Would you date someone who is completly different from you?

[BetsySundrop]

Haha, I dated and married someone completely different than me. He is extremely organized, I'm total chaos (but i know where everything is!). He enjoys drinking and brewing beer, I can't have alcohol at all - fr, it's a weird allergy type thing.

I like to play in the dirt, gardening, going barefoot where possible. I like letting wild things grow and having random spots of wildflowers in the yard. He likes everything neat, with the grass cut short so his shoes don't get wet in the morning. Barefoot is definitely not his thing.

I like cheap stuff, the cheaper the better, as long as it'll last. A cheap car with a longer warranty and good mileage, who cares what it looks like. He likes uhm, fancier things, lol. He showed me a car he wanted to buy, and it was well over $80,000. I don't even understand why anyone would want to spend so much on a vehicle.

We're pretty much opposites, he's virgo, I'm pisces, but we have very similar senses of humor, and I couldn't imagine anyone else being such a perfect fit. I think it works because we agree on things that are most important to both of us, and we compromise when we disagree.

 

[Snek]

I am married. We have similar tastes but there are different things about us. Even in some of our similar tastes there are differences. For example, I like classical music but I dislike certain kinds of opera. My husband likes classical music also but he loves opera. Every person is different so I think as long as there is love. That is what matters.

 

[Neb]

I couldn't. I don't mind the thought of dating an extrovert, but if I don't have at least one thing in common, I'd struggle to converse with them. I need a good conversation starter outside daily life to keep things interesting. I also can't imagine dating someone I found mean or unpleasant. If someone often says mean or intentionally rude things, I tend to dislike them.

 

[mewp0ka]

funny i read this because, while i have experienced romantic attraction towards someone who was the complete opposite of me, i wouldn't try to date them. i think i have sort of an idea as to what i'd like in a partner and them being way too different isn't exactly an appealing idea to me. would rather the relationship last because we get each other/alike in most ways, than date someone who i know isn't fit for me when it comes to dating.

 

[Kitsuragi]

personality? sure. interests? nah. i don't mesh with people who i dont have SOMETHING in common. i tend to infodump about interests and love to talk about them, and if they're not engaging/interested i feel like im talking to a wall and just dislike talking to them. as long as we have one major common interest tho, it'd be totally fine. like, if we both liked gaming or if we both liked computers. smth like that. i can't just date Some Person.

 

[Savont 2.0]

can't say i'm aromantic and have never been in a relationship

 

[Sheando]

I agree with the general consensus in this thread. Some differences can be exciting or even beneficial, but you need a foundation of shared interests and values for the relationship to be healthy and sustainable long-term. I think your partner ought to be your friend, which means they need to be someone whose company you would enjoy even if you weren't romantically attracted to them. If you don't have any meaningful commonalities, why would you spend time together? Romantic/sexual compatibility is certainly important, but it can't be the ONLY thing you have going for you.

I've been with my partner almost 7 years now, and I'd say we're about 50/50 in terms of similarity. Our personalities can be VERY different. I'm a quieter and much less social person. I like intensely analyzing things, planning for every outcome, and I tend to recharge by hanging out in my house with reduced stimulation. He's a go-with-the-flow sensory seeker who prefers to be spontaneous and loves socializing, even with strangers. This can cause conflict (I do not do well with last-minute changes, and he is sensitive to the feeling of being constrained), but it can also reduce friction--when we travel, I do a lot of advance planning that benefits us both and saves him from work that feels tedious, and he tends to handle situations that require us to pivot on the fly, which reduces my overwhelm.

However, we have a lot in common as well. We both write novels and poetry (something we bonded over early on). We both love Nintendo and play a lot of video games together. We both like interior decorating and making our living space fun. And we're both thinkers who like to unravel a topic as completely as possible, from every imaginable angle. We often find ourselves awake past our bedtime bouncing ideas back and forth, sharing childhood anecdotes, discussing a social issue, or unpacking an article one of us read recently.

I think in long-term relationships you often discover overlap in surprising places, too. My partner grew up as a bit of a Disney kid, so we've visited the US Disney parks a couple of times. I was expecting to be underwhelmed, but as it turns out, Disney parks are intensely stimulating and exciting (which caters to his need for a million things to be happening at once), but they're also places that require a lot of advance planning, which caters to my need for expertise and understanding, and they offer a lot of variable sensory input, which benefits us both as we are both neurodivergent in different ways. On the flip side, I love National Parks. I've brought him hiking several times even though he is really not an outdoor person, but he does really value novelty and overcoming challenges, so he was surprised to find that he really likes hiking-themed vacations in moderation.

