Consoling a buddy

[Reginald Fairfield]

I'm going to keep this vague, as this is about a buddy that likes his privacy, and I don't have or need the details.

Would any of you have experience consoling someone who has lost more than one family member recently? I am not in a position to deliver a nice meal, but would if I could.

 

[LadyDestani]

People deal with grief differently so it's hard to say exactly what would console your friend, but in general just being there for them is enough. Let them know you're there to talk if they want or just hang out if they don't feel like talking about it.

It's really nice of you to be concerned about your friend and looking to help. Just knowing that you care will probably go a long way towards consoling him.

 

[Bizhiins]

Just being around them and doing nice gestures, not even having to talk about it or anything but do things you know would make them feel happier! Small gifts and visits, checking in, asking how they?re doing.
I went through that and it really showed me who cared about me - just who was there and checking in.

 

[RedTropicalPeachyFish]

That depends on their personality, I guess.
While intensive care and willing action of gestures would help to comfort some people, it could just be a bother to the other. In fact, I'm the second type. While I was in deep crack through losing someone forever, having to react to those gestures that were out of kindness/caring was only a burden. (The word burden might be a bit too strong expression, but I don't know other word to replace.)
When you lose someone who's been significant through your days/life, nothing can comfort you - that's how it is to certain type of people, people like me.

You may be not able to do much for the moment, but If you and their bond is tight and there's trust lying beneath you two, you just care about them regardless if it can affect them or not, and you keep being there for them, for when they eventually have energy to get up someday.

 

[jacex]

The best way is just to let them know you’re there if they need you. People have different ways of grieving, so there’s never a definite answer. Just providing them the option of your presence/support, and letting them tell you when they need something from you is probably the only effective way to go

 

[Blood Eclipse]

I can't say I'd know (I haven't lost a family member close to me yet), but if I lost any of them, I can only imagine I'd probably be split into wanting to be alone, yet also wanting someone to be there.

so maybe you should give him some time and space to think a bit, but also show him you care by going out to calm, quiet places like the woods or the beach, bonding over the same ideas, talking about happy past memories, helping him if he needs anything,
and most of all: showing and letting him know none of these details bother you because he's your friend.

your ability to respect your friend's privacy is really admirable, hopefully things will get better for you both. I know "hope" is just a word and won't change reality, but it's all I can do or say. Try to be strong for your friend and good luck.