What's Bothering You?

A dream I had around a year ago seems scarily plausible now with what happened on that server recently.

So basically I dreamt that I went to an irl meetup for the Discord server I just left at a convention all of them frequent and I had a bunch of negative experiences. I saw some Zenless Zone Zero cosplayers even though I had never heard of the game yet. One of my online friends gossiped about my mental illness diagnosis to a group of people and they started avoiding me when I walked by them. A mod twisted what I said to the mods about the person’s ableism and I overheard the person that said the mean things about me over DM a few days ago tell people I reminded him of his ex. His friend that wrote the message to me walked up to me and said something mean to my face. The experience soured my feelings about the server so much I left for good at the end of the dream.

All of it seems so plausible now. I didn’t really think twice of the dream at the time, but now it feels eerie. I feel like something like that could actually happen to me and I don’t know if I should return to that group or not. In my goodbye message I said I’d return for that convention, but I don’t know if I want to run into some of those people again in person.
 
wanna try to cook jalapeño poppers today, but it's my first time. I tried to make a fried onion ring not long ago, and I'm sure my technique was horrible but it ended up shriveling up and it was gross. I don't want to mess up perfectly good jalapeños 😭 but I guess I gotta try!

also psoriasis is still bothering me gsjfhsfshdksjdggd it never stops apparently.

thatawkwardkid said:
Also I feel like I might have bipolar disorder and this is something I've been suspecting for a while.
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I know we don't ever talk, but I've been living with bipolar for years and only (relatively) recently started being treated for it. it would be against my better judgment to give any kind of advice because I'm not a medical professional, but if you ever want to share your experience or find some validation or potentially hear about what others have gone through, then you can talk to me. 😊
 
xSuperMario64x said:
I know we don't ever talk, but I've been living with bipolar for years and only (relatively) recently started being treated for it. it would be against my better judgment to give any kind of advice because I'm not a medical professional, but if you ever want to share your experience or find some validation or potentially hear about what others have gone through, then you can talk to me. 😊
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Thank you! I appreciate it 😭
 
Xara said:
my mom and i are sick. 😪 my throat started hurting the other night before i went to bed, and i was hoping i just swallowed wrong or something and it'd feel better when i woke up, but Nope. it thankfully hasn't gotten worse, but it also hasn't gotten better. my mom has it worse with a sore throat And a cough. she was up all night coughing, and i didn't manage to fall asleep until 8am this morning 'cause i struggle to fall asleep whenever something feels uncomfy within my body. and then my stomach started hurting and woke me up less than 3 hours later. 🙃

this weather is also making me feel worse and i am just extremely miserable. i'm literally nauseous because of how hot i feel, my room is basically a sauna atm. i'm being so serious i need winter Now, this is such an awful season.
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it's gotten worse.
IMG_9684.png
throat is still sore, but now my voice is hoarse, i'm sneezing, my head hurts and is so foggy, my ears keep popping when i swallow and there's something in my mouth that Hurts whenever i talk, eat or drink. i also didn't sleep well again last night - i was up until 6am and was awake again 4 hours later. it is still unbearably hot and humid.

i am miserable : )
 
I'm going to the hospital tomorrow. We were supposed to go to the clinic, but the appointment isn't till the 14th. I've been feeling unwell for nearly two months, but only now I've decided to tell my parents about it. I've been having chronic headaches/fatigue/breathlessness, as well as another problem that I'm too embarrassed to mention. I really thought these symptoms would go away naturally, which is why I waited so long, but they didn't. :\

Edit: I'll also mention that I haven't been taking care of myself much by not eating and sleeping enough, so that's probably worsened my health. I've been doing pretty well hygiene-wise, but that's about it.

Earlier I tried swallowing a pill to alleviate my menstrual symptoms (I started yesterday so my issues aren't correlated to it), but I felt too nauseous and I physically couldn't do it. What am I gonna do with myself?
 
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Burger passed today 😭🖤 i don’t really feel like going much more into it than that, but my heart is heavy. Burger and Fry had been with me through hell and back for 15 years. Now Burger is with Fry and Sydney 🖤
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A slightly younger and healthier Burger 😭
 
I cannot go a single day without multiple health problems going on and it's been pretty bad recently.
But guess who has to leave the house tomorrow against their will? Ughhh.
I'm going to try to ask to stay home, but I'm sure I'll be told no once again. Nobody cares. They never let me stay home from this when it's a holiday or someone's birthday. I'm starting to feel like that's just an excuse to guilt trip me. I don't even enjoy these family visits and taking me when I'm always physically unwell makes it feel like torture.
I'm getting the feeling I might lose it and cause an argument I don't want to have because I'm sick of this...
 
this chinese food restaurant i haven’t ordered from in a long time decided to start adding a lot of ginger to their chow mein since the last time i’ve eaten from here. 😢 i hate ginger and it’s all i can taste
 
I won't go into detail about what happened because it's too convoluted and personal, but I had such a terrible start to my day. To put it simply, I had a few disagreements and miscommunications with my parents regarding my current health issues, and it resulted in me having a massive panic attack in front of them.

My dad getting mad at me and pressuring me into detailing my symptoms when I a) couldn't think straight, b) didn't want to talk about it was enough to put me on edge, but after he dropped a certain statement that left me distressed, I broke down and ran out of the room. I wish I could've handled myself better, but I was trying so hard to stay calm... And failed.

Anyway, I think I'm doing okay now. I was able to talk it out with my dad, but he didn't seem apologetic and just said that he was "preparing me for future confrontations" (regarding the whole pressuring thing). Oh, and he postponed our hospital visit to Monday. Ugh, what's another two days...

I guess I feel conflicted. My parents were just making sure they had all the information ready for the doctor, and it's my fault for getting so nervous about it. At the same time, I feel like they could've done a different approach that wouldn't leave me in tears. I don't know... I really wish I wasn't so sensitive and anxious about everything.
 
One of my snails passed away and I'm ok.
It's just sad looking over and she's not there and that's what's bothering me some.

Unfortunately they don't live long and since she didn't come from a breeder, I don't know how old she was when I got her. I had her for five months though so, eh? (6mo-3yrs is what I've read)
Rest of my snails are fine though.
All a part of the experience.. bitter sweet.
 
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