Getting rid of toxic friends

[Aloha]

So long story short,I had this group of toxic friends who would always make jokes that went absolutely too far.And think it's ok because we're friends.Even when I got silent while everyone laughed,they never got the hint.Finally nearly 2 years later,I delete them from all my social media,and messaging programs.And one of them messaged me today,like a week later after I stopped being their friends,saying I'm avoiding problems instead of talking about it like "adults." I admit I have my own issues.Hence why I went to therapy and they knew this yet they push my buttons purposely and call me ignorant for no reason.These people act like they're perfect,like they have no issues.But believe e they have so many and don't realize it.I don't know.It's just like,they're making me feel bad that I cut them out of my life before things got worse because I have tried talking to them in the past about it and they would brush it off insisting it's cool to make jokes that go far,because we're friends and whatnot.Am I wrong for getting rid of these people out of my life finally?

 

[riummi]

no you're not wrong

 

[focus]

no they sound like giant dcks to me you're good hunty

 

[boujee]

Depends on the content. You said you just went silent when they did do things you dislike and expected them to know.

Basically this:

 

[Duzzel]

Not at all, you're in the right.
It's hard to cut connections, but you need to do what's best for you and if it's dropping those friends, then that's what you need to do.

 

[classically.trained]

I think you did the right thing. It sounds like these friends were more like bullies. You don't need that in your life, and if they ask why you cut them out of your life you can tell them just that.

 

[focus]

Depends on the content. You said you just went silent when they did do things you dislike and expected them to know.

Basically this:

i 65% agree w this but like if i joke around w my friends and they go silent then i'd probably know i did something wrong bc common sense

 

[Aloha]

Depends on the content. You said you just went silent when they did do things you dislike and expected them to know.

Basically this:

I'm a silent person.But it's not dislike.One of the things that they said is that they knew I have a boyfriend and yet they asked me how much I would suck **** for ._. and then asked me how much my verbally abusive ex paid me to when I told them my story that my ex pressured me to do everything and I never liked bringing him up.Then I'd go silent,and mute my mic while they laugh.

 

[boujee]

i 65% agree w this but like if i joke around w my friends and they go silent then i'd probably know i did something wrong bc common sense

True, but here they never got the hint. Not everyone are "deep analysts". If I said something offensive, please tell me. Being quiet to me is that nobody got the joke so it's more awkward for me than you. So people may never know unless you say something or else they'll just think you're wanting attention.


But, if you imply that they should really know better than I'm not going to judge. I drop friends from left to right so it's cool.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I'm a silent person.But it's not dislike.One of the things that they said is that they knew I have a boyfriend and yet they asked me how much I would suck **** for ._. and then asked me how much my verbally abusive ex paid me to when I told them my story that my ex pressured me to do everything and I never liked bringing him up.Then I'd go silent,and mute my mic while they laugh.

Defend yourself. They're just the type of people who will try to be funny when they ain't. Should have snack them in the face(where they at? I would). I'm a fighter not a talker but I'm sorry they said that to you.

 

[visibleghost]

i dont think you're wrong. it doesnt seem like they would listen to you if you explained everything, and sometimes it is just better to walk away. i hope they wont bother u anymore

 

[kenna]

No I definitely think you did what was best. Also I don't see how you're "avoiding problems" by cutting people out of your life who do things you specifically told them you didn't like? If somebody is not bringing you joy in life and causing problems then why keep em around?

 

[Hulaette]

You're 100% right and you did what's best for you. I see that you tried countless times to speak up and tell it to them straight. If they just laughed and made fun of you for it than you did the right thing.

 

[Invisible again]

You did the right thing by cutting them off, so don't feel if guilty about it, ok? If they try to contact you, just don't answer them. It'll only just renew the problems. And from what you said, they don't even sound like friends. So... just avoid them for now, 'cause they don't seem to care about you. Friends are supposed to be there for you and care about you, not make you feel like dirt.

For now, just don't worry about those jerks. I assume you're still in school, so just focus on your studies, and you'll make new friends along the way.

 

[RainbowCherry]

Well we don't really know what you consider "too far" in comparison to other people because you haven't mentioned them (other than half of one) - so I don't know if you're right or not. Uhhh, I'll just say you're in the absolute right if the jokes were physical, but otherwise I'm not sure.

(They do seem like dicks from what other things you said, but I don't know if they're wrong.)

 

[Mr. Cat]

They do sound toxic. I don't say this often either. I normally want people to be able to understand each other and patch things up, but from my experience, people who say things like that and act like that are never pleased unless they're making somebody upset. Ditch them. They may continue to harass you even if you do speak up, but try to keep your distance. Sometimes ignoring toxic eople is all you can do because they're just looking to press your buttons instead of listen.

I don't personally know any of you, so I can't be 100% sure of any of this, but that's how it sounds to me.

 

[Honeybun26]

I think you should continue to go no contact. Block them on every social media platform you have, and don't respond if they make another account to harass you.

 

[Buttonsy]

I definitely do not think you are wrong. It's very very toxic of people to just brush off your concerns or feelings when you try to talk about it. I was in a very toxic and abusive situation that was largely related to the other person brushing off my feelings all the time. If other people are hurting the friendship, it's their job to stop being toxic, not your job to learn how to stop them from being toxic.

 

[Corrie]

Depends on the content. You said you just went silent when they did do things you dislike and expected them to know.

Basically this:

Basically this. They probably think you're being rude cause they don't realize what they are doing.

I suggest telling them, whether it be face to face or not, say how you feel and why you deleted them. Maybe they will change. Who knows? If not, then at least they know why. Then you are free!~

 

[Kaleidoscopes]

One of the things that they said is that they knew I have a boyfriend and yet they asked me how much I would suck **** for ._.

Now that is just disgusting and highly inappropriate. Just because you're "friends" doesn't make it OK to joke around about sexual acts with the person, especially when it is one that some people might find degrading or extremely private. Yet these people have the nerve to ask you to quit avoiding your problems and to deal with the situation "like an adult"?

Really though you aren't in the wrong for cutting ties with them, so don't let them make you feel bad for ignoring them. You probably have to be the most dense person in the world if you can't see that making someone go silent over a "joke" like that is a strong indication that you crossed the line way too far.

 

[inkling]

no. you did the right thing. you see the truth..theyre pushing your buttons on purpose. believe it or not thats what people do. a lot of people do that. they sniff out sensitive people or peopel they know they can get to just to get reactions bc they have no inner life of their or lack integrity (ie 2 faced)