What's Bothering You?

I was the victim of a crime and I only just reported it to the police but I'm trying my best to like... march on and not let this get to me. Everyday since leap day has been awful and I think each day that I cant feel any worse than I do in that moment but then another day passes and something escalates more and I DO feel worse. I'm waiting to hear back from police still and I contacted an organisation who could offer me very important support but I'm still waiting for them to get back to me too.
Its so frustrating and I feel really isolated because theres a lot of eyes on me right now. The high end of a three digit number :/. This all means I can only say so much otherwise I may compromise my own case, but Im a natural born yapper, I live to overshare. I've tried finding supports privately with little success,; my mum wont answer my messages and its been three days since I told her the position Im in and that I need support, (which is frustrating when she spends so often chastising me for not answering her much less serious texts :') ) I have so much more to say but it is probably better if I dont I just I hope all of this becomes easier to handle soon. And I hope that today may be the first day since leap day where I dont get told some additional, horrifying information that only serves to help my case against the perp.
 
After talking with a friend, this may be a false alarm, but I got quite the scare earlier. Someone messaged me on Discord saying they reported my Discord and Steam accounts on accident. They claimed someone was impersonating me.
If it’s the thing where they want to forward you to an admin or something that’s a common scam tactic. Hope nothing is up and you can just ignore the random user.
 
If it’s the thing where they want to forward you to an admin or something that’s a common scam tactic. Hope nothing is up and you can just ignore the random user.
yeah, thank you, I haven’t gotten any notifications that regards a suspension so I’m starting to think it is a scam ^^
 
I opened a brand new lab coat today...

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That's 1% toulidine dye. It is extremely unlikely I can get the stain out. Considering it went down the inside of my sleeve and I was wearing a light-coloured long-sleeve button-up shirt, I'm lucky I got it off fast enough to not wreck my clothes.
 
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My boss told me today, before I left, that next week her and some of her family will be away; out of the country. Meaning, lil' old me will have to do most days next week and all hours, by myself. We open at 7am,and close about 4:30pm on the weekdays. Mind you I get up at 5am, so I can actually do something before work, and calm me before the day happens.

It's gonna be a nightmare.
This hasn;t been the first btw. A single worker should not be used to this!
And like, half the time, nothing happens at work. I do as much as I can (with what I am being paid) so sometimes I do try and bring in some writing work to focus on, but they've been complaingin that I have been doing stuff at work that isn't work. If she tries messaging me about this, since she can see me through the cameras, I won't care. She can't stop me. But even doing that, I feel like Im wasting my time.

I really am trying to find another job, but the energy to do any of the things needed is hardly there half the time, and my self esteem in my skills is so low.
 
I am not really functional physically or mentally today. I went in the kitchen twice and forgot to get food both times. The second time the issue was I left my food in the microwave and then left because I was thinking way too much about all the stress and just forgot why I was there, I guess.
There's more going on but I don't feel like typing it out.
 
After considering for a long time, I decided to create an Instagram account because I thought it might be a better alternative to Pinterest and Tumblr which I am feeling really frustrated about

My Instagram account was literally a mere 48 hours old during the brief time I had it when last night I was using Instagram and also doing some other stuff on my computer at the same time, I came back to check on Instagram and stuff wasn't loading and working, I figured it was because I was AFK and it needed to be refreshed so I refreshed it and come back to see a message "Your account has been suspended and you won't be able to use it during this time and others won't be able to view your account either, you have 180 days to submit a ban appeal, after 180 days has passed and you haven't submitted a ban appeal your account will be terminated"

I tried to submit a ban appeal but Instagram wants my phone number which I don't even HAVE a phone number so I'm not gonna even bother trying to get my account back so screw that. I tried googling information about being suspended on Instagram and it says Instagram might give you back your account automatically within 48 hours if you haven't done anything too bad, but Instagram won't give you your account back if you have done something bad that severely breaks the community guidelines and you are required to submit the ban appeal within 180 days.

Instagram claims my account has been suspended because I have "violated" community guidelines by "impersonating others" and I'm allegedly a fraud account??? Seriously?
I'm absolutely dying to know who Instagram claims I'm "impersonating" the username I picked on Instagram is the online alias I use on virtually every internet account I own, I have managed to claim that alias as mine on nearly every single website, the only websites I wasn't able to claim the alias on is I couldn't get that alias as my discord tag(because someone stole it), I couldn't get to claim it as my Pinterest @ so I needed to add numbers(because someone stole my original alias) and I couldn't get to claim it on Instagram as well so I needed to add numbers(because someone stole my original alias) I have that alias on Spotify, Tumblr, Toyhou.se, My Anime List and so many more accounts and I can provide proof all of my accounts under that alias are mine and nobody else goes by that alias and therefore me selecting that alias as my Instagram username is obviously me because only I use that alias and nobody else does, I'm not "impersonating" anyone by going by that alias

My profile picture was blank because I didn't get around to changing it and my bio was also blank, I didn't copy anyone's profile picture or bio because mine were blank. I did not make any posts on my Instagram so I'm not copying anyone's posts because I never had any posts to begin with. Seriously Instagram, how am I copying other users and WHO am I "Impersonating" ? Everyone under that username online is me I am not copying or trying to claim other people's usernames as mine. I don't understand how I can possibly be considered a fraud account??? I am a brand new account I did nothing wrong??

This reminds me of how when I first created my Pinterest account I got suspended for 24 hours after I made my account because Pinterest's "anti-spam protocol" cannot understand the difference between a robot and a human being and it banned me because the artificial intelligence is really stupid. Why do I even bother create social media accounts if I just get banned shortly after creating them? Nice job trying to welcome new users onto the platform and get more users on Instagram by banning brand new accounts.

This 5-paragraph essay rant is already long enough as it is and I don't wanna post a giant rant about how frustrating Tumblr and Pinterest are when all I use those accounts for is so I can find images and content I like, I don't even use social media for "social" purposes, I just wanna find cool images I like online, is that so hard to ask?
 
I've realized that I metaphorically backed myself into a wall. I'm going to a "job fair" tomorrow with my brother to hopefully land a job, and of course I put off writing a resume until the last minute... Like I know how to write one.

Honestly, I have no confidence that I'll get accepted into any job. Even if it weren't for the fact that I specified only wanting to work during the summer (as if any employer would wait months for a singular person to work), my resume's gonna look very plain; I have very little work experience + good work qualities.

If this is what the real world is gonna be like, then I won't last a day out there. I'm so not ready for this... 😭 I graduate this year, so that just puts more pressure onto me to grow up when I'm not even legally old enough to pay taxes and vote.
Time zones are fun so I'm not sure if this has happened yet or not. If so, how did it go?
 
I was looking through my old phone to find a specific photo, only to encounter texts and video from my best friend I lost last year. That hurt. I had processed so much grief over the last few months, and having the reality sit in front again struck me straight through the heart. It made me cry, and that's not something I've done in a long while. I expect this is going to give me a delayed reaction later on too.

I might download the photos I want off that phone and throw it out. The whole thing feels like a bad dream.
 
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