How do other LGBT+ people put up with this B.S.? (venting)

[Mephisto Pheles]

So if you've seen my two most recent posts on the "What's bothering you right now?" thread in the Brewster's Cafe forum, you'd know that my sister has just revealed herself to be pretty ignorant and insensitive when it comes to LGBT+ things.. Lesbian women in particular.

This was what she had posted on Facebook:

This is probably gonna piss some people off but it confuses me so please explain.
Why is it most lesbians only like girls that look/act like guys? I don't see how that's liking girls if you only like girls that are like guys... What?

to which she later added in the comments:

If you want a girl.. that looks like a guy... but still a girl.. Why not just go for transvestites?

Now, I'm not a lesbian (or a woman, for that matter), but I figured I'd go ahead and explain to her that masculine =/= woman, since no one else would. (quite the opposite - everyone seemed to agree with her)
Then, at the end of my explanation, I asked her if she considered tomboys to be women, and assuming she would say "Yes", I asked her why, then, can't a woman be attracted to a masculine woman (a "tomboy")?

I went to sleep after commenting, but then I woke up to this:

But I'm not talking about tomboys. I'm talking about lesbians that straight up do everything they can to look like a guy.

there's a difference between tomboys and d**es. I guess I should have just said d**es in the beginning. :|

(censor is mine)​

I sat there in shock for a couple of minutes - I couldn't believe she'd use that word.. So, of course, I told her that it's a slur and she shouldn't use that word ever again. (all the while telling her to just mind her own business)

She hasn't responded yet, but one of her friends have.. I won't copy paste his whole response, but this bit really irked me:

It's slang, not slur. True, it can be used in colorfully derogatory ways, but as long as 1...2...3...all of the people I know in the LGBT community to whom that term can apply keep using it, it's not an insult, let alone a slur.

So basically he's saying "It's not offensive because my gay friends use it all the time. So there."

I want to respond to that, asking him if that makes the "N word" okay, because some black people use the word to refer to each other.. But I am so tired of arguing with these kind of people.

And guess what? My sister has used the "N word" before, and when I told her she shouldn't because it's a very offensive racial slur, she defended herself with that very same argument: "Nu huh. Black people use it all the time."

She's done plenty of other stupid things, too, for example: Telling women who dress "provocatively" that it's their own fault if they get sexually assaulted. That they deserve it, and shouldn't complain if it happens.

So I'm sure some of you are probably thinking "Why bother being offended? She's obviously an idiot.".. and honestly, I wonder why, myself.

But then again, she's my sister. As stupid as she is, she's still family - someone I feel like I should be able to trust.. And that, I think, is why I find it particularly hard to deal with when it comes from her.

 

[Mephisto Pheles]

Welp, I wound up deactivating my Facebook account.

No, the argument wasn't that intense. Mostly just a bunch of people I don't know siding with my sister saying "Um, you're wrong and overly sensitive" in a sort of condescending way..

But I was tired of getting notifications from that stupid post, and I never talk to anyone or do anything on there anyway (plus seeing my full name is a bit triggering for me), so I thought "You know what? Screw it. I'm done with this argument and this site".

So yeah, that's over. I feel a little better, though still pretty aggravated.. But hopefully that'll pass now that I don't have to deal with that post anymore.