Friends and social anxiety?

[treetops]

[removed]

 

[Gregriii]

Yeah!!

Last year I managed to get "Friends" and "open" to people... I thought I had made Friends

but then when summer started I realised I didnt change at all, I'm still lonely, I thought I had been accepted in a group of Friends but things happened because they didnt understand some things I did cuz my problem sooo I ended up without Friends at all. So yeah, right now i'm "cool" with my life, like, I just know imma be alone, because that is how I am, but even though yeah, sometimes I wish I could be a normal person, doing normal things, like making Friends or meeting people

but it's fine I guess

Feeling that you arent lonely, that you have friends or people they care about you is truly one of the best experiences I've ever had. it's... happiness. True happiness... But oh well I'll keep being a *****

 

[riummi]

I only have a small circle of friends but I feel like I'm not that close with them as they are with each other - makes me feel left out. Though, it's partially my fault since I don't go out with them often. I wish I was better at being more open and social but it just feels like I'm acting kind of stupid so I don't...Online, however, I have no problems with being social. Like, I won't get weird looks if I state my opinions whereas around my friends - they don't expect me to act that way.

If I worry about making a good impression irl, I start getting really nervous and say stupid things lol
My high school was very small so it was hard to make a different/new impression on a diff. group of people. We only had like 200 students in all so everyone knew each other :c

 

[strawberrigod]

In highschool it wasn't super bad because I didn't really care about anything since I hated my highschool, but in college I started to so socially, things didn't work out for me.. I did have a couple shining moments, but even those were kind of fails too in the end. I also have bad social anxiety anyways and freak out over little details (tones of voice, certain actions, etc) and just forget it if I'm in a crowded room. It's like I got shocked by a ghost. Life is pretty long though, so I feel confident in myself that I'll be able to change c: I think it's better to keep pushing yourself past your comfort zones, but not too hard and not too fast because changing a whole mind set/way of living is a very long process.
I know exactly what you mean, though For me it's like I really like being a loner, but I'll be surrounded by people I really enjoy talking to and hanging out with on rare occasions. People just need friends and to socialize. IN PERSON I might add! Not that internet friends aren't the best ever, but I think it's easy to forget in the gamer-world in particular that physically-there friends are very much needed as well ;-;

edit** I'd also like to go off one of the other posters too c: because I do have a few friends that I love and care about and I know they feel the same way about me even though we don't live near each other anymore (college) honestly, sometimes that's all you need. Those people you can visit every once in awhile like no time has passed and don't get angry or upset at you for not keeping in touch all the time. <3 Also, true friends put up with awkwardness.. + the majority of my friends are awkward, we awkward together.

 

[vel]

when i was younger it was hard for me to make friends because i easily got intimidated. but as i got older, i started to see people actually enjoyed spending time with me, and they appreciate how nerdy and strange i am. and that makes me funny. i enjoy making people laugh, so it was perfect. when i talk to strangers in person i'm first shy, and i start stuttering straight away, but once i relax and get to know them, and i use my humor out to see if they're my type of people, i start loosening up.

 

[Miii]

I had a lot of social anxiety, but I don't so much anymore. Part of that was learning to break outside my comfort zone with people. Rather than being comfortable not talking to anyone, I just started talking to people, making friends and talking to friends of friends. Yeah, I was awkward for a while and had didn't have the best social skills, but that improves with time. I can talk to just about anyone now and work in a field that requires talking to strangers a lot, actually.

 

[Soigne]

High school ruined me. I thought I had finally found the group of people who would be wonderful, you know? Like, they were movie stereotype people. I'd gone through 9 years of schooling without having close friends and then freshman year, it's like I just fell in sync with them. Being on the outskirts for so long opened me up to seeing how everyone in my small town always talks about everyone else, though. They talk about people that they're supposedly "friends" with, they talk about people they don't like; it doesn't matter who, they're going to talk about them.

At first I thought things were different with my friends, but they're not. I know that the majority of the world isn't like this. Unfortunately, somehow I got stuck with an entire town where nearly everyone is like this. I know having friends isn't supposed to feel like a constant struggle just to keep up, it's not supposed to be something where you question your validity constantly and wonder if they actually hate you. I know all of that, but because of my experience I find it really hard to open up to other people now & I find it extremely difficult to actually make friends with new people because all I know are people being hostile and rude and disgusting towards one another.

There are only 2 people in my life that I genuinely trust and sometimes it feels like it's us against the world.

I know it's a common thing to be paranoid about all of what I just said, but I'm not just being paranoid. Every single fear I have about being disliked, lied to, intentionally left out of things - it's all been true growing up. I just feel like I can't have anything better right now.

