Internet Friends

[skarmoury]

I had a talk with my bf & his friends the other day regarding meeting new people. One was in a church club, another was in a soccer club, and my bf's in a running club. All of them met new people and new friends through those and they're very grateful. On the other hand though, I felt ashamed because I wasn't a part of such avenues... I'm not extremely into sports (I just bike occasionally) and I'm not religious. A lot of my interests are considered niche here — for the most part I really like games, esp. Nintendo games, but I barely know anyone IRL who is just as a fan as I am. I joined a local Splatoon group who meets every few months, but because I live far I don't have the means to go every meet-up, hence not being able to keep up that much with people. There was a cup sleeve event for another game as well and I really wanted to go, but again the time and money put into a few hours of the event wasn't something I could easily afford.

In my predicament I realized many of my friends are online, and these are people I talk to on a regular basis, heck even more so than some IRL friends. But I know many don't acknowledge online friends as real friends, and while I desperately want to meet online friends IRL, many live in countries I will never be able to afford going to, like the US or Europe. It's just so hard for me to find people with the same interests close to my location, and it sucks how inaccessible travelling is if you don't have the money for it. While my bf and his friends can meet up with their new-found friends many times, I have to accept the fact that my friends are just too far to meet in person.

Sometimes I feel really pathetic admitting that a lot of my friends are online purely because it's not really acceptable to many. People may say, online relationships are fake! You're not friends with someone until you meet them! And I don't really know if they're right. Sometimes I think they are, and that all my online friendships are invalid and it makes me sad. But on the other hand online friends make me genuinely happy. I remember a time before where I tried so hard being friends with a group (I am friends with each individual member of the group mind you), but I just felt it wasn't reciprocal and I was really sad. I cried so much and, very unprompted, an online friend messaged me at the same time telling me how much they appreciated me talking to and befriending them. While it was just a text message, the warmth of the message was what I was hoping from IRL friends who just didn't reciprocate how I felt. I know that message was genuine because I hadn't messaged that friend at all nor told them I was sad. They just decided to message me at a time I was feeling really down and it made me realize that online friends make me happy.

I'm rambling at this point, but I'd just like to know your opinions on online friends! Maybe it would help me view them another way. Or maybe you have tips on making friends IRL for people like me with extremely niche interests. I don't want to be too dependent on online friends, but I always felt like my friendships with these people were just the same as my friendship with my IRL friends.

 

[spawnpoint]

i only have online friends personally, i used to have some irl but we drifted apart bc of moving and i haven't had irl friends for a few years now. my online friends are all i have and they make me happy, so i do very much consider them real friendships even if I'll never get to meet with them irl. i have two friends specifically who im close to who i talk to every day and i don't know what id do without them. ive had online relationships too, ive never been in a relationship in person, and i consider those to have been real, too. they made me feel real emotions, how could they not be considered real? that's just my opinion though

unfortunately i also have extremely niche interests and its even hard for me to make friends online who like the same things so i don't have any advice on that

 

[SkyKnight03]

I have online friends that I've spoken with on and off for years. One of them I began chatting on the phone with. One person I played in chess.

I have no truly active contacts or people that I text.

I wouldn't mind that. It sounds nice. However, it's my fault because I don't make the effort to put myself out there or try.

It's less to do with a lack of confidence and more that I'm just lazy.

 

[Seastar]

The only friends I have are online. I don't do very well with irl interactions and I just don't really go places where I would meet anyone to be friends with. I struggled a lot with making friends in school, which resulted in me not having anyone after school was finished. I feel like the only really close friend I had during school was this one who I only shared classes with for one year. My social anxiety prevented me from trying to interact again afterwards and I didn't really have a good way to stay in contact due to not having a mobile phone or anything back then.

I have a few online friends that I feel like I have a genuine connection with, especially since we usually talk everyday. I think people who call online friendships fake probably just haven't had this kind of experience and don't get it.

 

[Midoriya]

I've had friendships both online and in real life, and definitely prefer online friendships. If for nothing else that I suck at expressing myself in-person, and express myself way, way better through writing. Even my family admits that. I can carry on a conversation in-person, but am much more terrible at initiating them in-person compared to online.

I agree with Seastar on this one, however, people who call online friendships fake don't really understand that genuine friendships can be built online too.

 

[Dim]

IMO online friends are friends. I've been told many times that online friends "won't matter in 30 years" by an old mutual but so what? Many IRL friendships don't last that long anyway. Even irl friends lose touch even after being so close. I don't think it matters much if it's face to face. Like the OP said, some of what people text or message have a lot of heart no matter what. Online friends can make us just as happy as irl friends because they help us through our darkest times.

