[deleted]

[VanitasFan26]

I'm so sorry about what you are going through with your (ex)friend I'm sure it's very hurtful to have someone ghost you like that. You deserve a friend who will make time for you the way that you make time for them. I've never been in that exact situation before but I have had a long term friendship come to an end before.

Spoiler: my experience

I have experienced the ending of a 10+ year friendship before, this happened about 2 years ago. I don't wanna get too personal but basically we had a disagreement which was really more of a misunderstanding and during this time my friend said some very hurtful things about my partner :/ (this is a serious long-term relationship and we live together). I forgive everything around the initial misunderstanding but I don't know that I can so easily ignore what was said about my partner so it basically became the end of our friendship.
I know the general advice is that when your best friend says your boyfriend is a jerk you should listen to your friend but she is truly the only one who has ever said anything like that about him. Other friends/family all think we are great together so it was really weird. I don't even know if she meant that stuff or it was just said "in the heat of the moment" or whatever but still...

I still love and care about my friend. I would help her out if she ever needed anything, but I don't know that we will ever be truly close again which is very sad for me, there are still so many things that I still miss about the friendship we shared.

I've had other friendships fall apart/drift apart but this was the first really long term friend I lost and it did really hurt a lot

Enough of my own personal story. I just hope this experience doesn't leave a lasting negative impact on you, your post does sound a little gloomy. Friendships don't always last forever but that doesn't mean that it's not worth making friends. Some things just only last for a certain time but you gotta just enjoy the good times as they're happening.

I know you're trying to make look on the bright side, but for now I am just done with making friends. I refuse to let this pain get any worse if I try to befriend anyone who tries to take advantage of me or at least tries to be my friend for a while and then suddenly forget about me. Its nothing against you or anyone else, but for me I am just fed up of being treated like this and just not really in the mood to make anymore friends at this point. At this point the advice of "making more friends" is dead to me. I will no longer put up with it.

I have to learn for myself whats best for me and not let anyone try to change me for who I am. Sometimes not having friends can make you feel good which in my case after not having anymore friends after what just happened suddenly made me feel better, now I don't feel the need to "force" myself to make friends because I realize it was making me feel worse about myself.

I am sorry to hear about your experience and that must suck and I understand because it was the same thing I was going through with past friends. Its so hard these days to find that one "true friend" you want but next thing you know they turned out to be bad as the years go by, but what can you do? Its part of life and I just have to deal with the reality of it.

 

[trashpedia]

I have. It's one of those things you just have to do, whether you stopping having something in common with someone or to a lack of communication that keeps leading to conflicts. A lot of my friendships ended quietly because we just stopped talking.

 

[deana]

I know you're trying to make look on the bright side, but for now I am just done with making friends. I refuse to let this pain get any worse if I try to befriend anyone who tries to take advantage of me or at least tries to be my friend for a while and then suddenly forget about me. Its nothing against you or anyone else, but for me I am just fed up of being treated like this and just not really in the mood to make anymore friends at this point. At this point the advice of "making more friends" is dead to me. I will no longer put up with it.

I have to learn for myself whats best for me and not let anyone try to change me for who I am. Sometimes not having friends can make you feel good which in my case after not having anymore friends after what just happened suddenly made me feel better, now I don't feel the need to "force" myself to make friends because I realize it was making me feel worse about myself.

I am sorry to hear about your experience and that must suck and I understand because it was the same thing I was going through with past friends. Its so hard these days to find that one "true friend" you want but next thing you know they turned out to be bad as the years go by, but what can you do? Its part of life and I just have to deal with the reality of it.

