My Poetry (Feedback is most certainly appreciated.)

[Sonicdude41]

I've been dabbling into poetry for the past month or so, and from showing friends what I've written, feedback has generally been very positive. I don't consider anything I've written to be Pullizter Prize winning material, but I suppose what they've told me has, in a way, helped to foster my abilities as a poet. Since getting into poetry and even more deeper into music, I have hopes to eventually become a lyricist and perhaps, even write my own music. Limited as my musical knowledge is at present, we all have to start somewhere, right?

Heh, anyway, I'd like to go ahead and post some of what I've written in the past month or so to see what you guys think. My friends' opinions matter very much, but as they're my friends, I'm sure they're bound to support/enjoy anything I put out -- not that that's a bad thing by any stretch. While I have a few friends on here as well, I'd like to see others' opinions -- the opinions of those that I don't know very well. Doing this, I feel, will provide a sort of objectivity when getting feedback, which I can't quite seem to get at the moment. If you guys like what I post, I'll be more than happy to post more.

I'll separate each poem with quote boxes for organizational purposes.

To Unreal the Reality That Is

My, the abyss below...
A void, nothing more to see.
What stands as the final fight with fate,
I look up and take note.

The whispering winds happening upon my ears,
Begging, pleading in unorthodox, undying couth.
All showing me what sits above me...
A different sort of abyss, both curious yet uncertain.

Maybe then it’d go to show,
The power I’ve yet to unearth.
One that I’ve not fully grasped...
That is, the way to unreal the reality that I know is.

With this subtle, whisping realization,
I say to thee:
Bask not in what tumults and turmoils in the now...
Stop, step back, and take hold of what the unreal has to unravel to you.

 

[Kaiaa]

Your "to Unreal the Reality That Is" is really inspiring to me since as of late I have been "basking in my turmoils". Thank you very much for sharing. If you would like to, please think about joining the Writers' Guild here on the forums. We need more active people in the guild.

 

[Sonicdude41]

If anyone cares to take a look, I just finished up this piece a few minutes ago. Again, all critique/feedback is welcome.

Instinct Succumbed

In that underhanded bang of the way,
I sit -- stealth creeps.
Overcoming typical rhythms I’ve not yet broken...
Instinct succumbed, illusions foretold.

To what does it attempt to elicit?
How so, then, do I undergo...
To reap all that’s to be sowed?
Why must the warrow mind strain upon impossible stretches of strife?

Such conniving, blundering foolishness I know life to be!
With the conundering, blissful ignorance of the wandering mind,
to what purposes does instinct then serve,
If it remains prone to cracking under supposedly buckled pretenses?

Though internally we seem trustworthy,
Most certainly a storm may well steer off course intuition once thought correct.
Unseen qualms throughout the way,
Yet with both conflictedness and clarity withstanding along time.

Perhaps edifices already known help clear this fog…
Yes, this fog that both comforts and controls.