Of course, it's also good to have IRL friends as well to hang out with or share a common interest. There's no point in calling them irl friends if it seems kind of fake though. A real online friend beats a meh irl friend, in my opinion at least.

 

[Zerous]

I definitely think that online friends count as real friends. If you have the a close emotional connection with someone, then it doesn’t really matter if it’s irl or online. I do think it’s harder to maintain online friendships though sadly, especially if you have a lot of irl commitments, but that doesn’t change the meaning of the relationship.

I personally definitely struggle more with maintaining online friendships. Even if I want to, I’ve never been the biggest fan of messaging, which has nothing to do with the person I’m messaging, just I personally prefer setting up calls, which takes a while of getting to know someone, and many aren’t comfortable, which is completely understandable! Also I tend to get busy irl a lot and then feel guilty for not messaging and anyways I’m just rambling now.

I’d also love to meet some online friends but have the same issue of travel I doubt many people would want to visit Australia and I don’t have the funds to travel rn unfortunately.

But I’ve always struggled meeting new people as well, however I’ve found a couple through going out of my way to talk to people at uni! My other new friends have also been introduced through existing friends. One of my friends uses online dating apps that have a looking for friends options with some amount of success. I’ve also struggled to find clubs or time for them but I’ve heard they’re good as well. It’s is difficult though ;-;

 

[Corrie]

As soon as I became a preteen/teen, I met a lot of friends online and I became obsessed. I was part of the Pokemon fansite community back in the day and it was super fun. Honestly still one of the best memories I have is online with everybody. Online friends are just as valid as irl ones, it just sucks that you can't go out and do stuff with them the same as you could with irl ones. My interests and hobbies were and still are niche so it's hard to make friends irl that like the same stuff I do. I don't know what I would've done without those friends throughout my preteen/teen years. The one thing though, is that it's easier for online friends to just vanish one day without a clue of what happened to them. That part sucks. Would have I preferred to have irl friends with these interests and hung out with them irl instead? 100%. But having friends online was definitely a nice trade off for what it is.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I have had a decent number of in-person friends over the years, and even now I have many many great acquaintances at work and in my life. but most of my friends, we just kinda went our separate ways for one reason or another. I still keep in contact with a few who have moved, but at this point I only have two friends whom I meet with once in a while: first friend, she and I have known each other for 16+ years so I think that's a friends for life situation hehe, and my second friend is actually @/Foreverfox but she's a busy busy fox mum so we dont get to meet as often as we'd like.

however, all of my closest friends (besides my childhood friend), I've met online, on this forum specifically. I even met Fox on here, of course! I just got lucky in that she's not too far away hehe. many of my great friends live hours away, whether in the western US or Canada or even the UK. I would love to be able to visit them, but I value their online presence just as much as an in-person friend. I think online friends are amazing. the love of my life started out as an online friend, I've been blessed to meet him in person a few times now. but even if I can't ever meet some of my online friends in person, that's okay. they are 100% valid and 100% just as important to me as anyone I know in-person.

it's worth noting that, even though I've struggled many times to make friends with people in my area (trust me I've tried), I am pretty sociable and I like to spend time with people. it's just hard to connect because of my neuro-spicyness and chronic health issues. it's easier for me to maintain friendships when I can message a lot and maybe not see in person quite as often, if ever.

 

[Tude]

You shouldn't feel pathetic for having online friends. Even if you had no friends, you shouldn't feel bad. Some people are fine with just their own company and that's 100% ok.

Here's another thing: you said people say you can't be friends with someone unless you meet them. I will counter that point by saying you can know someone irl for YEARS and not really know them. Someone can act like they're your friend but then they betray you somehow. Or how many murder cases are there where the murderer was someone who was friends with the victim? I realize that's an extreme but I'm trying to say meeting someone irl doesn't mean you know them any better.

Also, I would argue that the anonymity you get from being online allows people to perhaps be more honest about what they're really like? Since no one knows who they are irl, some people may feel more comfortable letting their true personality shine through. Ofc there's a lot of people who lie online because of said anonymity, but that just proves knowing someone online or irl is no guarantee you know what they're really like.

The only advice I can give in regards to making friends irl is that you have to like yourself. This serves two purposes. One, being miserable repels people. It sends people a signal that something is "wrong" with you and maybe they shouldn't be around you. Two, liking yourself ensures you will find real friends and not people who disrespect you or are using you for whatever reason.

 

[Croconaw]

I don’t view them any different than in-real-life friends. Friendships don’t have less meaning just because they’re online.

