Is BTF a safe place for non-binary people?

[WonderK]

From what I've observed in the past two years, the forum is generally very safe in that regard. There have been fights and there but it usually involved something a bit more. You're fine here and you have my word on that.

 

[goatling]

I generally assume everyone is male until specified otherwise. Since it's grammatically the traditional neutral pronoun, I feel it's the safest bet. I don't particularly think it matters or anyone here cares, it's just most expedient when typing a post to have a default pronoun to use so you don't have to go to everyone's profile (if they even mentioned it) every single time to check when you're just typing a short post. For example: "SoAndSo posted in the looking for thread that he was looking for Lolly." It isn't a matter of offense, it's a matter of efficiency. Also seems less rude than "it" and less grammatically clumsy than "they." Though that's an awful lot of thought for a two to three letter word.

I actually incredibly dislike being referred to as male in anyway. Male pronouns are no longer the "traditional pronouns" and calling everyone a "he" is very offensive to many... I'm honestly appalled...

And, for those who find simply asking about pronouns a waste of time, and not a big deal, this is the reason why some care so much about it. I find it very offensive to be told that my pronouns don't matter, and aren't worth the time to find out, when I've been called the wrong pronouns for most of my life. To finally make the change in my life and become open about my gender was an incredibly stressful, scary thing for me. And now that I'm finally open about my gender, I'd actually really, really like for my pronouns to be respected, after hearing the wrong ones for so long.

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From what I've observed in the past two years, the forum is generally very safe in that regard. There have been fights and there but it usually involved something a bit more. You're fine here and you have my word on that.

Thank you very much!

 

[KittybotANI]

I actually incredibly dislike being referred to as male in anyway. Male pronouns are no longer the "traditional pronouns" and calling everyone a "he" is very offensive to many... I'm honestly appalled...

And, for those who find simply asking about pronouns a waste of time, and not a big deal, this is the reason why some care so much about it. I find it very offensive to be told that my pronouns don't matter, and aren't worth the time to find out, when I've been called the wrong pronouns for most of my life. To finally make the change in my life and become open about my gender was an incredibly stressful, scary thing for me. And now that I'm finally open about my gender, I'd actually really, really like for my pronouns to be respected, after hearing the wrong ones for so long.

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Thank you very much!

I did say "until specified." If someone says "call me this" then I'm happy to oblige. Thing is, that almost never comes up around here. A used car salesman isn't going to ask you how many X chromosomes you have and what's inside your underwear and your brain, they just want your money and to get a piece of junk off their lot. People here are very friendly and inviting, and just want to play the game, talk about the game, trade items and villagers. Nobody's here to offend anyone intentionally.

 

[Red Cat]

I think the vast majority of people here accept people for who they are. What you have to understand is that gender identity is a complex issue and not everyone is going to know the politically correct pronoun to call someone when there are so many gender identities out there. If someone calls you the wrong pronoun, just politely correct that person, and if that person insists on calling you something else after you've made it explicitly clear what you want to be called, just ignore that person.

I generally assume everyone is male until specified otherwise.

Do you pay any attention to the demographics of this website?

 

[Jamborenium]

yeah we're cool with non-binary people here, but like others said it would be good for you to put your preferred pronouns into your sig that way we will know. because honestly one will not know someones preferred pronouns off the back magically you gotta tell them.

I myself go by she/her and they/them either of those are cool with me TBH, though my close friends just replace any gender pronouns when talking about me with my name "Nebu" which I actually do prefer a lot more.


but anyhoo no need to worry okay as long as your'e a nice person you will do well here
with no problems and if anyone gives you trouble with your gender choices then Ignore them
they aren't even worth an ounce of your time.​

 

[goatling]

I did say "until specified." If someone says "call me this" then I'm happy to oblige. Thing is, that almost never comes up around here. A used car salesman isn't going to ask you how many X chromosomes you have and what's inside your underwear and your brain, they just want your money and to get a piece of junk off their lot. People here are very friendly and inviting, and just want to play the game, talk about the game, trade items and villagers. Nobody's here to offend anyone intentionally.

First of all, gender has aaabsolutely nothing to do with genitalia or X/Y chromosomes... Second of all, you're right, people here are friendly and we're here to enjoy a game we all love, and I clearly (I've stated this multiple times) didn't start this thread to start an argument. But you're being pretty blatantly cissexist, and I can ignore that you cannot take the time to click on someone's profile twice. But the fact that you choose not to use the actual gender-neutral pronoun, "they," until you know someone's actual pronouns because "grammatically clumsy" (?) makes absolutely no sense to me. And assuming everyone is male and using male pronouns as gender-neutral pronouns until told otherwise is so ridiculously cissexist (and sexist).

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I think the vast majority of people here accept people for who they are. What you have to understand is that gender identity is a complex issue and not everyone is going to know the politically correct pronoun to call someone when there are so many gender identities out there. If someone calls you the wrong pronoun, just politely correct that person, and if that person insists on calling you something else after you've made it explicitly clear what you want to be called, just ignore that person.

I understand that people make mistakes, I try my best to be understanding and I'm quite used to it.

Again, I'm completely aware of all of this and used to dealing with it. I don't attack people for accidentally misgendering me, despite popular belief...

 

[KittybotANI]

I think the vast majority of people here accept people for who they are. What you have to understand is that gender identity is a complex issue and not everyone is going to know the politically correct pronoun to call someone when there are so many gender identities out there. If someone calls you the wrong pronoun, just politely correct that person, and if that person insists on calling you something else after you've made it explicitly clear what you want to be called, just ignore that person.