I think you are right to protect yourself during this time and focus on healing not just putting yourself out there again immediately, I just meant that long term I hope that you can open your mind to new friendships again. For the short term I think focussing on yourself is absolutely the best way to go, gotta take care of yourself first And you definitely don't need to force yourself to make new friends, or live by anyone else's expectations of how many friends you "should" have because that stuff is all nonsense. But I think it would also be sad if you just completely closed yourself off forever y'know, I hope that once you are done healing and taking care of yourself that you could just keep an open mind about friends. I hope this make sense

 

[VanitasFan26]

I think you are right to protect yourself during this time and focus on healing not just putting yourself out there again immediately, I just meant that long term I hope that you can open your mind to new friendships again. For the short term I think focussing on yourself is absolutely the best way to go, gotta take care of yourself first And you definitely don't need to force yourself to make new friends, or live by anyone else's expectations of how many friends you "should" have because that stuff is all nonsense. But I think it would also be sad if you just completely closed yourself off forever y'know, I hope that once you are done healing and taking care of yourself that you could just keep an open mind about friends. I hope this make sense

Well I'm autistic so that doesn't make it easier for me anyways. You may experienced friends differently, but for me its going to be the best thing for me right now. I am shutting myself off from the rest world. I don't want to make anymore friends, because the moment I do I will just get back the same bad feeling as before and get treated the same way. Instead of just stressing about it the best thing to do for me is to not hang out with other people.

Throughout my life I used to hang with people, but they would always ignore me and just push me off to the side as if they think I'm a ghost, but thats because I'm introvert. I don't like being around people, because it drains my energy and puts more strain on my brain. So its better that I am alone, that it gives me time to recharge and feel good about myself. You may not get it, but for me its the best thing I have at the moment to make me feel better. I know I want to believe that there is "nice" people out there, but I seriously doubt it given how society is these days because its like people just want to judge others for how they are and they are not good enough to them then they will not become their friend. Thats the dark time I had to deal with when growing up.

I am not "keeping my mind open" any longer. I don't want to put up with this pain anymore and to prevent from getting worse I am just going to avoid others, not because I hate them or because I have a grudge against them, but because of what I've dealt with I am not going to force myself to make anymore friends for the long term. I've been hurt worse before and I am not going to put up with it any longer.

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

Yes, with someone i knew since 2015. There were gaps where we didnt talk to eachother but overall we were great friends. He was one of the two online friends ive met in person and we talked to eachother pretty much everyday for almost 2 years. All of that came to an end though when i saw that he was publicly outed for doing some awful, unforgivable things. Its very painful but in hindsight unsurprising as the red flags were always there

 

[fairysyndrome]

I am not "keeping my mind open" any longer. I don't want to put up with this pain anymore and to prevent from getting worse I am just going to avoid others, not because I hate them or because I have a grudge against them, but because of what I've dealt with I am not going to force myself to make anymore friends for the long term. I've been hurt worse before and I am not going to put up with it any longer.

roxasfan, i mean this question in the nicest way possible, but why do you continue to post on this forum and interact with others if you consistently reiterate how you don't like people? especially considering how you say no one gets you or the things you've gone through whenever someone tries to offer you kindness or advice. i extend my sympathies for what you've experienced, but to other yourself by saying -- no matter what the situation is at hand -- people experience things differently than you and Don't Get It And Could Never Get It is going to put you in a worse mindset in the long run.

 

[VanitasFan26]

roxasfan, i mean this question in the nicest way possible, but why do you continue to post on this forum and interact with others if you consistently reiterate how you don't like people? especially considering how you say no one gets you or the things you've gone through whenever someone tries to offer you kindness or advice. i extend my sympathies for what you've experienced, but to other yourself by saying -- no matter what the situation is at hand -- people experience things differently than you and Don't Get It And Could Never Get It is going to put you in a worse mindset in the long run.

Because nobody will ever understand what I go through. They don't know how it feels like to be abused, neglected, manipulated, and of course the most painful one being backstabbed by those who you thought they were people that cared about you, but then turned their backs on you. For an autistic like me its really hard because I feel like barely anyone understands that mental illness.

Combined that with depression it makes it a lot more difficult. I know there is kind people out there, but the biggest is we live in a time where its easy to spot really kind people, but deep down they can turn into something you would not expect them to be in a bad way. I'm just saying how I've been deal with this throughout my life. Not just on the internet, but in real life too.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Because nobody will ever understand what I go through. They don't know how it feels like to be abused, neglected, manipulated, and of course the most painful one being backstabbed by those who you thought they were people that cared about you, but then turned their backs on you. For an autistic like me its really hard because I feel like barely anyone understands that mental illness.