The main thing I prefer about online is that nobody knows who you are, but not so much for anonymity. I like it in the sense that you aren’t judged for your past. People only know as much as you put forth online, so it’s up to you to disclose that information.

Clearly, I’d rather not have things brought up from years ago but that isn’t something I can necessarily avoid in-real-life.

I have no issues starting conversations with people in person. It’s just rare that my connections go beyond a friendly conversation. I don’t have social media, and that’s how people keep in touch nowadays.

I’ve come to accept that some people don’t want to keep a friendship with someone they can’t just easily text on Snapchat or someone in which they can view 92% of their life via an Instagram story.

 

[Tude]

Don't blame you for not having social media. That stuff is a cesspool! My irl friends text me so I'm able to avoid it.

 

[-Blue-]

Your friends are you own. It doesn't matter if they're online or not. I have an online penpal. We've only met once and that was years ago. We've known each other since 2006 back when we were on some really retro and janky forum and since then we've kept in touch. I don't think I'll ever stop being their friend or talking to them. I appreciate their friendship and over the years we've shared stories we've written to each other. It's so fun to do and we challenge each other with bettering our writing, but it's not competitive.

Skar the friends you've made are your friends and your experiences. You should cherish them if the friendships and friends make you happy. If you want to meet some irl friends that is fine to, but don't feel like the friendships you've made before are lesser or not good enough because you've made them online. Growing up we had only the kids our age and sometimes they didn't always share our same interests. So online is a great place to connect for those kinds of places. I met my penpal on a forum dedicated to an old animation series that not everyone where I lived knew about or was their interest.

 

[cornimer]

I think what makes a friend a "real" friend is how well you know each other and how close your relationship is. I have several acquaintances IRL who I don't consider my friends because I feel like they don't really know me. Whenever we talk, it's just surface-level/small talk. So if your online friends are the people who know and understand you, by all means those are your real friends!

Personally, except for a couple people from this site, I don't have any online friends anymore because I want to avoid the distraction when I had more online friends I'd get caught up messaging them while doing work, before bed, while commuting etc. - eventually I started to feel like I was too chronically online and I wanted to break that habit.

 

[nightglow]

In this day and age, online friends are real friends. You talk pretty much daily. Most things are online anyway now. Most people are super busy and neglect meeting up in person anyway.
If online friends works for you, that is perfectly fine and actually isn't abnormal from what I know of. People can meet in person and still not actually know them. You know a person by spending the time to communicate with consistently.

 

[Mistreil]

I definitely think online friends count as real friends! People are people regardless of where or how you meet them. Personally, a lot of the RL friends I've had were mostly out of... convenience? And physical proximity, rather than by choice or interests.

I've met a lot of my online friends in person, too -- some of them don't have the means to travel, but I do! So I've visited a few of them (in Europe and Asia), and it's always been just the same as if I was hanging out with them virtually or with exclusively-RL friends (if not better because I tend to know them more.) That never made them more or less real to me, but it definitely makes it more "acceptable" to some people.

I think, in the end, it depends on the person: some people just aren't good at making friends online, so they can't quite fathom when others do. But a conversation is still a conversation, whether through text, calls, or in-person.

 

[Beep Boop]

Internet friends are 100% real friends. I have some in real life friends, but I have online ones as well. If you can have conversations and feel safe and happy with that person, then it counts as a friendship. I'm still skeptical about online relationships though. I feel like there's another layer that need to be broken through when it comes to those. But yeah, sometimes I'm embarrassed to say I have online friends, but thankfully my irl friends are understanding and most of them also have online friends.

 

[Tude]

Internet friends are 100% real friends. I have some in real life friends, but I have online ones as well. If you can have conversations and feel safe and happy with that person, then it counts as a friendship. I'm still skeptical about online relationships though. I feel like there's another layer that need to be broken through when it comes to those. But yeah, sometimes I'm embarrassed to say I have online friends, but thankfully my irl friends are understanding and most of them also have online friends.

Don't be embarrassed. Talking to people online gives you a way to talk to people you most likely wouldn't get to otherwise!

 

[Neb]

I rarely hear from my IRL friends anymore. I either moved away from them, or they moved away from me. The one friend I still have in my area is too busy working as a nurse to hang out. The only friends I regularly talk to are online. My newer online friends don't feel as close as my IRL friends, but the online friends I've spoken to for more than a year or two feel close. I just spent a few hours drinking bubble tea with a few online friends two days ago, and I felt like I was hanging out with any of my other friends. They're just as valid as friendships I made in person, even if the way I met them was different.