help..please

[Xerolin]

I'm going to start off by saying: NO I am not faking or looking for attention, I really do need help. And please don't say anything along the lines on "self-harm isn't the answer" YES, I know, it's just like a drug and I can't stop.
This will be speaking about depression and self-harming, just be aware..

Bleh, where to start.. So, I've been struggling with depression for around 2 years now, being MUCH more extreme in the recent months. I've moved away from my mom and siblings around 3 years ago, adding to the bunch. My dad's an alcoholic with anger issues who confuses me so much, being my best friend one moment and getting angry about something another. This, some drama with previous online friends who were like my family, and things I just can't explain have driven me to a deep depression. Last year I had observed most signs of ADHD and BPD. I told my dad I think I have ADHD. He told me "everyone has ADHD", and that I'm too smart (I've always been a gifted student), him not taking me seriously. In December, I had started to self-harm. He saw my cuts and told me I was stupid and over-exaggerating. I stopped for quite awhile until last Friday. I now have over 60 cuts on my hip and the suicide thoughts won't stop coming. It's VERY hard to explain what exactly I'm going though. I'd like to talk to a friend about it, but I don't trust anyone enough. I'd also like to tell a guidance counselor but I'm sure they'd tell my dad whether I tell them to or not. Please, tell me what to do..

 

[seliph]

Talk to your guidance counselor and mention how negligent your dad is and how you don't want him to know about your session. It's part of their job to keep things confidential unless you say otherwise, or unless they think you're going to attempt suicide or something extreme.

They may suggest having your dad come in as well but they won't (shouldn't) do anything until you're ready for that yourself. However if he hears all this from another adult, especially one who's a professional, perhaps it'll have a better chance of clicking something in his brain.

 

[Rizies]

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Depression is never a joke, and it is never an easy battle. I understand that pain, and the struggle of getting out of bed; I've been there.

What you need to do is first seek medical attention. Thoughts of suicide and self-harm is not healthy, the way you are feeling is because you are sick - you need to remember that. By seeking the medical attention that you need, that is a win. Take the time to explain how you are feeling, and how you want the help. Do not be afraid to explain to the doctor that your dad isn't the support that you need. You have a self-awareness that you know you are not feeling right, and many people do not have that. That is a win for you.

I tend to be more optimistic, and I would like to believe that your father's behaviour is because of a lack of education. He does not understand how you feel. Many people do not understand that sadness and depression are very different. Being depressed doesn't mean you are sad. It's a difficult concept to grasp, and perhaps if your dad hears it through a doctor he may understand it a little better.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Seeing the guidance counselor would be a really great option, and you can tell them not to tell your parents, like nvll said, it's supposed to be confident unless they thing you're in danger of suicide. As for the self harming I know all too well how addicting it is and how hard it is when a relapse comes on, I used to be an avid cutter and have legs that look like cutting boards to prove it. There are plenty alternatives to self harm though and I suggest finding one that works for you, like wearing a rubber band on your wrist that you can snap or holding an ice cube, they give you the pain but in a controlled and much safer way, the rubber bands helped me a lot and I was able to use it less and less and get better. If you ever need someone to vent to I am here! I'm not a counselor or anything but I went through a lot of the same stuff when I was younger so if you need someone to listen I would be happy to help.

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

You really need to go and speak to a doctor about your concerns before anything else. What is it that would make you think you have ADHD? Getting an official diagnosis for that, particularly later in childhood (I assume you are in your teens?) is very difficult. It's usually if you're below the age of 12 that a diagnosis like that would be made as ADHD rarely lasts into adulthood. By mid 20's symptoms tend to fade out.
But you may find that medicating for it can actually make your situation worse given your depression. I know teenagers who refuse their medication because of how it makes them feel.

Talking to your doctor about this and getting yourself on a course of antidepressants is the best way to start. Then possibly being referred for therapy alongside medication. Therapy doesn't always work out, it didn't for me, but you seem to want to talk to somebody about things and in need of somebody to listen and understand so I would say that's definitely the way to go.
Antidepressants won't cure you, the first ones you take might not even suit you, but just give them a chance and talk to your doctor if you feel you need something else. They do lift some of the clouds and make the world less darker.

You have to be extremely careful with your self harm, obviously it's never a good idea but you could end up with a serious infection in one of the cuts which could potentially threaten your life. Not trying to scare you but I don't feel from your post that suicide is something you're considering. You just want help to deal with everything.