Combined that with depression it makes it a lot more difficult. I know there is kind people out there, but the biggest is we live in a time where its easy to spot really kind people, but deep down they can turn into something you would not expect them to be in a bad way. I'm just saying how I've been deal with this throughout my life. Not just on the internet, but in real life too.

Also I've used to have friends who I thought were really kind to me but they turned out to be fake. They were only my friend just to take advantage of me. It seems like everything when they talk to me they want something from me or they just feel the need to tell me to do something for them that they cannot do themselves. Me being stubborn that I was I just took the bait and did everything for them. When I noticed that they stopped talking to me they were telling me how they don't need me anymore because they got what they want.

Don't misunderstand its not like I am saying that "everyone" is bad but throughout my life this is the type of crap I had to deal with. You may not understand it too well but there are many people out there who try to be your friend just to get things out of you and then next thing you know they will not want to be around you anymore.

This is why I say I am not making more friends and truth be told I am just better off having friends. You may disagree with me thats fine I understand you're trying to give me realization but in my personal opinion I am just better off without them. I have to take time to care for myself and not let people tell me things to bring me down or feel a certain way that benefits them and not me.

 

[tomatospooks666]

i definitely understand where you're coming from, roxasfan20, and tbh i'm kinda in the same boat.

recently i ended up cutting ties with people who i honestly thought were good friends and maybe even a family to me after they ended up acting toxic to me and pretty much pushed me out of their discord server over things that weren't true.

that was just the latest in many times people turned their back on me when i needed them, but it's made me cynical towards the idea of friendship as a whole. no matter how hard i try, nobody will ever care whether i'm there or not. my presence in their lives will always be something taken for granted. something they'll throw away without a second thought as soon as it stops being convenient for them, and having people i deeply cared about turn on me and never talk to me again only cemented that.

to quote the lion king: "when the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world." i'm sure there's good people out there, but i'm just so sick of being abandoned by everyone that i just don't have the energy nor motivation to try anymore. ¯\_( :/ )_/¯

sorry for the novel, but i just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

[Bluebellie]

I recently had to end a friendship. It was hard for me. It’s a friend I’ve known for about 9 years. We had a disagreement where we had very different views about something. I was fine with agreeing to disagreeing but unfortunately she was not ok with that.

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

Not really I just didn’t stay in contact with any of my school friends or college friends in the end.

 

[LuchaSloth]

I'm not the kind of person to "end" friendships. I'll go long periods of time without talking to people...but when I see them, I'll always be like "hey, what's up". That said...during the recent politics situation, I have had someone who I considered a friend go out of his way to unfriend me on social media (because I don't like the orange man). I've since seen that person in public, and it was definitely weird. He was just all passive aggressive, and pretending like nothing changed. I still said hi, and then just went right on doing what I was doing. I certainly won't lose sleep over something like that. It blows my mind that someone I've known for probably 15 years would act that way just because I speak negatively about a cult leader. But...ya know.

 

[Princess Mipha]

Going to be completely honest, I am always the one to kill friendships. I’m not the kind of person who gets lonely or needs friends to be content. Most people get on my nerves and I honestly don’t think friends are even worth the effort. If I have to talk to you more than once a month then chances are I’m going to cut ties. Don’t expect to see me more than 1-2 times a year. I’m a hermit by nature and I hate socializing with people irl. It gets under my skin so bad to even reply to texts. Now for whatever reason internet friends don’t bother me lol Friends irl smother me until I feel like I can’t breathe. I know that’s not normal. I’m not sure why I’m like this but I’ve been this way my whole life. Even as a child I’d hate it when friends got me gifts because I knew it would just be more stuff I had to throw away when I eventually had to cut ties. Now that I’m older I make a point to not make friends because it’s a waste of my time.

