The out of context quotes thread

A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.

Oh, no!

It’ll be okay, honey. There’s lots more oil where that came from.
 
Thanks a lot. Now it’s stuck on that haunted house.

I heard a witch lives there.

I heard a Frankenstein lives there.

You guys are way off. It’s a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies and put them in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super-zombies.
 
"And now, the scraping off of the pudding. Isn't she beautiful, scraping off the pudding with the grace of a butterfly. She rubs the pudding on her face, the prince now attempting to remove one of the princess's arms. As is, of course, the tradition. The princess screaming with pain, everyone watching with anticipation. *crack!* And the arm is off! Things are back to normal here in Canada. Time-honored traditions are once again— Yes, the prince is sticking the princess's arm up his ***. There it goes, he's really making a good go of it. What a glorious day for Canada, and therefore, of course, the world."
 
"Oh boy! The 595th annual Dimmsdale camelot festival! Where you get to dress up and act like people from the middle ages!"

Cosmo turns into a middle-aged man with gray temples, a paunch, bifocals, and receding hairline.

"Cool, I'm middle aged! YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!"

"Not those middle ages..."
 
Alright, we’re checking out the only game where you have to choose between life or death, but there’s no life option.
 
Let’s go check it out. You can go see how I lived before I met you.

You lived before you met me?

Sure. Lots of people did.

Really?
 
“Hey, cool lid.”
“What did he say?”
“Funzie likes Milo’s bucket. And he’s way cool.”
“I’ll be in my office.”
*Funzie enters boys room backwards with both thumbs up*
“Hey-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee!”
“Why do we think he’s cool again?”
 
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