Sketchy encounter at the bus station last week

[Chipl95]

Last week I was waiting for a bus downtown to get home when a random guy complimented a hair bow I was wearing. I accepted the compliment, not knowing what was going to happen next. He said I was his old girlfriend from when we were little and forced himself on me to give him a hug. He also kissed my cheek and asked me how I was doing. I told him I was engaged and he said "You should date me on the side. Your fiance would do the same thing and he doesn't have to know." Bull****. I respect my fiance too much to go behind his back like that. I said I had to get on a bus to go home and he made me stay half an hour past the time I had said that.

I remained there in that uncomfortable situation while he went on about how my dad taught him to snowboard, how his sister was raped and the rapist got executed. (I'm in Canada, we don't have the death penalty.) He said his mom jumped off of the bridge and he needed somebody to be with him, so I felt badly. I feel stupid now for falling for it.

I reported it to the bus company and one of their security officers has been in touch with me. He said they know who he is and other women have reported him before. Yesterday he was in touch with me again and we started the process to press charges. I phoned the police to get a case number today and the officer seemed to be nice enough.

The only person not encouraging me to press charges is my grandmother. I stupidly told her about it and she said he must have a disability, so I shouldn't press charges. She thinks if I do that, he will be stressed out in court and it's not fair to him. She said he really thought I was his old girlfriend and I should be more kind to him.

 

[chet_manley]

Your grandmother is incorrect. You are under no obligation to subject yourself to sexual harassment from anyone.

 

[Katelyn]

Yea umm, do not listen to your grandma. That's grade A victim blaming right there. Honestly press charges and get as far away from him as possible

 

[Chipl95]

The kicker is that I have a disability and I am still expected to know better than to act like that. She would support someone pressing charges against me if I did the same thing that guy did.

 

[Midoriya]

I would definitely press charges. I don’t feel pity for anyone, no matter how sad their sob story is (and personally if someone tried to assault me like that, I would use my Martial Arts).

 

[LambdaDelta]

sorry, but your grandmother's full of ****

 

[orchidflesh]

Your grandma is incorrect in this situation, heavily. Regardless of whether or not someone is mentally ill, or disabled, that does not mean they have a free pass to harass you and make you uncomfortable, and guilt you into giving them your attention. I have borderline personality disorder and although a lot of my toxic behaviors come from having bpd, I can recognize that it doesn’t excuse them and that I need to make the conscious effort to change them myself, so no, the dude does not deserve special treatment if he has a disability or mental illness. You need to press charges, I’d also look into the knife laws and pepper spray/mace/etc laws in canada so you can protect yourself at all times. People are gross and weird and will find excuses to harass and target people, and that is not your fault in any way, it’s just good to be prepared and have a means to protect yourself if someone tries anything. Sending love, hope you can relax and find a way to cope in this potentially stressful time of creepy men who you do NOT owe anything to.

 

[Buttonsy]

I'd still report him, even if he has a disability. I have a developmental disability myself, and it makes me often really weird in conversation, but I still don't have the right to harass anybody.

 

[Croconaw]

Do not let anyone justify his actions. Your grandma is no position to be giving him the benefit of any doubt. So what if he has a disability? That does not excuse him from sexually harassing you. I am very sorry this happened to you! I hope he is severely punished for his vulgar actions.

 

[~Unicorn~]

okay, that is just wrong. that is disguisting. doesn't matter if he's disabled or not, press charges. doesn't matter what he has, nobody should be allowed to harass you like that. or randomly kiss you because you're so-called his "old girlfriend". even if you was his girlfriend before it is still very wrong to just go ahead and kiss you.

and your grandmother is very wrong. it shocks me to hear that she doesn't want you to defend yourself for something like that. you know he made you uncomfortable and sexually harassed you, and you have all the right to charge him. always defend yourself.

 

[Alienfish]

sorry, but your grandmother's full of ****

yeah. blaming it on some disability/condition etc. is not valid here... like bruh obviously he's got something wrong in him but acting as your grandma did and indirectly claiming stuff like, no. you don't go harass people like that.

 

[tumut]

I'm not a woman, but I carry pepperspray on me at all times. Buy a keychain spray. I highly reccomend it.

 

[Chipl95]

It's illegal to carry pepper spray here in Canada.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Blugh... =[

I hate being in situations like this, just reading this as someone who has a past history of abuse freaks me out really really bad....

I'm glad you made it out of there without anything worse happening, and you are 100% right in pressing charges, it's not ok in ANY way. Even if he does have a handicap at least he'll have to get help for it following the trial, and in that case you'd be helping him.

 

[Imbri]

I agree with the others that you are doing the right thing in going forward with your complaint. It sounds as though the officer you are dealing with is helping you out on that score, which is good.

I do hope that you have someone you can talk to, if the need arises, about this.