Feel free to send me a pm if you want to talk anything through
And please go and see your doctor. Take care of yourself xx

 

[vel]

talk to your guidance counselor, if your dad won't help then talk to someone who will. and talks usually remain private if you ask it to be, they do not tell your parents. i went secretly to the guidance counselor and they never knew, so yeah.

 

[ellsieotter]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. your situation sounds complicated, especially with the lack of support from your dad. you deserve to be listened to and you deserve help. clearly you have already recognized you aren't okay, which is important because it shows you are self-aware. first of all, I want to say if you still actively thinking about suicide (I see this was posted yesterday) then please call 1-800-273-8255 which is the national suicide helpline. they are trained professionals designed to help you. you can explain your situation to them and they will work with you. whether that be talking you through a crisis or helping you connect to mental health resources. if you are in crisis you need to seek help immediately. if you are still feeling depressed, but not actively considering suicide then please make an appointment (or have a trusted adult/family member make an appointment for you) with your primary care doctor. I'm not sure how old you are, but your dad (even if he doesn't approve or think that anything is wrong) cannot stop you from seeking medical attention or withhold medical attention. depression is very real and he shouldn't be dismissive of how you are feeling. if you don't feel comfortable doing that, then yes, talking to your guidance counselor is a good start. they are trained to handle these situations and hopefully will have your best interest in mind. best of luck and I hope everything works out for you. I know we don't know each other, but you can always PM me on here if you need someone to talk to. I have depression as well, and have been through similar crisis situations. It sucks to feel alone, but you don't have to be.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Oh, and I also want to add there is a "chat" option on the national suicide prevention lifeline official webpage. it will still connect you to a professional trained in crisis management and prevention, but you can talk to them through an instant messenger. it's a great option if you don't feel like talking on the phone.

 

[momokoleila]

Hello Lovely,

I have so much empathy for you. It can be crippling to experience severe depression. I don't want to make this about myself, so I will briefly state that I have experienced severe depression, and have for the most part overcome it to the point that I am rarely depressed these days. I have so much more that I could speak to you about this if you'd like to PM me, but I will keep this concise on here. Firstly, I will just state that there are alternatives to self-harm which can help you to gradually quit but possess no dangers. One is holding a very cold piece of ice. While it may sound silly, and I myself have not dealt with self-harm personally, I have many friends who have and this has helped. It helps because it is a strong, slightly painful but not harmful physical sensation. From my understanding sometimes self-harm can make people feel better because it is a feeling/sensation separate from their emotional pain, replacing that with physical pain. This is of course one of many possible reasons people cope with self-harm, and is certainly not true for everyone. I know several more techniques if this may not work for you, if you'd like to ask me about some. It is probably something you'd want to start with and then gradually stop this as well (considering it does work).

Lastly, while you may not recognize it now, not only do you have intrinsic value and tremendous just for existing, but you are a wonderful, beautiful, unique person. I believe most everyone is, for different reasons, even if they do negative things. Those things do not define you, and you have very valid reasons to be upset and hurt. I can not judge you for the ways you cope with those feelings, but I'd love to help you. I am sending so much love and support your way, although I do not know you whatsoever. Everyone deserves their voice to be heard, and I believe you are strong for reaching out in some form, even here. Any form of reaching out positively is a step in the right direction, even if not everyone here will respond because people may not understand, etc.

This has been a fairly general message, but I can talk more with you privately if you would like. Feel free to PM me any time, and I truly hope the best for you. There are people who care. Stay strong! "This too shall pass".


Love,

a supportive member of the community

 

[Mega_Cabbage]

In addition to going a doctor and trying less harmful methods as others have mentioned, you could try venting out your frustration through physical activity. Doing aerobic activity can boosts serotonin levels, which help in dealing with mental illnesses. Muscle soreness is a type of pain too. Maybe instead of cutting, you can do pushups until your arms feel like jelly. You can try martial arts, swimming, biking, dancing, etc. Joining a club or class for them can also help you make new friends.

 

[Corrie]

Definitely seek help to talk to a guidance counselor, therapist, even a helpline. Anything! I just want you to know that my mother is one of those people that your dad is so I know exactly what type of person your dad is. Happy one moment, yelling at you another. Your dad is emotionally abusive and manipulative. I suggest reading articles about emotionally abusive parents online to help you with advice on how to deal with those people. Just know, that YOU are NOT the problem; YOUR DAD IS.