Lab Results from Cyanide and Happiness.
You’ve got...
Norovirus, hepatitis, tendinitis,
syphilis,
And salmonella, sickle cell,
a rash we don’t know what it is,
And toxoplasma, super asthma,
better go call Make-A-Wish.
You haven’t got much longer and I
haven’t finished half my list!
Your brain’s arthritic, blood’s
acidic, dick hole trickles pickle juice,
Your pancreas is gangrenous, my God
please never reproduce!
You’re seizure prone and every bone
inside your body’s cancerous.
Your joints go backwards, and I
lack words to explain how bad this is!
(spoken)
Except for these words!
Your taint’s inflamed, your anus
sprained, your every vein is
clogged with plaque,
Your spine’s a wreck, your throat’s
infected from your neck down to
your crack!
And all your poop is filled with lupus,
All your **** is out of whack!
Your heart’s diseased and full of
bees a single breeze could end your
measly-
Life and also measles, weevils,
fecal beetles, fetal alcoholic
syndrome, chronic symptoms common
to medieval people,
Your nose is blown, your back is
thrown, your cells have unknown chromosomes,
And kidney stones and loads of
Crohns and toenail cheese and pubic
fleas and leaky knees, and
athlete’s feet, and trucker’s butt,
one twisted nut, your liver sucks,
with any luck you’ll kick the
bucket soon enooooough,
Also you’re deaf.