(vent, kind of?) It seems like I can't do anything, what should I do?

[DinosaurDumpster]

For the longest time, it seems that i'm no good at anything. I've explored all of my passions and have tried my best with them. I'm way too shy to do anything in my theater class, I still can't draw correctly, and it seems like I mess up a ton while playing an instrument. And, to make matters worse, i'm put down what feels like every day because of my very short height for my age, which just makes me feel worse. I'm constantly surrounded by everyone who does a much better job than me which really discourages me to continue, because knowing me, i'd never get there. It also feels like everyone I know knows what they want to do with their lives, but i'm still sitting here watching TV, playing animal crossing, and worse grades than my older siblings and friends.
It feels like I've been a step below everyone else my whole life (literally), and that I can't do anything I really want to succeed in. Like, every time I try my best, it blows up in my face. Every time I fail, or feel angry, or want to cry, I just want to strangle something.

I really don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I can do nothing, and each time I ask for help, it's the same answer: stop and think of it positively, which, really doesn't help me with anything. So, what should I do?

 

[deleted]

I wish that I could give you a 100% concrete answer, but this is all I have: I think that there is an underlying issue that you should discuss with a mental health professional. If you can’t afford to see a therapist in person, there are online options and hotlines you can call when you need to talk. What I can tell you for sure is that toxic positivity culture is unfortunately alive and well in society. Don’t be afraid to feel or express negative emotions when the need arises. It’s human and natural.

I’m not sure how old you are, but I know that finding your passion can be difficult. I’m 17 and having colleges and career decisions and the like constantly thrown into my face every day is scary. I found my passion at a young age based off a small thing that brought me joy. I enjoy keeping pets and my love for animals and biology is now a desire to pursue veterinary medicine. What’s a small thing that brings you joy? Perhaps you can build on it.

I obviously don’t have a lot of life experience, but I still wanted to leave a reply to say that you are heard and you matter. Everyone has a talent. It just takes some people a bit longer to find theirs. I hope things get better for you

 

[SinnerTheCat]

Hi! First of all, thank you for reaching out about this. You are heard and you're surely not alone.
As the person above me said, you may want to consult a mental health professional, they can surely help you when you need to talk or get advice on things from a professional point of view!
The only thing I can say here is that there are lots of passions/talents that aren't commonly brought up in school/home, so it may be hard to explore them. Things that are seemingly portrayed as successful in society are not for everyone, even things like good grades. Not everyone is made the same and comparing yourself to others seems to exhaust you lots, but I see why it's hard not to. I've been there too and my advice on this is: try to catch yourself when you compare yourself to others, explore your positive traits, find things that you genuinely enjoy and pursue them - no matter if you're good at them or not, no matter if they're simple or difficult, no matter if they're seen as a good career option by public. If you enjoy doing something, none of this things should matter (sadly, people often see passions as something you're immediately good at instead of something you genuinely love, it's very painful).
Also, just letting you know that you're not the only one. There are a lot of people who don't have everything figured out and that's very valid, because we all discover things at different stages of life and it's okay to be upset about it!! Negative feelings sometimrs are good, they let you know that you want to change the situation and the only thing to do is keep pushing forward, as you experience more things in life, you'll get to the point where you just know your things. I wish you all the best

 

[fluttershy300]

I feel you so much on this. I honestly feel worthless cause everyone has a passion that will help them be financially stable and I really don’t have one so I’ll most likely be working at a job that I will hate waking up to everyday to. I suck at school and took multiple breaks already and am very behind. I guess the best thing to do is to get a therapist if you can. I’ve been denied by a therapist before so that suggestion isn’t always the easiest said and done. I’m sorry if my comment makes you sad in anyway, my whole purpose of commenting is to just let you know that you’re not alone in feeling that way...And that I very much relate to your post. I wish you luck on your journey.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Hi there. You're very brave to post your innermost thoughts on here. I can't offer much besides some perspective I've gained while going through similar experiences as you.

Generally, I encourage you to do some self-reflection, as well as consult a mental health professional/counsellor if you have the means to do so. It might take cycling through different professionals to find someone who truly seeks to listen and understand you and work with you on your journey. Are there people in your life who you trust immensely and are able to express these feelings every once in a while?

"Good" is extremely relative. Do you tend to criticize yourself or your work more easily compared to others or their work? How long have you been practicing those skills? With respect to your feelings of inadequacy, have you noticed what type(s) of scenarios or what context(s) trigger these thoughts?

It also feels like everyone I know knows what they want to do with their lives, but i'm still sitting here watching TV, playing animal crossing, and worse grades than my older siblings and friends.

We're socialized to think that there is only one way to "be successful". Life isn't all about working/studying/doing something "productive" 24/7. If you have 30-40 minutes, I recommend watching this video about models of personality and success, made by a psychiatrist based in Massachusetts.

Finding who you are and who you want to be takes time. We're dynamic creatures by nature, so we're naturally changeable. Personally, I struggled through the thoughts of feeling lost while doing undergraduate studies because I, too, felt inadequate in some aspects in comparison with my peers. My thoughts spiral down a negative path pretty easily, so I eventually ended up at the conclusion of "Well, I guess I'll starve in the future because I'm not good enough at anything, so I'll never find a stable job..."

