) and nothing helps aside from getting air and taking a walk with somebody. Tried music, video games, everything under the sun. It's walking that provides me comfort.

 

[VernalLapin]

This one works especially well for me during panic attacks but it might be a good distraction in general.

I put on something I like, usually in my case a youtube video or a stream, and type or write as many words down as I can while it’s still playing. No pausing, just trying to see how many of their words you can get down. I especially like livestreams for this because there’s a chat and it’s live so you’re experiencing it with other people at the same time :^) It’s especially great if you’re home alone!

This technique really works for me because it’s such a consuming activity, I don’t have time to think about much else other than getting down as many words as possible.

 

[Goldi Locks]

I use humor as a mechanism for practically every emotion.

Samesies!

Another thing I do is just get on with it and cope with the ups and downs of life without blaming others for any of my misfortunes. Not even the government or whoever else it's popular to blame right now. Taking responsibility for yourself and making the best of what you have and not dwell on what you don't seems to work too.

 

[Dunny County]

I'll second whoever said taking a nap. I also find really violent gory videos helps.

 

[Shawna]

Main things that help me?

- I’m a self-shipper. I won’t go into too much detail because this is a topic a lot of people lack knowledge on, and I don’t want this thread to get derailed, but self-shipping has always provided an immense amount of comfort. The key to this is imagination.
Nothing is set in stone because I still need to figure out the self publishing process, but I intend to publish an informative book about self shipping, and the attraction towards fictional characters in general. there are people who get bullied for self-shipping and I’ve dealt with some crap before, so writing about it can help. This brings me to my next point…

- Yep. I’m a writer. There is something about writing that can be very mind-cleansing. For me, it’s even better if you intend to publish your written work in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes our issues and intrusive thoughts can tem from other people and/or society as a whole, so it gives me hope to share what’s on my mind and try to even offer some awareness on the topic in question. Plus, I try to make it clear in written form about how society or just people handling things in certain ways (like bullying) can be unhealthy. I have a very hyperactive mind, so I always have a lot I want to write about and hopefully get through to people.

- I also agree that taking a nap and going to sleep can cause you to forget about things for a bit due to being only semiconscience. You might remember it when you wake up, but it doesn’t feel as fresh on your mind.