 

[Miii]

High school ruined me. I thought I had finally found the group of people who would be wonderful, you know? Like, they were movie stereotype people. I'd gone through 9 years of schooling without having close friends and then freshman year, it's like I just fell in sync with them. Being on the outskirts for so long opened me up to seeing how everyone in my small town always talks about everyone else, though. They talk about people that they're supposedly "friends" with, they talk about people they don't like; it doesn't matter who, they're going to talk about them.

At first I thought things were different with my friends, but they're not. I know that the majority of the world isn't like this. Unfortunately, somehow I got stuck with an entire town where nearly everyone is like this. I know having friends isn't supposed to feel like a constant struggle just to keep up, it's not supposed to be something where you question your validity constantly and wonder if they actually hate you. I know all of that, but because of my experience I find it really hard to open up to other people now & I find it extremely difficult to actually make friends with new people because all I know are people being hostile and rude and disgusting towards one another.

There are only 2 people in my life that I genuinely trust and sometimes it feels like it's us against the world.

I know it's a common thing to be paranoid about all of what I just said, but I'm not just being paranoid. Every single fear I have about being disliked, lied to, intentionally left out of things - it's all been true growing up. I just feel like I can't have anything better right now.

Part of that is just high school, the other part is living in a small town. People in high school can be really two faced because it's easier to talk crap about someone behind their back, rather than have a real discussion about the problems you have with them, considering you have to be around them every day.

And the small town thing... everyone knows everyone else's business, there are no secrets, and people feed off drama in small towns more because there's a lot less to do lol I lived in a town with less than 3,000 people for 7 years.

High school friendships (and relationships) tend not to last, even if they were great to begin with because your life changes a lot after high school, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. You'll figure out what qualities you appreciate in people, and you'll find friends that have those qualities; it just takes time. You can and will have something better than what you have now. Don't let the bad experiences you've had prevent you from putting yourself out there :3

 

[Saylor]

It isn't too hard for me to socialize and open up to people once I get comfortable, but my problem is more that it's difficult for me to approach anyone and it's something that I wish I could do better with. I used to be painfully shy when I was a lot younger and I've grown away from that for the most part, I'm much more outgoing now than I was, but I still tend to worry that I might be bothersome to the people who I talk to or that I've made mistakes with them somehow. It seems like lately, everyone who I begin to form a relationship with is kind of cut out of my life before we ever get too close, and sometimes it's because they move away and sometimes it's because we just lose contact or drift apart, but whatever the reason it really discourages me from ever trying to get too close to anyone since I fear the same thing will happen with them. I know that that's just how life is and not every relationship will last, but it feels like it's been a really long time since I've had a lasting relationship and I guess I've gotten kind of cautious about approaching people now because I don't wanna give them the chance to let me down... which maybe doesn't make very much sense, but yeah, I get what you mean about wishing you could do better at it!

I have a few close friends that I've known since middle school (I'm going into college now) and I'm really glad to have them, but they're often busy and I don't get to see or talk to them much, so I'd like to be able to move on from my anxiety about it and make other friends too.

 

[vogelbiene]

The friends I have I am very cautious of, even if I have known them for a while. It would be nice, yes, to have some friends one could trust, but I suppose that's just me and my paranoia at it again. It all depends on who you are and how you feel around those around you, I guess?
In my own, rather cynical opinion, I find having friends is just too much drama. They change. They seperate. They find new relationships. I personally hate that, as I don't like change. Some people are different; they are fine with this and sometimes even change with those friends.

I agree with all those who stated that high school is hard. It is, and it's simply because so many people surround themselves with being social and having friends. Plus, some have starkly different morals and principles compared to others, thus making it hard to find people you are comfortable around. You may like the same things, but the way they treat others may rub you the wrong way. Social anxiety makes it even worse because you may not even know the people, but you immediately feel intimidated. In an ideal world, friends are easy to comeby and easy to keep. From experience, some friends may not even understand the concept of social anxiety, and that just ruins friendships. It's so sad.

I would love to have more friendships, but I find it hard to initiate them. However, if I am approached, I will continue that friendship, and I try to be as loyal as possible. It's just hard to find people who are willing to initiate them! I like to think that having no friends isn't the end of the world, but in all honesty, I think people couldn't live without human companionship. It's such a shame that so many people aren't all accepting and willing to make friends with those who have issues such as social anxiety.

I do hope sincerely that you all find strong friendships in later life that will stick with you forever. I know that it's a wishful thought, but one can hope, right?

Gosh, I rambled on... I'm so sorry quq

 

[riummi]

Also, is it weird to not have a best friend? Or maybe never consider them as one even if you two are pretty close?

 

[Koden]

I don't really care to leave my house, or even my room much at all. I have two semi-acquaintance like friends that I see every now and then, but the only person I socialize with on basically and hourly basis is my boyfriend. I don't do well in social environments, hell, I can't even make my own appointments or order my own food.

