Anorexia or paranoia?

[SublimeDonut]

I have a friend who says she'S fat a lot. I didn't pay much attention to that at first, but then she goes and says that when she does not eat for 30 hours straight, she loses 2 lbs (1kg). That was actually startling. Upon seeing my shock she asks if that doesn't work for me, but I have never gone without eating for that long. I never even met someone who has. She also said later that her goal weight is 97lbs (44kg), if you consider her shortness, would be quite unhealthy. Dangerous, even.
I don't know if she is actually anorexic but it sounds like she could descend to it. Have you ever had a situation similar, or know someone who has? If yes, what could I do to help her?

Thanks for reading and good night/evening/morning!

 

[shendere]

sounds like this is a self issue and while talking to her may certainly make her feel better- it may not help her. it's hard to convince people to believe that they are beautiful and so when they're already really losing clear visions of what they really look like/are. that isn't to say it's impossible of course. what i would suggest you do is sit her down in person because a talk like this is important in person- if that's not possible, maybe a video call or phone call; and talk to her about the seriousness of the situation and try your best to understand her- a person like this has low confidence and self esteem and are often highly critical of themselves and if you're someone important to her, what you say about her image could really effect her so be careful with your wording too, i guess just be nice and caring. the point in these conversations isn't to make the person feel BAD or ATTACKED, it's to make them feel safe, comfortable and understood, bonuses are beautiful and fine the way they are/could be better. a lot of the times these people don't realize how far they're treading into toxic mindsets so it is okay to point it out to them as well; just remind yourself not to put up with it too much if it's damaging for yourself and your own mental well being, often times caring for others deeply who aren't trying to be better and help themselves can be detrimental for ourselves and it's okay to let them know if they can't be healthy and better themselves, get out of this toxic mindset because they're only hurting themselves and those around them- it's hard to stick by and be around that and tolerate it. it can be harmful for friendships longterm because it can develop into resentment. best of luck to you, and don't be afraid to be honest and kind and in the right moments, harsh if you need to be.

 

[allainah]

^^^ that's good advice
i can't offer much but i feel the same way a lot? and i have def gone 30 hours or even more (not more than 2 days lol) without eating and i am not an anorexic. idk anorexia is a certain mental illness, same with bulimia or anything, people may have similar bad habits to these disorders but doesn't necessarily mean they have said disorder. Regardless of weather she has it or not, what she is doing is very unhealthy for her and you're being a great friend trying to look out ♥ as above user said sometimes being harsh is right if it needs to be done. if you've tried everything telling her to chill out a bit with this & she isn't listening... then it is time to be harsh :c

 

[Stella-Io]

This sounds like anorexia or at the very least a developing downward spiral to it.

I would start by what shendere has said and sit her down and really talk about it, and it's source. Why does she think she's fat, who or what is telling her this, where is she getting her information from, is this self esteem issues or is she being pressured to think this by someone insulting her ect... Why is 97 her goal number? Also, how long has she done this for and what negative effects has she gotten already? She may not think it is negative or think "if I'm having this then it means it's working".

Also there are huge risks to not eating. I know people do fasting, but not done right can have serious health issues. Weakness, nausea, dehydration, malnourisment, fainting/blacking/passing out, trips to the ER, and it can get worse from there. If she takes up bulimia then things can be even worse, teeth erosion and throat problems as well.

It is so easy to tie ourselves to a number, it makes things easier and more clear cut. However, numbers can be deceiving and we can get too into out heads about tryin to stay in a certain range.

Even thou people are told they have those who care about them and are told the health risks, they don't always see it that way and do what they want anyway. They are aware of the risks and negative possibilities but still continue downward to achieve that goal. It's important to watch people when they do detrimental things to themselves, but they can just as easily think someone is being overbearing and push others away.

All in all, what source has her thinking like this, let her know this is not healthy and dangerous (if she can handle that, not everyone can handle that kind of news to them) and watch her behaviour. Mood drops/stress can worsen these habits.

 

[Elov]

I used to suffer from anorexia. All I can say is that sort of behavior is a slippery slope. She isn't currently anorexic, but pulling that sort of behavior, and being/feeling validated by that weight loss, can easily snowball a person into anorexia if they aren't careful. It isn't good to have a low self image, and feel that way about yourself. But you being an outsider, it would be hard for you to prevent her from going down this path unfortunately. All you can really do is be there for her, and support her. And keep a close eye if she is expressing more behavioral issues such as this. Pay very close attention to her behaviors around food. If she continues to starve herself, and you notice her changing her eating habits around you/going to the bathroom right after eating etc. and you notice a dramatic weight change, please inform someone such as a teacher or your parent/her parents if possible that you are concerned for her so she can get help. As of now it's the very early stages, it may easily pass. Anorexia isn't something you just magically get. It's sort of a gradual process of unhealthy behaviors after unhealthy behavior. Just be sure not to commend her at all or call her skinny or anything if she loses weight. You don't want to accidentally validate her actions if she does continue this.

