*sigh*...well, I've done it again. Screwed up something I wasn't trying to...3 times these past 4 days.
First 2 with my boyfriend...I ended up starting something accidentally and it ended up in him not even really wanting to talk to me...both times. Ugh...every relationship I have I always screw up somehow. First one years ago had little to no passion, no real drive, and minimal effort from him. Wanted to be with friends more than me.
Second one ended in a disaster. I apparently was too 'bossy' and over time, we couldn't really be together that often except in school, so he randomly just drops me out of nowhere when I thought everything was fine. My real self was too much to handle. He told me it wasn't me but...I know it was. His parents didn't even really like me.
Third one was very short lived. Only lasted about a month. Two weeks in, and I was ALREADY irritating him. That relationship wasn't ever going to work. It was probably...half my fault.
And my current one, I've screwed up many times already. He has asked me various times why I'm like something or other. Thankfully, we're pulling through and he's not mad at me anymore.
Then just a few minutes ago, I realize I completely forgot to remind my parents about important graduation stuff...even after I tried so hard to remember...I just couldn't.
Why am I always such a screw up? I try so hard not to, but I always do it anyway. I make people mad, my grades drop, and I lose friends. My relationships last as long as they do because I usually hold back a little of myself. As soon as I show my true colors, it turns out to be too much for them to handle. Then I'm just not worth it anymore. I try so hard...I feel a little bit...hopeless. Like I'm a problem that cannot be fixed. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get any better.
I'm so unique that I feel like I'm an absolute one-of-a-kind. Not as great as it sounds. No one can really understand or relate to my feelings, and even when I try to make them understand, it just ends in them getting frustrated and angry with me. I cry out, screaming at passing people, but its in a language no one can understand or translate. It's like...I don't even belong here. This is exactly why I named my folder 'In the Mind of Someone Different'; because my thoughts and feelings are usually mine and mine alone.
It's so lonely in this dark place that I'm in...
First 2 with my boyfriend...I ended up starting something accidentally and it ended up in him not even really wanting to talk to me...both times. Ugh...every relationship I have I always screw up somehow. First one years ago had little to no passion, no real drive, and minimal effort from him. Wanted to be with friends more than me.
Second one ended in a disaster. I apparently was too 'bossy' and over time, we couldn't really be together that often except in school, so he randomly just drops me out of nowhere when I thought everything was fine. My real self was too much to handle. He told me it wasn't me but...I know it was. His parents didn't even really like me.
Third one was very short lived. Only lasted about a month. Two weeks in, and I was ALREADY irritating him. That relationship wasn't ever going to work. It was probably...half my fault.
And my current one, I've screwed up many times already. He has asked me various times why I'm like something or other. Thankfully, we're pulling through and he's not mad at me anymore.
Then just a few minutes ago, I realize I completely forgot to remind my parents about important graduation stuff...even after I tried so hard to remember...I just couldn't.
Why am I always such a screw up? I try so hard not to, but I always do it anyway. I make people mad, my grades drop, and I lose friends. My relationships last as long as they do because I usually hold back a little of myself. As soon as I show my true colors, it turns out to be too much for them to handle. Then I'm just not worth it anymore. I try so hard...I feel a little bit...hopeless. Like I'm a problem that cannot be fixed. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get any better.
I'm so unique that I feel like I'm an absolute one-of-a-kind. Not as great as it sounds. No one can really understand or relate to my feelings, and even when I try to make them understand, it just ends in them getting frustrated and angry with me. I cry out, screaming at passing people, but its in a language no one can understand or translate. It's like...I don't even belong here. This is exactly why I named my folder 'In the Mind of Someone Different'; because my thoughts and feelings are usually mine and mine alone.
It's so lonely in this dark place that I'm in...
