Internet Friends

[Sheando]

The conversation around online friendships is really fascinating to me, because I see such a common theme of people (especially people who are marginalized in some way) feeling like it's easier to make/maintain online friendships than ones in "real-world" spaces. I've always had a hard time making friends, as an autistic woman with unusual interests and presentation, but I've almost never been able to do it online.

At work, for example, I have established reasons to interact with someone. I have to train a new coworker, or ask someone about a customer interaction, or check in about an upcoming program, or pass on a building update for the day. And other people regularly initiate small talk, which gives me a sense of what topics are considered "normal" for the environment so I can attempt to recycle them later. Online, reaching out to someone feels so totally unprompted. In real life it comes off as strange to NEVER say good morning or how was your trip or whatever, but online I could go 10 years on this very forum without sending unsolicited private messages and nobody would notice or care, since "lurking" is a completely normal and acceptable behavior in this context. I am forever intrigued by the ability of other internet users to just . . . start talking to online strangers.

 

[Suguri]

I'm autistic (like above poster) except I stink at IRL friendships (tried maintaining one a few years ago to no available) so my social life is 100% online. I want to have an IRL friendship with someone though, but I feel like it'll only work for me if I meet the person through some website.

With online friendships I don't have to worry about understanding facial expressions or hidden cues or all that complex stuff. What you see is what you get. And I can just talk to someone straightaway about whatever they're interested in, since it's out there for all to see, instead of initiating a conversation without knowing anything about them and feeling awkward about it.

My parents would rather have me meet up with someone in my class than someone from the internet. There's always the chance of coming across a predator (like in the news), but it hasn't ever happened to me thankfully. I still won't tell them about my online life anyway, or they'll flip.

With that said, I'm trying to appreciate my online friendships as much as I would with real-life friendships. I think having a partner whom I met here is helping with that massively. And I also try to not care too much about befriending people in my school as that would get me stressed out.

 

[Crash]

i've definitely had similar worries, but i think online friendships are just as legitimate as irl ones. just because you're not interacting face to face with someone doesn't mean they aren't real, so why can't the friendship be real? i've struggled with social interaction for my entire life, but i can say for sure that i feel slightly less out of place online than i do in real life, which usually means i'm more likely to connect with people in specific spaces like this one. i think it really comes down to the fact that when you join an online community centered around a hobby, much like here on TBT, you have a shared interest with everyone right off the bat. in real life, that's almost never the case unless you can find one of those groups (like sports/church/whatever) and vibe with the people there.

i also think a lot of real life friendships often end up being built around convenience instead of a real connection. obviously that's not to say they all are, there's plenty of people who are lucky enough to find their best friends randomly irl and i envy them, but i don't know that it's incredibly common. i've been friends with lots of my coworkers over the years, but those people only befriended me because i was their only option, and then they bailed when they found someone better. but my online friends, on the other hand, befriended me because they wanted to be friends with me specifically. it's still not easy for me to make friends online either, i'm cripplingly shy and socially inept (thank u autism that's so helpful) but my dearest online friends have actively sought me out and loved me for who i actually am and that's exactly why i treasure them.