 

[Flyffel]

If she is a very orderly person in general and a perfectionist, chances that she has a condition are higher.

People with anorexia can't perceive their own body / body parts properly, but they should usually be able to tell with other people. Next time she brings it up, you could ask her about what she thinks about the body type / weight of some other people you see like on a walk (obviously in a manner in which these people can't hear it...) and see if her assessments make any sense. If she is highly critical only about herself, she really might have some condition.

Then you could ask her what parts of her body she isn't satisfied with. If you two have similar body types and you are good friends, you could even go as far as measuring these parts on her and yourself, the results might surprise her. (And if she is surprised she definitely has a condition.)

I'm not saying you should do this stuff... I don't know what kind of relationship you have, of course you have to know yourself what you are comfortable doing with her (and her with you) and you will know better how she would react to these types of suggestions... Maybe it gives you an idea at least!

Also, how tall is she? So we could calculate the BMI she would have with 44 kg.

Edit: Of course, regardless of if she (already) has a "condition", it's not good that she is thinking like that.

 

[Elov]

I'm trying my best to think of something that you can personally do to help prevent her from falling down this slippery slope she's treading. I'm really trying my best to remember what it was like when I personally first started exhibiting those same behaviors, and what I feel would actually be helpful if someone were to step in and say something to me. First of all I feel like most people aren't properly educated about anorexia. So they don't necessarily know the effects of anorexia, on what it does to both your body and mind, and what happens to you after recovery as well. So I think it might be safe to say, she doesn't necessarily know what she's getting herself into.

I would probably say to myself. It is NOT WORTH IT. No matter how fat, or disgusting, or ugly you may feel. Anorexia is probably among one of the most horrible disorders out there, because it controls virtually every aspect of your life. It completely consumes who you are and your personality. All you will think about is food constantly. Because it is what we humans need for survival, and anorexia goes completely against every natural instinct we as humans have to survive. All you will think about is food, starving yourself, and wanting to be a smaller weight. IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH NO MATTER HOW MANY POUNDS YOU LOSE. You will always want more. You will always feel fat. You will never feel happy. It is a horrible, terrible way to live, that slowly kills both your body and your soul. It will literally shrink your brain. And what's funny is you will have to keep starving yourself forever to remain that skinny. If you truly truly recover, and start eating like a normal person again, the effects of anorexia slow down your metabolism so much, it's very likely you will regain all that weight back. It is not a solution. It is not worth it. It will not make you feel any better about yourself or your body. You WILL feel a MILLION times worse. And it will be all you can ever think about.

I suggest maybe providing a healthy alternative, if she truly feels she is fat and truly feels like she can't be happy with herself/love herself and her body at her current weight. Try suggesting an alternative form of dieting, that is effective, healthy, and doesn't have long term damages mentally and physically like anorexia does. Maybe suggest keto, or cico. If you aren't aware of those diets, I suggest you research and look into it because it actually does help and work for people. I can't stress enough that the goal should never be to be skinny, it should be to feel HEALTHY, HAPPY, and CONFIDENT. And you need to reiterate, that the goal first and foremost should always to be healthy, and to achieve that in HEALTHY WAYS. Maybe you can suggest going to the gym with her as well? And also do not tell her that she needs to diet, just the next time she mentions to you she's starving herself be like, "Starving yourself is extremely unhealthy, you may lose weight initially but it doesn't work long term, and doesn't last because the second you start eating normally again you will regain all the weight due to messing up your metabolism. How about trying KETO/CICO/VEGAN diet/exercise/etc. instead, it will help you lose weight in a HEALTHY and SUSTAINABLE way." Make sure you let her know you don't think she needs it at all but you are only suggesting this because you want her to feel happy and healthy in her own skin, and you want her to do it in a HEALTHY way, and not in a way that can be so damaging and destructive. And remind her that you will always be there to support her. And that she can always rely on you and that she can go to you if she feels unhappy or insecure, and you truly do have her best interest at heart.

 

[visibleghost]

as others have said, it sounds like a slippery slope. she's trlling you this maybe as a way to reach out for help. i think you should talk to her about her issues with food and see what she says. obviously she could lie and then you have a question of if you should go over her head or not

 

[RedTropicalPeachyFish]

When I was 17 I put myself through a month of not eating anything. Literally not eating any food but just water to lose weight. It did make me lose weight yes drastically, but in return it slowed down my metabolism drastically as well, and after getting older like after 25, eating just a bit gives me more fat cells than it should.
Also it gears up the aging of skin condition and organs, which results in making you look way older than your actual age when you're older like late 20's. Does she even know it