Each one of us has unique strengths and weaknesses. What is something that you do that brings you a sense of fulfillment? And don't worry if you can't name something -- perhaps you haven't been exposed to that special something yet. Additionally, some people (myself included) tend to be generalists (competent in multiple different skills/areas but not an expert in any particular one), whereas others gravitate towards being T-shaped (have a lot of in-depth knowledge about one or two areas -- for example, specialist doctors, such as dermatologists). If this resonates with you, I recommend giving this book a read.

I wish you success on your journey. ❤ Don't hesitate to reach out if you want to chat some more (happy to talk about my failures and the lessons I learned from them as well, haha).

 

[Stella-Io]

Hello! I've felt this same way too, so hopefully I can offer some helpful advice.

Saying your drawings suck and that you mess up with playing instruments, this all takes ALOT of practice. And I mean, alot. Months, maybe even years depending on what you're doing. And it has to be consistent. With drawing, if you don't like what you are drawing, draw somethin else. If you're doing anatomy, draw objects or fan art. Make doodles just for yourself, sketch random ideas even if they don't make sense.
With instruments, this area I'm fuzzy on and have no experience, I only know stuff from my sis who is in band. Is it possible for you to switch instruments? Some instruments are more difficult to learn/play then others are. My sis told me the saxophone is easy to play and learn while somethin like the trombone is not easy to learn. If you play a certain part, like *instrument* 1 or *instrument* 2 or somethin, maybe ask if you and another player can switch parts.

One thing I was very guilty of myself (and still do) is comparing my works to others. I see other people make fantastic artwork and I have yet to achieve any such level of that. This is going to be very hard, but DON'T compare yourself to others. This is highly detrimental to your own work and makes a horrible mindset, which causes loss of motivation, then nothing gets done. Instead, next time you see an artwork you super adore, ask yourself not 'why can't I do this' but rather how did they do that? The answer is usually TONS of practice, lots of dedication, lots of training/studying. If possible, reach out to the artist and ask what their process was, what tools/brushes are they using, what program, ect... And STOP comparing yourself to others. When you find yourself doing that, change the question, otherwise you will only tear yourself down. Do what you're more comfortable with. If you typically have a cartoony way of drawing, stop comparing your art to realistic paint styles. If you use pencils/charcoal, stop comparing your art to paint/other non related mediums. Even of it is the same medium, study! Alot! You WILL get better with practice and dedication.

Just to clarify, I'm not tryin to say 'oh uwu it'll get better just think °•☆positive☆•° and it'll all get better owo' I'm saying stop tearing yoyrself down and comparing yourself to others. You don't have to think 'it'll be fine' but you gotta stop asking 'why are they so good and I'm not'. Stop trying to compare yourself to others, stop pitting you vs them. They have a whole different life with a whole different set of circumstances and experiences. It's not fair to compare you to them.

If you feel somethin startin to frustrate you, take a step back, analyze what you have so far. Go take a small break, or a longer break if you can. Eat a snack, take a walk, take a shower, play games, someTHIN to take your mind off of it. When you go back to it, don't think 'here we go again'. Instead, review over what you have. Alot of the times we think somethin is worse than it actually is when we're frustrated. Sometimes you'll find yourself sayin 'oh hey this isn't half bad'.

Hopefully this advice helps, sorry for the l o n g post.

 

[Midoriya]

I don’t have much advice to give that hasn’t already been said, but I will echo what others have said, which is to stop comparing yourself to others. I’ve struggled with that a lot in the past, and to be honest I still struggle with it sometimes (though it’s a lot better than it used to be). You’ll find the less you compare yourself to others and just focus on your own goals, the happier you’ll be. From there try out a lot of things. Anything that piques your interest. When I was 10 years old I wanted to do martial arts, and so I got a chance to do it and have been practicing it for 13 years now. It’s probably not something I can turn into a career (unless I open up my own dojo or something), but it is something I’m very, very passionate about. If you find something you’re really passionate about and enjoy doing, even if it can’t be translated into a career easily, it still enriches your life. I’m not going to pretend like I have everything figured out career-wise, as I think that would be just plain stupid. I’m still trying to figure out what type of job would be best for me after having graduated from university. I know the one I currently have will help me in the future, and I‘m working towards becoming an author, but other than that nothing comes to mind (I’m one of those people who can pick up pretty much anything, but isn’t an expert knowledge-wise in any one area). I’m sure if I keep looking and trying things out though I’ll find what I’m meant to do. From someone who has felt the same way you do before many times, never give up the search and never settle. ✌

 

[FRANS_PLAYER]

Alright, I just want to say that you're not alone. And it's good that you're reaching out! With that in mind...
As people have said above, I do think you should consult with someone who works in mental health. I'm no mental health expert, and I don't mean to scare you, but I'm going to be 100% honest here - those last 2 paragraphs? They sounded a lot how I felt like when I was extremely depressed. Please seek help before these feelings get worse. Do not consider what I said a diagnosis at all, though! I greatly recommend you speak with someone.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

It just takes practice. I know that's not very helpful, I know it's not that easy, I know it sounds cliché.. but that is really all there is to it. If there is something you want to get good at, just practice, practice, practice. Try not to compare yourself to others, because everyone has to start somewhere. If you fall, just get back up again. It's all part of the process, and you CAN do it!