However I'm trying to change that side of myself as I've realised how much I put others before myself and so far I can see a difference in myself. I'm a lot happier in general and I'm also content with my own company more than ever because of the fact I've stopped people pleasing.
Sometimes, but less now that I'm older.
My problem is I often feel saying no isn't acceptable when people ask for stuff. This is due to years of manipulation and abuse.
I'm better at saying no, but it doesn't reduce people trying to punish you for it or throwing a fit or attempting to emotionally manipulate you (emotional stuff doesn't work on me, I'm cold I've been told I guess). It's annoying. The same thing happens when making a decision for myself that others don't like, but I generally don't feel as effected by the same behavior expressed to me for that.
And of course if I request something not much different than they have in the past, it's just too "unattainable" or " not doable".
I'm not sure why I run into these issues with various people repeatedly. I assume it has something to do with appearance and/or body language. Otherwise a simple cut out would work.
Just gotta take a lesson from a duck I guess. Make your decisions and let stuff roll off with practice. Ultimately they have an issue.
all the time. my parents are honestly extremely ill-tempered and unstable folks, and i’ve had to turn myself into a people pleaser to try and avoid them losing their **** as much as possible. i’m honestly terrified whenever i have to ask them for something or ‘be inconvenient’, because i never know how they’ll react. i suffered from a severe toothache silently for several months because i didn’t want to inconvenience them or deal with my father’s temper because i’d have to use up some of the insurance, and pay out of pocket for the nitrous oxide/laughing gas (i have terrible dentist anxiety and can’t get through procedures without it, and my dad gets angry every time something that costs money needs to be done). i would rather my teeth rot out of my head and me wither in pain than deal with my parents’ reactions and emotions to me needing help. when i first fractured my foot/ankle, i refused to let my mom take me to the hospital for a week because i knew it would be an inconvenience for her and start a fight between her and my dad (which it did). anything going wrong sends them into fits, and i can’t handle those on their own, let alone me being the cause of it, so i try to keep things to myself as much as possible to avoid me being an inconvenience to them.
this has extended to people outside of my parents as well. nobody else i know treats me or behaves the way my parents do, but i’m honestly always scared that they will if i were to inconvenience or upset them, so i do my best to avoid that. i don’t ask for favours. i don’t vent to people very often because i don’t want to burden them. i go out of my way to do things for them, even if they don’t ask. i always put other people’s feelings and needs before my own, and it’s kinda exhausting lol. some days i wish i wasn’t so worried about people’s feelings or inconveniencing them, but i’d rather that than me not caring at all. it just sucks sometimes, esp where my parents are concerned.
No. Not really. I don't really care what other people think and strangely that has always gotten me into arguments and trouble. I've always been sort of an outsider anyway being a natural introvert, LGBT, and into anime/manga before it became popular. I say "yes" to my husband and I have said "yes" to my parents because I felt obligated to do so but that's about it. In fact, most of my pleasing for not family was for my former jobs and academics so I could get paid and good grades, respectively. Nothing else. Not being a people pleaser is probably why I have had a hard time making friends but I have a loving husband now so that doesn't really bother me anymore.
Nah, you can't be one if you're me personally you're either going to have accept my brutal honesty or you're going to have to keep clear from me at all at times nothing at all in between since i can be a pretty straight up and blunt person despite what others could see me as initially to be.
