Yes I am back again and I changed my username yet again

[VanitasFan26]

So if anyone may remember me I used to be known as "SoraFan23" but if you may remember I was the one who made those posts about Animal Crossing New Horizons. I have to be real honest, I haven't had the best time on this site since last year, I admit I was very sensitive, very overdramatic, and always had trouble trying to meet people because I suffer from Autism, Depression and I'm mostly and introvert. I quitted this site since around April 2021 when my mental health was really suffering. Felt like no matter what was happening in my life or whatever I say I knew I was going to get the bad results. I came back around June 2021 and called my new username "RoxasFan20" since I went through a name change. Of course I tried to say it, but all I did was say it on my profile which nobody seemed to noticed.

I have to be real I haven't been the best person to interact with. You may have saw me in forums where I sometimes got a little offended when someone disagrees with my viewpoint or opinion. I often get very tensed up and say things that I don't really mean which earned me warning points. It was then I was led to believe that I was started to become a burden to everyone. I know some people tried to cheer me up and told me that I haven't done anything wrong, but the truth is that no matter what I said or what I used to say I was afraid it would be used against me in the future, which was one of the reason why I deleted most of my posts. I can only cringe at myself for all the awful things I said, but I learned that it was in the past and it was time for me to move on.

Finally by July 2021 was when I finally quitted for good because after so many bad things going on in my life I had to quit this site just to get my mental health back in order. It has been a wild ride, but I am back refreshed and I learned a lot of stuff since then. Of course my time on here is limited and I know not everyone who knows me or doesn't me will understand what has happened, but I am glad to be back on here since I've learned a lot. I guess sometimes I have to tell myself "there is more good stuff in life than the bad". I grew up in a very bad toxic family environment and I had encountered bad people which was one of the reasons why I had trouble speaking and I was afraid of even expressing myself, but now I am know that I am not alone.

 

[S.J.]

Welcome back!

I hope you have a positive experience here now, and wishing all the best for you.

 

[Firesquids]

I've been wondering where you went, welcome back!
Mental health is something I struggle with too, I'm glad you seem to be in a better place now.

 

[Bluebellie]

Welcome back! Don’t beat yourself up so much. I think sometimes we tend to be our own worst critic. It’s good to see you back!

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

Welcome back to bell tree forums!

 

[VanitasFan26]

Thanks for the support. It's been a rough time for me but again it's kinda good to be back.

 

[Stikki]

Well I sure wish I knew what all this was about, cos it sounds juicy xD

Welcome back anyway, I do remember seeing your name around before. Probably only within the past month as I haven't been here for long myself. I don't recall seeing any major drama surrounding you, so I'm sure you're fine really and like another poster said, it could be that you're just your own worse critic.

 

[Xara]

welcome back!!! it’s so lovely to see you again. i’ve missed seeing you around!

i’m really glad that your break gave you the breather that you needed and that you feel more refreshed now. everyone makes mistakes and says stuff that maybe they shouldn’t, but it doesn’t make you a burden or a bad person in the slightest — like i’ve said before, you’re trying your best and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

it probably feels a bit weird to be back, but i hope that you have a better experience here this time! take care of yourself.

also, thank you for the gift you sent me before you left; i didn’t message you as i figured you likely wouldn’t see it, but it was very sweet of you to do that and it meant a lot to me. <3

 

[TillyGoesMeow]

I've seen your name around a little bit for sure! Welcome back. I hope you have nothing but positive experiences this time. <3

 

[DJFoxx84]

A warm welcome back to the site!

 

[Beanz]

hi we’ve never interacted before but i’ve seen you around so welcome back!!

 

[VanitasFan26]

Again thank you all for the support, I got teary eyed reading the replies and I am glad people understand me more better now.

 

[Midoriya]

Welcome back to TBT! I took a three year hiatus from the site from 2015-2018, so I understand. Sometimes we all just need a break!

