Did You Forget Me?(Sad AC Story)

rosiekitty405

The funny and sarcastic
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When I was little I played to my hearts content. I played Animal Crossing day
And night. I had a beautiful layout,and perfect villagers. I had Marshal,Marina,
Julian,Ankha,Rosie,Mira,Pietro,Felicity,Shep,and my dearest Whitney. She was
Always my favorite. I refused to let her go. She was the only one I talked to
Everyday. I never knew why I loved Whitney so much. It was something though.
I can't place my heart to it. I grew older and lost time to play everyday but i
Still talked to Whitney at least once everyday. I never did a ay without her. I
Always talked to her before starting my homework. I then grew older and started
Losing interest in the game because I was going out with friends every night. I only
Got to talk to her once a week. When I grew older and got myself a job I never got to
Talk to her. I had to leave early morning and come at late night but then I was
Too tired to do anything. I finally got married to a nice man and we had a beautiful
Daughter name Kelly. I never even thought about the game anymore.
I was sitting with Kelly one day and she looked under my coffee
Table and saw my old 3ds. She pointed out and I then proceeded to ask.
I opened it up and saw AC was in it. I started it up and the graphics were
Fuzzy and laggy. I clicked on start game and saw sweetest Isabelle. She said
She missed me and haven't seen me. in forever. I saw my player walk out of the door
And there was some wolf standing outside of my door. It talked to me.
"Did you forget me? Did I become lost in the shadows?" It was Whitney.
Kelly loved her saying her fur was pretty,it was like snow and other things.
I looked at the note section in my ds and saw my little sketches of Whitney.
I cried. The soft 8:00pm theme played a sweet lullaby and sent Kelly asleep on
My lap. I remembered so many things. All the favors. All the letters. All the lost times.
I couldn't help but feel bad although it was just a small pixel. That night the only thing
That went through my head that night is Whitney's sweet face and the phase"Did you
Forget me?" No I didn't Whitney. I could never forget you...
 
Alrighty, I have some critique for you. Bear with me.

You need to separate your ideas, and dialogue by paragraphs. That's how writing works.

You also need to use a space after a comma. Sure, they're for using multiple ideas in the same sentence, but they're also for where the reader would take a breath between words to form a realistic sense of saying something while reading out loud.

You use the word "I" quite a bit. Narrow that down to once per paragraph.
 
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