Not going to lie, that sounds a lot like me s:
Internet friends don't bother me either, but reallife friends.. man I don't want to see your face every week

 

[sleepydreepy]

I think its almost impossible to stay best friends with someone from your childhood because you grow and change so much as you mature into an adult. I am certainly not the same person I was when I met my childhood best friend in first grade, and naturally our friendship came to an end in early high school.

My current best friends are people I met in college and, unlike my previous "best friend," I can see myself being close with them for a long time. I think this is because we were older/18 when we met and had established values, goals, and mindsets that were all similar to each other. We then grew into adults together over 4 years (plus we actually lived together in the same dorm for all of those years). We have a special connection that I think we will value for the rest of our lives, even if we are not "best" friends but just "friends" ya kno

On another note I had to end a "friendship" with someone in college who was sort of emotionally abusing me. I had a major crush on her and she knew it and basically toyed with me for 2 years, while dating someone else at the same time. When I finally came to my senses and realized how selfish she was I decided I couldn't see her anymore and ghosted her because I was too chicken to tell her I didn't want to be "friends" anymore.

 

[Croconaw]

I’m definitely not the same person I was in high school. I completely changed my whole appearance. I started dying my hair, I cut it short, and started dressing the way I felt comfortable. My school therapist wouldn’t have allowed it. My minimalist lifestyle and wardrobe where I wear pretty much the same type of clothes all the time wouldn’t have pleased the school one bit. In adulthood, nobody really cares.

It’s nice reading some of these posts. It kind of gives me the chance to reminisce on the past, you know? I haven’t spoken to anyone I’ve known from my high school years recently. Life is so much different when you’re an adult, and it doesn’t hit you until it’s too late.

 

[DJ_Saidez]

Yes, with my first high school friend. We got along well mostly because we both liked acting childish, but as we got to know each other more she began showing me her true self. She had low bars for herself and hung around the wrong side of campus a lot, and got me involved in a lot of her drama. She sapped a lot of my energy and time from me, and seemed to refuse my help or advice except for me practically doing her Spanish homework. At one point I was actually attracted to her and wanted to seriously ask her out, even though she already had a boyfriend (he knew me and they kept saying they were going to break up) and she was already looking at someone else. But I don't even know what attracted me to her, she barely even has a personality and has no goals in life
We're in the same class all 4 years so I'll keep seeing her, and I've never explicitly told her we're done, so when I go back on-campus I have to do my best to avoid her. She got me into trouble several times, such as when she posted NSFW stuff in the group chat for the club I had started (led to its demise), or when she made me keep talking with her for hours, leading to me falling behing in school close to finals week. Eventually my parents made me stop talking with her, which saved my life. It was rough, but now I'm thankful this is mostly behind me, and since then I've made some actual real friends which I'm also thankful for.

 

[Lady Timpani]

Lots of good responses in this thread.

like -lychee- said, not all relationships are meant to last forever! i've also ended friendships over the years because they turned bad, and people have ended things with me over the years because i was bad for them. even if you don't realise it, you might not be the right person for someone until they put their foot down (and vice versa!)

This especially I like because growing up I felt like some of my friends left me unfairly, but looking back I can acknowledge there were instances where we had just outgrown the friendship/I wasn't the best friend I could be, and then there were situations that were the other way around as well, where maybe they weren't the best friend or I had outgrown the relationship. Unfortunately people can and do drift apart from one another over time, but I think as long as things don't end on a sour note then it's all good. I've come to appreciate my friendships more by thinking of them that way, instead of getting upset that it ended.

To answer the question, I've never unilaterally ended a friendship. Most just fade due to time or space put between us, although a couple years ago I did purposely distance myself from a friend because I thought our relationship had become unhealthy. We've actually started texting one another very casually, and while I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were due to reasons, it can be nice to check in once in a while.

 

[Neb]

Most of my friendships ended rest from us drifting apart. There are two exceptions. They were both nasty kids who often treated their siblings poorly. At first I thought it was teasing, but over time their abuse became apparent. Considering they were both from rough households it isn’t surprising they picked some things up. Hopefully they’ve become better with age.