 

[VanitasFan26]

Welcome back to TBT! I took a three year hiatus from the site from 2015-2018, so I understand. Sometimes we all just need a break!

I know everyone told me to take a break whenever I was getting bored of the game, but my stubborn self was just like "no I still want to play" but I guess I didn't know better. So taking a long hiatus was the thing I needed.

 

[Corrie]

Hey! Nice to see you back!
Let's have a blast!

 

[VanitasFan26]

Guess I will just come out and say it. I have Anxiety disorder. I tend to worry about stuff all the time and always assume the worst outcome, because I grew up in a time where everything was so negative and toxic. It got so bad to the point that whenever something positive does happen its very rare and I think to myself that its not a big deal, but I knew that deep down I always fake smiling acting as if everything was okay when it wasn't. I was told to "suck it up" so many times by my parents and teachers which makes it hard for me to even express how I'm even feeling. Whenever someone ask me "Are you okay?" I usually just say "yeah everything is fine" but I know deep down I am not feeling alright. Its hard to explain this feeling and I am not sure what it is that causes me to feel this way, but because I've become so used to all the negativity in my life that I always automatically assume the worst outcome. Trying to feel happy and be positive is hard for me because my emotions get bottled up and it damages my mental health to the point where I just turn everything off and allow myself to cry alone when no one is watching. its a painful thing to go through and I had to put up with it for a long time.

 

[Mutti]

Welcome back!
hope you have a good time navigating the forums

 

[VanitasFan26]

I just need to let everyone know something, I take myself too seriously whenever I get in trouble. Again and I have to mention this again. I grew up in a time where everyone was really hard on me for breaking the rules or not following directions. So I always have to hold myself accountable to make sure it doesn't happened again. I know it may sound like a silly thing and I know everyone makes mistakes, but because I did it so often back then and because I have this fear in the back of mind telling me "If you do this again its going to be ugly" so if I sound very cautious about posting in threads thats the reason why.

 

[VanitasFan26]

This is RoxasFan20 I changed my username again because I messed up 3 weeks ago when I made a very sensitive thread and I wanted to come back more changed and not have to leave yet again. Right now I just don't have anymore feelings left. I sometimes say or do things that I don't normally do because I let the emotions get the better of me. Right now I am just going to post and say things that I mean and not let the "Fake Positivity" ruin me as a person. I had it for far too long. I will be true with what I say and if anyone has a problem with my opinions or thoughts thats fine, but right now I am just going to stay true to myself.

I guess I am happy that I spoke to my a therapist about what happened these past 2 weeks. The best advice he told me is that "No matter what you think or how you feel about stuff, you're always going to have people who strongly disagree with you, not because you're a bad person but they view things differently than you. Even though you weren't trying to offend anyone there is always those group of people who would always be put off by what you say"

I sometimes have to remember this because I let my emotions get the best of me and I say or do things that I don't normally do. My life is so complicated these days. I guess this is only thing that makes me happy is only seeing my therapist because he's the only one who actually understands what I am going through. I'm sure there is a few of you on here that understands me better, but I know there are some that don't but thats okay it doesn't bother me anymore. Anyways just wanted to make this post in case anyone is wondering why this username was changed.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I guess I am happy that I spoke to my a therapist about what happened these past 2 weeks. The best advice he told me is that "No matter what you think or how you feel about stuff, you're always going to have people who strongly disagree with you, not because you're a bad person but they view things differently than you. Even though you weren't trying to offend anyone there is always those group of people who would always be put off by what you say"

yeah if you find yourself constantly butting heads with a certain person or group of people I would say just don't interact w them, even if they start it. and yes there will almost always be someone out there wanting to start **** bc your opinion is different, that's just how the internet is. but if you're discussing a sensitive topic and your opinion is deemed to be hurtful you can just admit you were wrong and move on, don't let anyone drag you into a hole and make you feel worse.

anyways I always feel sad when I see people who aren't happy w themselves so hopefully the struggle lessens for you. even if it doesn't just be happy that you are your own person.