Do you pay any attention to the demographics of this website?

Do demographics really matter? I don't care if you're male, female, neither, gay, straight, or a giraffe, it's a video game. You want my perfect peaches, I'm not examining your entire identity before I trade/sell/give them to you. I'm going to let you have the peaches. Why should I like or dislike you for a demographic? I reserve my dislike for people who earn it. And not many do. In fact no one I've met on this forum has ever seemed worthy of dislike.

 

[goatling]

You want my perfect peaches, I'm not examining your entire identity before I trade/sell/give them to you.

But you'll still assume they're male? I thought gender had nothing to do with it.

 

[Red Cat]

It's time to close this thread before someone says something stupid...

Do demographics really matter? I don't care if you're male, female, neither, gay, straight, or a giraffe, it's a video game. You want my perfect peaches, I'm not examining your entire identity before I trade/sell/give them to you. I'm going to let you have the peaches. Why should I like or dislike you for a demographic? I reserve my dislike for people who earn it. And not many do. In fact no one I've met on this forum has ever seemed worthy of dislike.

My post was meant as a joke. Something like 70% of users here identify as female, so you'll be wrong 70% of the time by using he / him / his. I really don't care that you use male pronouns by default.

 

[Jamborenium]

btw I have to say I like your username, because there's a cute virtual pet goat site with the same name <3

/wonders if that's where you got it from but it's probably not the case/

also guys let's not argue okay, arguing can only make things worse.​

 

[KittybotANI]

But you'll still assume they're male? I thought gender had nothing to do with it.

I'm not sitting there thinking "this person is a dude." But if for whatever reason I have to write something involving pronouns, "he" is my mental default. Maybe 25 is too old. But when I grew up learning grammar in school "he" is default, and "they" is plural, and you do not use a plural to refer to a singular. I don't mind using it if someone asks, but like I said, it rarely comes up. It's not really a matter of trying to label someone, it's just mentally automatic.

 

[goatling]

btw I have to say I like your username, because there's a cute virtual pet goat site with the same name <3

/wonders if that's where you got it from but it's probably not the case/

also guys let's not argue okay, arguing can only make things worse.​

It is from that website, I'm very happy you noticed!

 

[KittybotANI]

It's time to close this thread before someone says something stupid...


My post was meant as a joke. Something like 70% of users here identify as female, so you'll be wrong 70% of the time by using he / him / his. I really don't care that you use male pronouns by default.

Yeah I'm part of that 70% or so. Now the bit about perfect peaches just seems...yeaaaaahh....xD

 

[goatling]

This is stressing me out too much, and I don't feel like arguing anymore. Arguing on here wasn't my intent, I simply wanted to hear from any n.b. people here.

 

[KittybotANI]

You'll be alright. Everybody's friendly here, so don't sweat it. Most people won't even ask.

 

[Le Ham]

Hi Is it cool if I offer you a different perspective? Might be useful to know if you run into me somewhere here. 'Cause most of us you'll do fine with, but I may be a different case for you.

Spoiler

Let me just tell you right off the bat that I'm like Kittybot and I don't think as much about people's gender. Rn my sig's got a joke on it, but usually I have a warning on mine that goes something like "If you're offended by something I say, I don't mean to harm or offend you by it" because of all the hate I've gotten from people in the past just for talking how I naturally do. It bothers me that I have to be sugarcoated about everything here, and often I'm not, so I have that to keep me from apologizing every second of the day for things I didn't even realize were harmful to anyone. For me, being "tolerant" in the PC sense is like walking in a minefield.

That being said, I don't know people's genders here, and when I assume, I keep it in my head, so I usually use "they/them" stuff to be safe. I'm a girl, even, and most consider me a guy. Personally, I don't really care; in fact, I let them think that, because it doesn't make a lick of difference to me unless we're talking body parts or something. And I'm not going to bother going out defending my gender like it's my life on the line, I just don't have the time, passion, or effort.

I'm not saying you should be the same, I just don't want folks to get the wrong idea. If you get set off by people like me, it might be best to avoid me altogether. :/

 

[KittybotANI]

This is stressing me out too much, and I don't feel like arguing anymore. Arguing on here wasn't my intent, I simply wanted to hear from any n.b. people here.

I am so, so sorry. I was incredibly wrong and should never have opened my mouth. You deserved better and I should have listened to you and your experiences instead of trying to stubbornly explain an unwanted opinion and digging my heels in with each reply from you and others. I was behaving in exactly the way I claimed people wouldn't and it has eaten at me for years. I'm so sorry. I truly hope life has been great for you and that stubborn *******s like I was have stayed far away.

 

[King koopa]

Wow, this is a pretty old thread..
Anyways to answer the op's question, yes, I think this place is pretty safe for non binary people! Especially now, there are a lot of openly non binary people here, and even some of the staff is nonbinary here. There probably isn't anyone discriminatory against those people, and if they are, this definitely isn't the place for them. This site is pretty diverse in terms of people on here with LGBT+ people (including myself), and I'm pretty sure no one would be rude to you, op because you go by they/them

 

[Oblivia]

I'm going to close this here as the OP hasn't been online in over 6 years. However, an apology is always welcome and I'm sure the OP would appreciate it.

I would hope that all of our nonbinary users feel safe here, and if for any reason they don't or are made to feel unwelcome, please let one of our staff members know so we can address the issue(s).