 

[PrincessApple]

I have social anxiety, I wish I could make new friends as I know a lot of nice people but I'm too shy to talk to anyone. I'm happy with the friends I have now though, I've knew most of them since I was 6 so it's been a long friendship, I don't think I have the guts to make new ones xD

 

[visibleghost]

i have social anxiety and, like, 0 close friends. i have a hard time meeting and getting close to people, so i really should just try to keep my friends tbh... but lately it's been hard because of other mental health issues and stuff (and also some of them ignore me lol) but uh yeah.., i mean i definitely have those friends but we rarely talk. i havent talked to two of them in months (because they aren't replying in the group chat) and the other two i just write with a little. idk.

i haven't made any close-ish friends since 2014 which is ?? rly maybe not that great hahhh but before that i hadn't made any friends before, like, 2011-2012 and the one close friend i made in 2014 wasn't, like, me going out to get friends (she was the one who started talking to me...) so uh idk. i'm really bad at making close friends, usually i get really anxious and uncomfortable and just avoid people.

i had friends i used to hang out with in school and i guess we are friends, we just aren't super close. and i'm starting a new school this fall and i'm pretty sure i'll be really lonely but i don't know. i'm not really lookig forward to starting school.

so basically uh
my social anxiety (+other issues) stops me from making friends ayyy lmao

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

I'm okay with how I am I guess. I'm a natural introvert anyway, so I don't mind my own company at all. In fact I do need time alone with my own thoughts more often than not.
Having said that, sometimes it's necessary for me to be around other people for a prolonged period. Or in new situations. I do find it embarrassing to admit that I am feeling stressed about these things....guess I sown times forget that I'm not alone in feeling like that.
I wish I could handle social situations better, I'm on strong medications for it and they do ease my anxiety somewhat. Just wish I was naturally like it sometimes. Put me in front of a class of teenagers with behaviour problems and I have no problem. Put me in a room with my peers and I panic

 

[Acruoxil]

Yes people love being around me

 

[visibleghost]

Also, is it weird to not have a best friend? Or maybe never consider them as one even if you two are pretty close?

i don't think it is weird..? i've never rly had any Best Friends, just ones that are rly close but uhh idk. i don't think it's weird to not have best friends or to not consider very close friends to be best friends.

 

[lostineverfreeforest]

I had a lot of social anxiety, but I don't so much anymore. Part of that was learning to break outside my comfort zone with people. Rather than being comfortable not talking to anyone, I just started talking to people, making friends and talking to friends of friends. Yeah, I was awkward for a while and had didn't have the best social skills, but that improves with time. I can talk to just about anyone now and work in a field that requires talking to strangers a lot, actually.

This is how it was for me as well. But instead it was traveling that forced me to interact with strangers on a daily basis. When you're in a strange land where everyone speaks a different language you will naturally seek out companionship. Couchsurfing, hosteling, and woofing was a great way to break me out of my shell and made a lot of wonderful friends through it. When I did finally settle down it wasn't difficult to meet people and create a circle of friends I could rely on and trust, something that I couldn't have ever imagined even 5 years ago.

 

[Xara]

I wish I were better at making friends -- I wish I were better to talking to people in general.

I've had friends before, but it all ended badly. It was either my depression got in the way, my mood swings, or the person found someone better than me and abandoned me, basically.

I have a couple of friends now, but my insecurities and constant need for reassurement will probably ruin everything.

I look older than I actually am, and honestly, I'm kind of ugly and I walk weird and just I hate people and I'm very untrusting, but I really wish I didn't have social anxiety.

Even doing animal crossing trades make me feel horrible, because I just can't interact with people without freaking out. I hate it.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I don't really care to leave my house, or even my room much at all. I have two semi-acquaintance like friends that I see every now and then, but the only person I socialize with on basically and hourly basis is my boyfriend. I don't do well in social environments, hell, I can't even make my own appointments or order my own food.

I relate to this a lot. Not the boyfriend thing, but basically everything else. I hardly ever leave my house or my room, and I can't do anything for myself...I can't go out by myself, I can't go shopping by myself or make appointments or any of that.

 

[Lethalia]

I have one close friend online, and I'm fine with that. I wish I could be less awkward and not panic every time I'm forced into a social situation, though...Social anxiety is a huge complication in my life. I can barely look people in the eye, I'm terrified to initiate conversations, practically incapable of holding one for longer than 2 minutes, and I panic over the idea of a simple phonecall. Had to verify a doctor appointment once, and I was literally trembling lol >.>

It even carries over to the internet. Typing in a chat even makes me anxious. I always re-read every message I type 30 times over before finally forcing myself to press send. But other than that, I'm perfectly fine with being alone. I don't wish I could have a big group of friends, I just wish I could function better on the rare occasions when I have to interact with society xD.