 

[QueenCobra]

It depends what we mean by different. I don't think I could be with someone who is very extroverted-- into partying in the club or wherever people go. I mean, I like some gatherings, but nothing big, loud, and crazy like that.

I guess they wouldn't have to have my exact interests, but clear passions. Some in common would be nice, and we would probably bond over one or two, but someone who thinks what I like is dumb or weird is out of the question.

I would also say…IF I ever do end up with a sweet guy…he would probably think it’s ridiculous how much I’d gush over him.

Also I feel like the way women are attracted to women is different from how men are attracted to them. Aside from physical tastes, I think we look for more emotional connections. At least, I’d prefer someone who likes that.

OK so…I don’t really understand dating lol.

 

[S.J.]

While I think differences in the big five personality traits or religion can sometimes present obstacles in a relationship, I don't think sharing those traits or beliefs is essential.

However, I do think it's necessary to have 1) shared core values, and 2) some shared interests.

Core values are the principles that shape the way we live and how we interact with the world, and help us determine what is important to us. It could be a multitude of things, like honesty, communication, attitudes toward finances, compromise, or lifestyle goals (e.g. wanting a family, or being child-free). For long term relationships, I think sharing values, wanting similar lifestyles in the future, and having similar political outlooks are essential.

Shared interests help two people bond, having more than just conversation, obligations, or sexual attraction binding them. I think having a mix of both own and shared interests can be good. One can't force themself to like something they don't, but the nice thing about interests is that it's possible for one partner to pick up the other partner's interest, or to find new shared interests as they grow together. To me, having some shared interests can help people bond, spend quality time together, show an interest in each other, and ultimately build a stronger and more fun relationship.

Those are my thoughts, anyway!

(Oh, right, to answer the title question, no I don't think I could! We'd have to have some mix of shared values and shared interests! )

 

[michealsmells]

GOD no. Specifically in terms of interests. Personality is a little iffy.

I'm already demiromantic (there's probably an even better term for me specifically but that's what I'm using) and require a connection with someone that can only be really gleaned through shared interests or at least a willingness to learn about one anothers interests. The amount of times I've just had to leave conversations or voice calls with friends or avoided them because they were playing/doing/talking about something I had 0 interest in or disliked is astounding. And that's with friends whom I love and DO have shared interests with. And like, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with this. I feel like I'm the odd one out in the situation so I don't get involved, and that's totally okay, and something I expect everyone around me being comfortable doing. I'm not gonna stop you from having fun with what you're having fun with, yknow? But I'm also not gonna be uncomfortable being the odd one out in that situation.

And again, if there's a willingness to at least learn about one another's interests, than sure, but there needs to be overlap in things that I and this imaginary partner actually enjoy together from the start, otherwise there'd be no way for me to want to stay with them.

As for personality, again there needs to be some overlap, but less so. I need someone to help me with my weaknesses as I help them with theirs. I also don't like looking in the mirror so the more different from me is preferred actually lmao.

 

[skarmoury]

Actually, me and my boyfriend are, for a lot of parts, pretty different from each other! We have vastly different interests, we work very differently, and we don't share the exact same field specialty (although we are both in STEM rn so I guess that counts for something). He likes F1 and racing and FPS games, I like Nintendo games and cute things. He wants to be a lawyer someday, I want to be a doctor. He's very responsible and calm and collected, I feel like such a mess. He loves to run for the adrenaline, I like to bike for casual fun. He's a listener, I'm a yapper. The list could go on.

What we do have going though is that these differences somehow make us... work? I like talking about a lot of things and he likes listening to me and chiming in from time to time. I watch him play his silly games and I like asking him stuff about it or making comments about it. He lets me explain stuff about medicine, I let him explain stuff about law. When I get really stressed, he calms me down; but when something/someone does us wrong, I get to step in and defend. And at the end of the day we get to laugh about a lot of things, and enjoy the stuff we like, and talk about everything and anything without harsh judgement. We're not THAT complete opposites, but we're just different enough that we work really well.

There was a quote that I really liked. It went something like this:
I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

I'm more than 7 years into a relationship with this dummy and I'm very excited to continue spending the rest of my days with him. The main reason why we haven't truly settled down was because we wanted to pursue our careers first and earn money, but he treats me so so so well and I feel so loved and happy with him.

 

[mogyay]

different in some aspects but like politically/morally no lol