Joke thread

[TheCreeperHugz]

I don't think we have a joke thread already, do we?

Anyway, here are some of my favourite jokes that i can think of off ot the top of my head. (One of them earned my extra points in class, when I told it to the science teacher )

A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a glass of water. When asked how much, the bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

(If it has a question style joke, like this one, put the answer in a spoiler: )

Spoiler: What fish is made of Sodium, and Sodium?

TuNa

Spoiler: Why should you never trust an atom?

They make up everything.

Sorry if these are terrible. Anyway, share your best jokes!

 

[Blu Rose]

Spoiler: So, I heard Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...

I heard from Potassium it went OK.

 

[Cou]

hahahahahahahaha you guys are funny omg :lol:

Spoiler: All right, I know one joke.

Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea, well he
doesn't walk up, he swims up. Well, actually the mollusk isn't moving. He's in one place
and then the sea cucumber, well they--I mixed up. There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber.
None of them were walking, so forget that I--

Ok honestly I don't know any jokes so sorry for this lame one I got from a clownfish I just kind of wanted to laugh at the previous/above jokes... Oh well

 

[TheCreeperHugz]

Spoiler: So, I heard Oxygen and Potassium went on a date...

I heard from Potassium it went OK.

Spoiler: Did you hear about Oxygen and Magnesium dating?

It's totally, like, OMg!

Sorry, it seemed relevant xD

 

[FireNinja1]

Spoiler: Hey, wanna hear a pencil joke?

Nah, it's pointless/horrible pun

 

[Blu Rose]

Spoiler: Did you hear about Oxygen and Magnesium dating?

It's totally, like, OMg!

Sorry, it seemed relevant xD

Spoiler: Did you know that Oxygen went on a second date with Potassium?

It went OK2!

 

[Suave_Spencer]

Spoiler: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.

On another note

Spoiler: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe and another to fill a bathtub with brightly coloured tools (alternative answer: a fish.

Perhaps we should update this periodically? (Ba dum tsh).

 

[Seastar]

Spoiler: What did the sick Pikachu say?

You better NOT tell me that annoying sick Pikachu joke! It won't help me!

I've seen that joke too much, so if I was a sick Pikachu, I would say THAT.

 

[TheCreeperHugz]

Spoiler: How do you get an 80 year old woman to yell F***?

Get another 80 year old woman right next to her to yell Bingo

 

[Blu Rose]

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. -- Goethe

 

[Sloom]

I don't know how to use spoiler tags ;;

So...

A) What was the very clever dinosaur called?


B) A thesaurus!

 

[Blu Rose]

I don't know how to use spoiler tags ;;

So...

A) What was the very clever dinosaur called?


B) A thesaurus!

For future reference, the spoiler tag is used as follows:

[ spoiler=What you want it to be called here]Put whatever text in here[ /spoiler]

If you delete the spaces, then:

Spoiler: What you want it to be called here

Put whatever text in here

Edit: Anyways, here we are...

Have you read the dinosaur trilogy?
It includes the thesaurus, the first book, the Dictionaryas a prequel, and Internet Explorer as a sequel!

 

[dr_shrunk]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.

Spoiler

"No thanks, I'm traveling light."

"A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.

Spoiler

Helium doesn't react."

 

[TheCreeperHugz]

Spoiler: Ah, a spider just crawled on my keyboard!

Ok, I think it's under ctrl...

 

[dr_shrunk]

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

Spoiler

A buccaneer

Two guys walk into a bar. Third guy ducks.​

 

[TheCreeperHugz]

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

Spoiler

A buccaneer

Two guys walk into a bar. Third guy ducks.​

Are you by any chance getting your jokes from vlogbrothers videos?

 

[dr_shrunk]

Are you by any chance getting your jokes from vlogbrothers videos?

Nope :'D I don't really now who they are
I just remembered these jokes from my childhood.

 

[TheCreeperHugz]

Nope :'D I don't really now who they are
I just remembered these jokes from my childhood.

Ok, lol, it's just I've heard quite a few of those jokes on their videos xD

 

[dr_shrunk]

hey baby, The word of the day is "Legs" so let's go to my place and spread the word


I'm sorry actually I am not​

 

[Blu Rose]

hey baby, The word of the day is "Legs" so let's go to my place and spread the word


I'm sorry actually I am not​

If you are going to be that way, then fine.

Spoiler: Toodloo!

try these:

1

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"

"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..


2

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out her window, "PIG!"
Man yells out his window, "*********!"
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.

Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.


3

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's
house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her
daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the
daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it
makes me
happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home
from
work any minute."

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the
way
home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally
her
husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" she replied.

"Needs ironing." he said.