Would you date someone who is completly different from you?

[BetsySundrop]

Haha, I dated and married someone completely different than me. He is extremely organized, I'm total chaos (but i know where everything is!). He enjoys drinking and brewing beer, I can't have alcohol at all - fr, it's a weird allergy type thing.

I like to play in the dirt, gardening, going barefoot where possible. I like letting wild things grow and having random spots of wildflowers in the yard. He likes everything neat, with the grass cut short so his shoes don't get wet in the morning. Barefoot is definitely not his thing.

I like cheap stuff, the cheaper the better, as long as it'll last. A cheap car with a longer warranty and good mileage, who cares what it looks like. He likes uhm, fancier things, lol. He showed me a car he wanted to buy, and it was well over $80,000. I don't even understand why anyone would want to spend so much on a vehicle.

We're pretty much opposites, he's virgo, I'm pisces, but we have very similar senses of humor, and I couldn't imagine anyone else being such a perfect fit. I think it works because we agree on things that are most important to both of us, and we compromise when we disagree.

 

[Snek]

I am married. We have similar tastes but there are different things about us. Even in some of our similar tastes there are differences. For example, I like classical music but I dislike certain kinds of opera. My husband likes classical music also but he loves opera. Every person is different so I think as long as there is love. That is what matters.

 

[Neb]

I couldn't. I don't mind the thought of dating an extrovert, but if I don't have at least one thing in common, I'd struggle to converse with them. I need a good conversation starter outside daily life to keep things interesting. I also can't imagine dating someone I found mean or unpleasant. If someone often says mean or intentionally rude things, I tend to dislike them.

 

[mewp0ka]

funny i read this because, while i have experienced romantic attraction towards someone who was the complete opposite of me, i wouldn't try to date them. i think i have sort of an idea as to what i'd like in a partner and them being way too different isn't exactly an appealing idea to me. would rather the relationship last because we get each other/alike in most ways, than date someone who i know isn't fit for me when it comes to dating.

 

[Kitsuragi]

personality? sure. interests? nah. i don't mesh with people who i dont have SOMETHING in common. i tend to infodump about interests and love to talk about them, and if they're not engaging/interested i feel like im talking to a wall and just dislike talking to them. as long as we have one major common interest tho, it'd be totally fine. like, if we both liked gaming or if we both liked computers. smth like that. i can't just date Some Person.

 

[Savont 2.0]

can't say i'm aromantic and have never been in a relationship

 

[Sheando]

I agree with the general consensus in this thread. Some differences can be exciting or even beneficial, but you need a foundation of shared interests and values for the relationship to be healthy and sustainable long-term. I think your partner ought to be your friend, which means they need to be someone whose company you would enjoy even if you weren't romantically attracted to them. If you don't have any meaningful commonalities, why would you spend time together? Romantic/sexual compatibility is certainly important, but it can't be the ONLY thing you have going for you.

I've been with my partner almost 7 years now, and I'd say we're about 50/50 in terms of similarity. Our personalities can be VERY different. I'm a quieter and much less social person. I like intensely analyzing things, planning for every outcome, and I tend to recharge by hanging out in my house with reduced stimulation. He's a go-with-the-flow sensory seeker who prefers to be spontaneous and loves socializing, even with strangers. This can cause conflict (I do not do well with last-minute changes, and he is sensitive to the feeling of being constrained), but it can also reduce friction--when we travel, I do a lot of advance planning that benefits us both and saves him from work that feels tedious, and he tends to handle situations that require us to pivot on the fly, which reduces my overwhelm.

However, we have a lot in common as well. We both write novels and poetry (something we bonded over early on). We both love Nintendo and play a lot of video games together. We both like interior decorating and making our living space fun. And we're both thinkers who like to unravel a topic as completely as possible, from every imaginable angle. We often find ourselves awake past our bedtime bouncing ideas back and forth, sharing childhood anecdotes, discussing a social issue, or unpacking an article one of us read recently.

I think in long-term relationships you often discover overlap in surprising places, too. My partner grew up as a bit of a Disney kid, so we've visited the US Disney parks a couple of times. I was expecting to be underwhelmed, but as it turns out, Disney parks are intensely stimulating and exciting (which caters to his need for a million things to be happening at once), but they're also places that require a lot of advance planning, which caters to my need for expertise and understanding, and they offer a lot of variable sensory input, which benefits us both as we are both neurodivergent in different ways. On the flip side, I love National Parks. I've brought him hiking several times even though he is really not an outdoor person, but he does really value novelty and overcoming challenges, so he was surprised to find that he really likes hiking-themed vacations in moderation.