I need YOUR help

[Callie]

This is my ridiculously long personal essay. I just want to know if the quote in the beginning seems relevant or should I remove it. Also, any CC for the essay in general? Thanks.
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Coping with Injustice
"Contrary to popular belief, life is like a bed of roses; you get to smell the rose and feel the thorns."
I
Can I have my pizza plain and cut up into little pieces? I don

 

[Ron Ronaldo]

To be honest I sort of skimmed through it, because it's pretty long. But it seemed well-written, you certainly conveyed your experiences very clearly. It's a little heavy handed at the end, but if that's how you want to write it, it's your essay. Sorry you had to go through all that. D:

 

[Callie]

To be honest I sort of skimmed through it, because it's pretty long. But it seemed well-written, you certainly conveyed your experiences very clearly. It's a little heavy handed at the end, but if that's how you want to write it, it's your essay. Sorry you had to go through all that. D:

Thanks. I think I need to shorten it. But do you think I should get rid of the quote in the beginning or keep it in?

 

[Ron Ronaldo]

To be honest I sort of skimmed through it, because it's pretty long. But it seemed well-written, you certainly conveyed your experiences very clearly. It's a little heavy handed at the end, but if that's how you want to write it, it's your essay. Sorry you had to go through all that. D:

Thanks. I think I need to shorten it. But do you think I should get rid of the quote in the beginning or keep it in?

I'd say take it out, because I feel like although it matches your theme, it doesn't quite fit.

 

[Jake]

It seems fine to me.

 

[Liv]

This is a great essay, not even kidding, you have amazing personal essay writing skills. I love how you explained every bit of it from the beginning to the end, if you don't get a A+ I might go find your teacher and make her/he give you one

I'm sorry you had to go through this, you're a brave one to let you know.
And your whole family is very supportive.

edit: I think the quote fits.

 

[OmegaMan]

Pretty Good schtuff there.

 

[Bacon Boy]

That whole first paragraph should be quoted. What I mean by that is that since each sentence is someone speaking (I assume it is you), they need to be in quotes. i.e.

"Can I have my pizza plain and cut up into little pieces?" I don

 

[Callie]

Thanks everyone . I'm editing the essay tonight, this was a first draft. I think I'm going to keep the quote in. I'll post the final if anyone wants to see it.

Here's the final: <div class='spoiler_toggle'>Oh crap, it's even longer</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">
The Biggest Cloud to Rain on your Parade

"Contrary to popular belief, life is like a bed of roses; you get to smell the rose and feel the thorns."