Tonight my husband is picking up the ashes of our pet rat Nicodemus who passed away suddenly on May 29th. We were stunned by his passing as we had just found out on May 23rd that our other rat Justin has a cancerous tumor and surgery won't help. We were still coming to terms with Justin's situation when we lost Nicodemus. Now all of us - Justin as well - are grieving Nicodemus.
Tonight is going to be a rough night....
When I lost my baby girl (the cat who had been with me before my baby boy), I held a small, hearty dinner party with my company (Mao and my ex you know). I prepared a lot of dishes with full of feast, that includes a lot of foods that my this girl liked when she was still alive. Actually, I don't even remember how I cocked. Only thing I remember is that I was wholeheartedly desperately engaged in cooking, with just the only thought in my mind that we have to see her off as gorgeously as we can, and say goodbye. We drank, ate feasts, with not speaking anything but just with tearing up. I don't remember if I got to take some sleep or wasn't able to. Everything was like in fog, because too much pain.
There hasn't been even a day that I don't remind her, everyday, every night. It still pains me with no change even after 10 years. But I try to not let it drag myself down - because, it'd interrupt her calm sleep, because she loved me so much throughout her life. I know I'll live my rest of life with this heartache. That's how it is, sometimes.
Tomorrow, the last part of Nico will be with you and your family. I wish from the bottom of my heart you guys have hearty good-bye time with him. Good-bye, Nico.. and I am so sorry, Nico, and Val.